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Lori Alexander: Give Up on Husband Taking Care of Baby


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I don't understand these conservatives who complain about absentee fathers but then go off and say how useless men are at housework and childcare. If husbands are as helpless as they're claiming, why would a woman need one in the first place? Make up your minds! :disgust:

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I plan never to click on her wretched site again. Why give her clicks. I find her evil worse ruN the pearls because she is as poison but dressed up in a normal middle class paackage. Lori Alexander is. Monster. I wish poverty on her and ken.

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It's funny, because Lori is always going on about how two parent families are so essential, and children really must have a dad in the house. But from today's post, I'm not sure why. The dad isn't expected to do anything but earn money. Wouldn't it just be simpler if the dad sent a check and didnt' live in the house? Do dads have no role except providing money?

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My husband had custody of his twin daughters when they were newborns. He was legally separated from their mother at the time and was a single dad for 3.5 years. With his parents helping out with child care, he worked full-time, kept up an apartment, and single-parented two little girls.

If an agnostic dad can take care of his babies and his home, what's stopping god-fearing Christian husbands from doing likewise?

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My husband had custody of his twin daughters when they were newborns. He was legally separated from their mother at the time and was a single dad for 3.5 years. With his parents helping out with child care, he worked full-time, kept up an apartment, and single-parented two little girls.

If an agnostic dad can take care of his babies and his home, what's stopping god-fearing Christian husbands from doing likewise?

Fear of God. The big guy doesn't like it when men do women's work.

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It makes me think of the time when Nebraska passed a Safe Haven law that accidentally made it so that people could abandon children of any age. One man abandoned his nine children, ranging in age from 1 to 17. When asked why he did this, he said that his wife died the year before and he didn't think he could take care of the kids by himself.

I've heard this story too. I like how he didn't even try with two or three children, nope, just a clean cut :evil:

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It's funny, because Lori is always going on about how two parent families are so essential, and children really must have a dad in the house. But from today's post, I'm not sure why. The dad isn't expected to do anything but earn money. Wouldn't it just be simpler if the dad sent a check and didnt' live in the house? Do dads have no role except providing money?

I was thinking the same things too. It's another reason why Lori's logic fails. She trashed stay at home dads last year too.

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She doesn't want the men to help the women. Ken never helped her, so damn it nobody else should have help either! :x

On a side note, she claimed on her blog that she "sleep trained" her babies at 3 months, but on FB she says 6 weeks :( Those poor babies...it just breaks my heart to think of them crying for that horrid woman.

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And also Lori, it is not "helping" when you are RAISING your own child. It's called parenting. To not do it is called NEGLIGENCE. You're always learning, so I thought you'd like to know that. You're welcome.

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I left a comment earlier calling her out on her claptrap. Needless to say she deleted it.

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I left a comment earlier calling her out on her claptrap. Needless to say she deleted it.

She only "learns" from people who agree with her 100% and back up the ill conceived notions she already has.

I love the person who called her out about being a "living sacrifice" when her babies needed her in the night. Apparently that only works for husbands. :roll: The baby can starve...Lori NEEDS her 5 hours.

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It's funny, because Lori is always going on about how two parent families are so essential, and children really must have a dad in the house. But from today's post, I'm not sure why. The dad isn't expected to do anything but earn money. Wouldn't it just be simpler if the dad sent a check and didnt' live in the house? Do dads have no role except providing money?

What's the difference between a dad who doesn't do anything with his children or help around the home at all while living at home, but is giving his paycheck so they are fed and clothed and a dad who doesn't do anything with his children and doesn't live in the home but pays child support so they are fed and clothed? Either way seems like absentee dad. Glad my dad wasn't like Ken or that "woman's" husband (I'm not sure that situation isn't made up by Lori) and played with us all the time and helped my mom as much as possible with the home, even though my mom stayed home for many years. My dad let my sister put makeup on him and he played barbies with her too (I wasn't as in to barbie and make up as my sister was). I can't picture Ken doing that with Alyssa or Cassie, but how sad for them. Hope their husband and fiance will be better dads should either have children.

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It's funny, because Lori is always going on about how two parent families are so essential, and children really must have a dad in the house. But from today's post, I'm not sure why. The dad isn't expected to do anything but earn money. Wouldn't it just be simpler if the dad sent a check and didnt' live in the house? Do dads have no role except providing money?

When fundies and shallow sorority goldiggers converge.

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So if men aren't built to do housework and raise babies then how the hell did my grandfather manage to raise four children? Marriages end. People die. Men need to know so-called women's work for the same reasons women need to know so-called men's work. What would the husband of the woman who wrote that letter do if his wife passed away tomorrow? He'd be left clueless to care for a child he hasn't bonded with since he barely spends any time with her.

My great-grandfather put my great-aunt and grandmother in an orphanage. Eventually, he hired a housekeeper and brought them back home, but.

Those were the Good Old Days!

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A new mother who is going to school full time (because her husband wants her to) is upset that her husband won't get up at night to take care of their baby. He also does not cook or do laundry, and rarely cleans. Lori tells her to let go of her resentment by realizing that her husband just isn't meant to do anything related to housework.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/12/shes-at-her-wits-end.html

Holy blessed cow.I would def. be a SAHM in that situation.If her hub wants one of them to be more educated so they can have a better income,then HE should go back to school.

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Update: You don't have postpartum depression. You're just tired! :roll:

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/12/sleep-training-babies.html

We trained our four children to sleep through the night when they were six weeks old. Waking up every few hours was taking a toll on my health and my emotions. It took almost a week for each of them and it was difficult letting them cry {and not being able to sleep ourselves}, but after that, they all were very good sleepers.

This became a light bulb moment for me. I wonder if all the postpartum depression women are experiencing today is from not getting enough sleep.

Mothers hate letting their babies cry. I get that, but crying never hurt anybody.
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Update: You don't have postpartum depression. You're just tired! :roll:

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/12/sleep-training-babies.html

Yes and no.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19639747

"Poor sleep was associated with depression independently of other risk factors. Poor sleep may increase the risk of depression in some women, but as previously known risk factors were also associated, mothers diagnosed with postpartum depression are not merely reporting symptoms of chronic sleep deprivation."

So, PPD isn't just sleep deprivation, but sleep deprivation is a risk factor for PPD. Sleep deprivation on its own also causes problems and affects mood, even if it's not actually labeled PPD.

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Yes, lack of sleep can contribute to depression, and certainly wont make a depressed person feel any better, but getting a good night sleep isn't a complete cure.

Theres also a better solution to not getting enough sleep with a newborn that does not involve neglect. Why cant both parents take it in turns to get up in the night to feed the baby, so they both get a decent amount-even if the baby is breastfed, the mom can express some for the dad to use later in a bottle. Why cant a friend or relative watch the baby while the parents take a nap?

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SIX WEEKS???

Little babies have little stomachs. Because they're little! What sort of person has so little compassion that they leave this little baby to be hungry and probably wet for several hours? The kid might learn that nobody cares enough to help them at night, but that doesn't make it *right* just because they can't fight back! You put the baby in your room to minimize your disruption, you breastfeed or, if you don't, you switch off which parent gets up, and you SACRIFICE for your BABY.

I know it's awful for people who can't get maternity leave, but these people are all home anyway. Suck it up and deal, don't push your problems on the bsby.

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SIX WEEKS???

Little babies have little stomachs. Because they're little! What sort of person has so little compassion that they leave this little baby to be hungry and probably wet for several hours? The kid might learn that nobody cares enough to help them at night, but that doesn't make it *right* just because they can't fight back! You put the baby in your room to minimize your disruption, you breastfeed or, if you don't, you switch off which parent gets up, and you SACRIFICE for your BABY.

I know it's awful for people who can't get maternity leave, but these people are all home anyway. Suck it up and deal, don't push your problems on the bsby.

I agree.It's a form of neglect,and shows that a parent doesn't understand,or doesn't care,about an infant's needs.

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Yes, lack of sleep can contribute to depression, and certainly wont make a depressed person feel any better, but getting a good night sleep isn't a complete cure.

Theres also a better solution to not getting enough sleep with a newborn that does not involve neglect. Why cant both parents take it in turns to get up in the night to feed the baby, so they both get a decent amount-even if the baby is breastfed, the mom can express some for the dad to use later in a bottle. Why cant a friend or relative watch the baby while the parents take a nap?

Because that might involve actually having an expectation from your husband, which is apparently bad. :roll: It may also involve either the mom leaving the house, or the baby doing so, which is also bad. :roll:

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Crying it out may work for some parents and some babies, but it doesn't work for everyone and that's where Lori's advice has it's (now expected) fatal flaw. People are different, family situations are different. Having raised 3 babies I know that even each baby is different. I read all the books (full of conflicting advice) with my first and had thrown them all away by the time I had my third. You do what works for you and for your baby and YOU DO NOT GIVE UNSOLICTED ADVICE TO OTHERS! I personally loved late night nursing sessions with my babies but I recognize that not everyone does. As long as you are not neglecting or abusing your children I see no reason to interfere.

Oh, and the bible, as far as I can tell, says nothing about infant sleep habits...

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SIX WEEKS???

Little babies have little stomachs. Because they're little! What sort of person has so little compassion that they leave this little baby to be hungry and probably wet for several hours? The kid might learn that nobody cares enough to help them at night, but that doesn't make it *right* just because they can't fight back! You put the baby in your room to minimize your disruption, you breastfeed or, if you don't, you switch off which parent gets up, and you SACRIFICE for your BABY.

I know it's awful for people who can't get maternity leave, but these people are all home anyway. Suck it up and deal, don't push your problems on the bsby.

I have to physically step away from the computer now. I can't take the combination of deliberate ignorance ("don't trust medical professionals"), indifference to the needs of babies and complete recklessness when it comes to giving advice to others.

Look, I get that HER children were able to sleep through the night at 6 weeks. By 2 months, about half of babies do so.

Here's where it gets dangerous:

She's posting on the internet. That's not the same as giving advice to someone where you are beside them, and can see for yourself if the baby is thriving or not. She's holding herself out as a mentor, and saying that young moms should look to her for advice. She's discouraging these women from listening to actual medical professionals. Chances are, one of her readers may be a very tired new mom, who isn't getting much sleep because the baby doesn't sleep and the husband isn't helpful. This new mom decides to take Lori's advice, and ignore those who tell her that 6 weeks is too young.

What can go wrong? Well, if the baby spits up, it will make the problem worse and in the worst case scenario, the baby chokes to death on vomit. If the baby is going through a growth spurt, the baby doesn't get enough to eat and mom's milk supply doesn't increase because she's not feeding often enough to stimulate production. At that point, mom either quits nursing because of "low supply", or doesn't realize that the baby has a problem until baby is diagnosed with failure to thrive.

[As someone who had to follow baby starvation cases, the idea of allowing a baby to go hungry is absolutely appalling to me. I can understand given a baby 5 min to settle on their own if they fuss at night - some babies will cry when overtired. That's different from ignoring real crying, night after night, when they are too young to know for sure that they are not hungry.]

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The more she posts, the sicker I get:

I don't trust medical professionals much when it comes to child raising, Cynthia. I trust the Bible {which commands us to train our children} and wise advice from godly wives and mothers who have gone before me.

When asked if she checked on them and consoled them at first:

We let them cry until they feel asleep. If you keep consoling them, they will keep crying for more consoling. Every night it got less and less. My youngest only took a few days. It is amazing how smart those little babies are! During the day, I usually nursed them whenever they wanted. I know some who put them on a schedule and had great success but I just never tried it. I definitely scheduled time for naps. From 1:00 to 3:00 every day they had to be in their rooms resting. I always kept the baby with me but once they were toddlers and older, they had to rest several hours a day...for my sanity!

This is ALL about Lori. For your husband you sacrifice yourself...for your kids it's all about your sanity.

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