Boundary Crossing (They were virgins! I promise!)

[Koala]

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/06/purity-before-marriage.html

Honestly, are there no boundaries at all anymore?

Today Lori posted a picture of her son and his wife. She just wanted to make sure everyone knows they were "pure" when they married - another couple from her church told her so!

"Ryan and Erin are a breath of fresh air. We hardly ever get to mentor a couple like them anymore where both were raised in families who loved God and they both have deep roots in Jesus. Even couples in the church are usually sleeping or living together."

These comments were made to us from a couple at our church who have been giving pre-marital counseling to couples for the past twenty years. It is a sad statement to me about the condition of the church today.

Seriously, is this really something you want broadcasted on your mother/ mother-in-law's blog? I mean for God's sake, Lori's holding this bit of info up like a trophy. What the hell ever happened to modesty1111!!!???

Also, consensual sex outside marriage leaves scars:

God gives us commands to protect us. When we disobey His commands, we will suffer the consequences. Yes, God will cleanse us from our sins but we will have scars.

I had my neck fused a few years ago. A disc was pushing into my spinal cord causing all kinds of problems. The disc has been taken out now but I still suffer from some issues from the surgery and the injury.

Sin is the same way. It can be taken out of your life but you will still suffer scars from your disobedience, especially sexual sins for the Bible says we reap what we sow in our own bodies. God knows what He is talking about when He commands us to flee sexual immorality.

So according to Lori, consensual sex outside of marriage leaves scars, but once your married you have to put out no matter what - and that's just hunky dory! No scars to be had from that!

Be bold and teach your children truth. They aren't animals who have to act upon their instincts but human beings created in the image of God with self-control.

Unless they're men (specifically husbands). Then they have no self control and the wife should give it up on demand.

[CynicMom]

Yes, God will cleanse us from our sins but we will have scars.

God must not be a very good cleanser.

[docmom]

So according to Lori, consensual sex outside of marriage leaves scars, but once your married you have to put out no matter what - and that's just hunky dory! No scars to be had from that!

Maybe Lori should talk to Debi Pearl about the scars she has from her honeymoon. Real actual physical and emotional ones!

[littlemommy]

God must not be a very good cleanser.

Yeah, what the heck, I thought He could do anything.

[longskirtlotsakids]

God must not be a very good cleanser.

[salex]

Ryan and Erin are a breath of fresh air. We hardly ever get to mentor a couple like them anymore where both were raised in families who loved God and they both have deep roots in Jesus. Even couples in the church areusually acknowledge they are sleeping or living together. Your children clearly were smart enough to know that there would be no confidentiality about anything they told us at premarital counseling, and knew to hide any sexual contact they may have had. That "fear of the belt/wooden spoon" may not change behavior but it does diminish honesty and make people a little werid about sex."

[Koala]

Holy shit. I just realized that some of the quotes in her post are from sunshine mary. That ups the creep factor by about 1000. :?

Lori (comments):

I actually didn't write those words. They were written by Sunshine Mary.

Those two are as thick as thieves these days aren't they?

[louisa05]

I was in a friend's wedding once long ago where the pastor announced that the bride and groom were virgins. Because that is not awkward at all.

[infooverload]

Really speaks to a lack of people not respecting each others privacy in these church circles. Reminds me of a few years ago I was sitting through this really craptastic Easter sermon where the preacher was just hammering sin to death. Anyway one of his examples of sin and redemption was a member of the church and by the details of the story it would have been really easy for a regular church member to figure out who it was. I told my husband this bothered me and he was oh I'm sure pastor recieved premission to tell the story. I said I didn't think it was right for the pastor to use the story at all regardless of premission. I think something said in private with a trusted member of a religious community should stay private and not be used for public purposes.

[TrueRebel1]

I was in a friend's wedding once long ago where the pastor announced that the bride and groom were virgins. Because that is not awkward at all.

Same thing happened at my brother in laws wedding. Creepy.

[TrueRebel1]

What really bothers me is that I have friends who read Lori's blog...

[AnywhereButHere]

I can't even imagine having Lori as a parent. Sure as hell I wouldn't tell her if I was thinking about kissing a guy let alone actually sleeping with one. No idea on whether or not her daughter was a virgin when she got married, but I'm certain that Lori would be the last one to know if she wasn't!

I had a father who was much older when I was born, very conservative and very protective of his children's reputation. I think after a certain point in our lives, he realized that times had changed, and while he wasn't ever going to be hunky-dory with those changes, there wasn't a whole lot he could do, and he wasn't disowning us over our choices. He just didn't want to know about them per se. I remember one night I had come home for dinner (I was I think 27 and just engaged). My mom left the table to go take a phone call, and my dad, unable to help himself and with a new audience, was complaining about my younger brother going away on vacation with his then girlfriend. I brilliantly decided to answer him with "well, hey, maybe they got separate hotel rooms." My dad snorted disgutedly, then glared straight at me and said, "YOU, you don't talk to me. I know what YOU do!" Peas hurt when they fly out of your nose. My mom came back in the room to find me on the floor, laughing hysterically with peas everywhere. My dad just shook his head and we moved on to talking about work. He just needed to express himself. :D It never occured to him that we would be barred from getting married in the church, and if anyone had ever asked him about his kids' sex lives, he would have roasted them alive. Socially conservative NORMAL parent. They do exist.

[dawbs]

I was in a friend's wedding once long ago where the pastor announced that the bride and groom were virgins. Because that is not awkward at all.

I made it really REALLY clear to my pastor that I didn't want this touched during ours.

Even to 'brag' about how pure we were (FTR, not having vaginal intercourse is apparently pure...although we may not have given full descriptors to the pastor :lol: ), I considered that between US, not something for public consumption.

[fundies_like_zombies]

Maybe Lori should talk to Debi Pearl about the scars she has from her honeymoon. Real actual physical and emotional ones!

What happened to her?

[ILoveJellybeans]

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=16758

She collapsed from exhaustion and hit her head as he wanted to break his friends record for sex, and every time she wanted to sleep he would have sex with her. He slept while he made her cook for him. He made her go barefoot when they went crabbing because he couldnt wait 5 minutes for her to put shoes on, and then made her carry all his stuff. And he thought it was strange that she had feelings and was annoyed at him after this. I dont think he understood that she was a human being who was a virgin til that night, not a sex robot.

[eowyn1217]

The Pearls wedding night is so, so sad to read. I was a virgin when I got married, and ya know what? We didn't consummate that night, because I was .... not really prepared to go 0-60 in one day. Frankly, as a woman who was raised in a church where you hide ALL signs of sexual desire, it wasn't a huge shock to me when, even though I was VERY attracted sexually to my husband, I couldn't get "ready" enough to go through with it that day. My husband was bummed, naturally, but we fell asleep, and tried again later. I felt awful, but ya know what he didn't do??!! He didn't rape me, he didn't make me walk around and make him food...in fact, we spent our honeymoon eating every packaged food known to man because we were too busy watching movies from our bed. ;) (We got married on winter break, and so our honeymoon was like the oasis in the middle of crazy...lots of calories/sex/sleeping) Almost 4 years later, we are still together, he's never forced me to have sex, (IMAGINE THAT?!) and it's really a great relationship. And yes, I gained 10 pounds in that first month. *sigh*

[Marian the Librarian]

These people wouldn't know an appropriate boundary if it bit them in the ass. They are absolutely, utterly obsessed with sex: don't think about it, don't talk about it, don't acknowledge its existence, don't do it - until you get married, and then, of course, you're supposed to magically figure everything out, begin humping like bunny rabbits, and pop out a baby every 9.5 months while your parents and preachers discuss your sex lives in front of the kool-aid drinking multitudes.

This is one of the cornerstones of Smug Christian propaganda. Dougie the Tool's blog archive (August 2006, for anyone interested) goes on and on and ON and on and on and on about Kelly and Peter BRADRICK!'s wedding - the marriage conceived in moral purity, the true first kiss between virgins, the "they spent their lives saving themselves for one another," blah, blah, blah.