Duggar Birthdays

[O Latin]

I was reading TWOP today and there were a bunch of comments about Jennifer's birthday and how it probably sucked because the Duggars never seem to do anything really special for their kids' birthdays. This seems to come up a lot, and I have to say, I don't get it. First of all, to a very young kid, anything out of the ordinary is special. I remember one year my mom let me eat sugary cereal for breakfast on my birthday (I was maybe four or five) and it was the greatest thing in the world. Second of all, I don't personally believe in making a big deal about birthdays. In my family growing up, we got to choose what we wanted for dinner and what flavor cake we wanted. That seems reasonable to me. What more does a little kid need? When we got a little older we could choose a restaurant to go to instead of having dinner at home if we wanted and there were some "special" birthdays (like turning 13) that were a bigger deal.

 

Obviously every family is different and I don't care if other people want to act like their kids' birthdays are the most important days of the year. But it sort of annoys me when people say "Look, the Duggars didn't make a big to do over J'whoever's birthday! Yet another reason why they're bad parents." I've known families who didn't believe in celebrating birthdays AT ALL, and their kids still grew up with plenty of love.

 

Am I way out of line? Does the fact that I don't think birthdays are important mean I would be a horrible mother and I should never have children? Or is this just a case of different strokes for different folks?

[xReems]

Growing up, my parents threw my sister and I a few birthdays but for the most part, especially now, birthdays involve us going out to dinner and having a good time in that sense. You're right, it does vary among families but I think for some viewers, since they see the Duggars throwing birthday parties in some episodes, if they don't do it really for one child, they're gonna complain.

What did bother me the most was Joy-Anna's 13th birthday. No offense, but I don't know how a train ride makes any young teen girl that happy. It just seemed too childish, especially Joseph's birthday and the clothes pin game they played.

I don't even want to think about what they did for Jana and JD's birthday--pin the tail on Satan and a fun filled day at McDonald's playland.

[debrand]

What we have always done for birthdays is to let the birthday person watch whatever they want on tv. They also get their choice of breakfast and dinner meals. My family has never had a lot of money so making the day itself special instead of the gifts works for us. Sometimes we couldn't afford gifts. But I don't think that a family is wrong for not making a big deal about birthdays.

I think that a lot of people want the children to have individual attention and to not always be part of the group. A simple meal out alone with the parents would probably be very special in the Duggar home.

[ElphabaGalinda]

Not making a super big deal about a kid's birthday isn't one of the reasons the Duggars are bad parents, in my opinion. It's that they make a big deal about a kid's birthday if it's on the show. What do they do if it's not? I have no idea, but the way it appears they treat their kids (as one big herd), I don't think they do much.

What bothers me more is that Jill seems to be Jennifer's real mom, and Michelle doesn't seem to notice her at all. So I doubt she'd notice if it's her birthday. What I would get from my family for my birthday is I got to pick whichever restaurant I wanted for dinner, and got to pick a movie we'd all go see. It seems that Jennifer doesn't even get enough attention to realize her parents are her parents, so that bothers me even more on her birthday.

[mythoughtis]

I think a previous poster hit the nail on the head. Sometimes they do age-appropriate birthdays (skating party a while back, etc). Other times they do things that are not at all age appropriate or fun-filled for the actual birthday person. (the train for Joy, the clothespin game for Joseph, the one who got to pick out a toy at the hospital gift shop and eat in the hospital cafeteria).

Here are some suggestions:

Jana and JD just turned 21. How about an overnight trip with just them and Jim Bob and Michelle. Something where there are no small children to babysit... maybe a murder mystery dinner or a play in Chicago?

Jill, Jessa, and Jinger - another trip to the nail salon, but this time sans Johannah. She's really not old enough for a teen afternoon. Dinner out, maybe a movie.

Joseph - on his 16th birthday, maybe dinner for him, let him drive one of the sisters, again just them and the parents.

They don't seem to worry about having everyone there when it suits them, or even celebrating the birthday in the same month it occurs, so why do they worry about everyone being there for the ones they do celebrate?

[Cassandra]

I was a little weird and after the age of 10 didn't want to have birthday parties :)

[ElphabaGalinda]

I was a little weird and after the age of 10 didn't want to have birthday parties :)

I guess I was weird too, because I had my last birthday party at 11. I would have stopped them sooner, but my mom thought I was weird for not liking birthday parties. :D It's that I don't like groups of people all at the same time, still don't. So I started inviting my best friend out for dinner with the family instead. I also hated icing so I never had traditional birthday cake. I had home made icingless cakes instead.

[Cassandra]

I guess I was weird too, because I had my last birthday party at 11. I would have stopped them sooner, but my mom thought I was weird for not liking birthday parties. :D It's that I don't like groups of people all at the same time, still don't. So I started inviting my best friend out for dinner with the family instead. I also hated icing so I never had traditional birthday cake. I had home made icingless cakes instead.

Same! My mom made me do the last few. And I hate cake. Why have cake when you can have pie?

[Jessica]

Why have cake when you can have pie?

Or, better yet, Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream!

[debrand]

My youngest daughter asked for doughnuts for her birthday. When I told a friend, she acted as though that was odd but who decided that everyone must have cake for their birthday? It didn't bother me a bit buying a dozen doughnuts instead of cake.

[xDreamerx]

Maybe I'm odd, but I always had birthdays growing up. I had slumber parties, pool parties (I have a winter birthday but you can rent an indoor pool in town fairly cheap and it was accessible so win), theme parties, bowling parties. It was just whatever activity I wanted that year, plus the dinner or food of my choice and cake. I consider this a fairly average birthday thing. My friends threw me a bona fide surprise party for my 13th. It was probably my favourite birthday and I'll always remember it. My mother went away that year and I was a bit sad because 13 is a milestone, so the surprise party made up for it. I was touched that my friends went out their way and planned it for 2 months. When I was 16 I was upset my mother didn't treat it as a milestone. I didn't expect some MTV type of thing, but she is my mother and I wanted something special. It's a rite of passage. The thing that bothers me about the Duggars is that they don't treat their children's birthdays equally. Some get proper parties while others get ice cream on the go.

[debrand]

My neighbor had a mud party that was fun. The father dug a trench in the yard and made mud. All the kids jumped in and I joined them. :lol:

[pomology]

I was reading TWOP today and there were a bunch of comments about Jennifer's birthday and how it probably sucked because the Duggars never seem to do anything really special for their kids' birthdays. This seems to come up a lot, and I have to say, I don't get it. First of all, to a very young kid, anything out of the ordinary is special. I remember one year my mom let me eat sugary cereal for breakfast on my birthday (I was maybe four or five) and it was the greatest thing in the world. Second of all, I don't personally believe in making a big deal about birthdays. In my family growing up, we got to choose what we wanted for dinner and what flavor cake we wanted. That seems reasonable to me. What more does a little kid need? When we got a little older we could choose a restaurant to go to instead of having dinner at home if we wanted and there were some "special" birthdays (like turning 13) that were a bigger deal.

Obviously every family is different and I don't care if other people want to act like their kids' birthdays are the most important days of the year. But it sort of annoys me when people say "Look, the Duggars didn't make a big to do over J'whoever's birthday! Yet another reason why they're bad parents." I've known families who didn't believe in celebrating birthdays AT ALL, and their kids still grew up with plenty of love.

Am I way out of line? Does the fact that I don't think birthdays are important mean I would be a horrible mother and I should never have children? Or is this just a case of different strokes for different folks?

Naw, that's a fair point. I think the only good reason to harp on the Duggars about the birthday thing is that whenever they have birthdays on their show they are always super-lame and not age appropriate and don't seem to be what the actual child wanted. Also, in a family where you are 1 out of 19 I'd bet you rarely get a chance to feel special and be the center of attention, but your birthday is a day when that happens, which is why birthdays might be extra special in that family.

Personally, I love my birthday and think it's the biggest deal in the world, but to be honest nothing really special happens on it. Also, I've only gotten one present for my birthday in the last several years (other than checks from various relatives), but it was something I really, really wanted and was expensive and I was happy to have it count for several birthdays worth of presents. Basically, to celebrate my birthday I go out for Indian food which is my favorite (although, to be fair, I go out for Indian food a lot, it's not like it's something special to my birthday) and sometimes I have cake.

My birthday is special to me because it's my birthday and I try to make sure I have a good day, even if nothing extra special happens. I have an internship away from home this summer and so I wanted to spend my birthday (which was on the weekend) in Chicago which is about 3-4 hours from where I am because I like cities and I have relatives there. So I told my supervisor I was taking Friday off to travel for Chicago for my birthday (he's not paying me and I'm not getting college credit, so it was completely in line for me to take a day off) and his dumbass response was something like "Birthdays are overrated" or "Aren't you too old for that?" (I turned 21, which given the laws in this country is a special birthday). That annoyed me, because he was telling me how to feel about my birthday. It's totally fine for him to think his birthday is overrated. It's totally fine to not have super special birthdays for his kids if that's how he feels. But telling me how to feel about my birthday annoyed me.

So I guess my point that this is just a different strokes for different folks kind of deal, but it's important not to hate on other people's feelings on the subject.

[Feberin]

My family has always done parties for children's birthdays. Not huge affairs where they spend tons of money but small parties with family for little kids and friends when you're older. As soon as I was old enough we celebrated my birthday with a sleep over where I had two or three friends spend the night and sometimes going to a movie together. For my son's first birthday we had his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousin over along with my best friend, her husband and daughter (who is about my son's age) for a small party. I don't think not doing a party makes anyone a bad parent but in an extreme large famlies I would think making a fuss about somebody's special day might help make the kid not feel so lost in the crowd.

[O Latin]

Maybe I'm odd, but I always had birthdays growing up. I had slumber parties, pool parties (I have a winter birthday but you can rent an indoor pool in town fairly cheap and it was accessible so win), theme parties, bowling parties. It was just whatever activity I wanted that year, plus the dinner or food of my choice and cake. I consider this a fairly average birthday thing. My friends threw me a bona fide surprise party for my 13th. It was probably my favourite birthday and I'll always remember it. My mother went away that year and I was a bit sad because 13 is a milestone, so the surprise party made up for it. I was touched that my friends went out their way and planned it for 2 months. When I was 16 I was upset my mother didn't treat it as a milestone. I didn't expect some MTV type of thing, but she is my mother and I wanted something special. It's a rite of passage. The thing that bothers me about the Duggars is that they don't treat their children's birthdays equally. Some get proper parties while others get ice cream on the go.

No, that doesn't seem odd. That sounds like what a lot of my peers had growing up. I guess, partly, it's all relative. On my 18th birthday, one of my friends showed up at my voice lesson with cupcakes, which is one of my favorite birthday memories ever because it was the first time since elementary school that I'd celebrated a birthday with anyone other than my family, and it was the first time ever that anyone had just done something for me on my birthday without me requesting it. It was such a simple little thing but it meant so much to me.

Unlike a lot of people, I actually don't mind adults making a big deal out of their own birthdays as much as parents making a big deal out of their kids' birthdays. We have a video of my first birthday, which, aside from my 21st last year, was probably the most extravagant birthday celebration I've ever had. My parents fed me cake and ice cream and tried to interest me in opening my GIANT pile of presents and all I wanted to do was go play with the spoons in the silverware drawer. It just doesn't make any sense.

Ahhhh, there's more I want to say but I don't have time.

[AtroposHeart]

My mother never had birthday's growing up becuase of her unstable family enviroment. Becuase of this she always went BIG for my birthdays. I kne a boy whose mother was an ex-Jehovah's witness who did the same thing. Except she was much worse. She would have SEVERAl parties for him.

I guess we want to give our children what we didn't have.

[lilwriter85]

I had a few birthday parties when I was very young from 1 to 4 and another birthday party when I was 7. But those parties were just usually a small group of relatives and friends. After age 7, my parents would get a birthday cake each for my birthday and they would give me presents. Right before I turned 18, my parents asked if I wanted a party and I said no. Later on I invited a small group of friends and we had cake and watched movies and they gave me presents.

The Duggars have celebrated some birthdays on the show and I think the way the celebrate for the younger kids is appropriate and they don't make a huge deal out of the birthdays. I do like the suggestions that mythoughtis made about ideas to celebrate some of the older kids' birthdays. Those are good ideas but I don't see the Duggars doing some of that stuff. I don't see Boob or Mullet letting the older girls go off to nail salons.

[maybeizfundie]

I never really understood that criticism myself. This is *such* a cultural thing. It's preference, not a parenting requirement. :?

We go for extremely simple. Family party, small gifts. This is our preference, and it is actually a good compromise between dh and myself. He does not understand the birthday thing. Where he's from, a good portion of the population has to guess at their birthday, because record keeping is iffy at best. My family though, always marked birthdays and had some sort of celebration--though usually very simple (and that was OK with me, as a kid).

[Olivia]

Meh, I don't care what the Duggars do for birthdays, just that their kids feel loved and special whatever it is.

I was just thinking about birthdays earlier today. My parents always made a big deal of my birthday, and I had fabulous parties. One year we took my closest friends to an amusement park. Another they took my friends and I to a movie, the arcade, and Friendly's for ice cream. Even when we "just" had a party at the house, we picked out decorations together and favors and put together a menu and they just made it a big deal.

And it was fantastic. it's something that I still look back on and smile at, because they gave me such good memories. I will do that for my children someday. It wasn't just about the birthday itself; part of the fun was planning it together, the build-up. It made me feel loved and appreciated that they went all out to make my birthday special. I actually think there are ways to get the same effect on the cheap if you don't have much money, but I do think that's important.

[Sola]

We always let the kids choose what they want to do (within reason). They choose where we go out to eat too. Last year on my son's 15th he chose karting and KFC. My daughter on her 10th chose an indoor play place - probably her last chance before she gets too tall - and McDonalds (spit, spit).

I hate fast food with a passion but it's their birthday so they get to choose.