Gay Conversion Therapy Recants/Ex Gay Apologizes (Merged)

[rward]

Surprise, surprise, gay conversion therapy doesn't work.

Former Exodus International chairman and conversion therapy “success story†John Paulk has written a formal statement of apology for his role in promoting Focus on the Family’s “ex-gay†ministry and for any harm his actions may have done to other gays and lesbians.

In the letter, Paulk admits that “many things†in his life changed during his time at Focus on the Family, though his sexual orientation did not.

Gosh, it's almost like sexuality isn't a choice.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Wow, you dont say...

Of course it doesnt work!

Glad this guy has saw the light and started to become a less awful person.

[doggie]

This is good news glad he discovered he is himself not some anti gay prophet. Though of course he won't be believed by the people who need to believe but it should help some.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/2 ... 55536.html

The former poster child of the "ex-gay movement" renounced his controversial past beliefs in an email interview with PQ Monthly last week.

John Paulk, the former chairman of Exodus International and co-author of Love Won Out: How God's Love Helped Two People Leave Homosexuality and Find Each Other, said he struggled with rejection all of his life and has been on a journey trying to understand God.

“Until recently, I have struggled all my life in feeling unloved and unaccepted,†Paulk said. “I have been on a journey during the last few years in trying to understand God, myself, and how I can best relate to others. During this journey I have made many mistakes and I have hurt many people including people who are close to me. I have also found a large number of people who accept me for who I am regardless of my past, any labels, or what I do.â€

Paulk said he is now greatly remorseful for any harm that he's caused by his words.

“I no longer support the ex-gay movement or efforts to attempt to change individuals — especially teens who already feel insecure and alienated. I feel great sorrow over the pain that has been caused when my words were misconstrued," he said. "I have worked at giving generously to the gay community in Portland where I work and live. I am working hard to be authentic and genuine in all of my relationships.â€

As The Advocate points out, Paulk issued a formal apology for his past actions on April 24.

“For the better part of 10 years, I was an advocate and spokesman for what’s known as the 'ex-gay movement,' where we declared that sexual orientation could be changed through a close-knit relationship with God, intensive therapy and strong determination," he said. "At the time, I truly believed that it would happen. And while many things in my life did change as a Christian, my sexual orientation did not."

He added, "Today, I do not consider myself 'ex-gay,' and I no longer support or promote the movement. Please allow me to be clear: I do not believe that reparative therapy changes sexual orientation; in fact, it does great harm to many people."

Paulk's wife and Love Won Out co-author released her own personal statement on April 22, noting that the couple was in the process of divorce.

Read Paulk's full apology here.

[mlady]

I have never heard of him but a quick Google led me to his book "Love Won Out" with him and his exlesbian wife on the cover....and I swear I couldn't tell which one was the man.

Some things are just way too obvious.

[doggie]

I have never heard of him but a quick Google led me to his book "Love Won Out" with him and his exlesbian wife on the cover....and I swear I couldn't tell which one was the man.

Some things are just way too obvious.

Yes he is not one of the bigger players but it is good he can now live a more normal life. I wonder if she will come out?

[rward]

When you make a mistake, all you can do is apologize and try to make amends. Some people I have no patience for, but a gay person raised in fundamentalism gets a lot of sympathy from me.

[keen23]

Can we send a copy of this book to ExGayGreg?

[doggie]

I bet he thinks this guy was taken over by the devil.

[darkplumaged]

Can we send a copy of this book to ExGayGreg?

Someone should post a link to the article on his FB page.

I am not sure if this will ever happen in the US, but I would love to live to see a time when homosexuality as an orientation is considered morally neutral, same as heterosexuality.

[PennySycamore]

Damn! I was about to reply when the topic merged and lost what I'd written.

I am so glad that John has finally come to accept his sexual orientation. I am so proud, too, that he has written a sincere apology to the LGBT community for all the harm he did to the community while he was in denial. I just wish that Anne would come to know that same peace with HER sexual orientation.

There are some very supportive comments on PQ about John. One of them was written by John Smid from Love in Action who made a similar journey. http://www.pqmonthly.com/update-john-pa ... -him/14177

The hard-line "ex-gays" are already attacking John: http://www.truthwinsout.org/news/2013/04/34655/

John, may you always be at peace about being queer.

[AlexIsAwake]

Wow, this is so interesting to me! I am lesbian and was raised in an IFB church and school. It was not an easy thing! In 2006 I attended an Exodus conference and during the week I was there, I prayed over and over telling God that I was totally open to having my heart changed, to please just go ahead and do it. It was kind of a last ditch effort for me, or so I thought. Well, instead of being turned straight, I ended up just meeting my ex girlfriend there, imagine that. We were together almost 4 years, and that relationship had to end due to my girlfriend being wracked with religious guilt for the last half of our time together. She had herself gone through reparative therapy for several years before our relationship, and found that it did nothing to make her "less gay." She did feel more at peace in her life though, just through having a therapist to talk to. I guess her therapist wasn't at all pushy with the ex gay stuff, and was ok with her choices, whatever they were, including me.

When that relationship ended I again questioned everything, wondering if following the Bible as I understood it wasn't the best way to go. I dated a guy or two casually, but my heart was never in it. Thankfully, through study and reading many different books and authors, I came to the understanding that the Bible does not actually condemn homosexuality as we know it today. That's irrelevant to me now though, as I'm an atheist and feel the most free I ever have in my entire life. I have a new girlfriend who was raised Christian, though it was in an Episcopal church that is accepting of LGBT individuals, so she was never made to feel guilty or shamed for her sexuality. With my family, it's a different story. My dad in particular does not accept my relationship, but we don't usually speak of it and I try to avoid religious conversation with him. My mom and all my sisters have been very supportive at least. Extended family is a mixed bag. And that's my "lesbian raised fundie encounter with ex-gay culture" story.

I am very glad to see Paulk accepting his own identity as well. I do wonder about the part of the letter where he says he's going through a divorce after a 20 year marriage. To my knowledge, he's been living openly gay for a while, so I'd have expected him to have divorced years ago.

[SamuraiKatz]

I am very glad to see Paulk accepting his own identity as well. I do wonder about the part of the letter where he says he's going through a divorce after a 20 year marriage. To my knowledge, he's been living openly gay for a while, so I'd have expected him to have divorced years ago.

I think his wife is delusional and suffering from a serious case of denial.

[FlorenceHamilton]

This story reminded me of people I knew long ago. I was living in the Midwest and going to graduate school. One of the Professors was about as fabulous as you can get in consevative clothing and a lab coat. We all loved him, but found him oh so much fun to imitate. At our winter party, he brought his wife and child. His wife was super butch. We had been told that the child was adopted before we met them. Really nice, midwestern folks. Most of the students were pretty convinced that they were "beards" for one another. We found it amusing and endearing. This was in the 1980's. Truly, they were both sweet as can be and seemed to have a great relationship. The child was a on the quiet side and a little bit overprotected. He was about 10. I think most of us thought is was nice that they were able to make a pleasant living arrangement and to raise a child.

It has been at least 20 years since I have thought of these people. Today, for the first time, it makes me sad. Even if they were really great friends (which I think they were) and loved each other very much (I think they did), it makes me sad today that they needed to create a fiction in order to fit into society. In the 1980's it seemed like a clever and happy way to have the traditional things...home, kids, parter to share stuff with, climb the employment ladder, etc. Today it makes me sad to think about how many people must have spent entire lives denying or hiding who they were.

Both of them should have been able to have the same things with a sexually compatible partner. I hope that whether they are together or apart, that they are both happy and that they no longer feel the need to pretend. Unfortunately, in the area they live, I am not optimistic.

[Full enough quiver]

Someone should post a link to the article on his FB page.

I am not sure if this will ever happen in the US, but I would love to live to see a time when homosexuality as an orientation is considered morally neutral, same as heterosexuality.

I think someday it will be. Probably not in our lifetime, but someday. I think the more people that are out, the more people will realize that gays are just like everyone else, just living life as best they can and trying to be happy. Fundies will probably always think they're going to hell, but since the second generation is kept pretty isolated, hopefully they won't breed much, and they'll die off eventually.

[Stephanie66]

When you make a mistake, all you can do is apologize and try to make amends. Some people I have no patience for, but a gay person raised in fundamentalism gets a lot of sympathy from me.

Me too. Penn Jillette wrote a book about his atheism, and in it, he talks about Orthodox Jews in NYC who are atheists, but would lose everything if they "came out." He couldn't advise them as to what to do...he never had to risk his family to be an atheist. His parents and sister loved him until the day they died. (They chose to leave the fold, which caused divorce and alienation)

Being a gay child raised by people who feel, deeply, that being gay is a sin would be a horrible position to be in. They, too, would be giving up their family and community in order to be who they are. It is not a position that I envy at all.

The country is changing, and I think the younger generation will indeed make sure gay people have equal rights. I have faith in the kids of the future to realize it is not a sin--and, in fact, no big deal.

Good for this guy for speaking out. Now go be gay, in every sense of the word.

[miffy]

It seems like the only time praying away the gay actually works is when the person is bisexual. Presumably you can just avoid liking people who are of the same sex?

I've noticed a huge change from when I was at school 10 years ago & nobody was 'out', because people would have given them hell. To seeing flamboyant teenagers with lisps in school uniform. Its going to be completely normal to be gay in 10-20 years.

[Foxxit]

I read a bit about what Anne said about the divorce, and there is one thing that makes me laugh.

How does her being married exclude her from being bisexual as has been implied in what little of her book I read and the articles written about her. Do bisexual people not have the ability to marry now?

If so how come I am married. lol

[Minerva]

Bets on whether EGG posts an angry, badly-spelled, screed about this? On one hand, he loves to complain about things like this, but this one in particular might hit a bit too close to home.

[lawlifelgbt]

It seems like the only time praying away the gay actually works is when the person is bisexual. Presumably you can just avoid liking people who are of the same sex?

I've noticed a huge change from when I was at school 10 years ago & nobody was 'out', because people would have given them hell. To seeing flamboyant teenagers with lisps in school uniform. Its going to be completely normal to be gay in 10-20 years.

Actually, I'd have to disagree with you. I'm a lesbian, and my partner is bi. She grew up Southern Baptist and was very unsure of her orientation for decades, hoping God would change her.

Spoiler alert, it didn't work. In the end, she came out to be with me, and it was such a beautiful and brave thing to do. I just wish she didn't have to hide that half of her, feel ashamed, and be condemned until she was 24, out, and able to speak up when people were being jerks.

We're hoping that change continues. To have our future kids bullied for having two moms would be my fate in reverse.

[longskirtlotsakids]

This story reminded me of people I knew long ago. I was living in the Midwest and going to graduate school. One of the Professors was about as fabulous as you can get in consevative clothing and a lab coat. We all loved him, but found him oh so much fun to imitate. At our winter party, he brought his wife and child. His wife was super butch. We had been told that the child was adopted before we met them. Really nice, midwestern folks. Most of the students were pretty convinced that they were "beards" for one another. We found it amusing and endearing. This was in the 1980's. Truly, they were both sweet as can be and seemed to have a great relationship. The child was a on the quiet side and a little bit overprotected. He was about 10. I think most of us thought is was nice that they were able to make a pleasant living arrangement and to raise a chi

Both of them should have been able to have the same things with a sexually compatible partner. .

What about the possibility that they were straight, and didn't feel the need to conform to gender specific fashion? I've been mistaken for a lesbian because I am physically strong and large boned, and I look ridiculous in feminine clothing.

Unless someone comes out to you or you find them in bed with another of the same sex, its pretty presumptious to assume their sexuality.

[Peas n carrots]

What about the possibility that they were straight, and didn't feel the need to conform to gender specific fashion? I've been mistaken for a lesbian because I am physically strong and large boned, and I look ridiculous in feminine clothing.

Unless someone comes out to you or you find them in bed with another of the same sex, its pretty presumptious to assume their sexuality.

Same here, I can come off on the butch side as well. Just as I have a friend who the first several times I met thought was gay. He loved musicals, had lived in San Francisco for a while, and had a lot of stereotypical mannerisms. I didn't believe it when our mutual friend said that he was straight and actively dated women.

So I think it's a good point to say that no one should feel the need to conform to a certain gender stereotype...my friend shouldn't be harrassed for coming off as a "sissy" even if he was as straight as an arrow. Nor should I catch flak for having short hair and an athletic body.

[Hane]

Heh, I'm cisgender and dress girly and get mistaken for a lesbian all the time. The most attractive person who's hit on me in recent years was a woman. I often wish I batted for the other team, but I don't. :/