That Wife Pontificates

[Morton Fan]

thatwifeblog.com/2013/02/04/brain-dump-12

In short: she plays Candy Crush on her iPhone all day, obsesses over losing her baby weight (baby is not yet born), and decides to start working from home when the baby does arrive (bonus: more opportunities to neglect T1 and T2).

[treemom]

Someone said over on GOMI that she may get a nanny when T2 arrives. i think that is the best idea for t2 ever....just like the fact that T1 is going to preschool.

[Morton Fan]

Someone said over on GOMI that she may get a nanny when T2 arrives. i think that is the best idea for t2 ever....just like the fact that T1 is going to preschool.

Oh, I hope she does. There is NOTHING wrong with a working Mom, TW!!!!!

[ShesCrafty]

I really dislike That Wife, she is so self centered and neglectful of T1 it makes me want to scream. And I hope that poor child is getting the interventions he needs for speech (I think it was speech that he was delayed in). However, I'm starting to feel slightly sorry for her as her worry about weight seems to consume a huge amount of her time. Helped along by That Asshole, I'm sure. So I guess now I feel 99% hate and 1% pity towards her. Look at me, becoming a nicer person :D

[treemom]

Oh, I hope she does. There is NOTHING wrong with a working Mom, TW!!!!!

Oh I don't think she planned to work really....but i still hope she does iit

[BravaAmica]

I will never for the life of me understand why she had one kid, much less chose to have another.

[Morton Fan]

Oh I don't think she planned to work really....but i still hope she does iit

Oh heavens. I can only imagine if TW were at home with a nanny. She'd probably freak out whenever they "made a mess" (i.e. played) and would probably think the nanny was wasting time by playing and talking with the children.

I wonder if TH would give the nanny a key to the cheese.

[Feberin]

Someone said over on GOMI that she may get a nanny when T2 arrives. i think that is the best idea for t2 ever....just like the fact that T1 is going to preschool.

Please let this be true!

[jenny_islander]

I will never for the life of me understand why she had one kid, much less chose to have another.

Probably because it's on the "good wife" checklist. Good wives are fertile. OTOH, a good wife who can't get pregnant or carry to term can talk endlessly about all of the blessings she wants to bring home via rescuedoption, so I'm not sure why she didn't go that route. Maybe because she couldn't photograph her words?

[Soldier of the One]

Ya know... I like her. I know there's but stuff on 'Bathroom Baby' but I admire her for growing as a person and evolving her belief system -- and to admit it on the internet, no less. That must be hard, especially with a hardcore Polish Mormon convert. I wonder whether that marriage is truly happy. She obsesses over her weight a lot so I get the feeling her husband might pressure her in this regard, which would make me sad. I think she looks cute.

But ah, I am one of the soppier members here :)

[grovelina]

I really think that for a marriage to be happy, both partners need to be happy with themselves, at least a little bit. I don't think she really is at all. She is too caught up in what she's supposed to be, thin with perfect kids and a perfect house and a perfect husband to love herself as she is at all. So instead, she avoids her parental responsibilities and obseses over the picture she is representing to the world of the perfect mormon family.

[valsa]

I really think that for a marriage to be happy, both partners need to be happy with themselves, at least a little bit. I don't think she really is at all.

I agree. I think it's safe to say someone who uses a Powerpoint presentation to convince someone who doesn't love her to propose to her- that person is not a happy person.

However, my sympathy flies out the window when that unhappy person goes on to victimize other defenseless people.

[BravaAmica]

Ya know... I like her. I know there's but stuff on 'Bathroom Baby' but I admire her for growing as a person and evolving her belief system -- and to admit it on the internet, no less. That must be hard, especially with a hardcore Polish Mormon convert. I wonder whether that marriage is truly happy. She obsesses over her weight a lot so I get the feeling her husband might pressure her in this regard, which would make me sad. I think she looks cute.

But ah, I am one of the soppier members here :)

I don't believe a word of her "evolving belief system." IMO, it's all spin so she doesn't look as bad of a person. It's like, "Oh, look, I don't mind teh gays at all anymore- can you please stop talking about what a shit mother I am?"

[lilwriter85]

I will never for the life of me understand why she had one kid, much less chose to have another.

I think religion has a lot to with why she is having kids. The LDS church puts a lot of pressure on women to be wives and mothers. There is also pressure in the LDS church to have larger families like 5 kids or more. They are some LDS families that are smaller. I do wonder if ThatCouple will have more than two kids.

[fundamentalistnomore]

The first time I heard about TW, I was horrified that someone could treat their kid that way. I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for her. I don't understand why someone in her personal life hasn't intervened. Or if they have tried, she apparently hasn't listened. She probably is depressed, but her and TH deserve each other. I don't know if anyone else has seen the video of her wedding vows, but it's very telling. I think she actually said that their love was based on practicality & not some illusion of lovey dovey. *something like that, I' just can't watch it again, it's too depressing*

[YPestis]

Ok, I've only started reading That Wife's blog. From what I've seen, she doesn't appear all that fundie. I know she's mormon and has a husband who is a Polish convert to Mormonism who just graduated from bschool or something. I know she's kind of crunchy and big on home birth but I didn't get a fundie vibe off of her.

What am I missing? Can anyone give me a summary of her situation?

[dawbs]

Ok, I've only started reading That Wife's blog. From what I've seen, she doesn't appear all that fundie. I know she's mormon and has a husband who is a Polish convert to Mormonism who just graduated from bschool or something. I know she's kind of crunchy and big on home birth but I didn't get a fundie vibe off of her.

What am I missing? Can anyone give me a summary of her situation?

She has scrubbed her blog of some of the things, and I've never been a super-close follower, but these are the highlights I remember:

.

-Food issues...including trying to be thin enough that her husband would 'let' her have kids...so they'd lock up the cheese.

-The child having only 4 toys and sleeping in the bathroom because...I don't know why

-long posts about how she HAD to be a SAHM, that was the 'right' way...but she obviously hated being a SAHM

-That she had a powerpoint presentation to pressure/force/convince her husband to propose because he didn't want to marry her (I have the right fundie here, right? someone confirm because I can't find it.)

[Gizmola]

Honestly, I think she's a self-centered brat. And her husband is definitely an asshole - why he agreed to marry someone he doesn't find attractive just astounds me and I assume it's because as a Mormon he HAD to marry and knew she'd be pliable enough to bend to his will in all things. Yes, I am basing that on the comments she's made about his displeasure with her weight. I actually agreed with him about her being a spendthrift before marriage; so many marriages fail because of monetary issues and I just have this vision of her as someone who "forgets" to pay the utility bills and spends the money instead on "cute shoes." I rather think she's a flighty and immature person.

Thank god T1 is in pre-school around people who give a damn about his development and his needs. I hope she gets a nanny for T2 because this woman is not cut out to be a mother in any way, shape or form.

Plus, and it's petty, but I HATE, HATE, HATE her "cutesy" pose she does with one leg "oh so delicately" bent at the knee. It's so affected and she's trying so hard to be adorable and since I consider her to be such a creep, I can't find anything "adorable" about her at all.

[fundamentalistnomore]

Ypestis, They aren't very fundie mormons. Most of the snark is due to their exemplary parenting that she posts online. That wife is a SAHM with a toddler & one due any day now.

Her:

-while giving birth to her 1st at home, simply put down doggie pads & walked around the apt peeing everywhere?!

-the baby slept in the bathroom because despite them having loads of money, the computers needed a room of their own. A pack in play in the room where people occasionally deposit feces/urine is ok.

-fed the baby via a propped up towel (instead having to touch him)

-upon learning there was a developmental delay had to financially consider if they would pay for it (despite trips to France, Italy,Poland, ipads, other electronics)

-fired the therapist because apparently she didn't know that talking/playing with your child helps them develop

-a picture of her husband shaving the baby's head with an electric razor in a sink of running water made it to some type of bad/fail parenting site

Her husband:

-had to be convinced to marry her via powerpoint (with shrek quotes & everything)

-was afraid they weren't going to be able to do be intimate on their wedding night because she was not his desired weight

-originally from Poland, & quite successful, despite not being born a black woman (his words, now deleted)

-leaves love notes around the house (squeeze your belly fat...etc.)

I think the ppt is still online if you google "that wife" "marriage powerpoint" However most of this stuff you can't find because her husband made her delete/erase a majority of her internet persona.

[Morton Fan]

Ypestis, They aren't very fundie mormons. Most of the snark is due to their exemplary parenting that she posts online. That wife is a SAHM with a toddler & one due any day now.

Her:

-while giving birth to her 1st at home, simply put down doggie pads & walked around the apt peeing everywhere?!

-the baby slept in the bathroom because despite them having loads of money, the computers needed a room of their own. A pack in play in the room where people occasionally deposit feces/urine is ok.

-fed the baby via a propped up towel (instead having to touch him)

-upon learning there was a developmental delay had to financially consider if they would pay for it (despite trips to France, Italy,Poland, ipads, other electronics)

-fired the therapist because apparently she didn't know that talking/playing with your child helps them develop

-a picture of her husband shaving the baby's head with an electric razor in a sink of running water made it to some type of bad/fail parenting site

Her husband:

-had to be convinced to marry her via powerpoint (with shrek quotes & everything)

-was afraid they weren't going to be able to do be intimate on their wedding night because she was not his desired weight

-originally from Poland, & quite successful, despite not being born a black woman (his words, now deleted)

-leaves love notes around the house (squeeze your belly fat...etc.)

I think the ppt is still online if you google "that wife" "marriage powerpoint" However most of this stuff you can't find because her husband made her delete/erase a majority of her internet persona.

Wait, WHAT?!?! Please share where the bolded can be found so I can read it and clutch my pearls. Truly?? That is crazy. I'm a pretty devoted TW snarker, and yet somehow missed this. Do share!!!

One thing to add to the list: she got a coochie-tightener (had to be shipped from Canada since they're illegal here) since That Husband was worried her coochie would be too loose after having a baby. He wanted her to get the tightener; it wasn't just her own hangup. It cost 250 dollars, and she said she was glad it was such a priority to him.

[Morton Fan]

Honestly, I think she's a self-centered brat. And her husband is definitely an asshole - why he agreed to marry someone he doesn't find attractive just astounds me and I assume it's because as a Mormon he HAD to marry and knew she'd be pliable enough to bend to his will in all things. Yes, I am basing that on the comments she's made about his displeasure with her weight. I actually agreed with him about her being a spendthrift before marriage; so many marriages fail because of monetary issues and I just have this vision of her as someone who "forgets" to pay the utility bills and spends the money instead on "cute shoes." I rather think she's a flighty and immature person.

Thank god T1 is in pre-school around people who give a damn about his development and his needs. I hope she gets a nanny for T2 because this woman is not cut out to be a mother in any way, shape or form.

Plus, and it's petty, but I HATE, HATE, HATE her "cutesy" pose she does with one leg "oh so delicately" bent at the knee. It's so affected and she's trying so hard to be adorable and since I consider her to be such a creep, I can't find anything "adorable" about her at all.

Agreed. Her camera smile is also SO fakey. You can see that she holds her tongue in a certain way in all of the posed smiling photographs. One FJer asked her about it (framing it as a compliment so it would get posted) and she said she learned it from her mom or something like that.

[Soldier of the One]

What the hell is a coochie-tightener? I mean, yeah, I get the vocabulary and the concept (ick!) but how does a DIY coochie-tightener work? Inquiring minds want to know.

All those things sound pretty terrible in varying degrees. But could it be that she's changing? At least she's realizing she might not be cut out to be a SAHM and her pursuing paid work while outsourcing childcare to professionals might be a good thing. The Powerpoint presentation sounds more like something a young, naive and deeply insecure girl would do - she might have outgrown that too. If anything, it sounds like ThatHusband has a large stake in her insecurities. And I do believe that she can mature and grow.

Here's to hoping. (Like I said, I'm soppy :))

[Gizmola]

What the hell is a coochie-tightener? I mean, yeah, I get the vocabulary and the concept (ick!) but how does a DIY coochie-tightener work? Inquiring minds want to know.

All those things sound pretty terrible in varying degrees. But could it be that she's changing? At least she's realizing she might not be cut out to be a SAHM and her pursuing paid work while outsourcing childcare to professionals might be a good thing. The Powerpoint presentation sounds more like something a young, naive and deeply insecure girl would do - she might have outgrown that too. If anything, it sounds like ThatHusband has a large stake in her insecurities. And I do believe that she can mature and grow.

Here's to hoping. (Like I said, I'm soppy :))

I might be more inclined to agree with you if every post of hers didn't still drip with cries of "Me! Me! Me!" If you look at her post about T1 at preschool it still revolves around her: SHE didn't want a long commute, SHE wanted time to herself, SHE didn't want to just drop him off for a few hours and not have enough ME time, etc. Very little revolved around what was right for the child; so much time was invested in what SHE was comfortable doing/not doing.

Further, we started snarking on her for shoving her child in a Pack N Play in the bathroom. I suppose you'd point to him having his own, real bedroom in the new house as growth on her part. I say bullshit. The room is so perfectly "appointed" and designed for use as a photography project NOT appointed and designed for a little boy to use. Books are on a shelf higher than his reach, toys are still limited. She shows all the signs of wanting the picture of the perfect life, the perfect vision of motherhood, etc. but little to no interest in those parts of motherhood which are messy - toys everywhere, a child with his own thoughts, desires, feelings, needs and ideas that cause problems for parents.

Wait, WHAT?!?! Please share where the bolded can be found so I can read it and clutch my pearls. Truly?? That is crazy. I'm a pretty devoted TW snarker, and yet somehow missed this. Do share!!!

One thing to add to the list: she got a coochie-tightener (had to be shipped from Canada since they're illegal here) since That Husband was worried her coochie would be too loose after having a baby. He wanted her to get the tightener; it wasn't just her own hangup. It cost 250 dollars, and she said she was glad it was such a priority to him.

I also want to now about the bolded section - I missed that, too. And color me disgusted about the vagina tightener and her apparent glee that it was important to ThatAsshole. I think she wanted everyone to think he was worried about her comfort during birth or something bullshitty like that. I think he just didn't want her to be "loose" - after all, she isn't thin enough for him to get it up; what if she wasn't super-tight anymore. I have never figured out what she sees in him; he has always sounded like a total tool.

[Morton Fan]

I might be more inclined to agree with you if every post of hers didn't still drip with cries of "Me! Me! Me!" If you look at her post about T1 at preschool it still revolves around her: SHE didn't want a long commute, SHE wanted time to herself, SHE didn't want to just drop him off for a few hours and not have enough ME time, etc. Very little revolved around what was right for the child; so much time was invested in what SHE was comfortable doing/not doing.

Further, we started snarking on her for shoving her child in a Pack N Play in the bathroom. I suppose you'd point to him having his own, real bedroom in the new house as growth on her part. I say bullshit. The room is so perfectly "appointed" and designed for use as a photography project NOT appointed and designed for a little boy to use. Books are on a shelf higher than his reach, toys are still limited. She shows all the signs of wanting the picture of the perfect life, the perfect vision of motherhood, etc. but little to no interest in those parts of motherhood which are messy - toys everywhere, a child with his own thoughts, desires, feelings, needs and ideas that cause problems for parents.

I also want to now about the bolded section - I missed that, too. And color me disgusted about the vagina tightener and her apparent glee that it was important to ThatAsshole. I think she wanted everyone to think he was worried about her comfort during birth or something bullshitty like that. I think he just didn't want her to be "loose" - after all, she isn't thin enough for him to get it up; what if she wasn't super-tight anymore. I have never figured out what she sees in him; he has always sounded like a total tool.

Yep to everything Gizmola said. And ever said about Emily & Dna, too, while I'm at it.

[Morton Fan]

What the hell is a coochie-tightener? I mean, yeah, I get the vocabulary and the concept (ick!) but how does a DIY coochie-tightener work? Inquiring minds want to know.

All those things sound pretty terrible in varying degrees. But could it be that she's changing? At least she's realizing she might not be cut out to be a SAHM and her pursuing paid work while outsourcing childcare to professionals might be a good thing. The Powerpoint presentation sounds more like something a young, naive and deeply insecure girl would do - she might have outgrown that too. If anything, it sounds like ThatHusband has a large stake in her insecurities. And I do believe that she can mature and grow.

Here's to hoping. (Like I said, I'm soppy :))

Well, it was a balloon that she inserted into her coochie and did kegels around, gradually increasing the size of the balloon until the blessed event of T1's pisseth-everywhere birth.