Further proof that fundie-ism is all about the MAN

[sableduck]

http://subjectbydesign.blogspotDOTcom/2 ... birth.html

Mom had read a book called "Spiritual midwifery" that claims that since Jesus said that when you give you receive tenfold, a woman in labor should "give" to her husband and from the sexual act would receive "pain relief."

So right in the middle of hard labor, what does her dear husband desire?

A blow job.

WTF.

When I was in labor, my husband knew better to even think about anything sexual, because at that moment, I was never, ever, ever having sex again. What the F* is the matter with these people.

[ThisOlGirl]

http://subjectbydesign.blogspotDOTcom/2010/05/unassisted-childbirth.html

Mom had read a book called "Spiritual midwifery" that claims that since Jesus said that when you give you receive tenfold, a woman in labor should "give" to her husband and from the sexual act would receive "pain relief."

So right in the middle of hard labor, what does her dear husband desire?

A blow job.

WTF.

When I was in labor, my husband knew better to even think about anything sexual, because at that moment, I was never, ever, ever having sex again. What the F* is the matter with these people.

If my ex-husband would've asked me for a beej while I was in labor, I would have obliged--then tried to bite if off.

[longskirts]

Gross. Why would someone even write about that on their public blog? Sometimes I wish fundies would listen to their own lectures about modesty and keep some stuff private.

[Austin]

OMG, that's. . . horrifying. :shock:

Words fail. . .

[Caxpax]

Ummmm....I think there's some major, major misinterpretation going on by that blogger about that text. Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin is somewhat of a foundational text in the natural birthing community. I haven't read it (but boy is it moving to the top of my amazon queue now!!!) but my best guess is that Gaskin is discussing that the oxytocin released during sexual activity is a natural means of pain relief. Women's bodies normally produce oxytocin during orgasm and during labor. The thinking is that if we do things in labor that release oxytocin at other times we'll feel less pain. So-- partners are encouraged to give their wives sensual massage, kisses, nipple stimulation during labor to help speed up the labor and also bring pain relief. I seriously doubt that Ina May is advocating giving hummers during labor.

[fundiefan]

I have heard and read and had people swear by the fact that sexual stimulation does a lot in labor from pain relief to bringing it on. But, I kind of figured that meant stimulating the one in labor.

[Kaylee]

Umm, yeah, maybe some things just shouldn't be shared with the world.

That said, this post doesn't really represent what the book Spiritual Midwifery is about it all. For one, it doesn't mention Jesus at all, especially not in the way that is implied. The books has more of a 70's hippie, influenced by Buddhism vibe than anything else, not a fundie Christian slant.

The whole give and take thing is more about sharing energy and positive vibes, not about sex per se. That said, the whole oral sex in labor thing does have some basis (it is a natural and effective means of getting the same hormones that are in a synthetic prostaglandin like Cervidil, and can speed up a stalled labor), as does cuddling and/or nipple stimulation to speed up or restart contractions. Not exactly common in hospital births with nurses and family around, but effective in the privacy of home when you don't have the synthetic meds to get things moving. My doula suggested some of this same things while I had stalled labor, and ordered everyone out of the room so we could have some "alone time". Usually, at that point, the woman is not near transition or in hard labor, it's done to get things moving toward that point.

[Caxpax]

Basically, a perverted asshole can use damn near every excuse possible to be an abusive asshole, including twisting and contorting a book that is actually very helpful and empowering into a means of being an abusive asshole. And WOW did SOTDRT fail on their reading comprehension unit.....

[Swamptribe]

I told you, the whole Christian submission thing, as portrayed by so many of the fundies who are snarked on here, is very very BDSM. It's a kink.

[maybeizfundie]

Oh my heck. WHAT??????

Spiritual Midwifery definitely isn't a fundie book, and I found the sexual stuff in it somewhat odd. It is funny to me that someone would take that and make it part of their fundamentalist practice.

Now, I did note that this was a mutual "giving". She "got some" too. And it is true that there is some connection between those various hormones and labor. So, is it OK if hippies do it, but bad if fundies do it? IDK.

BUT. On a public blog? I am thinking that is not modest. :p

[Austin]

Well, I concede that we're all different, but that was the farthest thing possible in my mind during labor. IF it had come up, my response probably would have been, "Are you effing kidding me? That's how I got in this position in the first place!"

[sableduck]

Oh my heck. WHAT??????

Spiritual Midwifery definitely isn't a fundie book, and I found the sexual stuff in it somewhat odd. It is funny to me that someone would take that and make it part of their fundamentalist practice.

Now, I did note that this was a mutual "giving". She "got some" too. And it is true that there is some connection between those various hormones and labor. So, is it OK if hippies do it, but bad if fundies do it? IDK.

BUT. On a public blog? I am thinking that is not modest. :p

If you're in the middle of labor, and that's you want, go for it. But (a) don't make it a spiritual thing and (b) whether you're in labor or not, do you really have to tell everyone about it?

[maybeizfundie]

I think that's pretty much what I said, actually.

[batwing]

We do have to give two snaps in a circle to the husband if she did indeed "get" as well, though, right? I'm not a dude, and I'm not into the ladies, but if I was I don't think I'd be much of a giver to a laboring woman. But then again, I don't think I'd be able to get any from someone in labor either. Think of the mess, people. I had really gross labor and birth experiences.

[ladypuglover]

I don't think my husband wanted his dangly bits anywhere near me when I was in labor and never asked or even hinted that he wanted something sexual. We did that the act that got you into this spot can get you out of it but that was to start labor not during.

I haven't read the blog yet but it sounds like she lives with the same kind of sexual abusive asshole that demand sex right after the baby is born. My first husband was like that but thankfully wasn't willing to risk it until my oldest was 4 days old. That is part of the reason why I left him, that and a hundred thousand other reasons.

[emeraldskull]

If you're in the middle of labor, and that's you want, go for it. But (a) don't make it a spiritual thing and (b) whether you're in labor or not, do you really have to tell everyone about it?

Ugh, I know right? I was reading and the whole time like "TMI, TMI!" I mean, they go on and on about modesty, and yet post a VERY detailed post about a birth and the sexual stimulation they used halfway through? I just don't get that...

[LynnKaboom]

Uh, I've never given birth, but according to my aunt, it's like "trying to crap a watermelon." If you're yelling in pain, wouldn't it be more likely that you'd accidentally bite down?

[Jessica]

That's a very good description! I remember telling my midwife "I really have to poo!" and she said "No you don't you need to PUSH!"

[Squeaky]

"My husband does not like jewelry or piercings. But my [earring] holes are permanent reminders that I put my own preferences over those of my future husband. :( "

I can't even.

[lovefromgirl]

Who would put that online? Especially as children are so very net-savvy these days. Imagine reading the archives of your mom's blog and seeing that. Especially if it's your birth story.

Lord, let that be a hoax...

[Austin]

"My husband does not like jewelry or piercings. But my [earring] holes are permanent reminders that I put my own preferences over those of my future husband. :( "

I can't even.

Uh. . . what?

Okay, this lady is too BSC for me, and that's sayin' something around here :o

[Deleted12]

My former hippie roommate said that her dad "performed" on her mom when the mom was in labor with her.

Yes, this was a massive, massive overshare.

[Guest Anonymous]

"serving Papa"???? blech...yes, massive overshare indeed. I haven't read the book but I've often heard that engaging in sexual activity will speed things along, however I think that dh and I would have been equally horrified at the thought of, um, oral action, during labour, nevermind the gymnastics involved.

[liltwinstar]

I just....I don't know what to say. Or think.

I don't see any mention of a midwife, so was this an unassisted home birth? That scares me.

Also, ok, I don't get the whole sex thing. At all. I get that some stimulation of nipples, etc could help the contractions, which, if that's what the woman wants, cool. But I guess...I just don't understand how a man could be "up" for more than that. Would seeing your wife in pain drive sex to the furthest reaches of your mind?? Like, so far that it's not even *on* your mind, at least not in any serious way?

Just when you think you've read it all...anyway.

The rest of that blog is a trainwreck. She doesn't believe in courtship, because it's not "biblical" enough. Instead, a young man is supposed to approach the dad of the girl he wants, and the dad will decide if he's a good prospect, then give the daughter a "will you marry him or not" choice. She says the daughter's veto power is not because it's Biblical, but because of the daughter's sinful nature, or something like that.

[lilah]

Okay crazy sex fantasies aside anyone else notice the sort of mental gymnastics about how totes!awesome!homebirth! and even if she had a major medical emergency with hemorrhaging and a trip to the ER.

It seems weird to me that these women make such an idol out of homebirth that even an experience that perhaps illustrates why childbirth is still hella risky and can be totally ignored and brushed off. As long as you have that baby at home, it's okay if you almost bleed to death rushing to the ER afterwards!