101 Ways to say "I love you"

[Shirley MacLaine]

101 Ways to tell your husband:

MAKE YOUR HOME HIS REFUGE Let your home be a haven were your husband can retreat from the stresses of life. Do your best to make it a pleasant environment.

LOOK HIM IN THE EYES Look your husband straight in the eyes when he talks to you.

RUB HIS FEET Steer him to the recliner and pull off his shoes. Rub his feet for at least 20 minutes.

HELP HIM WITH HIS CLOTHES Ask him to let you help with the buttoning or unbuttoning of his clothes as he's dressing or undressing.

MAKE HIM A HEART-SHAPED BREAKFAST Make heart-shaped pancakes and heart-shaped toast! Trim little pads of butter into heart shapes as well.

DON'T DEPRIVE HIM Husbands need sex probably more than wives need hugs and compliments.

PUT A SIGN IN YOUR YARD Place a sign in your yard such as, "THE WORLD'S GREATEST husband LIVES HERE." Let everyone know how special your husband is to you.

101 ways to tell your wife:

TAKE CARE OF THE CARS Make sure that your vehicles are in tip top shape at all times so your wife isn't left stranded. Don't expect her to go to the dirty garages to get the oil changed and repairs done, do them yourself, or take them in for her.

BUY HER A FEMININE GIFT Buy your wife a gift that will make her feel feminine, like her favorite perfume, or a pretty night gown.

LOOK INTO HER EYES While talking to or hugging your wife, look her straight in the eyes while cupping her face in your hand.

WASH THE DISHES FOR HER You don't have to clean the whole house, but just doing one chore such as the dishes once in a while, or at least cleaning up after yourself, will help her out a lot.

BE VERBAL WHEN MAKING LOVE When making love, describe aloud and in detail each thing that you do and how it makes you feel. This will greatly arouse your wife, as well as let her know that she's meeting your needs.

TELL THE WORLD HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER Put a bumper sticker on your vehicle that says, "I Love My wife," or put up a sign in your yard that says, "The Prettiest Lady In the World Lives Here."

LEAVE HER A TIP You'll leave the waitress a tip, but what about the lady who is there to wait on you 24/7? Surprise her as she clears the supper table; leave her a few dollars to show your appreciation.

Just wanted to share the barf with you fine folks! From blessedmommy.hubpages.com

[Austin]

Okay. . . uh. . . WTF?

[MaroonMandy]

If my boyfriend left me a tip for clearing the dishes, I would assume that he was saying I worked for him and he was paying me. Also, I'd punch him in the damn throat.

[nolongerIFBx]

If my boyfriend left me a tip for clearing the dishes, I would assume that he was saying I worked for him and he was paying me. Also, I'd punch him in the damn throat.

I'd aim a little lower. . .

[Austin]

If my boyfriend left me a tip for clearing the dishes, I would assume that he was saying I worked for him and he was paying me. Also, I'd punch him in the damn throat.

Maybe I should start having my husband leave some cash on the nightstand. After all, he'd "tip" a prostitute, wouldn't he?

(I don't really know if prostitutes get tipped, but that's what that little tidbit made me think of when I read it).

wife =/= waitress

[CynicMom]

"Leave her a tip"

because wives LOVE being treated like waitresses.

Anyone else notice how not one of the ways is to actually, you know, say the words "I love you"? Having your husband verbalize at you only while you're making love would be pretty damn demeaning.

[Shirley MacLaine]

I can't go to a garage! They're so DIRTY! No environment for a lady, even one with a fucked up alternator.

I hope the husband who takes the 'leave her a tip' advice is sure to leave at least 20%.

[Effie]

LEAVE HER A TIP You'll leave the waitress a tip, but what about the lady who is there to wait on you 24/7? Surprise her as she clears the supper table; leave her a few dollars to show your appreciation.

Wow... is he a husband or a pimp?

[Austin]

"Leave her a tip"

because wives LOVE being treated like waitresses.

Anyone else notice how not one of the ways is to actually, you know, say the words "I love you"? Having your husband verbalize at you only while you're making love would be pretty damn demeaning.

My debased brain is going to all sorts of hilarious places with that one :lol:

[Lostie]

"LOOK INTO HER EYES While talking to or hugging your wife, look her straight in the eyes while cupping her face in your hand."

That actually just sounds uncomfortable. Not just weird, but physically uncomfortable.

[liltwinstar]

Erm, do I really need a strange woman telling me how to love my husband? No. I know him better than anyone, so I know what makes him happy. Foot rubs? Yes. Helping him with his clothes? No. Heart shaped pancakes? He'd eat them, but they wouldn't make him any happier than regular pancakes.

Also, if either one of us defaced our cars or our yard with "greatest spouse ever!!!!!!!" signs/bumper stickers, we'd be hauled off to the doctor for an evaluation.

And...No. Just no on the tip thing. Sooooo tacky. I'm surprised they didn't suggest leaving a tip on the nightstand after "making love" as well (ewwwwwww).

(and just how is one supposed to look someone in the eyes when hugging him/her? I don't get that)

[Shirley MacLaine]

Also, verbalize everything you're doing as you do it and describing how it makes you feel? I love me some dirty talk, but I'm picturing "my penis is now going in. It makes me feel good. Now I am withdrawing my penis. It makes me feel good."

[CanadianHippie]

Wow... is he a husband or a pimp?

Pimps don't tip, they take the tip. Johns leave the money.

[MonkeyMomma]

TAKE CARE OF THE CARS Make sure that your vehicles are in tip top shape at all times so your wife isn't left stranded. Don't expect her to go to the dirty garages to get the oil changed and repairs done, do them yourself, or take them in for her.

I don't know about y'all, but the garage I go has free cappuccino and wi-fi. No way anyone is taking that from me.

LEAVE HER A TIP You'll leave the waitress a tip, but what about the lady who is there to wait on you 24/7? Surprise her as she clears the supper table; leave her a few dollars to show your appreciation.

Why would I need a tip when I have full access to the joint bank accounts and credit cards?

[desertvixen]

To be fair, the last item on both lists (yes, you made me go read the whole thing) is just to say it... But some of the suggestions along the way are awful!

[Burris]

A...tip?

(LOL) No. That's not just a bad idea, but hilariously so.

[Effie]

Pimps don't tip, they take the tip. Johns leave the money.

Haha yes. xD

[GeoBQn]

The heart-shaped breakfast reminds me of two Simpsons moments:

1. Marge gives Homer a plate with "I Love You" spelled out in bacon and eggs. Homer starts wondering whether he's forgetting her birthday, their anniversary, or Valentine's day.

2. Marge makes Homer something like a heart-shaped breakfast, and Homer just shovels the whole thing in his mouth without noticing.

"Buy her a feminine gift" makes me think the guy will buy his wife pads or tampons--and the wrong ones, at that.

[Guest Anonymous]

What???? leave a few dollars for your wife on the table as she clears the table?? I'm speechless.

[O Latin]

I think the general idea of expressing your love for your significant other by surprising them with something special or doing a chore you know they hate is a good one. But some of those things are just weird. Putting a sign in the yard sounds like something I would have done for my mom on mother's day when I was five.

[emmiedahl]

Ways to Say I Love You to a Woman:

Be sincerely happy for her successes.

Pick up the sick child at school so she can complete a work project.

Do your half of the childcare and housework without constantly asking how or what to do. You have a brain.

Avoid giving advice on matters that she knows better than you do. If your wife has a degree in molecular biology, she can totally handle your kid's science project.

Don't hint about how women look better with long hair. Long hair is a pain in the ass, and many women have a hair texture that looks unkempt once it grows past the shoulders.

Ways to Say I Love You to a Man

Instead of making him work two jobs, have each of you work one.

Offer your input on major decisions; no one deserves the pressure of having to be an omnipotent being.

Wear a miniskirt and fishnets when he least expects it, like when you are going to the movies.

Tell him you are glad he is a feminist.

Handle discipline matters that occur while he is gone. Don't tell him when he gets home and expect him to deal with something the child has already forgotten.

Blow jobs.

[Shirley MacLaine]

I except my boyfriend would keel over from teh shame if I put a sign like that in his yard.

[emmiedahl]

If my husband left me a tip, I would think he is crazy.

And if I made him a heart shaped breakfast on any day except Feb. 14, he would call the men in white coats.

[Guest Anonymous]

The tip suggestion is appalling enough and rubbing his feet for 20 minutes after work? As long as he rubs my feet right after.

[CanadianHippie]

Anyone else notice how not one of the ways is to actually, you know, say the words "I love you"? Having your husband verbalize at you only while you're making love would be pretty damn demeaning.

I went a read both lists, and they both end with exactly that. Tell the other one you love them everyday.