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M is for Mama 10: Another Narcissist Another Day


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Also: "cool is not the same as good."

"Get a vasectomy Shaun"?

I'm going to rename "misformama" to "misinformationmama".

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Red Hair, Black Dress

Wow y'all (or should I say yo like Braggie?). She's so so braggie busy amitrite? 

How does she do it all?  Must be because Jesus. Or maybe because her co-parent children are vacuuming, making lunch, washing dishes, folding laundry, parenting siblings, etc. etc. leaving Braggie to nap, teach her class, and meet a friend.

In the spirit of Braggie's sharing (don't hate her because Jesus loves her best and she's nearly perfect) I'm having a #motivate(notmama)Monday too.  Here's my list (for the first and last time ever.)

  • Working my day job all day (fo real, yo)
  • Made lunch and cleaned up after
  • Washed and flipped 2 loads of laundry and am washing a 3rd (fo real)
  • Flip load #3
  • After work make dinner (from scratch)
  • Fold laundry before bedtime

The difference is I don't pat myself on the back and insta-post a list every flippin' Monday for all the world to see and praise me for doing Oh. So. Much. It's normal life Braggie.  You did not cure cancer today or achieve world peace.

Braggie makes everything, Every Flipping. Thing. including laundry  All. About. Her.

I could not hate her more if I tried.

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JermajestyDuggar
23 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Wow y'all (or should I say yo like Braggie?). She's so so braggie busy amitrite? 

How does she do it all?  Must be because Jesus. Or maybe because her co-parent children are vacuuming, making lunch, washing dishes, folding laundry, parenting siblings, etc. etc. leaving Braggie to nap, teach her class, and meet a friend.

In the spirit of Braggie's sharing (don't hate her because Jesus loves her best and she's nearly perfect) I'm having a #motivate(notmama)Monday too.  Here's my list (for the first and last time ever.)

  • Working my day job all day (fo real, yo)
  • Made lunch and cleaned up after
  • Washed and flipped 2 loads of laundry and am washing a 3rd (fo real)
  • Flip load #3
  • After work make dinner (from scratch)
  • Fold laundry before bedtime

The difference is I don't pat myself on the back and insta-post a list every flippin' Monday for all the world to see and praise me for doing Oh. So. Much. It's normal life Braggie.  You did not cure cancer today or achieve world peace.

Braggie makes everything, Every Flipping. Thing. including laundry  All. About. Her.

I could not hate her more if I tried.

My mom has this weird thing with being busy. I don’t know if it was how she was raised or it was just what she was used to as a single parent. But she has always been busy busy busy. As if it’s wrong to not be busy. The pandemic made her very unbusy. Which was both good and bad. It forced her to slow down. But it also made her feel crappy. I learned a long time ago that busy is not the same as good (hashtag that Braggie). 

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Kailash
15 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

My mom has this weird thing with being busy. I don’t know if it was how she was raised or it was just what she was used to as a single parent. But she has always been busy busy busy. As if it’s wrong to not be busy. The pandemic made her very unbusy. Which was both good and bad. It forced her to slow down. But it also made her feel crappy. I learned a long time ago that busy is not the same as good (hashtag that Braggie). 

I read that staying busy is a way to keep past traumas repressed. I’m sure it’s not true for everyone but it made sense to me.

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SassyPants
21 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

My mom has this weird thing with being busy. I don’t know if it was how she was raised or it was just what she was used to as a single parent. But she has always been busy busy busy. As if it’s wrong to not be busy. The pandemic made her very unbusy. Which was both good and bad. It forced her to slow down. But it also made her feel crappy. I learned a long time ago that busy is not the same as good (hashtag that Braggie). 

Both of my parents (85+) are like this. They have a weekend cabin and when they visit during the summer, they rake pine needles! These were the same people who limited reading in the summer because it was “lazy”. We were tasked things like painting the fence and vacuuming the house without an upright attachment (it broke and they didn’t fix it). This meant crawling with a hose to vacuum  the house. They wear misery like a badge of honor.

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So-Virgin-It-Hurts
45 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

They wear misery like a badge of honor.

Perfect description of my mother.

Also, I "flipped" TWO loads of laundry today! Who wants to start the standing ovation?

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My mum is also someone who is very busy, but she does include reading as part of being busy. I put it down to being born to parents who lived through the Depression, and to growing up on a farm (there is always something that needs doing). She certainly doesn't see it as misery - and the pandemic lock downs meant that she organised things like photo albums (we have photos from several of my great-aunts and uncles to organise), which she finally had time for, read more books, and caught up with some TV series. She's much more up to date on news than I am, mostly because she has time to read in depth articles (I read headlines and first paragraph right now).

My list of things to do today doesn't include working (yay for silly season shut down period) but will probably include putting lids back on markers at least five times, and several loads of washing. Standard day really.

And I just caught up on the end of the previous thread and the story about Emily is just terrible. Her poor family.

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Red Hair, Black Dress
1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

They Braggie wears misery like a badge of honor sanctification

FIFY

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JermajestyDuggar
19 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

My mum is also someone who is very busy, but she does include reading as part of being busy. I put it down to being born to parents who lived through the Depression, and to growing up on a farm (there is always something that needs doing). She certainly doesn't see it as misery - and the pandemic lock downs meant that she organised things like photo albums (we have photos from several of my great-aunts and uncles to organise), which she finally had time for, read more books, and caught up with some TV series. She's much more up to date on news than I am, mostly because she has time to read in depth articles (I read headlines and first paragraph right now).

My list of things to do today doesn't include working (yay for silly season shut down period) but will probably include putting lids back on markers at least five times, and several loads of washing. Standard day really.

And I just caught up on the end of the previous thread and the story about Emily is just terrible. Her poor family.

My great grandparents were married at the height of the depression and they were very much this way. They must’ve passed it on to their daughter and then her children. Because my mom is definitely not the only super busy person in the family. She and her siblings have mostly retired but they are all still very busy people. 

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SuperNova
2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

My mom has this weird thing with being busy. I don’t know if it was how she was raised or it was just what she was used to as a single parent. But she has always been busy busy busy. As if it’s wrong to not be busy. The pandemic made her very unbusy. Which was both good and bad. It forced her to slow down. But it also made her feel crappy. I learned a long time ago that busy is not the same as good (hashtag that Braggie). 

My mother is the same way. It's annoying. Sometimes she calls and asks me what I'm doing. If I say nothing she immediately asks why not and starts quizzing me about what I've done with my day so far. I get the feeling that her generation equates busyness with usefulness. She's also the same woman who tells people that I am a "lady of leisure" because I don't work outside the home. I hate it every time she says it because it implies that I lay around my house all day doing nothing but watching TV and eating bonbons.

I enjoyed working until chronic illness brought me home full time. Now I channel everything I have into running an efficient household. Even with no kids at home my list is longer than Abbie's on a slow day and I still have leisure time to do hobbies. Then again, my day doesn't include hours of whining, social media, and self martyring. 

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JermajestyDuggar
10 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

My mother is the same way. It's annoying. Sometimes she calls and asks me what I'm doing. If I say nothing she immediately asks why not and starts quizzing me about what I've done with my day so far. I get the feeling that her generation equates busyness with usefulness. She's also the same woman who tells people that I am a "lady of leisure" because I don't work outside the home. I hate it every time she says it because it implies that I lay around my house all day doing nothing but watching TV and eating bonbons.

I enjoyed working until chronic illness brought me home full time. Now I channel everything I have into running an efficient household. Even with no kids at home my list is longer than Abbie's on a slow day and I still have leisure time to do hobbies. Then again, my day doesn't include hours of whining, social media, and self martyring. 

My mom loves to point out how lucky I am to be a SAHM. She couldn’t be a SAHM due to money but I think she would have been bored out of her mind if she was! Then anytime she watches my boys for a couple hours in the afternoon, she’s completely exhausted. I then like to point out that I deal with those two energy balls 24/7 and that’s why I’m tired a lot.

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14 hours ago, Kailash said:

I read that staying busy is a way to keep past traumas repressed. I’m sure it’s not true for everyone but it made sense to me.

Certainly true for a couple of close friends of mine, and they're surely not the only ones. 

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danvillebelle

My mother is also one who has to stay busy.  Yet another reason I am so relieved they are not visiting this year.  When she is here I feel the need to constantly keep her entertained or she starts huffing and puffing about how lazy and boring we all are.  She cannot comprehend our lifestyle (completely quiet homebodies who have no desire to go out and do things; we all have hobbies and interests but they can all be pursued at home).  And in her case I KNOW it's to not deal with her own mental health issues, which she would insist she doesn't have in the first place.

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SuperNova

Different day, more complaining.

I can't say that I've ever seen a baby with a bandana on. A bib yes, bandana no. They look like the ones that the groomer puts on your dog to show that they're extra spiffy. 

Spoiler

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FilleMondaine
9 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

I can't say that I've ever seen a baby with a bandana on. A bib yes, bandana no. They look like the ones that the groomer puts on your dog to show that they're extra spiffy. 

Hey hey! I'll cop to using said "bandana-type" drooling bibs on Tiny Fille. The only reason I discovered them is because I tend to only buy from one clothing company, and that was the bib that they had. I ended up preferring them for "drool bibs", as opposed to wearing the more typical square one. They were jazzy, easy to replace and wash. No biggie.

But when I happened to bring Tiny Fille to meet with another mom-friend, she told me that such bibs were a "thing".

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SuperNova
4 minutes ago, FilleMondaine said:

Hey hey! I'll cop to using said "bandana-type" drooling bibs on Tiny Fille. The only reason I discovered them is because I tend to only buy from one clothing company, and that was the bib that they had. I ended up preferring them for "drool bibs", as opposed to wearing the more typical square one. They were jazzy, easy to replace and wash. No biggie.

But when I happened to bring Tiny Fille to meet with another mom-friend, she told me that such bibs were a "thing".

Fair enough. My only kid is 25 so it's been a hot second since I've had a baby at home. I have no idea what the cool babies are wearing these days.

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anachronistic

Yeah, those bibs have popped up everywhere now. They’re great for drooling, eating not so much. NotMyKid uses them as a chewing toy (having rejected literally every object actually made for Big Kid chewers.)

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mango_fandango

What exactly is “flipping” laundry? (Don’t know what that says about me...)

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Kailash
1 minute ago, mango_fandango said:

What exactly is “flipping” laundry? (Don’t know what that says about me...)

It’s just moving a load from the washer to the dryer. 

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JermajestyDuggar

If you ever want to know what is trendy and hip for babies these days, just look at Braggie’s instagram. She has to always have the latest trend on her latest baby. Because she’s a “cool mom.”

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So-Virgin-It-Hurts
2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

She has to always have the latest trend on her latest baby. Because she’s a “cool mom.”

Also: "cool is not the same as good."

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FilleMondaine

Everyone who has been a mother type. Off-hand, I think of @SuperNova, @anachronistic, @JermajestyDuggar, and if I didn't mention your name, I super-promise: #forgettingisnotthesameassnubbing (I'm terrible on my own without being intentionally mean), also #FJcommunityiswonderfuleveryoneandmuchholidaygreetings

Competitive mothering is really terrible. The new thing, the correct thing, the fashionable thing. Feed your baby breastmilk or formula or both. Keep it/them warm and clean. Don't do this ACE stuff. Pick up your baby when it cries. Dress it cute if it makes you happy. Dress it easy if you are overwhelmed. Ask for help if you need it, and get a fucking therapist if it will help you. Anything that helps mom helps the whole family.

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12 minutes ago, FilleMondaine said:

Anything that helps mom helps the whole family.

Except if you’re Jill Rodrigues. 

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JermajestyDuggar
31 minutes ago, FilleMondaine said:

Everyone who has been a mother type. Off-hand, I think of @SuperNova, @anachronistic, @JermajestyDuggar, and if I didn't mention your name, I super-promise: #forgettingisnotthesameassnubbing (I'm terrible on my own without being intentionally mean), also #FJcommunityiswonderfuleveryoneandmuchholidaygreetings

Competitive mothering is really terrible. The new thing, the correct thing, the fashionable thing. Feed your baby breastmilk or formula or both. Keep it/them warm and clean. Don't do this ACE stuff. Pick up your baby when it cries. Dress it cute if it makes you happy. Dress it easy if you are overwhelmed. Ask for help if you need it, and get a fucking therapist if it will help you. Anything that helps mom helps the whole family.

I agree. It seemed to really amp up due to the internet. With mommy blogs and mommy chat forums. It just makes new moms feel even worse. There really is no one perfect way to be a mom. And of course there aren’t any forums or blogs where dads are competing as to who is best. Which is so expected in our culture but still incredibly annoying. 

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feministxtian

I am so glad I had my kids before the real rise of the mommy bloggers. I mean, I was an alligator mom anyway (drop the kid, let 'em take care of themselves) but man...the breast/bottle, cloth/disposable, baby food/homemade food wars were/are nuts! Let's see...my oldest got fed sauerkraut by my grandmother when she was 6 weeks old...she survived. #1 son ate almost anything that wasn't nailed down from the time he was just 2-3 months old and he's 33 now. #2 son was a royal pain in the ass with food allergies and shit and he survived too, he's 30. They had seasonally appropriate clothes that fit, or maybe a little big, they were educated reasonably well. For all the stuff I supposedly did "wrong", they're alive, healthy, reasonably successful and still talk to dear old mom!!!

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