Creepy Purity Ball Pics - Merge

[EyeQueue]

The rise of abstinence education for teens actually correlates with a rise in teen pregnancy and STD rates, not to mention the emotional impact. A rounded sex education that encourages responsible choices and independent thought should be predicated on marriage but simply responsible choice.

For those of you who teach "wait until marriage" what if your child is gay? Many states still do not recognize gay marriage. How do you reconcile that?

Purity balls and abstinence-only education are of tools of patriarchical oppression. I hoping my small children never hear of such things, but instead are given the tools that will allow them to make the choices that are right for them when they are ready. I don't want my kids having sex ever (they are three and seven)! But I want to equip them with the tools they need to make responsible choice.

This! This is a huge issue for gay people who oftentimes cannot have a legal spouse. But, it's also a concern for the vast majority of the younger generation. In another thread, someone brought up the fact that the trend among that age group (so likely my daughter's age group--she's 15--and definitely the "millenials") is to not marry, but rather to have long-term cohabitating partners. They may never get married, but basically have a relationship that is for all intents and purposes a "marriage." Are they not to have sex, then, because they don't have that little piece of paper?

I agree that sex ed needs to encourage responsible choices, etc., but for me that revolves not so much around "marriage," but respecting yourself and respecting others, deciding what your boundaries are, having medically-accurate information, learning about alternatives to "going all the way" (I've already discussed the concept of "outercourse" with my daughter) and keeping one's snout out of other's crotches and not worrying about what others are doing behind closed doors--married or not.

[momof2treasures]

So true. Many adults are waiting until their 30's for marriage . So are we really advising our kids to wait that long before sex? Good point about being gay as well. I think being an adult and in a monogamous relationship are good guidelines for becoming sexually active. Yes there is pregnancy and stds out there but there is also a lot of intense, complicated emotions involved with sex that most high school kids are not ready to handle.

[leftcoastmama]

My kids haven't really been raised religiously, so I'd be a little shocked if they wanted to make the purity promise, some of them do go to church with friends so who knows.

I know first hand that being taught to save yourself for marriage or given all the contraceptives in the world doesn't mean anything if a kid has there mind made up.

So I've always tried to focus my sex talks for my kids around emotions, health relationships, respect , and that their worth and the worth of others is not tied to their virginity.

Now if one of my teens came to me and said they wanted to wait until marriage to have sex I think I'd be supportive of that and gently remind them that it's ok if at some point they change their mind.

I wouldn't go throw a party

[Jasmar]

I can only speak for myself. Being a Christian, I go for following the Bible on sex and relationship stuff. Where it's clear, I try to teach clearly. I understand that plenty of people here have an issue with the Bible, some argue from a higher criticism/metaphor perspective, and some pick and choose what they feel is acceptable and/or applicable to modern culture (and knowing what was applicable in the theocracy of ancient civilization versus what really is intended to be transcendent is a whole other discussion). I don't plan to engage on those arguments here because it's a rabbit hole, and frankly I don't have the energy. I'm fine with agreeing to disagree.

All that said, since the question has been asked, my own perspective is that the bible is clear about sex being an awesome gift for a wife and husband. If one of my kids were gay, I'd tell them the same thing I'd tell any others who don't marry: it's ultimately between you and God, but the bible is clear about where sex is a blessing versus a curse. I'm assuming it's fairly obvious that for me, the legality of gay marriage is a moot point.

Sex is not a need. I know that's kind of sacrilege, and I don't mean to minimize how strong the drive is, but there it is.

[Toothfairy]

http://jezebel.com/creepy-yet-gorgeous-portraits-of-purity-pledging-daught-1587155121

(not breaking the link because it's Jezebel)

This article features portraits taken by a Swedish photographer of dads and daughters involved in the purity movement.

I think some of them are OK, but I don't think they are "gorgeous" as the title suggests. I mean the coloring is nice, but I think the fact that many of the girls have blank stares (or to be honest, there's at least one girl who looks really uncomfortable) adds to the creepy factor. If the girls were smiling maybe it would've made them look like they were closer to their dads/happy to be around him so much...

I also found this quote interesting, from the photographer: "...as I learnt more, I understood that the fathers, like all parents, simply wanted to protect the ones that they love – in the best way they know how. It was also often the girls themselves that had taken the initiative to attend the balls. They had made their decisions out of their own conviction and faith, in many cases with fathers who didn't know what a Purity Ball was before being invited by their daughters."

I'm not a parent, but I'm interested in how FJ parents would respond to a daughter's request for you to participate in the purity movement with her? (I can understand how maybe a teen would get interested because they want to be involved in their religion more or pledge to wait until marriage or something, and not see the broader context. Buuuut I think that's the job of the parents, so how would you address that with still supporting your daughter?)

I told my teens they should wait until marriage to have sex. Sex is the deepest form of intimacy that two people will experience. It should only be shared with someone you really love and that someone should be your spouse. My parents were overly strict and very religious. They made me sign a pledge to save myself until marriage. They also gave me a ring. We didn't really have balls back then.

If my daughter asked me if she could participate in a purity ball, I would probably try to convince her not to. It would be interesting to see what's its like. I would probably create my own. I don't like how it's only the girls that pledge their virginity, what about the boys? I also don't like how the girls pledge their virginity to their father, I understand parents protecting their child but virginity isn't a product that you sell to the highest bidder. I can understand if teens make a promise/pledge to their parents and ask for guidance, support, and advice. But they should make a pledge and promise to themselves. Ultimately it's really up to them and no amount of purity balls, rings, etc is going to stop them from having sex if that's what they decide to do. You can't just wear a ring or make a pledge without self motivation. Right now my teen daughters and teen son have purity bracelets and rings. The church we attend have a retreat for ages11+ regarding temptations,puberty and purity. I talk to my teens how sex can be dangerous if you abuse it. Sex is for one person who you truly love and a want not a need. Knowing that the person you're married to will be there when the act is over is a special thing. If they do decide to have sex before marriage that is their choice, when they're adults not children.

[cindyluvs24]

What makes it creepy as opposed to merely being a nice evening to dress up and spend time together, is the push that the girls don't need anyone else - they've got daddy to be their boyfriend until daddy gives them to hubby. Now, if a mom took that attitude with her son, people would assume he's lining up to be the next Norman Bates.

[Luisainlondon1]

For those of you who understand some German, there is an interview with the photographer David Magnusson at SPIEGEL online. Magnusson is swedish, after he first heard about Purity balls he became captivated (purity balls are never heard of by my most european people).

SPIEGEL is one of most important news sites in Germany (the interview was placed in the 'school' section though).

spiegel.de/schulspiegel/ausland/enthaltsamkeit-purity-balls-in-den-usa-fotos-von-david-magnusson-a-974374.html

There's also a short documentary about purity balls at SPIEGEL.tv. All interviewees speak english which is translated in subtitles, so you should be able to understand most of it:

spiegel.tv/filme/purityball/

edited to break the links

[laura oz]

I came across this not long ago. The comments! I must have started a few reply at least 7 or 8 times, but didn't post cause it was a " ragey tirade" and would have made me want to bang my head on my desk. I can't remember if I posted a solo comment, but I know I wanted to. The fact that the subjects posed themselves just icked me out and made it all the more creepy.

[FJSharkJump]

I wish I could carve the words and concept "sexual purity" from our language and culture and burn them in a ginormous bonfire. Then I would dig a hole to the center of the earth and throw the ashes into it so they could be incinerated a second time.

People have sex. Most people, in fact. Big whoop. No one becomes impure because of it.