Yesterday, I Felt Bad For Fundies

[debrand]

Yesterday, I hung out with a group of friends who ranged from late thirties to middle sixties. We went to a restaurant for lunch and then went to a store where we were a bit too loud. We tried on hats, giggled and acted in very undignified ways. At one point, we were pointing out all the rooster memorabilia and calling them cocks when the manager walked around the corner. He laughed at our obvious embarrassment. For some odd reason all my friends are well endowed and they all exposed cleavage that day. I have no boobs but I made up for it by wearing, what my friend termed, 'hooker boots'.

Fundie women can't have goofy days like that. They can't act stupid with girlfriends or just really relax. That jut made me sad and I wanted to share that with you all.

So, what have you all done lately that makes you feel sad for fundie women?

[AuntCloud]

Debrand, that sounds strangely like my 40th birthday, when a group of friends took me bar-hopping. We ranged in age between late thirties and late fifties (will celebrate one friend's 60th in Vegas!), some were married, others divorced, some have kids and one is child-free by choice. I drew attention to my countenance by wearing a pink feather boa and a tiara with a flashing "40". I laughed until my eyeballs hurt.

#2 - a fabulous solo bike-ride yesterday. Wearing bike shorts. Not thinking about the effect this could have on my reproductive organs or defrauding passers-by.

#3 - watching my daughter receive honours at school, knowing I'm filling her personal toolbox with everything she needs to succeed in any professional career of her choice.

#4 - at work, knowing I have a positive impact on people's lives and I'm darned good at what I do (while having authority over men).

AuntClou4 4, Fundies 0

[rward]

Not lately, necessarily, but:

Installed laminate flooring with my husband and I was the one in charge of the sawing. Power tools are awesome!

Walk my dog, by myself, every day, wearing weather appropriate clothes and real sneakers. Sometimes "weather appropriate" means a workout tank with a built in bra.

Played Settlers of Catan against my husband, played to win, whupped his butt and celebrated.

[Koala]

Honestly? I have resigned myself to never feeling sorry for them. Their children, yes. Them, no.

[debrand]

Honestly? I have resigned myself to never feeling sorry for them. Their children, yes. Them, no.

It makes me feel bad that so much that is enjoyable in life is cut off to them. Think about poor Terri Maxwell unable to enjoy a darn Pepsi. Can you imagine her just relaxing and being silly?

If I was a fundie, I 'd have to worry about being an example to the younger women or dressing correctly or making an idol out of my friendships. A lot of my life would be wasted on what other people think

[Koala]

It makes me feel bad that so much that is enjoyable in life is cut off to them. Think about poor Terri Maxwell unable to enjoy a darn Pepsi. Can you imagine her just relaxing and being silly?

If I was a fundie, I 'd have to worry about being an example to the younger women or dressing correctly or making an idol out of my friendships. A lot of my life would be wasted on what other people think

I totally get where you're coming from, but here's the way I look at it. Teri willingly went along with this bullshit. She knew a normal life and she willingly went down this path and drug her poor children behind her. They had no choice.

I feel a much greater degree of sympathy for the 2nd, 3rd ect. generation fundies. They start off with no education and limited choices. I never wish for them to marry and have children because they only breed another generation of this mess, but I do feel sorry for them that they were born into such insanity.

The 1st generation women? No. They know a better way and willingly abandon it for oppression. And they usually try to take other women down with them when they go.

Do that make any sense?

[Minerva]

I feel bad whenever I think of the adult Duggar girls, in their 20s and stuck at home living like children.

[debrand]

I totally get where you're coming from, but here's the way I look at it. Teri willingly went along with this bullshit. She knew a normal life and she willingly went down this path and drug her poor children behind her. They had no choice.

I feel a much greater degree of sympathy for the 2nd, 3rd ect. generation fundies. They start off with no education and limited choices. I never wish for them to marry and have children because they only breed another generation of this mess, but I do feel sorry for them that they were born into such insanity.

The 1st generation women? No. They know a better way and willingly abandon it for oppression. And the usually try to take other women down with them when they go.

Do that make any sense?

Yes, it did. Perfect sense. Maybe the thread should read, Life would be boring if I was a fundie.

Tonight I am heading to an all night, only women, watch horror movie, eat lots of snacks and drink some alcohol night(Not certain what to call that) My husband is going to cook dinner for our kids and one of our group's children. It will be fun. Although my husband and I love each other dearly, it's nice to do things without each other now and then.

[rward]

I totally get where you're coming from, but here's the way I look at it. Teri willingly went along with this bullshit. She knew a normal life and she willingly went down this path and drug her poor children behind her. They had no choice.

I feel a much greater degree of sympathy for the 2nd, 3rd ect. generation fundies. They start off with no education and limited choices. I never wish for them to marry and have children because they only breed another generation of this mess, but I do feel sorry for them that they were born into such insanity.

The 1st generation women? No. They know a better way and willingly abandon it for oppression. And they usually try to take other women down with them when they go.

Do that make any sense?

Having known my mom and her relationship with my father, it's not willing choice as you experience it. It's not like "oh, chocolate or vanilla ice cream? no consequences at all, just what I like? cool, vanilla, then." It's religion and social expectations and children and lack of economic opportunity, and, in Teri's case especially, depression.

Don't get me wrong, they're adults, they have choices, but it's not simple, either. I've been supporting my sister in law in ending her marriage. It's a marriage that needs to end, she knows that. She's educated and the primary wage earner, she has no religion and her family is behind her 100%. She's still agonizing over this.

I was angry at my mother for a long, long time. It wasn't until after she died that I felt sorry for her. Yes, she damaged us, irreparably really, but it was never as simple as "just leave" for her.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I only feel sorry for the ones who didnt choose to be in this mess.

I feel really sorry for the kids, and the poor adult kids stuck at home being treated like servants or toddlers.

[debrand]

I feel bad whenever I think of the adult Duggar girls, in their 20s and stuck at home living like children.

I haven't watched the show in a long time. Do they ever get to go out, at least with each other?

[GeoBQn]

Yeah, I feel sorry for the kids, sometimes at odd moments. I was watching "Rock 'n' Roll High School" one day. There's a scene where a teen girl smokes pot in her room, then fantasizes that the Ramones are in her bedroom and serenading her with "I Want You Around" while she takes a shower. I suddenly became very sad at the thought that Joy and the J'slaves can never indulge in silly romantic fantasies like that, and if they ever did do that they would immediately feel guilty about it.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

I feel sorry for some of them any time a women's issue comes up and I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that my worth is not summed up by my uterus/vagina/hymen.

And I have felt the same way, debrand, when my good friend and I ditch the kids with the husbands and go out to shop, have a meal, or whatever we feel like doing. And the mighty mens aren't babysitting, they're parenting, and would be horrified for anyone to assume they were doing anything special.

And I really feel sorry for anyone who has to cook a large meal every damn night. I don't know anyone, even those like me who generally enjoy cooking, who want to do it every single night, or I guess in their case, 3 times a day.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I haven't watched the show in a long time. Do they ever get to go out, at least with each other?

Yeah, Jill is now doing some sort of Gothard midwife training thing, but she has to take Jana with her (who looks like she completely hates it) to make sure she doesnt drive away after and never come back, and they can go to Journey to the Heart, but other than that, I imagine they dont have active social lives and their TLC family trips and ATI conferences are the highlights of their boring lives. Theyre not completely chained to the kitchen, but they are never allowed out alone or without a sibling. I cant see them deciding to go out doing anything fun without having the whole family go, or going over to a friends house for a few hours, or shopping without Jimbob present telling them that God will hate them if they choose something immodest. Theyre needed to actually manage the house because their parents suck.

[Artemis]

Spending the week in London with both daughters, having left husband at home.

Have done the British Museum, the Tate Gallery and the Victoria and Albert Museum so far. Natural History, and Science/Geology Museums tomorrow. Have seen amazing things, marvelled at beauty, laughed at the incongruous, analysed society.

Have eaten a lot of good food, drunk a lot of gin, had a lot of giggles, watched with pride my beautiful girls handle themselves in crowds and with pervy men leering at them despite being relatively modestly dressed. Watched my kickass younger daughter refuse to allow men to own public space and push her out of the way. Watched with admiration as they absorb, learn, are interested and intelligent. Felt honoured and humble because they still want to have fun with me, despite being 21 and 18. Have enjoyed every minute of it.

Have treated us to this four day break with money I earned with my own work, and for which I am accountable to no-one but myself.

Am so damn glad I am not a fundy. Am so damn glad my daughters are not the Duggar girls, who, at the same ages have nothing like this to enjoy.

[Guest]

I'm the same age as the J'slaves, and this month I went to the wedding of a couple of college friends. It was my first wedding that I attended without my family, and my boyfriend and I, with a few other couples, made a weekend out of it because it was a couple states over. We all had a great time, and leaving the wedding, we all talked about our own weddings a couple years down the road, along with our post-college plans and summer jobs.

There were no expectations and nobody felt rushed to get married. All of us girls in particular were definitely thinking about marriage, as it was the theme of the weekend, but we all also had other things to look forward to- jobs, internships, new apartments, etc. The Duggar children, Bates children, Maxwell children, etc. will never experience that.

[debrand]

Spending the week in London with both daughters, having left husband at home.

Have done the British Museum, the Tate Gallery and the Victoria and Albert Museum so far. Natural History, and Science/Geology Museums tomorrow. Have seen amazing things, marvelled at beauty, laughed at the incongruous, analysed society.

Have eaten a lot of good food, drunk a lot of gin, had a lot of giggles, watched with pride my beautiful girls handle themselves in crowds and with pervy men leering at them despite being relatively modestly dressed. Watched my kickass younger daughter refuse to allow men to own public space and push her out of the way. Watched with admiration as they absorb, learn, are interested and intelligent. Felt honoured and humble because they still want to have fun with me, despite being 21 and 18. Have enjoyed every minute of it.

Have treated us to this four day break with money I earned with my own work, and for which I am accountable to no-one but myself.

Am so damn glad I am not a fundy. Am so damn glad my daughters are not the Duggar girls, who, at the same ages have nothing like this to enjoy.

That sounds wonderful

[already hungover]

Started college classes.

Started working at an ebil neurobiology lab! WITH STEM CELLS!!!!!1111

[Childless]

1. Every time I go to work and make a difference in the world.

2. When I think about all the awesome traveling I've done (mostly by myself). I met so many interesting people, learned about fascinating cultures, and had experiences I would never have gotten to have if I had never left the U.S. or had only left with my family.

3. When I look at my son and I know that he doesn't have to suffer from hunger pains or lack of heat/air conditioning/water/etc. because I was able to attend college and earn a degree that has made it possible for me to live a comfortable life.

4. When I look at my son and know that I am teaching him that everyone has equal worth in this world and no one is less than because of gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, race, or ethnicity.

5. When I look at my son and I don't have to worry what will become of him if my husband were to loose a job. I know that with two college educated parents, our family stands a better chance of avoiding economic hardship.

6. When I look at my son and know that with two college educated parents, he stands a better chance at obtaining a college education himself. Especially since we give education such a high priority in our house.

Really, just about every aspect of my life makes me feel bad for the children of fundamentalists who do not get to enjoy the freedom of creating their own path in life. I feel sorry for anyone trying to cram themselves into such a restrictive lifestyle.

[mockingbird]

I do feel bad for Teri in a way, because we know how manipulative and controlling Steve is so I have little doubt the marriage is also controlling and possibly abusive. I know it's not as easy as just leaving to get out of an abusive relationship. We know she has been depressed so she probably doesn't see any way out, or feel that she deserves any better. At the same time I also hold her partially responsible for her children's lifestyle because she did/does have that choice to stop going along with Steve.

I feel really bad for the fundy kids a lot, but my heart really broke for Kendall Stodden because we had the same dream. She wrote so passionately about wanting to become a doctor but her father shut that dream down. What she wrote about her desire to be a doctor reminded me so much of my medical school classmates/friends. I could totally picture her fitting in with my class and going on to make a real difference in people's lives. Instead she's stuck married to David's BF(F). I would have been crushed in her situation. Her story really made me appreciate the opportunities I had/have simply because my family does not devalue women the way fundies do.

[freethemall]

The moment when my husband of 1 year (who I lived with 4 years before getting married - a blessing on its own) puts a condom on before sex so that we don't have to have a baby until we're ready. A moment I can be grateful for a hundred times over that I'm not a fundy that at my age (26) doesn't have 3 kids & counting like Anna Duggar.

[VooDooChild]

Today, without any guilt, I disagreed with my headship. He wasn't mad, and god didn't smite me.

I, also went out with my teenaged daughter today. Both of us in shorts and a tank top. Not a single f.ck was given.

I'm about to have a glass of wine and chill with my headship while he leads Family Bible Time while he plays violent video games.

[Arete]

The fact that I am a spinster aunt and absolutely rock that role, if I do say so myself. I'm not waiting for Prince Charming. I have a career, I have family and friends who love me. I can cook for my friends, get drunk with my sisters, and debate the finer points of The Justice League versus Batman: The Animated Series with my nieces and nephew (I trained them up in the ways they should walk in this case, and they have not strayed ;) ).

If someday a man comes along that I decide to hitch my wagon to, you can bet your mortgage money we would know each other in the Biblical sense before we decided to take a stroll down the aisle. There is no one and nothing I am not willing to throw under the bus to see my niblings safe, happy, and confident that they are loved. Dogma be damned, no matter whose it is. I am not sad, I am enraged that fundies sacrifice their children to their idols, whether they call them God or Gothard.

[AuntCloud]

Today, without any guilt, I disagreed with my headship. He wasn't mad, and god didn't smite me.

I, also went out with my teenaged daughter today. Both of us in shorts and a tank top. Not a single f.ck was given.

I'm about to have a glass of wine and chill with my headship while he leads Family Bible Time while he plays violent video games.

I wish I could wear shorts and a tank top :cry: Cloudlet rocked them today, though.

My headship has several hobbies that require money and time away from the family. All this while I could have snagged a Maxwell.

Also, music. Especially the music of Ryan Adams. And books. And art. And contraception. And being able to decide to grow my hair, cut it, colour it or leave it as it is, without a written permission from my Headship. Not being scared of hell, of an angry possessive god, of what could happen to my loved ones if they weren't following the same rules as I do. Life is seriously good.

[fundiefan]

I don't think about the fundies much as I do things and live my life, but I think about the SAHD's almost every time I'm with my nieces.

They're so smart and beautiful and talented. They both have dreams and goals and are working towards them with the love and support of their parents, family and friends. Their lives are fun and rich and full. They have boyfriends and ex boyfriends. They have best friends and old friends and new friends. They have college and jobs and futures that are whatever they want them to be.

I also think of my nephews, who are younger, but living just as full lives. The oldest is 13 and he's on a select baseball team. The whole family just spent a week in Kentucky at the national championship for the league. They played hard on the field and off. They shared their lives with 15 other families intimately and thousands of others less intimately for that week. All kinds of people from all kinds of places. The younger nephew decided he wants to grow up and be an engineer in Texas because he made great friends with a kid who's father is an engineer in Texas. Who knows what he'll actually do with his life, but at 12, he's been exposed to options and it's all his choice when the time comes.

Fundie kids will never know that. They'll never know what is truly out there in the world because they aren't allowed to be a part of it and especially not part of anything that is different from them.