Religious Adoption Failings

[dairyfreelife]

The blog porknbeansinchina.blogspot.com is public again. They put Linzi in respite care and attempted to adopt again, but failed. They are not allowed to adopt from China ever again. Victory!

Respite care....it has saved our sanity. Will it remain just respite care? We don't know. Have we failed? NO. We do feel that her orphanage officials really stretched the truth about Linzi's condition on her referral reports. We know that they wanted her to get out of the orphanage and get to the USA for help. I know that it was because of Him that I was the one who arrived in Tianjin to meet Linzi.

She also has breast cancer

I have triple negative breast cancer in my left breast. I saw the oncologist and now tomorrow I see the surgeon. I will have at least a lumpectomy and after the surgeon gets in there it could be a mastectomy. They will also put a port-a-cath in my chest wall so 10 days after surgery I will start chemotherapy. I will have chemo for 6 months. When I am about done with chemo they will start daily radiation on the area. The good news...we caught it early. The lump is under 1 cm in size which makes it about the size of a pea.

Since Ms. Linzi is no longer at our house, this has to come up in our home study update. Our placing agency is willing to go above and beyond for us in the situation of my cancer treatment, BUT not having a child in our home that China placed with us is something else. Don't even get me started. China flat out lied to us about Linzi and where she is mentally and/or academically. She isn't even on the scales academically! However, our agency who we used to bring her home said that we should have been prepared for the worst since her diagnosis was brain abnormality. Well that is not her diagnosis! And if it was the diagnosis then they should have been a little less over the top telling us she was on target developmentally. Ugh!!

In addition, Kellsey was given to another family.

myspecialks.com/2013/05/letting-go.html

John and Christine of Smilesandtrials have three adopted daughters that came from disrupted and/or dissolved adoptions.

I wonder what the actual rate is of this overall. How many adoptions fail after they happen?

[Cheetah]

In addition, Kellsey was given to another family.

myspecialks.com/2013/05/letting-go.html

John and Christine of Smilesandtrials have three adopted daughters that came from disrupted and/or dissolved adoptions.

I wonder what the actual rate is of this overall. How many adoptions fail after they happen?

It would be interesting for someone to study this, and look at things like: age at adoption vs rate of disruption; country of adoption vs rate of disruption, etc.

I read a couple that you didn't mention that have had disruptions: the Mouro Family themourofamily.blogspot.com (they had 2 African kids, Jerome and Abbie/Ruth who both ended up getting disrupted) and Our Journey of Faith ourjourneyoffaith.net who adopted 3 African kids, one is still living with them, one was disrupted, and one is in a residential facility. We snark on that one in the 'closet racist' thread. I haven't seen any discussion on FJ about the Mouro family.

[Koala]

I found a double interruption a while back. They started with 2 girls and quickly rid themselves of both of them. The recurring theme in the mom's posts were "discipline" and "rebellion".

themourofamily.blogspot.com/

[Cheetah]

I found a double interruption a while back. They started with 2 girls and quickly rid themselves of both of them. The recurring theme in the mom's posts were "discipline" and "rebellion".

themourofamily.blogspot.com/

Funny, I was just posting about this same family. One of the 2 kids was a boy, though. I'm not sure how often people do foreign adoptions while they are still popping out biological babies as well, but I think this was part of the problem. This mom spews a lot of quiverfull dogma about letting God control your family size and being grateful for all of the work. The dad is actually a doctor, which seems a little unusual.

[Rachel333]

It is bizarre to me that she's acting like the agency and China are the ones being unreasonable here. And that she has 5 adopted children already, gave up another one, and still acts entitled to more.

[Koala]

Funny, I was just posting about this same family. One of the 2 kids was a boy, though. I'm not sure how often people do foreign adoptions while they are still popping out biological babies as well, but I think this was part of the problem. This mom spews a lot of quiverfull dogma about letting God control your family size and being grateful for all of the work. The dad is actually a doctor, which seems a little unusual.

I know there was Ruthie and Abbie. Was there a boy too?

[adayinthelife]

godsrainbowsinourlives.blogspot.com/

I mentioned them on the other thread. They adopted five unrelated special needs children at once from Bulgaria last year. Not even a full year after that adoption, they're going back for three more special needs children. That will bring their total to 21.

The blog is pretty WE ARE GREAT HAPPY HAPPY FAMILY but that behavior is absolutely crazy collector to me. I can't believe these kids are getting their emotional needs met.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Poor Linzi :( Once you adopt a kid, they are your kid. You cant throw away a kid you gave birth to that easily when you find out they have special needs, so you shouldnt be able to do that to an adopted kid.

Im glad theyre not letting her adopt again.

[happy atheist]

Please break the links to all these blogs.

[France Nolan]

The Special K's disruption was a long time coming. I sincerely hope that Kellsey is being given the care and attention she needs. I'm not holding my breath though because the new family is described as a "Christian family with experience with RAD". Was she even formally diagnosed with RAD? I went through old blog posts and it seems like Kellsey was always described as quiet and mostly cooperative. In fact, the poor kid didn't even feature that much on the blog compared to the bio kids.

Rene's blog post pissed me off because she managed to cast herself as the victim. Oh honey no, Kellsey is the victim here. I hope she takes down the banner on the blog that has Kellsey's picture in it.

[Koala]

Please break the links to all these blogs.

Sorry about that! I have been clicking "Do not automatically parse URLs" thinking that was doing it. What do I need to do to break them?

Thanks!

[bananacat]

Can anyone give a quick summary of the history with Linzi?

Honestly, this is probably the better outcome for her. Ideally, abusive parents or parents who have too many kids already wouldn't be allowed to adopt in the first place. But that type of home is no place for any child, especially one with special needs. I hope she can find a good family eventually, one that won't beat her or expect smiling obedience.

It's a shame that these people are allowed to adopt at all.

[Cheetah]

I know there was Ruthie and Abbie. Was there a boy too?

Ruthie and Abbie were the same girl... I guess after a year or two of Ruthie not really fitting in to the family they changed her name to Abbie to see if that would make a fresh start. There was a boy, Jerome, who left earlier. I think there was some s*xual acting out with him and he was out of there. You can search under 'Jerome' on their blog.

[Cheetah]

Please break the links to all these blogs.

Sorry, I thought I was. Do you have to do more than just get rid of the http:// in the front?

[dairyfreelife]

Can anyone give a quick summary of the history with Linzi?

Honestly, this is probably the better outcome for her. Ideally, abusive parents or parents who have too many kids already wouldn't be allowed to adopt in the first place. But that type of home is no place for any child, especially one with special needs. I hope she can find a good family eventually, one that won't beat her or expect smiling obedience.

It's a shame that these people are allowed to adopt at all.

They went to adopt her and apparently she wasn't as developmentally on target as they wanted her to be. She was very hyper and liked attention too much it seems. They went to get her in November and gave her up in late January. Yeah, that fast. Seriously, my cousin was adopted from China at age 4 and it took at least six months to get decently adjusted, but she still had some issues. Over a year later, still had eating issues, but learned fluent English. Now, at age 8, she's doing great and fits right in. They've adopted five other children, four from China and one from disruption, so you'd think they'd not be so quick to toss her away, but they were. The agency did not tell her Linzi would was developmentally delayed really and the doctor mentioned the possibility of autism or similar and at that point, she mentioned dissolving the adoption, though is was hardly a month in. People got upset with her and she went private.

[happy atheist]

Sorry about that! I have been clicking "Do not automatically parse URLs" thinking that was doing it. What do I need to do to break them?

Thanks!

When you click that, it does break the link, but just in your post. When someone quotes you, the link is live in their post. Seems silly, but that's how the software rolls.

To break it, all you have to do is remove "http://www." and leave the rest alone. Easy peasy.

Thanks for asking!

[dianapavelovna]

Mmm I like how on February 1, they call Linzi every day, but by February 24, they call "several times a week." And the only other mentions of her on the blog are related to how now BIG MEAN CHINA won't let them adopt again since they gave up on a child in less than a year and the mom now has a high-risk form of breast cancer.

I hope that Linzi is happy, safe, and cherished in her new family.

[chaotic life]

I have REALLY big feelings about such a rush to judgment of these kiddos. I had TWO who entered my home and were nearly identical to Linzi at homecoming. One of those two has resolved all of his issues except ADHD and is an honor roll student, despite the first evaluation that said he was mentally retarded (totally ticked me off that a kid who never had a chance to develop ANY language skills prior to homecoming got that label for not having strong language skills four months after homecoming). The other child never resolved most of his issues. In fact, a year after homecoming, he was diagnosed with both Bipolar and Autism. However, he was my SON. We learned to adopt, to understand what autism was, and to advocate and protect him. I figured if I had given birth to him, getting rid of him because he garnered an autism diagnosis would be unthinkable. He couldn't help his autism nor his bipolar. Yes, it meant that parenting him required constant line of sight supervision until he died from his medical situation. I would rather still have him and all of the work to parent him than have held him while he died.

Children are NOT knick-knacks to toss out when they require too much work. I got a teen dumped on me a year ago. He knows he's safe here, but he still struggles with fear from the final insult after everything else that went wrong in his life that the family which was supposed to love him and keep him forever threw him away. He was the third they threw away.

So many of these disruptions are underground and there are simply NO statistics on them. Last time I saw statistics, the highest rate of disruptions was pre-teen girls who had a 25% disruption rate regardless of when they entered their adoptive homes. In general, the older the children, the higher the rates of disruption except pre-teen girls was higher than teen girls and girls were higher than boys in general. But, that's those disrupted through formal, countable channels. Most of the religious disruptions aren't as traceable. I believe in general the more religious motivated adoptive families are, the less they are actually educated and prepared to address adoption issues and thus the higher the rates of disruption.

[martian]

chaotic life:

So many of these disruptions are underground and there are simply NO statistics on them. Last time I saw statistics, the highest rate of disruptions was pre-teen girls who had a 25% disruption rate regardless of when they entered their adoptive homes. In general, the older the children, the higher the rates of disruption except pre-teen girls was higher than teen girls and girls were higher than boys in general.

Seriously?! Little girls are getting ditched by their families regardless of when they entered the home? Even if they've been in them their whole lives or nearly so? That's just evil. Really fucking evil.

Is there some kind of an underground network where the uber Christians are trading their adopted kids like Pokémon cards? It boggles my mind that they are able to stay under the radar with this.

[LilMissMetaphor]

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=14297

Here's the original thread on Linzi and Christie the bitch.

She is all proud of herself for having taken Kendalan as a disrupted adoption, so she figures she gets to give Linzi away, and since China is being all mean, maybe another family will disrupt and give them their kid! And this makes total sense in her head! She will finally have her egg roll. :angry-banghead:

[C Potter-Pirbright]

Mmm I like how on February 1, they call Linzi every day, but by February 24, they call "several times a week." And the only other mentions of her on the blog are related to how now BIG MEAN CHINA won't let them adopt again since they gave up on a child in less than a year and the mom now has a high-risk form of breast cancer.

I hope that Linzi is happy, safe, and cherished in her new family.

Oh but now that big mean China wont let them ever adopt again(which of course how dare they since they're letting other families go back for 2-3 kids at a time) they intend to adopt from a disruption at some point because well.. you know what I don't know why and frankly she makes me angry.

Another blog I read mentioned with their last adoption that China was now wanting follow up on the children for 5 years, has anyone else heard of this?

[Guest]

The term "disrupt" is really funny to me. I think if they changed it to "abort," as in "aborting the adoption," these fundie parents could see how misaligned this practice is from their other beliefs. If you get pregnant, you are not to have an abortion under any circumstance. But if you adopt a child and things don't go exactly how you expect them to, disrupt, by all means...

For a more positive story, Brianna Heldt, the fundy Catholic blogger, has adopted 4 children, twins whose adoption from Ethiopia was disrupted, and two young girls with Downs, in addition to four biological children, and seems to be very successful at integrating them into her family. So there's at least one success story...

[dairyfreelife]

The term "disrupt" is really funny to me. I think if they changed it to "abort," as in "aborting the adoption," these fundie parents could see how misaligned this practice is from their other beliefs. If you get pregnant, you are not to have an abortion under any circumstance. But if you adopt a child and things don't go exactly how you expect them to, disrupt, by all means...

For a more positive story, Brianna Heldt, the fundy Catholic blogger, has adopted 4 children, twins whose adoption from Ethiopia was disrupted, and two young girls with Downs, in addition to four biological children, and seems to be very successful at integrating them into her family. So there's at least one success story...

John and Christine Reed of Smilesandtrials have six bio children and 11 adopted children. Three of their daughters were from disruptions. The other eight were either older or have disabilities. They have done an amazing job integrating their children into the family from what I can tell. So at least two stories.

[uber frau]

The term "disrupt" is really funny to me. I think if they changed it to "abort," as in "aborting the adoption," these fundie parents could see how misaligned this practice is from their other beliefs. If you get pregnant, you are not to have an abortion under any circumstance. But if you adopt a child and things don't go exactly how you expect them to, disrupt, by all means...

This.

[Rachel333]

For a more positive story, Brianna Heldt, the fundy Catholic blogger, has adopted 4 children, twins whose adoption from Ethiopia was disrupted, and two young girls with Downs, in addition to four biological children, and seems to be very successful at integrating them into her family. So there's at least one success story...

I've been following her since before she brought her sons home. As much as I disagree with her about a lot of things, I find her pretty likeable. :)