Does the role-reversal stigma still exist?

[YPestis]

First of all, unable to hold down a job is very different than choosing to stay at home.

That's true but a double standard still exist. I've seen people consider the two situations the same when it pertains to the husband. There seems to be a belief, at least amongst some people I've met, that a SAHD is merely a guy who can't keep a job down or can't find a well paying job.

Even though men are at an advantage in patriarachal society, sometimes if backfires on them; especially if a man doesn't seem to have the qualities/doesn't want to obtain the requirements for his gender role in a patriarchal society.

I would say that's true for both men and women. If a person does not conform to the gender expectations, they are looked down upon. For men, he's looked down for being unemployed or failing to bring in "sufficient" income (i.e less successful than the wife). For women, it's if she doesn't marry and have kids.

A man can be the greatest dad but if he's chronically unemployed or chooses to stay home on a long term basis, I think there's a subtle tsk tsking, especially from the older generation, that he is not fulfilling his duty. The female equivalent is to remain single and childless. I've actually heard of successful women who complain that regardless of how much money they make or how prestigious their jobs are, as long as they remain single and childless, they are seen as a failure.

Now, imagine the reverse....a successful career man who is unmarried and childless and a SAHM or an unemployed wife supported by a husband. I don't think society would bring such umbrage onto those types of people.

We all have societal expectations of us. If we fail to embrace them, we are perceived as a failure. Fundies tend to pull those stereotypes to extremes, but their attitudes are shared, to a certain extent, by mainstream society.

The sad part is families would all benefit if we could shed these stereotypes. Not all families have the husband who would be great breadwinners or a wife who would kiss ass staying home. Why let gender dictate these choices when personal taste, attitudes, and professional circumstances account for far more?

[snarktastic]

I posted earlier in the thread to say that DH hadn't had any negative comments when he was working very part time to look after our little children - he did once - from a S African religious nutter :roll:

the SARN came to do some work on our house in the evening so probably didn't twig that DH was at home during the day. I think off the back that he knew that I worked, he started to tell DH about how men should provide and women should stay at home, because that's the way that God wants it :lol:

DH couldn't kick him out as the work needed doing and he knew the SARN was a friend of my colleague, but he was furious and he wouldn't have the guy back in the house after that day.

Of course the SARN was a young lad and hadn't actually had any real life experience of trying to bring up a family on one income in an expensive area of the UK. Good luck to him when he tries.

[Feberin]

I belong to a group for stay at home parents and we have a few stay at home dads. I would never doubt their hard work at all. I wouldn't lump them into the same category with those who don't work without kids. I feel being at home with kids is totally different then somebody who just chooses not to work. Also looking for work and not finding it isn't the same as just choosing not to work. Any adult who chooses not to work without being somebody's caretaker, dealing with medical issue, volunteering or any number of things that would make their days fuller makes me wonder what they do all day similar to the stay at home daughters we snark about on here. I think for families that want a parent at home then whoever makes less money or desires to be at home should be the one just the woman because she is the woman. Most of my friends feel similar.

[Childless]

My husband is home with our son while I work. I don't think we've had any negative comments about it. I have two friends who also have stay at home husbands. They've not gotten any negative comments about it either. And I don't live in any sort of bastion of liberalism. I'm in the conservative Midwest. So, I think attitudes are changing among the young and maybe even the older generation. I can see it in my dad, who gave my husband advice about not wasting his time climbing the ladder when he gets back out into the working world. His advice was to spend more time with his family and screw striving to be the head honcho anywhere. My dad worked his rear end off. Even missing out on his children's lives and in the end, got laid off during the recession. He did find another job, but it's the same job he had when he graduated from college. He feels he made a mistake in sacrificing time with his family for something that wasn't ever going to be permanent and now he's back where he started and can never recover that lost time with his kids. I think this recession has opened a lot of eyes and changed a lot of attitudes in this country.