[Repost] Theresa's Tapestry

[defrauding]

Has anyone stalked this blog? I just read through it, and I feel like she is headed farther and farther down the fundie path It was only after she got married (courtship, of course) that she stated that she was Quiverful. She still wears pants, but I would not be suprised to see those go. She and her husband actually seem really sweet, and I am scared for them. She got pregnant like 10 seconds after they were married, so chances are she is super fertile.

theresastapestry.blogspot.com

FYI: Long time lurker, new poster. Hi!

Yeah, I've seen that one. I agree, Theresa is very likable, which makes her extremism all the more disappointing. It's tough to say how much her religious views gathered steam when she courted/ married her husband -- she grew up homeschooled in an environment where the emphasis was on being "saved." Despite all that, I was a bit surprised when she posted that recent entry about her full-on Quiverfull stance. It'll be interesting to see how long that lasts in a small A-frame house on a farrier's salary...

After she got pregnant, she posted about how she'd decided to quit her job as a nurse's assistant, and how one of her relatives replied with something along the lines of, "I've been praying you'd quit!" This right after she'd devoted months to -- and stressed about -- completing her certification. I hope she can pick the job up again someday if she wants to, but if she keeps up a one-child-a-year pace, it's not likely.

I think her parents/family are fundie-light. They seem to believe in courtship & homeschooling, but they also sent 2 of their daughters AWAY to college, and one went to Alaska for a summer, and the other on a mission trip to Africa. Poor Theresa stopped college and got married and pregnant by 20. I am curious if her husbands family is more fundie and that is what has pushed her...

It's possible. However, Theresa is one of those who saved her first kiss for her wedding day, which leads me to think that she is simply very idealistic -- and the ideals she hears about from other Christians she knows, not just Trent's family, involve things like "letting God plan your family size" and staying home to raise your kids. My hunch is that she genuinely believes in the merits of Quiverfull, not that she's really been pushed into anything by someone else. (Also, her husband doesn't strike me as the super-controlling type.)

I agree that her husband is not the controlling type, the actually seem very sweet together (even if I do wish she would not have married so young). I was just wondering where she (and Trent) were getting these ideas from, but maybe you are right, maybe she was just doing her own "research" and liked the image of the SAHM with many children and the strong providing father/husband.

I started reading her blog after they posted their courtship story on YLCF. Their story was the usual 'protecting your heart' type of stuff, but still sweet. ( There is a new courtship story up btw, Brittany Moon and Caleb, which is also written along the same lines and the lady wears jeans.

Agree with the posters above that Theresa and Trent seem like a sweet couple, and I was glad that she worked at least a little bit after the marriage. Silvia, think you are correct about how long they will stay quiverful on a farrier's salary, which doesn't realistic to me unless Theresa supplements the family income by selling home made products. Her husband also seems to work in a canning factory, at least that is mentioned in the courtship story. I think they are a well matched couple, who will likely last whether fundie or not.

Just guessing here, guys, but I think Theresa's sister Karen might have found us: http://appetiteoflivingDO...n-but-not-cast-down.html . If so, I feel a little bad that they're upset, because the Wrights do seem like a sweet family. At the same time, if running into us gets them thinking and questioning -- especially about important life matters like Theresa's decision to go Quiverfull -- I think they could benefit from hanging around here for a while. Heck, even Gretchen of YLCF has the common sense to sanction NFP for child spacing. (Also, I really don't feel like we were all that hard on Theresa here.)

If they're out there, I'd love Theresa and Karen to join us for a chat. They might discover that we're not awful people and often genuinely have our snarkees' best interests in mind.

It's good to know that at the end of a hard work day, my husband can be satisfied by what I've accomplished. That's the end-all of life purposes, in my mind.

That's from Theresa's blog. I think it is sad that her definition of the end all purpose of life is that her husband is satisfied with what she has done. This is one of those aspects of the submissive/patriocentric doctrines that I fail to understand. If the first commandment is Thou shalt have no gods before me, then why is the end all of life satisfying a flawed mortal person and not satisfying the diety one professes to put first. It would seem impossible to me that a flawed human could ALWAYS be in perfect unity with god and therfore what satsfies the human would at times be at odds with god.

I confess that I am a stay at home mother. But to me the pleasures of being homemaker have very little to do with the satisfaction of my spouse. I try to the work well because I believe what MLK Jr. said about doing well whatever work we are required to do. To treat all labour with respect. But I confess, keeping on top of the details of my house isn't exactly satisfying. The end all of my purpose in life isn't baking bread, making soap or sewing--though I do all those things and like to think I do them adequately and maybe even well. The end all purpose of my life is to do what was recommended in a picture book of my kids--learn all you can, travel to where my basic assumptions will be challenged and leave the world a kinder and more beautiful place. It just seems sad that her end all purpose in life is the mere satisfaction of some one else not the soaring of her own soul.

By the way, why do funies always post pictures of what they eat?

Are there any recent threads that have even discussed Theresa? I don't recall seeing any. Her blog is actually one of my favorites to read.

We've actually been pretty nice about Theresa. Some people even like her. I'm not sure what the sister is whining about, actually.

I agree, this thread is actually quite civil. If Karen is referring to us in her blog post, the intensity of her reaction is kind of surprising. Then again, it makes sense that some people who grow up religiously sheltered may have little direct experience with having their/ their family's beliefs criticized, and may be at a loss for how to respond to such criticism.

[ridethekick]

I read Theresa's blog, they seem like a nice couple, and I think we were quite gentle to them. I think it would be a shock to anyone to wake up, have a huge traffic surge to your blog, googling the source and finding a whole thread on a forum discussing YOU, even if they were saying nice things.

[silvia]

Update: Theresa had her baby! He's a super cutie and looks just like her: theresastapestry.blogspot.com/2011/09/hes-mix.html. Also, her sister Karen recently gave FJ a not-so-subtle shout-out on her blog: "Since I'm a fundie and fundies like to take pictures of their food (right?), here is my breakfast: Lemon ricotta pancakes with fresh berries." (appetiteofliving.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-morning.html)

These girls may be fundies, but they sound like fun. Hi T & K! Come and chat! *waves*

[demgirl]

I think while Theresa is nursing her new baby and catching a little bit of extra sleep in the morning, her husband should make his own damn breakfast and Theresa should stop blaming herself for "making" him late by staying in bed for an extra 20 minutes of sleep in the morning.

But yeah, the baby is darling and she's obviously totally enamored of him. I hope she doesn't get caught in the fundie trap of "training" children, because I think if she doesn't, it looks like she'll be a really awesome mother.

[MamaJunebug]

Have they loosened up since this was posted? Because I saw it and it gave me a big "ugh" reaction.

Laugh-till-you-cry moment. Yesterday was quite a day. I started it out by buying non-returnable cream paint without expressly asking Trent. We had talked about the projects and he was OK with it, but I hadn't actually come out and said, "Can I buy cream colored paint?" So I was in the doghouse for a little bit and I felt really bad.

Then, as I was cleaning up from our chair-painting party, I pulled up the dropcloth and found that a ton of paint drips had soaked through onto our wood floor! augh. Laura and I quickly set to sanding the spots off the floor, thankful that we hadn't ended up varnishing the floor last year! Trent walked inside and here we were, sanding the floor. He didn't need an explanation; he's smart. I felt so awfully bad, but it was so funny at the same time. Laura and I literally laughed until we cried as we sanded. It had been such a bad day for me!

But Trent forgave us and I thanked the Lord for a husband that doesn't blow up!! He was very gentle with me, even though I wouldn't have blamed him if he hadn't been. You live and you learn as I wife, right?

Disclaimer: It's my first time looking at the page. They look like easy-going people. That passage, though ... whewff.

[demgirl]

I didn't see that one, MJB. That's ... weird. I can't imagine feeling that way about a partner or spouse. That's like how I felt when I was 10 and I knew I had made a mistake and I was afraid my dad would be pissed and punish me for like leaving the lawn mower out over night. It's creepy. You should not have the same fear of your husband being angry at you for making a decision about paint color or dripping paint that you'd have of a parent when you were a kid.

[silvia]

Laugh-till-you-cry moment. Yesterday was quite a day. I started it out by buying non-returnable cream paint without expressly asking Trent. We had talked about the projects and he was OK with it, but I hadn't actually come out and said, "Can I buy cream colored paint?" So I was in the doghouse for a little bit and I felt really bad.

Yeah, this passage definitely freaked me out. Trent doesn't seem like the Michael Pearl "command man" type, but stories like this make me wonder if he actually is that way--or if Theresa feels like he should be. I mean, "can I buy cream colored paint"? Srsly? Next, he'll be getting calls from the grocery store: "Is it OK if I buy this bag of baby carrots, hon? I've got a double coupon..."

And I do kind of wonder what she means by "in the doghouse." Was he actually chastising her about the paint??

[demgirl]

The post where she castigated herself for sleeping in until 7 a.m. and not cooking breakfast for her husband, when she's up nursing a newborn at night, upset me. Now I see this:

Trent reluctantly spared me. I left him spaghetti sauce and BBQ beef in the fridge and taught him how to cook rice. I made and sliced bread for him.

WTF? She sliced the bread for him? She had to teach a grown married man with a child to cook rice?

Also, this:

This is another reason I find myself excited to have kids. We have the opportunity of hand-raising Christians from infancy. They are our mission field. Raising 10 Christians to impact the world is just the same as going to Africa, preaching to the natives, and converting 10 new Christians.

I sort of think that's messed up. I think it's messed up in a lot of ways that she wouldn't understand, but I think it should be a messed up way of thinking under her own religious beliefs. Under her belief system, those 10 "the natives" she described are already born and will go to Hell if not converted. But it's more important to have more children that are born to those beliefs than to save those "native" souls?

Surprsingly, there are posts that make me kind of like her. She doesn't pretend to have all the answers. She admits her faults. She seems like a hard worker. She has a sense of humor and a love for those weaker (her work in retirement homes, her love of children and her puppy). But I wonder how she will handle being quiverfull, to be honest. She seems to get overwhelmed a lot, which I don't judge -- I'm the same way. I just hope when she's on baby #8 she won't have lost her humor, love and vivaciousness.

[silvia]

This is another reason I find myself excited to have kids. We have the opportunity of hand-raising Christians from infancy. They are our mission field. Raising 10 Christians to impact the world is just the same as going to Africa, preaching to the natives, and converting 10 new Christians.

Anyone who sees their kids primarily as a "mission field" -- regardless of the cause involved -- disturbs me. What about having children so they can turn into self-sufficient people who pursue their OWN dreams, appropriate to their unique talents and inclinations? Humans are complicated; they're not programmable soldiers who will automatically hew to a cause or a belief system. And what if the kids decide they don't want to follow in their parents' footsteps belief-wise? Will they be exiled from the family, just as so many gay teenagers are (most of them by "upstanding Christian parents")?

ETA Kahlil Gibran's very apropos thoughts on what wise child-raising should look like: http://www.katsandogz.com/onchildren.html

[bea]

Argh. And Argh again. I just went and read Theresa's blog - she's nursing a tiny baby, her husband can make his own damn breakfast.

[gilora]

She seems like a nice person and a devoted mother. That being said, why does she feel the need to spend a good portion of her day blogging, checking e-mails, facebook, etc. Seriously, if she's so concerned that her headship get a homemade breakfast then she should get off the computer and get in the kitchen! :x

There's just not enough crazy in this blog to make it a frequent stop.

[silvia]

Hmmm, looks like Theresa (how old is she now, 20?) is headed further down the patriarchal rabbit hole: theresastapestry.blogspot.com/2011/10/make-us-dangerous.html

"I am fighting a war on my knees, praying for revival in the hearts of the men in my life. (I'm starting to wonder if I should expand that to our country... and then why not just the world?!?) I'm praying that the Lord will come and scream in their sleeping ears and call them to action. I'm praying that the Lord will stir the hearts of men to stand up, follow Him, and lead their children and their wives...

I'm saying this from the perspective of a woman who lived her first year of marriage with the roles blurred. With a husband who didn't make priority time for the Word. And since the Lord has done a genuine work in his life, our home has gone from night to day. Seriously. It sounds too good to be true, but it's not. Once Trent stood up as the husband, everything fell into place. I feel so much more calm. Everything just works."

I feel sorry for the husband here. It sounds like he was trying to be normal and not creepily patriarchal or domineering, and that that wasn't good enough for Theresa. Now that he's telling her what to do, she feels more secure, just like a little kid feels more secure when her parents keep her in line with rules. Except, well, Theresa is in her 20s. She strikes me as one of those people who's internally shouting, "I don't want to think for myself! Please, someone, just tell me what to do! I need a headship, or I'll crumble!" Scary.

Theresa, if you're reading here: keep spending time at this board. Read, especially, the stories of women who are just emerging from the darkness of years of patriarchy (Evie Teale being one). Also check out No Longer Quivering (google it). It might be hard for you to believe at 20, but patriarchy isn't all it's cracked up to be.

The appeal of patriarchal doctrine, for some young women, is that it allows them to abdicate responsibility for their lives. It's a lot easier to just submit than it is to wrestle with difficult decisions. Is it sometimes intimidating and frightening to make your own decisions and take full responsibility for them? Of course. But that's what being an adult is.

[Confused_by_religion]

Laugh-till-you-cry moment. Yesterday was quite a day. I started it out by buying non-returnable cream paint without expressly asking Trent. We had talked about the projects and he was OK with it, but I hadn't actually come out and said, "Can I buy cream colored paint?" So I was in the doghouse for a little bit and I felt really bad.

But Trent forgave us and I thanked the Lord for a husband that doesn't blow up!! He was very gentle with me, even though I wouldn't have blamed him if he hadn't been. You live and you learn as I wife, right?

Wow...that's moderately fundie-light? Sounds pretty hardcore fundie to me. In my house it's more like: "Confused, love of my life, can you pretty please tackle any home improvement project you want without ever asking me what kind of colour we should pick? I promise to tell you afterwards I love your choice but I just hate paint and home improvement." Irresponsible headship behaviour, I guess.