Annoying Christians the different types

[fundiefun]

I wrote this for my tumblr blog post after encountering many annoying Christians in my days and I broke them up into different categories. This is nothing against Christians but is for pure amusement at the ones who take things way too far.

We have all had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting them at one point or another. These are the kind of Christian who irritate me to no end.

Repent or your going to hell-They usually go “soul winning†and use turn or burn scare tactics. They are also known for standing around and handing out useless tracts full of hell fire and brimstone. Hello asshole do you really think standing out in the middle of the street screaming that were all going to burn in hell is going to get me want to convert or go to your church? If anything it makes want to take that useless tract you gave me and shove it up your ass.

Door knockers-They usually come to your door and want to talk to you about God. When they ask “Do you know where you are going when you die†what that really translates to is “I know don’t pack a sweaterâ€.

Self-righteous missionaries-Lets go to some poor third world country and get the poor heathen locals to accept Christianity by using food and clothing as leverage so they will listen to your religious babble and accept your God.

Pulpit pimps-You guilt your church members to give “love offerings†to help the church and the needy in the community. Where it really goes is into your wallet to help you pay for your private jet, expensive car, or mansion.

Snake oil salesman-You go on TV and tell me that buying your badly written book or miracle magic holy water will lead me to salvation. I wasn’t aware that I would find God by buying your crappy mass produced cheap products.

Fundie-You take the bible literally and believe that a woman’s purpose is to reproduce an “army†for the Lord. You would have no problem with all atheists, non-christians, and others you deem heathens to die in the streets.

Hyper evangelicals-You think we are in a holy war and will do whatever it takes to recruit others to the cause because you see life as its “us†against “themâ€. You also love your altar calls and think playing the tune Amazing Grace will play on people’s emotions to get them to accept your version of God.

[Sister Mary Savage]

The fundies that really make my blood boil are the "let's restore the old South" types. They are some of the most racist, elitist, and hateful people ever. They spout the Bible and sweet words around their own kind but when they get around anyone that isn't exactly like they are it's a completely different tone.

[finleeport]

The fundie Christian that irritates me the most would have to be the serious, authoritarian, bible-centered moralistic Puritan.

[slh12280]

The fundies that really make my blood boil are the "let's restore the old South" types. They are some of the most racist, elitist, and hateful people ever. They spout the Bible and sweet words around their own kind but when they get around anyone that isn't exactly like they are it's a completely different tone.

ugh add me to this list.

[Sister Mary Savage]

Don't forget the Christians that think that it is their sole purpose to populate the world for Jesus. They believe that their children are the "chosen ones" even though they have no idea how that child will turn out in the future. What if one of their "Godly soldiers" turns out to be an atheist or other religion? What will they do then?

[ADoyle90815]

Don't forget the Christians that think that it is their sole purpose to populate the world for Jesus. They believe that their children are the "chosen ones" even though they have no idea how that child will turn out in the future. What if one of their "Godly soldiers" turns out to be an atheist or other religion? What will they do then?

I feel sorry for any child born into that type of family who also happens to be gay.

[Sister Mary Savage]

Now that you mention it ADoyle90815, I think that a child in a fundy family that was gay would probably either be shunned or forced to hide it from their parents. I could be wrong of course but I'm afraid that a lot of fundy parents would completely reject a gay child.

[ladypuglover]

The fundies that really make my blood boil are the "let's restore the old South" types. They are some of the most racist, elitist, and hateful people ever. They spout the Bible and sweet words around their own kind but when they get around anyone that isn't exactly like they are it's a completely different tone.

When did you meet my all my neighbors? It would be fine if it was just one family but it is almost the whole damn street. The very worst is my neighbor across the street who never fails to tell you at least times that her husband is a preacher and how Godly she and her family is. Never mind that I have called her out on her son for destroying my family's private property in the middle of the night and caught red handed, oh no it must have been me trying to set her son on the road to hell.(um no it was because it was to get me back for sending his ass home after trying to get my 5 year old to smoke a cigarette) She is such a lovely Christian that she then told me that if she ever caught my half breeds (who un-like her children have never been in trouble with the law, knock on wood) on her side of the street that she would personally run them down or shoot them herself. She wasn't talking about my pets but my living, breathing children. Nice huh. Who would of thought that a preacher's wife would think like that? My other fundy neighbors are worth a book themselves but I could go one for hours after hours telling what lovely Christian woman who lives across the street.

[fundiefun]

When did you meet my all my neighbors? It would be fine if it was just one family but it is almost the whole damn street. The very worst is my neighbor across the street who never fails to tell you at least times that her husband is a preacher and how Godly she and her family is. Never mind that I have called her out on her son for destroying my family's private property in the middle of the night and caught red handed, oh no it must have been me trying to set her son on the road to hell.(um no it was because it was to get me back for sending his ass home after trying to get my 5 year old to smoke a cigarette) She is such a lovely Christian that she then told me that if she ever caught my half breeds (who un-like her children have never been in trouble with the law, knock on wood) on her side of the street that she would personally run them down or shoot them herself. She wasn't talking about my pets but my living, breathing children. Nice huh. Who would of thought that a preacher's wife would think like that? My other fundy neighbors are worth a book themselves but I could go one for hours after hours telling what lovely Christian woman who lives across the street.

Who refers to children as half breeds are your kids multiracial? She sounds like a total loon!

[ladypuglover]

Who refers to children as half breeds are your kids multiracial? She sounds like a total loon!

No my kids are white, well mostly as we do have a very small bit of American Indian but not enough to amount to a hill of beans. She is just anti everything and she most likely said it as all the other kids on the street are mulitracial and are welcomed in our home. :roll: But hey, at least all the kids know where she stands on the subject. :evil:

eta, I do know how to spell.. sometimes at least.

[Witsec7]

The fundies that really make my blood boil are the "let's restore the old South" types. They are some of the most racist, elitist, and hateful people ever. They spout the Bible and sweet words around their own kind but when they get around anyone that isn't exactly like they are it's a completely different tone.

I post on a couple of forums that are mainly populated by IFB and Missionary Baptists from the deep south. These peckerwoods are misogynists, only one women posts there that is a baptist, and she only posts with her husbands permission. They come up with the most racist crap and of course castigate and condemn to hell anyone who disagrees with them. I'm guessing most of their wives asses are broader than their minds. They all deplore public schools, higher education, science and women working outside of the home. They pride themselves on their poor grasp of the english language and see no reason why money should be wasted on sending any of their kids to school. These folks spend lots of time patting themselves on their backs and bragging about their acts of charity.

[ladypuglover]

I post on a couple of forums that are mainly populated by IFB and Missionary Baptists from the deep south. These peckerwoods are misogynists, only one women posts there that is a baptist, and she only posts with her husbands permission. They come up with the most racist crap and of course castigate and condemn to hell anyone who disagrees with them. I'm guessing most of their wives asses are broader than their minds. They all deplore public schools, higher education, science and women working outside of the home. They pride themselves on their poor grasp of the english language and see no reason why money should be wasted on sending any of their kids to school. These folks spend lots of time patting themselves on their backs and bragging about their acts of charity.

How very Christ like. :roll:

[Witsec7]

How very Christ like. :roll:

If the Christ was to appear to them today, they'd probably shave his head and call him a liberal yankee.