The annual VF Father-Daughter Retreat

[IReallyAmHopewell]

http://vimeo.com/28019032

I find the picture of the father and daughter gazing adoringly into each others eyes to be just plain sick. The whole retreat verges on sick.

[genericJname]

Ya - weird. Can't dads just hang out with their daughters instead of making it a creepy formal thing?

[Almost Quiverfull]

The wooing of the daughters part is what really gets me. I realize they're not promoting anything untoward it's just that they really ought to change the wording. The weirdness factor is right up there with the shaving dads thing.

[Marian the Librarian]

This nonsensical event comes around every year in VF-land. I'm astonished anyone would spend good money to attend.

[BoomerLynn]

The wooing of the daughters part is what really gets me. I realize they're not promoting anything untoward it's just that they really ought to change the wording. The weirdness factor is right up there with the shaving dads thing.

Agreed. The whole thing is creepy. And I really don't get the shaving the dads thing. These oh-so-macho men can't shave their own damn faces?

[Almost Quiverfull]

Agreed. The whole thing is creepy. And I really don't get the shaving the dads thing. These oh-so-macho men can't shave their own damn faces?

Yeah, like what is training for when the girls get to shave their husband's faces? It makes absolutely no sense to me.

[emmyfair]

That's so sick. I can't believe I made it through the whole video....

[Soldier of the One]

Although I think it is a lovely idea in principle for fathers to bond with daughters, the nature of this program just breathes 'patriarchy' rather than 'a formal occasion to bond/celebrate the relationship between parents and children'.

What bothers me further is that the premium (as usual) is placed on the father. There is a father-daughter event. And maybe even a mother-daughter tea. But is there a mother-son event? Shouldn't mothers be a strong and loving presence/guidance in the lives of their sons also?

Needless to say, it's hopelessly skewed to create a fantasy that the father is the be-all and end-all of the familial structure.

Sigh.

[GeoBQn]

Yeah, like what is training for when the girls get to shave their husband's faces? It makes absolutely no sense to me.

Once when I was little I played "barbershop" with my dad. I got him to close his eyes as I "hairstyled"--which, unbeknownst to him, involved me spraying shaving cream all over his head. It's a funny memory, but I don't think it's the type of experience that Vision Forum is going for . . .

[finleeport]

Couldn't we write to these people that this Father-Daughter retreat thing sounds like incest?

[Esther]

What bothers me further is that the premium (as usual) is placed on the father. There is a father-daughter event. And maybe even a mother-daughter tea. But is there a mother-son event? Shouldn't mothers be a strong and loving presence/guidance in the lives of their sons also?

This, this, this. It fits in with the whole "under Daddy's wing until he passes you on to your husband" rhetoric which I find medieval and creepy.

I grew up very close to my dad, probably closer than he and my brother ever were, but somehow that worked out just fine without a creepy retreat. Or wooing.

[failsafe]

Ya - weird. Can't dads just hang out with their daughters instead of making it a creepy formal thing?

Meh. When I was a kid, my sister and I participated in the (now defunct because it was mad racist) Indian Princesses program through the YMCA (if you've ever seen Man of the House with Jonathan Taylor Thomas, its the dad-daughter equivalent of that program). It was hugely valuable. Then again, it wasn't about shepherding my purity, it was about bonding with my dad, albeit in a formal setting with rituals such as tossing corn into the fire and promising this or that to your dad and him doing the same for you. It was definitely a positive experience for me, and I have friends who would say similar things about father-daughter dances (NOT purity balls!) etc etc.

Of course, that's not what the VF Father-Daughter retreat is, or even pretends to be.

[GenerationCedarchip]

I find it highly creepy. The VF one is fancier than most, but these father-daughter retreats are actually a popular activity at least in Reformed Fundie churches. I remember the teaching of being "covered" by one's father until being given to one's husband, and my church always had a father/daughter dinner and every other year there was a big weekend camping retreat. As fundie as my family can be, I'm so thankful that they at least had enough sanity to see the creepiness in those bonding retreats and so I didn't have to go.

[Soldier of the One]

I find it highly creepy. The VF one is fancier than most, but these father-daughter retreats are actually a popular activity at least in Reformed Fundie churches. I remember the teaching of being "covered" by one's father until being given to one's husband, and my church always had a father/daughter dinner and every other year there was a big weekend camping retreat. As fundie as my family can be, I'm so thankful that they at least had enough sanity to see the creepiness in those bonding retreats and so I didn't have to go.

Interesting. Is that a bit of a consensus in certain fundamentalist circles? That these retreats are 'creepy'? Or do people generally look favorably upon such initiatives?

[GenerationCedarchip]

Interesting. Is that a bit of a consensus in certain fundamentalist circles? That these retreats are 'creepy'? Or do people generally look favorably upon such initiatives?

I can't really speak for IFB or others. However, these kinds of activities are somewhat trendy at least among the rank and file in Reformed Fundie circles. In these circles, purity balls and things like that were considered way creepy, but non-dating father-daughter retreats, dinners, seminars and such seem to be in. Father-son "how to be a man" retreats are a big deal, too.

[Buzzard]

This nonsensical event comes around every year in VF-land. I'm astonished anyone would spend good money to attend.

And its a LOT of money! Why not just go out for ice cream?

[Sister Mary Savage]

These retreats, purity balls, and VF events just make me want to gag. These girls are being indoctrinated to think that daddy is basically God-like. It is beyond creepy!

[emmiedahl]

I think it is important for parents of both genders to take the time to bond individually with their children of both genders.

The rose petals and romantic music on that video squicked me out so much I had to close the page. Plus, my older daughter would hate something like that. Why does VF assume that all girls are girly types? My husband takes her every year to a crab feed (they are shellfish fans, I am not) and lets her gorge herself on treif deliciousness, that is the type of bonding she likes.

[slickcat79]

And its a LOT of money! Why not just go out for ice cream?

I kind of wonder how any of the VF faithful manage to afford an event like this. I picture someone like Perry Coughlan, who actually works for VF and has 8? 9? daughters stacked like cordwood. There'd be no way in hell.

[synchroswimr]

I think it is important for parents of both genders to take the time to bond individually with their children of both genders.

Yes, absolutely.

Why does VF assume that all girls are girly types?.

Because in their world, Godly Women are only interested in the girly things. That's why all our lively SAHDs and Godly Women blogs look like a flower garden barfed up their blogs.

Says I as I paint my toenails bright blue with sparkles. My fingernails are brown. I hate pink. Looks terrible on me, too...

[chiccy]

The shaving thing is very skeevy. I would never shave my dad's face. It seems kind of...intimate.

[CanadianHippie]

What bothers me further is that the premium (as usual) is placed on the father. There is a father-daughter event. And maybe even a mother-daughter tea. But is there a mother-son event? Shouldn't mothers be a strong and loving presence/guidance in the lives of their sons also?

Doncha know, if a boy spends to much time with mommy he will begin to adore her, and then want to be her, and then turn into one of those ebil homosexuals! As Dobson et. al. says, a boy's connection with his mother needs to be cut off as a toddler or he will grow up to be who God made him homosexual!

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Boys are supposed to be intrepid and have adventures. They can learn how to do that from Daddy, but they certainly can't be little adventurous men with Mommy around. Just ask Disney...

[Ms A E]

Doncha know, if a boy spends to much time with mommy he will begin to adore her, and then want to be her, and then turn into one of those ebil homosexuals! As Dobson et. al. says, a boy's connection with his mother needs to be cut off as a toddler or he will grow up to be who God made him homosexual!

Ohmygod, does Dobson really say that?!? That seems like some kind of bizarre bastardization of Freudian developmental theory, that then got religicized? - I grew up with Focus on the Family radio blaring through my house, and altho I can't stand his ridiculous psycho-dribble, I never knew he was quite as bad as that. Yet another reason to hate him!

[clibbyjo]

Ewwwwwwwww and ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww. My daughter plays hockey and my husband has been her coach for almost 5 years. They spend several days a week at practice and games . They are at the Pen's game right now. Its their thing. He takes the boys to Pen's games too, but hockey is their big thing as the boys don't play.She would not only find the VF thing stupid, she would find it insulting.

My boys and I are probably watching Rockey 6 tonight. I got them boxing equipment for x-mas, as Rocky and boxing is our new thing.