More on Betrothal vs. Courtship

[GeoBQn]

The FakeJewish Home Shalom must have gotten a lot of question on how betrothal differed from courtship. She has posted this in response:

homeshalom.blogspot.com/2011/12/what-is-betrothal-how-does-it-compare.html

She also posted a link to this chart showing the differences between dating, courtship, and betrothal:

ecclesia.org/truth/betrothal.html

It sounds like "betrothal" starts off the same as courtship, with the young man asking his parents for permission, then the girl's father, etc. But then the couple just agrees to get married, without any sort of trial period of getting to know each other. They have a betrothal ceremony, which for FakeJews includes signing the ketubah (marriage contract). (Among actual Jews, they sign the ketubah right before the marriage ceremony under the chuppah.) Then they retreat to their separate houses and wait for the wedding day.

Divorce is not an option here, so one's marriage choice quickly becomes the most important decision one would make in his or her life.

Divorce has always been an option in Judaism. The document is called a get.

[bananacat]

If it's the biggest decision of your life, it doesn't seem very responsible to rush into it after only a few months of "courting" with chaperones and never even having the chance to have a private conversation. Maybe Jewish courtship is less rushed and less supervised than the fundie version, but not by enough to matter. If you can never get divorced and you end with someone you're not sexually compatible with, life is gonna suck until somebody dies.

[Chasingthedog]

I don't get that at all. On the chart she says that betrothal commits you to the person but gives you time to "fall in love" before the actual marriage. But, what do you do if you're betrothed and you realize the guy is a total douche and don't want to marry him? Is that then "defrauding?" Defrauding seems to be a pretty big deal...

[GeoBQn]

When people in the comments asked about the ketubah, the FakeJewish blogger gave a link to a site to buy actual Jewish ketubahs, then she said this:

I think this site is very "telling" as to the modern Jew's perspective and perpensity toward humanism and mixing culture.

What the fuck does that mean? She's making it sound like recent innovations in modern (ACTUAL!) Jewish ketubahs are bad. Maybe she's mad that there are text options for more egalitarian wording, interfaith and secular humanist ceremonies, and gender-neutral wording for same-sex marriages. I posted a comment asking politely what she meant, but I doubt she'll answer.

[GeoBQn]

If it's the biggest decision of your life, it doesn't seem very responsible to rush into it after only a few months of "courting" with chaperones and never even having the chance to have a private conversation. Maybe Jewish courtship is less rushed and less supervised than the fundie version, but not by enough to matter. If you can never get divorced and you end with someone you're not sexually compatible with, life is gonna suck until somebody dies.

Even in orthodox Jewish communities, dating/matchmaking is much more autonomous than this. The FundieFake Jews are just throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks.