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Article about being a married virgin


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crawfishgirl

I read this article written by a woman who married at 20 and stayed a virgin throughout her marriage.  She relates much of it to the evangelical shaming she received as a child regarding sexuality, along with an undiagnosed physical issue that caused penetration to be painful.  I thought it was an interesting and sad article, so I'm posting it here.    https://medium.com/s/story/this-is-how-i-remained-a-married-virgin-for-two-and-a-half-years-f178818a728b

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Lisafer

This part of the article really confused me: 

"I grew up believing that my dad had molested my sister, because my mother claimed the abuse was the reason for their divorce. When I was still in elementary school, my mom would warn me about the sin of “playing with myself,” long before I could even comprehend what she meant. By the time I was eight, she would tell me to “be good” before bed, then randomly wake me up in the middle of the night to smell my hands. Checking to be sure I was… good. I knew it wasn’t normal parenting behavior. But I still didn’t understand what was normal, or what she was so adamantly protecting me against. By the time I actually knew what masturbation was, I was convinced demons would possess me for doing it."

So is she saying her father did not abuse her sister, and that her mother fabricated the story? It seems more likely to me that the abuse actually happened, to her sister and possibly to the author as well. And her mother sounds completely off her rocker--like the mom from Carrie. 

It's a sad story. It just really reads like she was abused to me. But I'm no expert and could absolutely be wrong about what I'm reading into this. 

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Black Aliss

That poor, poor woman!  I thought fundamentalism had effed me up, but it was nothing like this bad.

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Briefly
19 hours ago, Lisafer said:

And her mother sounds completely off her rocker--like the mom from Carrie.  

That was my first thought as well.  But after reading that, it seems obvious to me that there was some abuse somewhere.  Possibly the mom herself was?

Very sad.

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Anonymousguest

I agree the mom had serious issues! I hope this lady will seek therapy to work through her up bringing. She sounds very bitter and her article really more like a chaotic rant than an informative piece. May she some peace. 

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apandaaries

Vaginismus strikes again!  I suspect this impacts more fundie-raised women than imagined.

Can any medical professionals weigh in on "precocious puberty" and how/why she'd be having vaginal exams at age 6?

Also, which is worse: breaking up over text or via paper plate message left in a physical mailbox?

And sweet baby Jesus, her mom does sound just like Carrie's mom.  Sniffing a kid's fingers in the middle of the night? JFC.

Spoiler

But I also know a guy my age (40) whose mother's hands used to be tied to her bed at night to avoid accidental sin.  Don't ask what their plan was in case of fire. Like other generational traumas, this guy had ISSUES with sex (he's my friend's ex BF -- no personal experience with him like that but some sad stories about how this kind of deep and intense shame can negatively impact everyone for a long time). 

This kind of purity bullshit can screw up everyone in some horrible ways. 

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Hane

When I was engaged at age 20, I was a virgin (non-fundie but old-fashioned Roman Catholic). When I went for my first gyno exam (the doc said, “So, you want birth control pills?” and I said, “Um—yeah?” because I wanted to graduate college un-pregnant) and had my first internal exam, vaginismus it was! I got over it, though.

My middle sister developed underarm hair and pubic hair at age 6 (and had her 12-year molars by then as well), but never had an internal exam till she was an adult. This was in the early ‘60s, so the medical profession didn’t know what they know now. Now we’re all pretty sure she had PCOS.

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Marly
28 minutes ago, Hane said:

My middle sister developed underarm hair and pubic hair at age 6 (and had her 12-year molars by then as well), but never had an internal exam till she was an adult. This was in the early ‘60s, so the medical profession didn’t know what they know now. Now we’re all pretty sure she had PCOS.

I developed armpit hair at that early age as well, and my parents took me to the GP then to make sure it wasn't puberty hitting very early. The GP felt my hips and lower belly on the outside, but I never had an internal examination. This was during the late 90s.

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