Interesting purity blog written from a male point of view

[snuggles911]

I stumbled upon a blog today while researching the purity culture for a college assignment: purityandtruth.com.

On the positive side the writer thinks it's wrong to hold women responsible for men's lust and it disagrees with the purity culture's premise that women who have sex before marriage are "damaged goods."

But, the author believes in courtship and shares a interesting story about how his parents chose his wife for him. They actually presented two candidates and let him choose. After a long explanation about how his first choice didn't work out he explained how he approached his second choice. Her parents had asked to speak to his parents to let them know she was interested and that they approved of the courtship. Afterward, he wrote her the following letter.

My beautiful and lovely Heidi,

I am so totally excited and overjoyed at the sudden turn of events that God has brought into our lives. As you may have noticed, I have gradually been falling madly in love with you. (Despite the fact that, frustratingly, I had no idea how you felt… I was pretty sure you didn’t hate me! J) When Mom called me at work, telling me about the visit and how you felt, I was rocketed to cloud nine, I felt like I was on top of the world, the luckiest man alive! (Please overlook all the clichés. I will work hard on avoiding them in future letters!) I had a big goofy grin on my face for hours. I would try and sober up before asking someone a question, and then I would go back to my work and just grin!

I had a great talk with your parents last night. They are awesome people that I already love dearly! They have given me permission to ask you if it would work to take you on a walk Friday afternoon. I hope you will say yes. I am so excited about talking to you and pouring out my heart! I am simply overwhelmed with God’s goodness that He would honor me with such a gem as you. I can’t wait to start sharing life with you, growing closer to God with you, and together enjoying the great adventures He has in store for us.

I LOVE YOU, Heidi Wahl!

Love, your not-so-secret admirer, Jesse Jost

Heidi sent a note back, letting him know she was interested. So, he went out to visit his future wife in person and this is how it went down:

Contrary to what she said, I did read that letter over and over and over. It is hard to describe the rush of emotions I was feeling. It was like I entered some kind of alternate reality. Friday morning, (August 26, 2005) I finished up a job and then, with fluttering insides, drove to meet Heidi. After pondering what I would say first, I stepped out of the car, and walked toward Heidi, who was sitting on the lawn in front of her sister’s house. Ultra-smooth, I began, “Nice day, isn’t it?â€

sat down beside her and handed her some gifts. Every member of my family had written her a note welcoming her to the family, so I gave those to her. I had also bought her a white gold necklace with a ring through a heart.

“It symbolizes that my heart is yours forever,†I said, and bashfully looked away. My metamorphosis from he-man to soggy milksop toast was underway.

The bolding is mine. In true courtship form, they were married six months later and seem to be happily married with three kids. His goal is to promote purity and encourage Christians everywhere to follow the courtship model. I just thought I'd share b/c it's an interesting blog.

[defraudingjezebel]

It's a very interesting blog, but he still defaults to the same old "women are God's super special beautiful gift," which usually is just a euphemism for "women should stay at home and make babies forever." I appreciate that he states the issues with today's evangelical "purity culture" but he does not suggest any ways to fix this besides sticking to gospel truths (which he doesn't elaborate upon).

Courtship, in most of its practiced forms in American evangelicalism, still forces women to a place of complacency and quiescence. They have to wait for a man to approach their family, and only then can they decide yea or nay. They're not allowed to seek out suitors of their own. I appreciate that he sees the issues in "purity culture" but he's still perpetuating a really messed-up system that subjugates women and robs them of their ability to choose their sexual/romantic partners freely.

[Evil Feminist]

It's a very interesting blog, but he still defaults to the same old "women are God's super special beautiful gift," which usually is just a euphemism for "women should stay at home and make babies forever."

That's just code for sex in their world. Women are God's gift because sex. And marriage is just to keep it all moral. :disgust:

[DGayle]

So he fell in love with someone he's literally never met or had any correspondence with? I probably know more about my favorite celebrity than he knew about her. Scary how even he was so encouraged and trained to jump so hard into it all.

I am convinced they fall in love with the idea of being in love, and that the love they show for each other is nothing more than going through the motions of their lifelong training, and we already know that anyone who isn't happy is supposed to tell themselves that they are.

[uber frau]

It sounds very much like 'falling in love' with that boy who you've seen across the gym who doesn't even know you exist like you did in 7th grade.

The difference is that most ppl get to grow out of that stage without any harm done. What would happen if we'd all found ourselves married to our first crush?

[debrand]

Before I begin reading this blog, I wanted to comment that it isn't uncommon for the guys in the purity movement to admit that men are responsible for their own lusts. Despite what they say, most of them still expect a tremendous amount of assistance from women in controlling male lust.

Did anyone else think that the quote from the letter sounded like satire? I realize that it isn't but it still sounds like something the Onion would use to mock fundies.

I struggle with lust. I have found myself doing things that if I knew others were watching me, I would nearly die of shame. I know what it is like to feel that I am no longer in control, shocked at where I am headed. When I hear of another Christian leader falling prey to sexual scandal, I cannot judge them; I can only shudder at our mutual frailty

There is a huge difference between having thoughts you don't act upon and actually taking advantage of your position to sexually proposition vulnerable people who you are pretending to help.(sorry for the wordiness) I think that his thinking is harmful not just to himself but to others. Why should you stand up against a figure of authority who hurts his/her subordinates when you feel that your dirty thoughts are equally bad?

In the middle of the struggle, our hideous enemy uses some kind of potent chemical warfare that causes us to forget the reasons this fight is important.

This is how he stops himself from questioning his beliefs.

[debrand]

Before I begin reading this blog, I wanted to comment that it isn't uncommon for the guys in the purity movement to admit that men are responsible for their own lusts. Despite what they say, most of them still expect a tremendous amount of assistance from women in controlling male lust.

Did anyone else think that the quote from the letter sounded like satire? I realize that it isn't but it still sounds like something the Onion would use to mock fundies.

I struggle with lust. I have found myself doing things that if I knew others were watching me, I would nearly die of shame. I know what it is like to feel that I am no longer in control, shocked at where I am headed. When I hear of another Christian leader falling prey to sexual scandal, I cannot judge them; I can only shudder at our mutual frailty

There is a huge difference between having thoughts you don't act upon and actually taking advantage of your position to sexually proposition vulnerable people who you are pretending to help.(sorry for the wordiness) I think that his thinking is harmful not just to himself but to others. Why should you stand up against a figure of authority who hurts his/her subordinates when you feel that your dirty thoughts are equally bad?

In the middle of the struggle, our hideous enemy uses some kind of potent chemical warfare that causes us to forget the reasons this fight is important.

This is how he stops himself from questioning his beliefs.

[Talitha Cumi]

This is how he stops himself from questioning his beliefs.

Those chemicals are called hormones. And if you believe God created you, then God gave you those hormones at that strength for a purpose. Fulfill God's purpose! :lol:

[JellyHope]

What the fuckity fuck?

Purity Jesse Boy said:

This commitment soon became important to the health of our young relationship. I let loose twenty-two years of pent-up emotion. This emotional outburst – I wore out my exclamation point key in my e-mails to her – put the brakes on her falling in love with me. But because we were committed, we didn’t panic; we worked it out and I learned the proper way to win a woman’s heart. Hint: The best way to cause a delicate flower to blossom is not to spray it with a pressure hose.

(Bolding mine)

So she stopped, or was having trouble, falling in love with you? That's just weird. All relationships have bumps & struggles, but this just strikes me as odd. It's like they had already committed to bring this "relationship" to the marriage alter, so they had to just muscle through the fact she was getting turned off by her betrothed. I get working through problems to make a relationship work, but IMO, this description is just fucking weird. :evil-eye:

[JellyHope]

Ugh. Just read "Heidi's side of the story." Rambling thoughts:

in a world where men are expected to leave home right away to learn a trade

I've said this before in other topics, but where do these SAHDs & other fundies get the idea that all us heathens just kick our offspring out of the house when they turn 18?

I already had a reputation, earned or otherwise, in my family for being independent-minded and strong-willed; I didn’t want to add to that image.

Wow. What a horrible person Heidi is. She's both independent-minded AND strong-willed?!? Hopefully Purity Jesse Boy can reign her in, before she dooms them all to Hell. Or worse, passes on those traits to her daughter

It’s one thing to hope and dream of marrying the guy and to have all those feelings lived out in the la-la-land of my mind, but when the dream becomes reality, there’s some adjustment I didn’t expect. (Yeah, yeah, fickle, bizarre female emotions, I know. J)

:roll:

...feeling hesitant to share myself with another person I didn’t really know...

I'm glad she admits they didn't really know each other. (Even though they had already committed to see this through to marriage.)

I finally figured that I didn’t have to have an explanation for everything I felt… I could go ahead and just feel it, and then give it to God, and realize with relief that things would settle down and I’d really start falling in love with Jesse. And, boy, did I ever!

Again, she's committed to marry this guy BEFORE having fallen in love. For me personally, that's just backwards.

[docmom]

I KNEW hormones were from the devil. I just knew it!

[kpmom]

I would have no problem putting the brakes on falling in love with someone who hands me notes from every member of his family welcoming me into their family upon our first face to face meeting. Yuck.

The heart necklace is pretty creepy too.

Couple that with his exclamation point filled emails and I think I'd be looking into getting a restraining order.