"Wanted"-- This is a film that exists

[Talitha Cumi]

I can't even with this, you guys. WHAT. Am I the last to know about this?

*

Trouble is brewing in the small town of Bandera, Texas. A young sheriff is put through a test of fire when he learns that the candidate for Mayor is a criminal from the north. The villain's charisma is rapidly gaining support in the town, and his promises of prosperity spark hope in the weary townspeople. With so much at stake, the winner will take all.

This project was launched by a small group of dedicated young men, committed to bringing you a classic tale of justice and tyranny. Using some of the latest in independent film technology, we've put this together with lots of perseverance and hard work.

This must have been a SAICFF entry. There is an exceptionally boring behind-the-scenes video that's almost as long as the film itself. Watch for the nonironic "hip-hip-huzzah!s." :doh:

[thoughtful]

Y'know, between the poetry, the fiction and the films, I really need to save the phrase "that was one amazingly bad, artless turd" in a file, and C&P as needed.

Maybe I'm just envious because my parents couldn't afford such great costumes when I wanted to play dress-up as a kid.

Some other thoughts:

Guys, if that was supposed to have a moral, you lost me. Oh, and I don't think you should have had your protagonist shoot the bad guy in the back -- not done in traditional Westerns, gents! But I think I now understand the wide stances -- they all think they are in a High Noon shootout all the time.

Nice to know they had those large-print playing cards in the Old West -- Bicycle was so considerate of we older folks and our gambling habits back then. :lol:

[formergothardite]

Nice to see that Doug Phillips gets a special thanks. I guess he coached them on their wide stance. The good guy's boots don't seem to fit him properly.

I just watched the behind the scenes video and they prayed that the acting would bring glory to God. How did pretending to kill a bunch of "bad guys" and sending them to hell bring glory to God?

[thoughtful]

Nice to see that Doug Phillips gets a special thanks. I guess he coached them on their wide stance. The good guy's boots don't seem to fit him properly.

I expected him to break his ankles any second.

[formergothardite]

I expected him to break his ankles any second.

It was very distracting. That is all I could focus on in the beginning of the movie.

[thoughtful]

[debrand]

I am only a minute into the clip and the candidate speech is so badly acted that it is unintentionally funny. He emphasizes words without any real reason for doing so. I am guessing that he is the bad guy because he said that 'We all must work together."

The actor playing the sheriff looks too young for his part. There are a lot of dramatic shots of his boots. Does the camera man have a cowboy foot fetish?

My god, these are crappy actors. I know that they are young but, for goodness sakes, they are bad.

Apparently, the candidate was the bad guy.He drinks shots(not convincingly), wears black and cheats at cards!

Wonderfully bad linse-

Sheriff" "Surrender yourself"

Hench man:" Make him" Hench man looks like he is pouting while saying this line.

After shooting the Sheriff from behind

Bad guy: SOmetimes you have to pull a wild card. This town is mine.

Not exactly a line but there is a dramatic stare off between the marshall and the sheriff after the marshall saves the sheriff's life. Not certain why they just stared and nodded at one another.

There is no blood during the shoot out scene

Joshua played the barman so I don't know if he can act or not. There were no women in the bar, not even prostitutes. Actually, there didn't appear to be women in the town. :think:

[uber frau]

Nice to see that Doug Phillips gets a special thanks. I guess he coached them on their wide stance. The good guy's boots don't seem to fit him properly.

I just watched the behind the scenes video and they prayed that the acting would bring glory to God. How did pretending to kill a bunch of "bad guys" and sending them to hell bring glory to God?

Go and read large chunks of the Old Testament, particularly the books of Joshua and Judges.

[debrand]

The name of the production company is Conquest Productions. Um...okay

It is like kids playing dress up with really good costumes.

I have fallen in love with this video. It is so bad that it is funny.

When the sheriff is in the abandoned rock house thingie, he freaks out over the sound of a horse and the marshall disappears. I thought that they were going for a vengeful spirit or angel of justice but nope, being manly just means that you can turn invisible. Seriously, all the sheriff had to do was walk outside, the marshall couldn't have left the area that quickly even if he had a horse.

[thoughtful]

I am only a minute into the clip and the candidate speech is so badly acted that it is unintentionally funny. He emphasizes words without any real reason for doing so. I am guessing that he is the bad guy because he said that 'We all must work together."

Other than the boys wanting some practice at the technical aspects of film making, and some fun offering glory to God, I can't figure out what the point to this film is.

This description:

A young sheriff is put through a test of fire when he learns that the candidate for Mayor is a criminal from the north. The villain's charisma is rapidly gaining support in the town, and his promises of prosperity spark hope in the weary townspeople.

made me think that perhaps the mayoral candidate was supposed to represent Obama. I thought "nah, that's just too cheesy and transparent," but then I remembered what kind of minds we are dealing with here.

Or perhaps he is just symbolic of Northern Criminal Evil -- y'know; feminism, gays, college educations, etc.

Was The Stranger supposed to represent Jesus or God?

Perhaps it's just too deep for me -- I'm just a woman, after all.

Or maybe they were just having fun. The fine print on the wanted poster appears to be tongue in cheek (or it might have been written by Doug, being serious! :lol: ) -- a reward of money and free breakfast is offered for the capture of the villain, by "the dictator of Philadelphia."

[Talitha Cumi]

Joshua played the barman so I don't know if he can act or not. There were no women in the bar, not even prostitutes. Actually, there didn't appear to be women in the town. :think:

I don't thing there was a town in the town. The place looked like what it was-- a set for boys to dress up and play cowboys. They had what, 2 extras? JT as the barman and Charles Vernier as the town drunk. I suspect the shots were actually apple juice.

This really seemed like a six-year-old's vision of what the West was like. Although I think most six-year-olds would have included a woman SOMEWHERE.

And this must be the basis of Ben Botkin's description "professional composer for film who is dedicated to taking the realm of music captive to the obedience of Christ."

[debrand]

I don't thing there was a town in the town. The place looked like what it was-- a set for boys to dress up and play cowboys. They had what, 2 extras? JT as the barman and Charles Vernier as the town drunk. I suspect the shots were actually apple juice.

This really seemed like a six-year-old's vision of what the West was like. Although I think most six-year-olds would have included a woman SOMEWHERE.

And this must be the basis of Ben Botkin's description "professional composer for film who is dedicated to taking the realm of music captive to the obedience of Christ."

The guys in this film are adults and yet they act so young. Maybe my own children are aberrations but they love to discuss characters in the media that have complex motives instead of being flat. I can't see my kids are any of their friends creating a pure bad or good character. They would want to know the main characters' motives, backgrounds etc My fifteen year old daughter commented to me once that people who do wrong often believe that they are doing good so movies should show the processes that a 'bad' character goes through to justify their actions. Of course, my kids play mature video games and video games often have gray characters that are neither quite good nor quite bad. We also have started playing the Walking Dead series in which you have to make split second choices that are difficult and impossible to determine if they are moral or not. For example, you have a few seconds to save either a kid playing on a tractor or a young man who is fixing a fence. You like both characters but the game won't let you save both. We picked the kid but there really isn't a right choice.

Judging by my own kids, the young men in this film seem very young and childlike. This is not the type of film most kids their age would write. I am not saying that other 18 -21 year olds would write masterpieces but there would be more development about the characters' motives and actions.

[formergothardite]

The plot does not even make sense. So the town(that apparently vanishes after voting) votes in this mayor based on his speech. The town sheriff knows nothing about this until the mysterious man who can walk away very quickly calls him to an abandoned building and shows him the wanted sign. He goes by himself to arrest a dangerous criminal, gets shot, shoots everyone most of the bad guys, and then the mysterious man shows up and shoots the main bad guy in the back. In all of the shooting none of the towns people wander out to see why their sheriff is shooting up their mayor?

[debrand]

The plot does not even make sense. So the town(that apparently vanishes after voting) votes in this mayor based on his speech. The town sheriff knows nothing about this until the mysterious man who can walk away very quickly calls him to an abandoned building and shows him the wanted sign. He goes by himself to arrest a dangerous criminal, gets shot, shoots everyone most of the bad guys, and then the mysterious man shows up and shoots the main bad guy in the back. In all of the shooting none of the towns people wander out to see why their sheriff is shooting up their mayor?

Don't you know that women hamper men's ability to move quickly? That is why there are no females in the town.Seriously, all these young men have sisters.Couldn't they find a woman to at least sit in the audience while the mayor spoke?

How long had these towns people known the mayor? Do the young men that wrote that movie honestly believe that people are so stupid that one speech will make people vote for a stranger?

Why did the marshall have to meet the sheriff in an abandoned building? Couldn't he have just walked into his office?

I shouldn't use the phrase townspeople, it should be townsmen. Maybe the townsmen went to find the townswomen and kids. Maybe they all left while the sheriff and mayor were asleep

[thoughtful]

The plot does not even make sense. So the town(that apparently vanishes after voting) votes in this mayor based on his speech. The town sheriff knows nothing about this until the mysterious man who can walk away very quickly calls him to an abandoned building and shows him the wanted sign. He goes by himself to arrest a dangerous criminal, gets shot, shoots everyone most of the bad guys, and then the mysterious man shows up and shoots the main bad guy in the back. In all of the shooting none of the towns people wander out to see why their sheriff is shooting up their mayor?

Actually, I think The Stranger (as he is credited) just distracts the bad guy and gets him to spin around, and the babysheriff shoots the babymayor in the back.

The street should be deserted, as is the tradition, but there should be a scene beforehand in which all of the townspeople run indoors in fear. But they didn't have townspeople.

The lack of horses was also pretty funny. Guess they couldn't afford to rent any.

I now have an urge to watch Blazing Saddles again.

[DefraudedByPlaid]

Apparently, I now don't have permission to view the video. Hmmmmm...

[thoughtful]

While looking through the credits for names that were mentioned in the Fall of VF thread, I found a few more amusing details.

JT Phillips, besides playing the bartender, has a credit as “Storyboard artist and costume consultant.†I guess the second part of that is a formal way of saying "his dad let us pick through the costume collection, and both of them bloviated about what was authentic."

Pistol Packin’ Paula (website below) is thanked in the credits -- she is the director of operations at the place where they filmed. She also teaches fancy gun-handling. I wonder if she gave them any instruction or helped choreograph the fight. In any case, I love the fact that they had to thank a woman for something not locked into their gender roles.

http://www.pistolpackinpaula.com/allaboutpaula.asp

They have a few "names above the title," as they say in the biz. When that is done, it usually says "whoever productions presents John Doe and Mary Jones in . . . " and then the title. For example:

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/an-5N4d7h ... g_credits/

That way, it actually makes sense. They start with "Conquest Productions Presents . . . Starring Benjamin Dorin . . ." Oops. Did they decide to switch it around in editing and forget to fix it? Are they just that bad at grammar?

The last words on the credits are Soli deo Gloria - the thought is no surprise (although I doubt these puffed-up princes really mean it), but it cracks me up that they choose Latin when they think it makes them sound high-class, but would reject it if it came from a Catholic.

Thank you so much for posting this, Talitha Cumi -- it has provided so much entertainment!

ETA -- DefraudedbyPlaid, I just refreshed it, and it came up, so I don't think they've made it private.

[debrand]

Pistol Packing Paula was endorsed by Oprah which means that she is definitely not Vision Forum approved. So, a woman can teach them to shoot even if they don't believe all women should stay in the house and have a billion babies. I wonder how those lessons went? Do they hide their dismay at being taught a 'manly' skill by a woman?

Being the type of person who sets her sights on something and goes for it, she first decided to become a stuntwoman. She went to stunt school to learn high falls, roof rolls, car hits, and saddle falls. She even learned to be set on fire! It was here that Paula showed interest in the skill that would change her life. She saw the guys twirling guns and asked them to show her how to do it. They all told her that it was no use for her to try because her hands were simply too small to twirl real guns. Never one to shy away from a challenge, Paula set out to prove them wrong so she taught herself. And boy, did she ever!

She sounds like an interesting person and I feel sympathy that she was stuck with the young Vision Forum guys.

[DefraudedByPlaid]

While looking through the credits for names that were mentioned in the Fall of VF thread, I found a few more amusing details.

JT Phillips, besides playing the bartender, has a credit as “Storyboard artist and costume consultant.†I guess the second part of that is a formal way of saying "his dad let us pick through the costume collection, and both of them bloviated about what was authentic."

Pistol Packin’ Paula (website below) is thanked in the credits -- she is the director of operations at the place where they filmed. She also teaches fancy gun-handling. I wonder if she gave them any instruction or helped choreograph the fight. In any case, I love the fact that they had to thank a woman for something not locked into their gender roles.

http://www.pistolpackinpaula.com/allaboutpaula.asp

They have a few "names above the title," as they say in the biz. When that is done, it usually says "whoever productions presents John Doe and Mary Jones in . . . " and then the title. For example:

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/an-5N4d7h ... g_credits/

That way, it actually makes sense. They start with "Conquest Productions Presents . . . Starring Benjamin Dorin . . ." Oops. Did they decide to switch it around in editing and forget to fix it? Are they just that bad at grammar?

The last words on the credits are Soli deo Gloria - the thought is no surprise (although I doubt these puffed-up princes really mean it), but it cracks me up that they choose Latin when they think it makes them sound high-class, but would reject it if it came from a Catholic.

Thank you so much for posting this, Talitha Cumi -- it has provided so much entertainment!

ETA -- DefraudedbyPlaid, I just refreshed it, and it came up, so I don't think they've made it private.

Ah, you're right - works for me now. Thanks!

[thoughtful]

Pistol Packing Paula was endorsed by Oprah which means that she is definitely not Vision Forum approved. So, a woman can teach them to shoot even if they don't believe all women should stay in the house and have a billion babies. I wonder how those lessons went? Do they hide their dismay at being taught a 'manly' skill by a woman?

She sounds like an interesting person and I feel sympathy that she was stuck with the young Vision Forum guys.

It may be that she only was the liaison to set them up at the filming site, since that's part of her job there. But, even if that's all she did, they still had to deal with a woman who was running things.

I prefer the thought that they needed her to teach them skills, but I guess we'll never know. If she did, including some of that actually might have made the "behind the scenes" video less of a crashing bore.

You're welcome, DefraudedByPlaid

[Talitha Cumi]

Thank you so much for posting this, Talitha Cumi -- it has provided so much entertainment!

You're quite welcome! I was looking for that Charles Vernier/JT Phillips/Samuel Turley pic to show a coworker, and it led me to the Vimeo account. I am just gobsmacked by how badly written and performed this was. With all the costumes, I figured they'd have had some dramatic experience. :cray-cray:

[thoughtful]

You're quite welcome! I was looking for that Charles Vernier/JT Phillips/Samuel Turley pic to show a coworker, and it led me to the Vimeo account. I am just gobsmacked by how badly written and performed this was. With all the costumes, I figured they'd have had some dramatic experience. :cray-cray:

With the weird limitations on their reading and viewing of plays and movies, not to mention studying with anyone outside the inner circle, learning good writing and acting is probably very difficult.

[katilac]

That was craptastically amusing, mostly because they all look so danged pleased with themselves!

Please, someone teach these boys how to drink before the sequel! The first guy who is served a shot takes a delicate sip and sets it down. The bad guy at least shoots his, but then gasps like he has never tasted whisky before. I know they don't drink, but have they never seen someone drink? Like maybe in a western? Even the good guys tended to throw back a lot of whisky.

And now I'm thinking of the Big Valley episode, where Nick (I think) told off his neighbor b/c his son couldn't hold his liquor, something like, "A man needs to know how to handle a horse and handle a drink."

Watch some basic cable, boys, and try again.

[debrand]

That was craptastically amusing, mostly because they all look so danged pleased with themselves!

Please, someone teach these boys how to drink before the sequel! The first guy who is served a shot takes a delicate sip and sets it down. The bad guy at least shoots his, but then gasps like he has never tasted whisky before. I know they don't drink, but have they never seen someone drink? Like maybe in a western? Even the good guys tended to throw back a lot of whisky.

And now I'm thinking of the Big Valley episode, where Nick (I think) told off his neighbor b/c his son couldn't hold his liquor, something like, "A man needs to know how to handle a horse and handle a drink."

Watch some basic cable, boys, and try again.

I noticed the same thing about the shots! Christian Reconstructionists aren't anti alcohol so they have probably been around wine drinking. Surely, they must have seen someone somewhere take a shot. LIke you asked, don't they watch old westerns on tv?

[uber frau]

Too many slutty women on the telly.

VF ppl tend to be okay with alcohol, but not drunkenness. A civilised glass of wine or beer is seen as being very different from a shot of spirits. It's very possible these kids have never seen someone downing shots.

I just had a thought-It could be worse. It could have been an IFB cowboy movie. They wouldn't have any alcohol at all, just sparkling grape juice.