When Non thinking housewife gives sex advice

[lilah]

insanity ensues

http://www.thinkinghousewife.com/wp/201 ... d-husband/

You can't just read the original post but read all the comments and come back.

First of all i love how in the dear annie letter NTH assumes that the woman's working and that's the root of the problem. That shameless hussy!

Frankly I think the husband that the poster is being awful, cheating on his spouse and forcing her to have sex when she was 5 weeks post partum. Hardly a surprise that she's harboring a lot of resentment toward him and while I don't want to be overly fat-shaming, if your partner's body changes significantly it can change your attract to her/him. especially since if they are only doing missionary which could be more unpleasant.

I love how NTH gnores the fact that the husband cheated and pressured her to have sex when she wasn't physically ready to, blames it all on the shameless hussy wife (always blame women seems to be the fundie philosophy) and the fact that it's the husband who is anti kids. Then someone else calls her out on it and she finally has to admit, yea the guy is being kind of a jackass here. But any advice beyond that? nope! No divorce for you surrendered wives.

This results in a spate of other people posting about their unhappy fundie sex lives (granted unhappy sex lives isn't a fundie only trait) so Laura has to distract us with more posts about why she's a rascist Yay!

ETA

Oh my god look at this one

thinkinghousewife.com/wp/2011/08/more-on-sexual-harmony-in-marriage/#more-27368

I wish I could give these women some lessons in um non-procreative sex acts! It's okay to do some of that when you are post partum (assuming you are not too tired) or if you're not ready for the next kid just yet.

[lilah]

bumping this up, surprised no one commented on it.

[Grace]

What the heck is with these "men" pressuring their wives to have sex so quickly after she gives birth even though the Drs said WAIT??? That makes absolutely no sense to me. I can't even wrap my brain around a person that sick and uncaring. Have a jar of Vaseline and a box of tissues! Is it really THAT difficult? Holy crap. I know I would never have married a tool like that but still I'm so glad I got the husband I did!

[Joykins]

What the heck is with these "men" pressuring their wives to have sex so quickly after she gives birth even though the Drs said WAIT??? That makes absolutely no sense to me. I can't even wrap my brain around a person that sick and uncaring. Have a jar of Vaseline and a box of tissues! Is it really THAT difficult? Holy crap. I know I would never have married a tool like that but still I'm so glad I got the husband I did!

Yeah, that's what they told dh at our (totally non-religious) childbirth class, LOL! The instructor was telling the women what would happen in the hospital, and her husband took the men aside to tell them, among other things, that their wives wouldn't be able to have sex for a while after childbirth and that they should "be a man and take care of things themselves" until their wife is ready.

[Kaylee]

What the heck is with these "men" pressuring their wives to have sex so quickly after she gives birth even though the Drs said WAIT??? That makes absolutely no sense to me. I can't even wrap my brain around a person that sick and uncaring. Have a jar of Vaseline and a box of tissues! Is it really THAT difficult? Holy crap. I know I would never have married a tool like that but still I'm so glad I got the husband I did!

Aside from many of the guys who embrace patriarchy just being totally assholes used to always demanding and getting their way, fundie culture sets them up to expect it. Men are portrayed as being pretty much slaves to their sexual desires, with all the focus on modesty and temptation/defrauding all the time, and most are also told it's a sin to masturbate. Wives are told its sinful to not have sex when he wants, so they know she probably won't resist. It's also a recipe for marital rape, which many would probably deny exists.

[Olivia]

Wow. She did reverse herself because apparently she missed the part about the cheating. And because a man told her she was wrong. lol.

[ladypuglover]

Aside from many of the guys who embrace patriarchy just being totally assholes used to always demanding and getting their way, fundie culture sets them up to expect it. Men are portrayed as being pretty much slaves to their sexual desires, with all the focus on modesty and temptation/defrauding all the time, and most are also told it's a sin to masturbate. Wives are told its sinful to not have sex when he wants, so they know she probably won't resist. It's also a recipe for marital rape, which many would probably deny exists.

I'm not going to read the post, I've lived it with my first husband. He forced me to have sex when our first born was only 3 days old and I would have a panic attack if I read anything like you all are talking about. If stinking house is really a woman then she is the worst excuse for a woman I can think of. Sad as it is, I don't think even zoo-zoo is this woman hating.

[browngrl]

IMO, sex that is forced or coerced = rape. So my advice is a tad different than the thinking housewife.

If your husband rapes you or tries to rape you - kick his sorry ass out and call the police.

[leena_noor]

So I read the first link and was BLOWN by the woman's totally off base advice to this poor emotionally brittle woman that seems like she is on the brink of cracking under all this pressure. She needs HELP. Real help, and Laura didn't even READ the entire thing to see that this bastard had cheated on here and then raped her. I love how she completely back pedaled when someone pointed this out. hypocritical sob.

Notice how no one told her to leave him? They all told her to just refuse to have sex...with someone that has been coercing her into having sex for probably a decade. excellent advice...not.

*fuming*

[leena_noor]

Wow. She did reverse herself because apparently she missed the part about the cheating. And because a man told her she was wrong. lol.

exactly...that cracked me up and made her lose any credibility (hahahha credibility) that she might have had.

[deelaem]

IMO, sex that is forced or coerced = rape. So my advice is a tad different than the thinking housewife.

If your husband rapes you or tries to rape you - kick his sorry ass out and call the police.

Your opinion is fact. Right on!

[debrand]

I strongly question your statement that when you have sex with him, it only increases your aversion to him. I would feel surprised if you felt no pleasant after effects of embracing him. You feel no calm or pleasant feeling at all after being in his arms? Well then, bear in mind that someday you will be old. You will be desired by no man on earth except possibly by him. You will have sagging breasts and mottled skin. Enjoy the fact that you are desired because it will not last. If your husband experiences health problems, he will probably not be able to function in the same way and you may spend decades missing what you once had. This phase of your life is very brief in the sweep of things. Enjoy what you have.

Wow. What cruel advice.

By the way, did any of you read the link in the original article? She misrepresents the letter. A man has a wife who only has sex every couple of months.(not every six months) The wife refuses counseling. Kathy Mitchell's answer made sense and was not meant to be cruel to the husband.

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-m ... ricks.html

There could be any number of reasons for your wife's lack of interest in sex, including a drop in libido since the birth of her child, exhaustion, hormonal imbalance, resentment toward you if she does the majority of childcare and household chores, even an affair. But by refusing to discuss it, she is trying to sweep the problem under the rug, which won't work. Stop pressuring her for sex, either by asking or by bargaining, and get some counseling for yourself. There may be ways to improve your approach. Tell your wife you are doing it to save your marriage

.

Telling him to get counseling does not mean that the writer considers the husband to be at fault. She only knows his side of the story from a short letter. Going to a therapist will help him figure out how to deal with these issues.

[Shirley MacLaine]

"If you feel hounded by resentment because he is fat, you could say to him someday, not in anger, “You know, sometimes I think if you loved me you would lose weight,†and see what he says."

Wow, that is the worst way I can even think of to say that.

[emeraldskull]

"If you feel hounded by resentment because he is fat, you could say to him someday, not in anger, “You know, sometimes I think if you loved me you would lose weight,†and see what he says."

Wow, that is the worst way I can even think of to say that.

Wow... o.O Just.... o.O

my boyfriend is currently overweight, and while I would like him to be fit, there is no way I would ever say that! I know he loves me, and I love him, no matter what he weighs. And if he wants to lose weight, I want him to do it for himself, not because I pressured him into "proving his love" o.O :x

[Austin]

Plus someone losing weight for another person never works for very long. People who want to lose weight obviously need to do it for themselves, primarily, and it's got to be more of a commitment to healthy living in order to last.

That kind of mind game makes me kind of ill.

[emeraldskull]

Plus someone losing weight for another person never works for very long. People who want to lose weight obviously need to do it for themselves, primarily, and it's got to be more of a commitment to healthy living in order to last.

That kind of mind game makes me kind of ill.

Exactly. That kind of manipulation tactic just makes me sick. I mean, I couldn't even imagine someone saying that to me... it would make me totally turn the opposite, and either dump them or do exactly the opposite of what they wanted me to do. :-P

[Effie]

Exactly. That kind of manipulation tactic just makes me sick. I mean, I couldn't even imagine someone saying that to me... it would make me totally turn the opposite, and either dump them or do exactly the opposite of what they wanted me to do. :-P

Yup, I would eat extra cookies!

[Austin]

If my husband ever said that to me, I would be crushed. And I have never even thought of saying it to him.

He has been working out and losing weight all summer, and when he mentions it, I encourage him and praise his successes. But it really doesn't have anything to do with me. I think he was motivated by having to start taking blood pressure medication and the doctor told him that if he lost 25 pounds, he might not need it any more. He's getting close to that goal and his blood pressure is significantly lower (123/72 the other night), so he might just be able to do that after his next appt. I just want him to be healthy so we can be together for many more years but that is the extent of it.

[moreorlessnu]

Is the statement about "sounds and odors" accurate, or is that just painting everyone in a particular group with a wide brush? All fat people stink?? I thought it was a case by case basis.

[daharyn]

Is the statement about "sounds and odors" accurate, or is that just painting everyone in a particular group with a wide brush? All fat people stink?? I thought it was a case by case basis.

I personally find that where there's a BO problem, there's a skinny unwashed hipster-type... but maybe I've spent too much time in certain parts of Brooklyn of late. :mrgreen:

Seriously, though, as a fat person, I gotta tell you--I don't stink. (I'm actually a bit cleanliness-obsessed, but that's just my midwestern upbringing at work.) I know that some people are going to assume that if there is an odor problem in a crowd, it's my fault. But that's their problem, not mine. There is no wrong way to have a body. (All bodies do, however, need to be washed on a regular basis. It's true that a fat body has more surface skin that needs to be washed. But contrary to stereotype, most fat people are not idiots, and can figure this one out.)

People assume that fat people are lazy, ugly, smelly, etcetera, because we are trained to consider fatness a moral failing. We assign it these negative qualities. They aren't innately connected. (ETA: This is what I see at work in the nonthinking housewife's post, and in the words of the reader who wrote in.) I'm sure there are lazy, ugly, and smelly fat people. But as a gorgeous, hard-working fat girl who probably smells of peppermint (thanks, mentha bath wash!), I sure as hell ain't one of 'em.

(Also, my very skinny mother has a flatulence problem... I wouldn't wish that on anyone, fat or thin or in-between. I know it embarrasses the hell out of her.)

[Shirley MacLaine]

People assume that fat people are lazy, ugly, smelly, etcetera, because we are trained to consider fatness a moral failing. We assign it these negative qualities. They aren't innately connected. (ETA: This is what I see at work in the nonthinking housewife's post, and in the words of the reader who wrote in.)

Fuck yeah! It's total bullshit and it makes me want to vom.

[starfish]

When the non thinking housewife gives sex advice, I want to never have sex again. She's that repulsive.

[fundifugee]

Aside from many of the guys who embrace patriarchy just being totally assholes used to always demanding and getting their way, fundie culture sets them up to expect it. Men are portrayed as being pretty much slaves to their sexual desires, with all the focus on modesty and temptation/defrauding all the time, and most are also told it's a sin to masturbate. Wives are told its sinful to not have sex when he wants, so they know she probably won't resist. It's also a recipe for marital rape, which many would probably deny exists.

Ick. I went out with a guy like that once, felt that once we had sex, I was his substitute for masturbation. It was like being a toilet.

Yep, dumped him, rather quickly.

[doggie]

she never has sex I bet or if she does it is the wam bam thank you mam type. so of course she is qualified to give advise.

[alphaeta08]

Ugh, that woman is ridiculous. And how could she "miss" the part about her husband cheating on his pregnant wife? Bullshit. And how much do you wanna bet that if an overweight woman wrote to her about a sex problem she'd tell her to get her fat ass to the gym? :roll: