A Blanket Training Tutorial

[GenerationCedarchip]

Someone has actually posted a blanket training tutorial!

aboverubies.net/2012/03/first-time-obedience-blanket-training.html

On the plus side, it doesn't sound like this one involves hitting the child (with plumbing line or anything else.) However, the idea of teaching a child to basically be content to have its horizons limited for long periods of time rather than engaging that natural curiosity still bothers me. Also, the term "first time obedience" makes my skin crawl - probably because it's often code for Pearl teachings.

[RosyDaisy]

In my family "blanket time" was when you put baby on a pallet with lots of toys and played with the baby yourself. It was considered play time. It was hilarious if the dog or cat got in on it, too.

ETA: No discipline involved at all.

[Trynn]

meh, if no hitting or other abusive behavior is involved, I don't see a difference between having a baby remain on a blanket and having a baby remain in a playpen. I agree that you should let babies roam as much as possible, but sometimes you as a parent have to do other things for a while and can't watch baby.

I personally never had a playpen, and I don't think my brother did, either. My mom, who is very good at sewing, sewed this... quilt thingy that had a soft stuffing filled ring around the edges. So, kind of like a blanket/playpen type thing...

[frumper-rump]

Yikes, up to an HOUR on a 3 x 5 blanket??? That sounds miserable! I could see using something like this for maybe 15-20 minutes for mom to get a minute to clean up or be able to get a quick break (as long as no hitting is involved!), but an hour is way to long to force a toddler or young child to stay still.

[frumper-rump]

In my family "blanket time" was when you put baby on a pallet with lots of toys and played with the baby yourself. It was considered play time. It was hilarious if the dog or cat got in on it, too.

ETA: No discipline involved at all.

Yes, this is what I think of as blanket time as well.

[Kitty]

Like fundies need blanket-training. Can't they just pass the little brat off to one of their daughter-slaves? Or is this just for the first few kids who don't have older siblings to do all the training?

[thoughtful]

Well, I guess it's more comfortable than the alternative she lists:

Easy: It's easier to take a blanket with you than a portable play pin.

Playing on a pin would be painful.

Never mind angels, I guess quiverfullers argue about how many offspring can dance on the head of a pin. ;)

I also shudder at the words "first time obedience" and, of course, "training." And I agree that the space is too small and the time too long.

And I have my suspicions about the "tap the corners of the blanket and say no" crap. I imagine a little one have learned that a "tapping" parental hand and the word "no" were significant because of previous contact with that hand. Why not just place the child back on the blanket?

For that matter, why not make the blanket so rewarding that a short disappearance of parental attention is not bothersome?

Even at the level of simplistic behaviorism, these people fail.

And, of course, she could just be lying about whether she hits the child. :(

[Hane]

Re "first time obedience": When I was a kid, maybe 10 or so, my mother once tried to explain that immediate obedience could be life-saving. She said, "What if we lived out in Arizona and I saw a rattlesnake and I told you 'Stop!', but you didn't? You could be killed." I replied, "Wouldn't it make a lot more sense to say, 'Rattlesnake!'" It was one of the very few times I was able to stump her.

[salsa]

It doesn't matter if there is no hitting involved, the idea behind it is to "train" children at a very early age to eliminate the child's freedom. It's still abusive. This isn't about occupying a baby for a few minutes so you can tend to a load of laundry; it's about eliminating the child's sense of self apart from parental controls.

[Mela99]

I don't like any of this "obedience" crapola when they're babies, or even fairly young. They don't have the properly developed mental faculties for cause and effect. It's why I never understood letting infants "cry it out." They don't understand they'll get a reaction until they're closer to a year old.

/developmental psychology

[Conuly]

Re "first time obedience": When I was a kid, maybe 10 or so, my mother once tried to explain that immediate obedience could be life-saving. She said, "What if we lived out in Arizona and I saw a rattlesnake and I told you 'Stop!', but you didn't? You could be killed." I replied, "Wouldn't it make a lot more sense to say, 'Rattlesnake!'" It was one of the very few times I was able to stump her.

The classic example is a kid running into the street. But first time obedience can get a kid killed that way as easily as it can save them! A few months ago I was walking with the nieces, and for whatever reason the younger one had started crossing before she should. I don't remember how it happened. Anyway, I yelled "stop!" and she did - immediately. I hadn't had a chance to think before speaking, because she stopped directly in the path of a moving car.

Fortunately, the driver was smarter than either of us, and HE stopped, but it could easily have gone the other way.

I was scared shitless of course, and this all prompted a review of the rules for crossing streets in general, with extra review of the rules of crossing that particular intersection, which is very busy.

[Hane]

The classic example is a kid running into the street. But first time obedience can get a kid killed that way as easily as it can save them! A few months ago I was walking with the nieces, and for whatever reason the younger one had started crossing before she should. I don't remember how it happened. Anyway, I yelled "stop!" and she did - immediately. I hadn't had a chance to think before speaking, because she stopped directly in the path of a moving car.

Fortunately, the driver was smarter than either of us, and HE stopped, but it could easily have gone the other way.

I was scared shitless of course, and this all prompted a review of the rules for crossing streets in general, with extra review of the rules of crossing that particular intersection, which is very busy.

And you did something intelligent, explaining the whys and wherefores, rather than a simple "Because I Said So" and hauling out the plumbing line.

[Hane]

I don't like any of this "obedience" crapola when they're babies, or even fairly young. They don't have the properly developed mental faculties for cause and effect. It's why I never understood letting infants "cry it out." They don't understand they'll get a reaction until they're closer to a year old.

/developmental psychology

"Developmental psychology" times a million! Although I grew up with a lot of exposure to kids, and did a lot of babysitting of siblings, cousins, and neighbors, I learned so much from my developmental psych course in college. I've always urged any teens who hope to be parents to take that course--it tells you all the ins and outs of child behavior at various ages, and helps you learn the appropriate ways to interact with and teach them.

[thoughtful]

Part of what's awful about the punish-'em first crowd is that they ignore both ends of the developmental issue. They neither give the kids a break for things they simply can't do or understand yet, nor do they acknowledge how complex and sophisticated babies and young children are.

Someone here (can't remember who, but thank you!) recommended the books of Alison Gopnik. I've read The Philosophical Baby, and am in the middle of The Scientist in the Crib.

The books are easy reads for non-scientists, and confirm lots of things I've always imagined about babies and the way they explore the world, as well as bringing up things I'd never thought about. What she discusses is research-based (although, science being science and doing what it should, some of it might have been surpassed since).

Here's a taste:

http://www.alisongopnik.com/papers_alis ... auto,0,782

Another (it's a TED talk, and I couldn't get it to load on my aching computer, so I don't know what she says):

http://www.ted.com/talks/alison_gopnik_ ... think.html

And here are the books:

http://www.amazon.com/Alison-Gopnik/e/B ... r_dp_pel_1

[laura oz]

I read the Duggar book and Michelle made it sound so wonderful to have a "playpen in your diaper bag." As a new mom I was intrigued and began researching it. Holy Lord, my kids may not always behave the way I wish they would, but at least they won't remember mommy scaring or beating them to make them mind. Kids are supposed to be inquisitive and explore. To see a little one who has had all the creativity, enthusiasm, and joy drilled out of them is just so wrong and unnatural to me.

[rward]

Well, I guess it's more comfortable than the alternative she lists:

Playing on a pin would be painful.

Never mind angels, I guess quiverfullers argue about how many offspring can dance on the head of a pin. ;)

I also shudder at the words "first time obedience" and, of course, "training." And I agree that the space is too small and the time too long.

And I have my suspicions about the "tap the corners of the blanket and say no" crap. I imagine a little one have learned that a "tapping" parental hand and the word "no" were significant because of previous contact with that hand. Why not just place the child back on the blanket?

For that matter, why not make the blanket so rewarding that a short disappearance of parental attention is not bothersome?

Even at the level of simplistic behaviorism, these people fail.

And, of course, she could just be lying about whether she hits the child. :(

Do you train dogs? I give that advice all. day. long. to Cesar Milan fans on a dog forum. (For the unitiated, Cesar is the Pearl of the dog world, with better teeth.)

[chaotic life]

Either she is lying through her teeth about not hitting to get obedience, or she has never truly had a spirited child. I know she says her second child as "strong-willed" (the disgusting Dobson term to tear down a child of strong character) but her only proof of that strong will was the carseat battle. My most compliant child even did the carseat battle. My truly spirited, stubborn child could jailbreak herself out of every carseat they made by the time she was 18 months of age. I had to be a LOT more creative than "training" her to keep her safe, and hitting her was going to result in one of us being broken, and I was never sure which of us very stubborn spirits would break first (didn't want to find out either).

I have never read her books, but I have listened to her on the radio. The best person I've ever heard talk about working with strongly spirited children is Cynthia Tobias who I've listened to go toe to toe with Dobson that spanking such children is the WORST thing you can do. She wrote a book called "You can't make me, but I can be presuaded." I heard her once on the radio talking about truly spirited children and explaining that you CANNOT force first time obedience upon such children. You cannot tell such a child they MUST obey or else....or else WHAT? The ONLY thing such a child MUST do is die, and unless you are prepared to kill them over obedience, you had better be willing to find a common ground with them and enlist their cooperation in life.

Given how true that statement was for myself and my truly spirited children, I cannot believe these mothers who claim they can train first time obedience without spanking have ever actually SEEN a truly stubborn child....or they are flat-out lying about hitting.

[rward]

Either she is lying through her teeth about not hitting to get obedience, or she has never truly had a spirited child. I know she says her second child as "strong-willed" (the disgusting Dobson term to tear down a child of strong character) but her only proof of that strong will was the carseat battle. My most compliant child even did the carseat battle. My truly spirited, stubborn child could jailbreak herself out of every carseat they made by the time she was 18 months of age. I had to be a LOT more creative than "training" her to keep her safe, and hitting her was going to result in one of us being broken, and I was never sure which of us very stubborn spirits would break first (didn't want to find out either).

Word. My mother learned very quickly with her first (my brother) that "don't do that" was a direct challenge, swiftly leading to him doing whatever it was she told him not to do. No way her kids are that docile without "training".

[thoughtful]

The ONLY thing such a child MUST do is die, and unless you are prepared to kill them over obedience, you had better be willing to find a common ground with them and enlist their cooperation in life

.

Given how true that statement was for myself and my truly spirited children, I cannot believe these mothers who claim they can train first time obedience without spanking have ever actually SEEN a truly stubborn child....or they are flat-out lying about hitting.

Chaotic Life, if I didn't have such an amazing mother (and my father wasn't too bad, either!), I would want to go back grow up all over again, being raised by you.

[thoughtful]

Do you train dogs? I give that advice all. day. long. to Cesar Milan fans on a dog forum. (For the unitiated, Cesar is the Pearl of the dog world, with better teeth.)

Yes, training dogs is one of the things I do. And, yes, Cesar is pretty much the Pearl of the dog world (can he throw hatchets, though?).

In fact, I've talked about that on FJ. The way FJers can see the evil in the Pearls, Duggars, Maxwells, etc., when other people can't, a lot of people see only the calm, cheerful manner and conviction of Millan, and think "sounds good to me," without realizing the damage they do.

Millan has the added advantage of appealing to both hard-liners with his us-against-them theories, and new-age folks, with his talk of the magic woo of the alpha crap.

[hoipolloi]

So sick of the assholes who push first time obedience. That also includes the good Christian ladies over at the website formerly known as YLCF. Several years ago, not long after she had her first child, Gretchen put up a post or two on first time obedience; she & her siblings had been raised that way, by golly, and her kids were going to be under the same regime.

Did a search just now and those posts appear to have been purged from the "new" Kindred Grace or at least well hidden. While this is a good thing, an open repudiation of this filth would be a lot more impressive, and garner them some respect. Of course, these are the people who can't admit to the failures of the courtship system, even when their own (erstwhile) friends run afoul of its inherently stupid & destructive nature, so I suppose we can't look for honesty in other matters.

[Adrienne83]

I would like to teach you all about the blanket training I do with my child. It's called "Cozy Blanket Time." That is where either myself, my husband, my mother, or whoever, wraps my son in a cozy blanket (one of those soft fleecy one) and cuddles him. You know you have achieved the proper results when the child has either fallen asleep, coos, or just flat out seems happy or content. I recommend doing this as often as need be to achieve these results. :D

[Foxxit]

Blanket time for me with my cousins always involved playing, this whole beating kids to keep them on the blanket is freaky.

[LainieR]

Blanket training is awesome!

It involves my son lying on the floor and me putting a big blanket over my head. I then put my arms out front and up high, say 'oopsie daisy' and then lean forward so that we're both under thE blanket. I've taught him to learn that I always come back and to laugh once a day. That's blanket training in this house.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Exersaucers and play yards achieved the same goals of keeping my babies safe and contained while I cooked, took a shower, etc.

As my kids got older, we were able to implement some rules. "No leaving the apartment unless you hold my hand" was a big one, and it worked really well with my oldest - probably because we were living on a major downtown street and I was 100% consistent since the potential danger was obvious, and I had a child who was pretty attached.

Keep tots safe is a practical issue. Period. The part that drove me bonkers was the line about this being perfect training for a life of righteousness and obedience. No, it's not. Get a tot into the habit of giving charity and doing good deeds if you want to breed righteousness (yes, you can start doing this around age 2-3). Automatic obedience is NOT righteousness. In fact, it can be associated with the exact opposite. Just look at North Korea or Nazi Germany.