A Compassionate Message from a Fundamentalist Blogger

[Soldier of the One]

I might get some flack for this, but I am actually quite sympathetic to this post:

tinyarrow.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/dear-ladies-without-children-you-haven.html

The blogger - who does seem to have some affiliation with Vision Forum - doesn't consider herself Quiverfull and reaches out to women with no, one or few children. She warns mothers of large families not to be smug and for women to find value in themselves, not in their wombs.

Disclaimer: I don't know how the rest of her belief-system lines up, but this struck me as a much more nuanced position in this kind of a community.

And that brings me to this post. I want to clarify a few things. I am not part of any quiver full movement. I am not a fertility-is-all-that-matters type girl. I am simply standing up for the value that each child has intrinsically. Given to them by God, whether they are number 1 or number 15, whether they are a boy or girl, or whether they are 'normal' or need special help.

The world needs to hear that message!

But this message is for those sweet ladies who have no or few children. I want to say this: YOU HAVEN'T FAILED!!

The number of children we have does not determine

our holiness. Praise the Lord! You are not second rate. You are not letting down the team. You are not less of a woman.

I know this blog is about wives and mothers. But that is because it is what I know. It's what I do all day. But please don't think for a second that I forget you. That I look down on you. Or that I don't care. I do care!

What do you think?

[ILoveJellybeans]

Shes right. Having a large family doesnt make you better than everyone else and it isnt a contest on who has the most blessings. Someone with 10 kids isnt more holy than someone who only has 3. You are not less of a woman if you dont have kids or dont have as many kids.

[Soldier of the One]

Of course! But it's nice to hear this sentiment echoed in the Fundie world.

[Slt]

It's not something that you hear often in fundiedom, but it is good that she put that out there. But, as I read through the whole post, it seems to me that she was admonished at a previous point based on the putting emphasis on large families. She even says she was going to delete her bog, because it "cost her in real life," but she changed her mind. My guess is she got comments or emails from women with no or few children based on her previous blog posts saying they felt put down by her, etc. not sure if this is the case, but when I read the entire post, that is the feeling I get.

[Koala]

That post is a fine sentiment I guess, but at the end of the day she's still another fundie with bigoted ideas. From her "What I believe":

I believe that marriage is between one man and one woman for life.

And I particularly like her post on modesty:

http://tinyarrow.blogspot.com.au/2012/11/the-one-way-we-can-bless-men-most.html

[greek_chorus]

I was just thinking about this, are their any fundie bloggers dealing with fertility issues? I haven't come across any, not that I've really looked, but surely some poor woman out there has got to secretly be spilling her guts on the internet. It's just tragic that women with few children or no children should feel like failures. And what about the men? It's not like fertility issues only affect women.

[blatantlyeggplant]

It's kind of disingenuous for her to say she's not quiverfull when her blog is called "Raising Arrows".

[laura oz]

It's kind of disingenuous for her to say she's not quiverfull when her blog is called "Raising Arrows".

True that. But it is refreshing to hear that view expressed. Wonder if she was just trying to be a little PC?

[dawbs]

I was just thinking about this, are their any fundie bloggers dealing with fertility issues? I haven't come across any, not that I've really looked, but surely some poor woman out there has got to secretly be spilling her guts on the internet. It's just tragic that women with few children or no children should feel like failures. And what about the men? It's not like fertility issues only affect women.

I've seen some, but I'd bet the 'what are you doing with extra embryos' issues and the "why don't you go adopt from..." issues would keep people closeted.

And the ones I remember are all about trust, not about frustration. Which...I trusted I was having a child, one way or another but that doesn't erase frustration.

I saw a few blogs that dealt with it but...they were gut-wrenching enough that, even when 1/2 of what they said was snark-worthy, I never felt like making them snarkfodder.

[Soldier of the One]

Koala, of course she is still a fundie with all that entails. And the 'one woman, one man' thing is obnoxious and homophobic. But even if she did 'grow' on the issue of fertility, it was still nice to read that sort of a message for a change. I wonder whether the fact that she's Australian has anything to do with it. Are Australian fundies more 'relaxed'? I have no idea!

That modesty post... yikes.

I am sure there's infertility in fundieland but I am also wondering whether infertile couples end up leaving. They might try scientific intervention, that might open their minds to issues of modernity, they might feel judged and ostracized or at least out of place. I think the fundie culture is a self-affirming one. People who don't fit in, won't stay.

[Koala]

Koala, of course she is still a fundie with all that entails. And the 'one woman, one man' thing is obnoxious and homophobic. But even if she did 'grow' on the issue of fertility, it was still nice to read that sort of a message for a change. I wonder whether the fact that she's Australian has anything to do with it. Are Australian fundies more 'relaxed'? I have no idea!

That modesty post... yikes.

I am sure there's infertility in fundieland but I am also wondering whether infertile couples end up leaving. They might try scientific intervention, that might open their minds to issues of modernity, they might feel judged and ostracized or at least out of place. I think the fundie culture is a self-affirming one. People who don't fit in, won't stay.

The infertile fundies I know have fallen into depression. So far they have not left fundiedom.

They view IVF as sinful, and the lesser fertility options aren't enough to overcome their problem.

[OkToBeTakei]

The infertile fundies I know have fallen into depression. So far they have not left fundiedom.

They view IVF as sinful, and the lesser fertility options aren't enough to overcome their problem.

I find that really sad. But also their bed let them lie in it.

[lilwriter85]

I liked that whole posting. Other fundie bloggers like Zsu, Kelly C. etc would never write anything like that. I knew a fundie lite woman who only had three sons, but wanted more kids. She had several miscarriages and health problems and eventually got her tubes tied. She and her husband never left the fundie lite lifestyle.

[Koala]

I find that really sad. But also their bed let them lie in it.

As horrible as it sounds, I think it's for the best. No child should have to be raised in that type of lifestyle just to appease an adult.

[greek_chorus]

I am sure there's infertility in fundieland but I am also wondering whether infertile couples end up leaving. They might try scientific intervention, that might open their minds to issues of modernity, they might feel judged and ostracized or at least out of place. I think the fundie culture is a self-affirming one. People who don't fit in, won't stay.

You're probably right about this. I couldn't imagine living in a community where my entire self-worth was based on the number of biological children I had and SAHDs to raise them. It's just so completely fucked up. I think all this overpopulation of fundies is going to end up being their downfall, much like the celibate Shakers, except on the other end of the spectrum. If you keep having sex and popping out kid after kid after kid each year, you will eventually end up impoverished and unable to take care of them. This is a given. There are only so many resources available to any of us and these people shun the ones that would help them the most: education, gainful employment, belief in science, and birth control being the most obvious. I can't see them being able to sustain this type of culture for more than a generation or two at most.