There are lots of really nice rapists

[SpeakNow]

Facepalm

http://youtu.be/qCASc-NaVYk

[doggie]

this clip is too short to really know what is going on. but I think it is not what it is made out to be. I think she is being sarcastic.

[luckystone]

Without context it's hard to tell her point. It was cut off before she could even finish her sentence and I don't know what the interview was about.

I'm sure it's true though, "nice" in the sense they come across nice the rest of the time. I'm sure there are some people who have raped someone but are then perfectly lovely to the people they meet, help out their families, their communities etc. There are probably rapists who are very supportive of and kind to their female relatives and friends. They don't all running around being horrible to everyone they come across and acting like a criminal. Statistically, some of us on this forum would have men we consider friends who have raped people.

Wait, we know that for sure in a lot of cases, when people have double lives that are revealed. I don't think it's far-fetched to think there are lots of examples. I don't think that means they should have access to their kids though, but I can see how some people mistakenly would.

[pixydust]

Without context it's hard to tell her point. It was cut off before she could even finish her sentence and I don't know what the interview was about.

I'm sure it's true though, "nice" in the sense they come across nice the rest of the time. I'm sure there are some people who have raped someone but are then perfectly lovely to the people they meet, help out their families, their communities etc. There are probably rapists who are very supportive of and kind to their female relatives and friends. They don't all running around being horrible to everyone they come across and acting like a criminal. Statistically, some of us on this forum would have men we consider friends who have raped people.

Wait, we know that for sure in a lot of cases, when people have double lives that are revealed. I don't think it's far-fetched to think there are lots of examples. I don't think that means they should have access to their kids though, but I can see how some people mistakenly would.

Most definitely. When I told someone that my moms ex-husband had raped me for years (from 8-14) her response was "But he's so nice!" Sure, he was a nice monster hell bent on destroying me. People don't realize that a rapist isn't walking around with a T-shirt that says "I <3 Raping!", they are usually nice, friendly,upstanding people. They also are really close with God. The thing is, the church and community don't know the real man, only his victims do.

[Claddagh]

Most definitely. When I told someone that my moms ex-husband had raped me for years (from 8-14) her response was "But he's so nice!" Sure, he was a nice monster hell bent on destroying me. People don't realize that a rapist isn't walking around with a T-shirt that says "I <3 Raping!", they are usually nice, friendly,upstanding people. They also are really close with God. The thing is, the church and community don't know the real man, only his victims do.

**Hugs to Pixydust**

Pixydust is right. When my ex-boyfriend tried to rape me and I told some people all I got was "But he's so nice!", "He wouldn't do that!", "He's such an upstanding citizen!" among other things.

I stopped talking about it then until four years later when a friend in England found out and she was the only one who believed me.

[ILoveJellybeans]

The fact that there are really nice rapists, doesnt excuse the fact that they still rape people.

Its not like its easy to spot a rapist, or a pedophile, or a serial killer from the general population, as most of them dont draw attention to the evil things they do. Most of them get really good at blending in, its not like they go about bragging about the awful things they do, cause they dont want to get caught. Most of them are just normal people who you really wouldnt expect to have a secret torture dungeon in the basement, or bodies buried in the back garden.

Just ask the people who knew most criminals, theres always someone who is like "Oh, he seemed so normal, I wouldnt have ever thought he could have done something like that"

[Conuly]

Well, sure, there are some really nice rapists out there. If there weren't, people would just know to stay away from Mr. Skeevy and Awful and rape would be a lot less common, and nearly always by strangers instead of nearly always by people known to the victim.

For that matter, plenty of people who have done really awful things have been able to compartmentalize their awful-ness and be genuinely great people to their families.

So, yes, I suppose J. Q. NiceGuy Rapist might be able to be a terrific parent. Well, fuck it. You shouldn't profit from being a bad person who does bad things, and if the mother doesn't want her kid around her rapist, a perfectly *reasonable* reaction, her desires should trump every other argument here.

[doggie]

we see this with murders and all kinds of nasty. but they were such nice people such a good neighbor. most people are nice till they do something not so nice.

[shesinsane]

Reminds me of this commercial.

Rapists don't get jackets either.

[pixydust]

**Hugs to Pixydust**

Pixydust is right. When my ex-boyfriend tried to rape me and I told some people all I got was "But he's so nice!", "He wouldn't do that!", "He's such an upstanding citizen!" among other things.

I stopped talking about it then until four years later when a friend in England found out and she was the only one who believed me.

Thanks, Claddagh. Hugs to you, too. It sucks when people tell you how "nice" your attacker is. Evil people will always seem nice to the outside, hell BTK was an upstanding citizen.

[BlueberryBird]

And apparently, Ted Bundy was a great guy. Except, you know, when he was busy killing women.

Even creepier, people who knew him before (like Ann Rule, and former girlfriends) still referto him as a " friend."

It upsets our sense of safety to realize that we don't have a sure way of identifying the monsters.

[Closed Womb]

I also think this was taken out of context, probably for the humor of The Soup rather than any nefarious misrepresentation. The expert should probably learn to utilize better modifiers so it's harder to take her out of context; "there are many rapists who initially seem nice" might work better for her.

My heart goes out to every Fjer who has ever suffered a sexual assault. You deserve to be believed.

[Trynn]

My cousin and I have a.... er, acquaintance named Randy. We call him Religious Randy the Rapist. Or just Religious Randy. When I first met him, I thought he was just really enthusiastic, like some new converts are. I thought he was only RELIGIOUSLY creepy, and would get over it in a few years. However, he turned out to be the father of my cousin's friend. Religious Randy has raped my cousin's friend, and molested my cousin's other friend who was mutual friends with my cousin's other friend.

I'm so glad someone told me this BEFORE he asked me if I needed a ride back to my campsite after dark....

[Anxious Girl]

:shock: I can't believe that she actually said this on live TV. Who is this woman, again? :evil:

[lovefromgirl]

And apparently, Ted Bundy was a great guy. Except, you know, when he was busy killing women.

Even creepier, people who knew him before (like Ann Rule, and former girlfriends) still referto him as a " friend."

It upsets our sense of safety to realize that we don't have a sure way of identifying the monsters.

Ann Rule, who has built her entire career writing about horrific crimes?

She thinks he's a friend?!

Excuse me, going after my hope for humanity. It wandered off and now it's lost.

[BlueberryBird]

Ann Rule, who has built her entire career writing about horrific crimes?

She thinks he's a friend?!

Excuse me, going after my hope for humanity. It wandered off and now it's lost.

It's complicated. She knew Bundy really well prior to learning who he really was. They worked together on a night suicide prevention hotline and became friends. She said he was like a brother to her. At the time, she was starting out writing true crime articles for magazines and she got a contract to write a book about the then un-solved Ted murders.

I just read about that coincidence recently--so creepy. I'm not much into true crime, so II haven't read her book, but apparently much of it is about her struggle to,reconcile the reality with her own experience with Bundy.

[Conuly]

And apparently, Ted Bundy was a great guy. Except, you know, when he was busy killing women.

Even creepier, people who knew him before (like Ann Rule, and former girlfriends) still referto him as a " friend."

It upsets our sense of safety to realize that we don't have a sure way of identifying the monsters.

My mother ran into the guy who turned out to be Son of Sam several times that summer. She felt - and apparently still kinda does - sorry for the pathetic loser.

I can understand referring to your friend as a friend even if he turned out to be a horrible person who did unthinkable things. So long as you're not letting your feelings of friendship blind you to their awful faults, it's probably easier than thinking "OMG, I thought we were friends, but he's secretly evil and now what do I do with these feelings???"

[pixydust]

My mother ran into the guy who turned out to be Son of Sam several times that summer. She felt - and apparently still kinda does - sorry for the pathetic loser.

I can understand referring to your friend as a friend even if he turned out to be a horrible person who did unthinkable things. So long as you're not letting your feelings of friendship blind you to their awful faults, it's probably easier than thinking "OMG, I thought we were friends, but he's secretly evil and now what do I do with these feelings???"

My mom knew someone who sort of knew him and said the same thing, Berkowitz was kind of pathetic, and he is kind of easy to feel sorry for.