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Posted By AthenaC

About Strong I have 8 children. Three of my babies are resting at the Feet of Jesus-miscarriage. I quit my job/ministry as a Director of a Shelter to focus solely on my household. I'm married to a wonderful, Christ fearing man who cherishes me. I am not the stereo-typical homeschooler. I have a city girl pizazz, with a country girl heart. I am a strong woman and I’m known to be extreme in following the passions of my heart. I’m sold out for Christ and I have a desire to raise my kids to be a light to the earth. This year has been a year of refinement and we had to make some hard decisions to move our two adopted Haitian children on to new homes that can better facilitate their needs. Our favorite Homeschooling style is Advanced Training Institute mixed with a Life Style of Learning.

Get the popcorn:

strongquiver at blogspot.com

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Freak show. I have had two miscarriages, I don't go around telling people I have two children :o desperately seeking attention much Emma?

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Jencendiary said:

This year has been a year of refinement and we had to make some hard decisions to move our two adopted Haitian children on to new homes that can better facilitate their needs.

Maybe you should move to find the families they were snatched from during the disasters, asshole.

ADOPTED CHILDREN ARE NOT DOGS OR HANDBAGS. YOU CANNOT PUT THEM ON EBAY.

AthenaC:

OH GOD:

4.bp.blogspot.com/_dOR4H9kYbI8/SgtU7dyF3VI/AAAAAAAABMo/OFRr3mFFgDs/s1600-h/Baby+McMillan+may+13+09.jpg

Why yes, this is one of her "children."

Warning: the barf is strong with this one.

antifundie

OMG OMG OMG:

strongquiver.blogspot.com/2010/08/morning-devotion-adoption-thoughts.html

Note: I'm not an adoptive parent, and I don't even begin to understand all that would be in involved, but oh those poor kids!

darkplumaged

I... was not expecting that. Perhaps a warning is in order: in fundie parlance, the photo is of a preborn child who has gone to be with Jesus.

pippa2

spelling mistakes, spelling mistakes, ooooooh, the spelling mistakes. Also, punctuation might come in handy. Also, BARF!

antifundie

I should also add that the whole adoption process that this lady went through sounds...difficult, to say the least, but wow.

doggie

what a total non Christian person. the kids did not live up to their expectations so they dumped them on someone else. They did it to save the children not to give them a new start.

They expected puppies and guess what they got children. they wanted instant love and the children to faun over them. the people disgust me. They sound like those young girls that get pregnant so they have someone to love them.

Jencendiary

I'm so fucking disgusting by this woman who loves a dead piece of tissue, a clump of cells that could not survive outside her body, more than children she adopted into her own family.

doggie

imagine what her poor children are like with her a mom??

AthenaC

For all that she's clutching her pearls about "reactive attachment disorder," I wonder what her biological children think about the fact that their "siblings" were given away because they acted out. If I was one of her kids I would be freaked about having a MONSTER for a parent.

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doggie

It's ok to abort them after you get them I guess.

I am sure she said it is what jesus wanted her to do. I bet he did want those poor children out of that horrible home.

I am so terrible she got a couple of puppies they crapped and peed on her fantastic floor so they had to go. Thats all it really was they disrupted her life so they had to go.

AthenaC

And like a truly awesome crazy person, she has at least three other blogs:

atifamily.com/

radchallenge.blogspot.com/

haitiadoptions.blogspot.com/

Maybe there are more...

On edit:

childs-voice.blogspot.com/

And yet another edit:

phase4life.blogspot.com

So many more:

conservativehomeschooler.spruz.com/

Way too many:

atifamily.blogspot.com/

lilwriter85

I took a quick look around the blog and I'm already bugged with this woman. Her wedding pictures are bit snark worthy.

doggie

Holly crap batman reading this one I like her even less.

Just another day in the neighborhood of living with a hurt child....

Today has been bitter, sweet and of course totally draining yet triumphant!

Justus woke up on the "victim" side of the bed today. It's a place he likes to live a lot, the land of poor poor me. Yes, this kid has been through a lot but he chooses to use this attitude of pathetic when he has not even been given the short end of the stick neither has been treated unfairly. Some people see the cup half full and some see it half empty. He sees it as half empty and it's his number one goal to make sure that everyone knows his is half empty. Same portion different attitude.

Anyhow, mix that in with defiance and you got a mess.

Today was a messy morning. We were all enjoying a good breakfast with fresh fruit and recitation of our memory scripture when in enters victim sure to draw all attention to himself. Unwilling to take instruction or have a cheerful heart etc... We call it playing Dumb see this video for what to do when they use this card PLAYING DUMB We don't do this but we use push-ups. Well since you are not "strong" enough to answer loudly or at all maybe you need to get strong enough to speak louder by doing 10 push-ups. And what do you know they normally get strong enough to respond. However today was a defiant day. He was not going to answer or respond so we used this attachment method.

Justus was filled with anger and was in the mode of I AM A MAN! NO ONE IS GOING TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

Clinton went into BREAK THE WILL NOT THE SPIRIT MODE.

So he constrained him lovingly while speaking to him softly the whole time. Justus was fighting to begin with than he changed fighting into trying to break loose and at times he was acting down right possessed!

FAST FORWARD a time later after Justus decided to receive love and give up his control and allowed daddy to be stronger, did we have success for the day. We created a safe place for him and he came to mommy's lap (me) and I hugged him like a baby and asked him questions about his family and about what angers him and what he is afraid of. Sweaty and tired he snuggled into me and put his head into my chest and shared with us his pains.

This was a definite triumph for the day but it comes at a cost. Our morning was lost, our family devotion canceled and once again older sis was on house duty while one of the hurt children sucked our time away. (Go ahead and judge me for that statement, but that's just how I feel) Everyone is affected by bringing the kids into our home. My oldest said she is weary of it all. My oldest son, Mr. can't have a bad day, has many now. He used to take everything in stride and always have a cheerful attitude even when he was disciplined, but now we see an anger problem in him that we never knew possible in dealing with Justus and his manic state.

I have been in ministry ever since my oldest was born and I quite everything a year ago to focus only on my family but the last year was crisis after crisis filled with illness and hospital visits and then the kids came. My kids never got to see what is was like to have a mom that wasn't involved in a ministry apart from them... So yes I'm grieving. Yes, it's my fault for not choosing to give them a 100% earlier. I give them so much more than other mom's do by sheer time and homeschooling them and discipling them everyday, but any extra time is lost and now it's back to a minus because these two take all of my energy just to get them to a "manageable" level. I had a full day planned today and my husband had to rush to get ready to go to work after the Justus incident and had a stomach ache from having to deal with such a deep issue and keep his composure.

These are just the realities of our daily life. What's interesting as we were sitting having lunch before he left to work I was silently so grateful for Nancy Thomas and all of her resources. Right as I was thinking that Clinton said,"Man what would we have done if we didn't have all the training material from Nancy how would we have been able to deal with this?" These kids can bring the worst in anyone. Parenting them the way you do healthy kids does not work and their problems are not behavioral. Their issues are deep wounds they are in need of rewiring. Every tool we have for them is a new one because none of our previous bag of tricks works on these two. So add self-education into the equation and you have more hours and hours invested into them away from the family....

These were actual pictures taken today

lipstickgoalie

Wait! She let little kids see the miscarried fetus?!?!? That is just... that is just... WRONG!!! I am sorry, I don't care what side of the pro-life pro-choice fence you are on that is just wrong. Totally age inappropriate. And kind of inappropriate in general if you ask me.

darkplumaged

I didn't want to be the first to say it, but...

I'm not going to attempt to assess who or what she loves more, but I find it quite telling that she counts her miscarried children (and by children, I mean very-early-term fetuses) as if they were living, but does not include her (former) adopted children in the count. (OK, so they aren't her children any longer if she has relinquished them.) Really, I just don't get this "I have X children, several of whom never lived outside my body" stuff. Raising eight kids is different from raising five, which is what she's actually doing, you know?

hoipolloi

Why idiots like these two were ever allowed to adopt, let alone carry out an international adoption of older kids, is beyond me.

Giving up on the two adopted children may have been best for all concerned. At least those two kids have a chance of getting placed with real adults who actually want to be parents, and will receive the treatment they need instead of the fundie BS "training" and "discipleship" that passes for parenting in these circles.

AthenaC

I didn't want to be the first to say it either, but I cannot fathom counting miscarriages under, say, 3 months among my "children." (8 months I can see, but 8 weeks? Never.)

But yeah, at the very least there should be a category for "kids I used to have but don't have any more" which would bring the total count up to 10.

Spartan89

Oh, wow. These two entries are especially horrible- radchallenge.blogs...-choose-dissolution.html and radchallenge.blogs.../what-is-disruption.html

Seriously, you adopted two children who have (presumably) been through some heartbreaking situations, and expect them not to have issues?! The way she went on and on about how hooorrrrrible the whole situation was made me think the kids were doing something extraordinarily unbearable. What she described seems so minor, I am disgusted she didn't prepare herself better. And those "signs of disruption"? The vast majority seemed like things most average kids do at some point. You have to be really, really stupid to not expect a lot of those behaviors from traumatized children.

ETA: I just reread and realized I missed one of the most disturbing parts. Emma was angry because the child looked at her. Yup, she interpreted his staring as a sign he was trying to control her. Words escape me.....

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dirtyhippiegirl

I've read blogs and books from parents who adopted RAD kids and ended up either dissolving the adoption or placing their child in a long-term facility. They usually talk repeatedly about pretty extreme things -- physical violence, wondering if the child was going to kill or injure them/others (seems like every RAD family has the story of waking up with their kid holding a butcher knife over them), the child routinely making suicidal threats/gestures, the child making serious allegations of abuse (often sexual) against the parents...

This woman just goes on and on about how disrespectful the kids were; how they lied, or talked back. A bad day for one of the kids was when she sprayed her sibling with the water hose and it was cold out.

I guess what happened was the result of thinking that all children are devious and sinful from the day they are born and applying those thoughts to kids who are hard to discipline and, yeah, probably damaged. So they become some super breed of evil that only special people can handle.

Interestingly, the therapeutic home that took the girl(?) was "really happy" because they couldn't formally adopt from Haiti since they already had too many children. Yikes.

(I also find it interesting that she seems to want all of the sympathy and to even be acknowledged as someone who "knows" about RAD vis-a-vis the "wisdom" she spouts on her blog but obviously didn't want to do any of the hard work like, y'know, parenting the kids.)

usedtobenice

This woman is seriously twisted. Her adoptive kids are lucky to have new homes and not have to live with this psycho anymore.

Munasa

As the Mom of two adopted sons, I am enraged. I can't write much more - people who give up adopted children make me sick.

My boys were 10 and 7 and it was not easy, but we made it - and I was a single parent, which made it even harder when the older one became a teenager. But both boys (men now) have bonded with me and with each other and we are the most amazing loving family.

People who give up so soon are missing out big time. It took my older son about ten years to adjust, bond, etc. Today - the anniversary of his adoption - he sent me a text message: "Happy Anniversary Mum! I love being your son and I can't live without ya."

He just needed years and years of love and acceptance and ... lots more. But it was/is worth it.

AthenaC

Her definition of QF: "My family is Quiverfull not because we have more than the national average of children, but because we are trusting God for what He wants to bless us with in the way of children, natural or by adoption."

But apparently God screwed up when He placed those children in her care.

mamavee

Ok, RAD is no laughing matter. RAD is fucked up. RAD is seriously difficult to deal with. RAD doesn't go away, and as terrible as it is to disrupt an adoption - those kids need a therapeutic home and this batshit crazy lady was never going to provide them for them. Ever. Taking on two older children, when you already have four and one on the way is just stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.

I can't handle this lady. She makes me sick.

keeks21

I actually have no words. This is disgusting .Children are a life time commitment not a purse to return back to a shop if you don't like it. If your child doesn't react to your parenting techniques, you adapt them. I can't read anymore of this blog.

Patsy

I try not to judge disruptions because I know that every parent who ever does it will get a lot of criticism, and some are actually ... not morally awful?... that being said, shouldn't this woman have had SOME idea of what she was getting into? I know people who have really difficult adoptions say "You never REALLY know", but it sounds like she had no idea that it might be... y'know... hard. That's just negligent.

ruralWI.mothersagainstp...

THat first pic of her square and center on the first page made me think " Kiss of the Spider Woman" Seriously. She'd look just as home in an Elvira costume. THere's something evul about her.

THe kids all posed and dressed make me think she sees her kids as accessories to her image, not whole people to be nurtured and valued.

She represents the worst type of adoptive parent. One who expects gratitude from the kids. Um. do you give birth so that your kids are going to be grateful, or do you do it to have a family and raise them?

Really, they say "Well my bio-kids love me, and I'm such a swell parent, that any kid would love to be mine! No. They do NOT want to be yours. They had their whole life ripped apart from them and have been through hell. You;re just a place where they landed. YOU must be worthy of THEM.

Women with this attitude should imagine they were removed from their home and family and put in the harem of a rich Arab Sheik, where they are expected to be subservient and grateful. What? You wouldn't be grateful to be part of such a nice family??

MissNovember

"We were all enjoying a good breakfast with fresh fruit and recitation of our memory scripture when in enters victim sure to draw all attention to himself."

I read her adopted child's reaction to this situation and I think I would have done the same thing as him. Waking up in the morning and walking into a room full of crazy white people quoting memory scripture while eating fruit...oh hell no, wtf did I do to deserve this?!

It also doesn't look like she treated her adopted kids the same as her bio kids. The rest of the family was eating breakfast and reciting Bible verses around the kitchen table, while the adopted kids were off doing their own thing.

booksnbeats

But in all seriousness, this woman sickens me. I plan to adopt one day, and I've read articles about RAD, etc., but don't most psychologists think that Nancy Thomas's therapy techniques (forcibly holding older children in your lap, forcing eye contact, etc.) are actually counterproductive?

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AthenaC

She's tried to pray her dead fetuses back to life.

This one's extra special.

booksnbeats

Okay, they are seriously sick. The more you read...

No I'm not saying these kids are cancer, but they brought death to our household for a short period at least that is what it felt like most days.

She has blogorrhea about these kids that she fucked over, which shows that she must sense she did something wrong. That's good, I guess.

while dealing with one defiant and rebellious little boy with a daddy who is a sharp shooter, previous SWAT team commander, previous type of special forces drill sergeant, NAVY SEALS trained, mans man and you know you have trouble! Add to that a momma who has Latin streaming through her blood who has a past of having a VERY bad temper BEFORE Christ, someone that would not let anyone challenge her without a fight and well what can I say.

What could this possibly mean? That your husband is such a "man's man" that he's going to snipe your adopted son? Does "well what can I say" mean, "so we made their lives even more of a living hell?" Ugh.

browngrl

I could not handle a child with significant problems and I suspect I would have difficulty with a perfect child as well. That is why I have no children. You have to know yourself. Clearly all her religion has given her NO insight into who she really is. This woman disgusts me. She seems like she wanted to adopt only to show people how wonderful and Godly she was. When the children turned out to be less than perfect - she dumps them. From reading her blog I don't think she ever treated them as her children - they were always a disposable project to her. I hope that these children have gone to a better home. *walks away shaking her head*

caxpax

Christian Adoption

Older Adoptive Children

Earthquake

Large # of Bio children already in the home =

clueless parents in disastrous situation. If more than one of those apply to you - DON'T ADOPT. It's not fair to any of those kids. Srsly. This is why I get twitchy when people start talking about Christians adopting.

At least the kids she relinquished aren't in her crazy house any more, although I'm sure they're with an equally f^&ed up Christian therapeutic home. What an evil cunt.

And the picture of the embryonic blob? Klassy with a K!!! I'm going to start posting pictures of my period blood rescued from my diva cup every month and see if I can build a blog around it.

MuseMama

I'm struggling for words.

As a loss mom who has few pictures of her baby, the sight of a deceased child does not bother me. I'm usually very grateful that another mom would be willing to share such a precious memory with me. My baby was 22 weeks along, and looked like a really tiny baby. That just looked like a giant blood clot. I mean, I'm sorry for her loss, but wtf?

RAD is serious business. There is a Christian mom who blogs about her six kids including several who are adopted and at least one who has RAD. That woman works her ass off for that little girl. She's also a tattooed Christian mom with a nose-ring and dreads, so she's not super-fundie. But they're dealing with the RAD in a really positive way.

No matter how your kid comes into your life, you never know what you're going to get. They can break your heart at any time. That's one of the risks of having children. I'm sorry if they weren't prepared for how hard it might be to adopt older children from a foreign country who'd been through hell. But blaming them is not the answer! They need so much!

It sounds like she adopted for the most selfish reasons possible, and when it diddn't look like her fairy tale she gave them away as if they were puppies. Which will only serve to make those children feel lost and abandoned. Again.

I wish people like that didn't have any children at all.

MortonFan

At first, I thought her commenter had her pegged when she wrote, "the phrase 'you were a tool' is dead on sister!"

Unfortunately, her commenter followed it up with, "you have done a wonderful thing, bringing these children here and giving them the homes they needed."

ETA: UGH! I can't believe what I'm reading.

Austin

W.T.F.?????

These people are certifiable. Words fail me.

On the adoption thing, OMG. I don't even think taking a puppy back to the shelter is right. So she moved her kids on to "different homes"?????Eek

Yeah, I'm already moved by her "Christianity".Eyes Popcorn, indeed.

glamourdollxoxo

Just wanted to chime in here i grew up in a family with more than onw RAD subling. Life with them was hell and this was before RAD was well known and when my parents went to our state to have one of our siblings placed in a RTC they basically told us we were on our own. So we had to stick it out and our house felt like a prison with having to lockup certain things and having to be in line of sight etc. My moms friend had to terminate an adoption of her daughter who had become a danger to her siblings which was the only way to get her housed at a decent RTC versus paying for a private facility that there was no way they could afford. They also had to do this with their son who overtime did get better and today shaped into a smart young man on the right track.

Patsy

booksnbeats wrote:

don't most psychologists think that Nancy Thomas's therapy techniques (forcibly holding older children in your lap, forcing eye contact, etc.) are actually counterproductive?

From my very limitied knowledge, I think that is the case. Someone with more idea pitch in?

Austin

Definitely adding these blogs to my reader in case she flounces.

It's really all about her:

This year has been so challenging. Bringing two children into our home that we have sacrificed for over 2 years only to have them turn our home upside down with their lack of love and ungratefulness has been such a lesson in so many areas for our family. I read in more than one book on adopting hurt children that once they are home they will bring out the worst in a family and if there are any unresolved personal issues they will surely come to the surface! Boy, those books were RIGHT! Loving the unlovable is harder than you think. They are children who did not ask to be born, put into hard situations. Who's to say we wouldn't react the same way as them having gone through what they have, but I tell you right now until you have walked in my shoes please don't judge. The biggest lesson I have learned is that when you have hurt people living under your own roof you do not know the pain and hurt they can cause.... so small yet so deep in hurt. Hurt people hurt people. I have learned that some people have been called to parent these children and have been equipped to bring them to a fullness of life. Some people are called to be prophets, some to be teachers, some to parent attachment disorder kids my husband and I do not possess that gift even though we have prayed many times to possess what it takes. Praise God for the called! Every area is covered. He has called me to be exhorter and a leader so I have been told many times. When we work apart from our giftings we are treading in another man's territory and are rendered incompetent. We are not all hands and not all feet. I have been many things for the church because no one answered the call, but I have wasted much of my family's time trying to do some one else's job filling someone else's calling. God was able to still use me, but I did not have peace or joy in the position. My yolk was not light and most of the time I suffered burn out.

strongquiver.blogspotDOTcom/2010/08/morning-devotion-adoption-thoughts.html

See, she just wasn't "gifted" and God would not give her the gifts she needed. It's not her fault at all.

I realize RAD is hard. You don't have to be an adoptive parent to know that. It's especially difficult with children who are a little older (not newborns) and who have been neglected (and worse). Everybody knows this, and even if RAD is not the problem, that these adoptions are very hard and you have to be committed. I'd be the first to say that I don't think I could do it (thus why we have never adopted). So no, she doesn't get a pass from me for bringing not one, but two children into her utter craziness.

This is the worst human being I've come across in awhile in the so-called Christian blogosphere.

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glamourdollxoxo (06/09/11 05:26:15)

Real attachment therapy is not forced and its gentle holding. To get a better idea check out Christines blog shes the one with the dreads at welcometomybrain.net she is amazing at what she does

demgirl (06/09/11 05:34:28)

Gah! Gah! Gah! RAD is hard, which is why not everyone should adopt. But in this day and age, with the internet at your fingertips, not doing minimal research and realizing that it is a possibility with adoptions, especially of older children internationally, is just terminally stupid, irresponsible and ridiculous.

This woman is foul. There are no words to explain my disdain for her. Everything is about her -- how she had it so hard, how she was so amazing to try, how she was affected. Fuck her. Real RAD is so difficult, but this mostly sounds like two traumatized kids that couldn't immediately be properly grateful for her saving them and didn't know immediately how to act like good, obedient, zombie fundie kids.

She's a miserable human being. I hope the world treats her as generously, fairly and lovingly as she treated those kids.

Patsy (06/09/11 05:41:28)

FUCKS SAKE. See, I hadn't actually looked at it any longer than glancing because I knew it would make me angry. "Ungratefulness"?! 'UNGRATEFULNESS'?! She expected HER CHILDREN to be GRATEFUL to her? Monster!

at strongquiver.blogspot.com/p/adoption.html

Where was the information? It was all over the place, you waste of air. She's been blogging for several years, so she knows about googling, the internet, the blogosphere, and she couldn't be bothered to find out "adopting older kids sometimes means RAD"? Quite furious now, so I'll leave this topic alone for a while.

Rosa (06/09/11 05:46:15)

I want to know which agency they adopted through, because I thought if you had a new infant in the house already, generally agencies wouldn't place with you (except special circumstances like more kids from the same sibling group).

Also, the lack of followup, I know it's typical with adoption agencies but MY GOD. How does an agency place a kid and then the parents just give them away? I hope she's right about the kids doing well in the new family. Maybe because nobody was trying to break their wills.

Patsy (06/09/11 05:46:34)

That'll learn me for not exiting right away.

from the comments section at the morning devotion entry

demgirl (06/09/11 05:50:23)

She has literally the most disgusting persecution complex I have seen among fundies and that is saying something. It's shocking how a) this is all about her, b) she insists she is the victim, c) she pretends like people are telling her how putrid she is because they just can't understand. Grow up, you foul nightmare of a woman.

Wow. This is literally making me shake with anger. I don't know that anyone we have ever discussed before has made me this infuriated.

Austin (06/09/11 05:58:02)

No kidding. I've known about RAD for years and years, and I have never even considered adopting. RAD stuff is everywhere and I can't even count how many families deal with this, and many of them share their struggles on the webz. She is just completely full of shit and trying to make excuses for her monstrous stupidity.

I hope those poor children are someplace where they are loved and respected with someone who knows a little somethin-somethin' about what they've been through.

theologygeek (06/09/11 05:59:04)

That was certainly an interesting picture to view this early in the morning.

Divine Duchess of Giggles (06/09/11 06:15:19)

"Loving the unloveable" ?!?!??!?!?! In reference to her KIDS!!! WHAT A B!TCH!!!! I'm having trouble forming a coherrent thought at this point. I want to slap this woman right in the face.

gingernut (06/09/11 06:22:32)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I think this is by far the most spoiled bitch fundie I have ever seen in my life. The on her RAD site she waxes on and on about how God used the adoption, even if it didn't work, to strengthen her relationship with her biological kids and her husband....saying she now feels vulnerable and never wants to leave his side, even when he goes to work she can't stand it....this is such a good thing God did through the adoptive process....WTF?????????????????? She uses her own failure and puts a God-spin on it....so that way it is totally okay that she treated these kids like dogs from the pound...her conscience is clean, since God used this to make HER a better person and to make HER family even more perfect and to make HER marriage even better than it was....what a pile of shit.

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VVV (06/09/11 06:24:28)

She is a monster.

On a side note, the "Lifestyle of Learning" that she references along with ATI as her homeschooling inspiration is the brainchild of someone who is very close to a former friend. Said former friend appears to be striving for the position of assistant cult leader.

antifundie (06/09/11 06:26:37)

I feel so bad for her Children! (All of them, that you know, breathe.)

I get that RAD can be really really hard to deal with--I don't know enough about this particular situation to know if it's really bad or not, since on one of her many blogs she talks about how the adopted children were affecting the other children's safety. I don't want to say more than that because on that blog, she also included pictures of her adopted kids, with alleged information about them that was too personal to be on the internet, IMHO.

I also understand that there are things you would say to God, to a therapist, to a pastor, to a doctor, that are UGLY. If you are struggling to love your kids (any kids), etc., I think it's good to express those ugly feelings so that you can learn to deal with them, or get help, whatever. But to post those ugly ugly hateful things on the internet, along with pictures of your children? And to use the word unlovable? I just don't understand. At all.

There's one entry where she says the dissolution was the best thing for her family, an talks about how wonderful their family is now that those children are gone. I mean, sure, a dissolution could be what's best for everybody involved, but then to talk about it like Oh, I got these kids, it didn't work out, but look how great my family is NOW--No. Just no.

I too really hope those two children are in a safe, loving home.

fundiefan (06/09/11 06:53:17)

I think, however absurd the process was, the children are lucky to be out of that house. They need someone with compassion, not expectations. They need love and a lot of commitment and dedication to THEM, and this effed up woman/family were never prepared to give that.

People never fail to make me sick.

SnarkyJan (06/09/11 07:04:42)

So, she adopted two traumatized Haitian children and is butthurt because they didn't kiss her ass? Since the children are undoubtedly Catholic, it wouldn't surprise me if she tried to suppress their religious identity as well. I agree with the others on this board, these two kids are much better off without her as an adopter.

AthenaC (06/09/11 07:07:30)

I'm not taking her claim that these kids had RAD at face value.

Note well that her two greatest influences are Michelle Duggar and Debi Pearl.

I bet that her own kids have been beaten into obedience from an early age, and the adopted kids DARED to backtalk, pilfer stuff, lie, bicker with the other kids, and do all the shit that NORMAL kids get up to.

There is something seriously, seriously wrong with this woman. Maybe there was something wrong with the kids too, but I'm hearing hoofbeats and I'm not thinking they're coming from zebras.

Linnea (06/09/11 07:09:46)

Where on earth would she have gotten that idea? Like Austin said, I knew about RAD just from being a literate person with a general interest in children. You often hear about it in regard to children brought up in orphanages, with no mention of drug or alcohol involvement.

I'm horrified by all the major wrongness in her life that everyone has mentioned, but I also do have to snark about this little piece of Grammar Fail:

AthenaC (06/09/11 07:18:07)

Here's a news clip about their original adoption:

<>

demgirl (06/09/11 07:21:36)

Yeah, but given what we know about her -- do you really and truly and honestly think that she researched the homes she was sending the kids to? If they end up in a home with compassion, love, commitment, dedication and understanding, I am thrilled for them because that is what they deserve. But I see no sign from this woman that she would ensure such a thing happened. She's a peice of garbage and I hope she googles herself and finds this thread. Mostly I want to be left alone by the fundies and I am glad when they don't know of our existence, but this lady? I hope she can see what people think of her on FJ b/c she seems the type of who would pretend not to care, but would totally care 100%.

Sola (06/09/11 07:23:28)

I think I might vomit. And not because of the barf inducing fetus picture either.

Having spent the last hour on her blogs I get the overwhelming impression that this woman places more emphasis on how everything looks to other people. Those poor kids didn't fit in with her vision and as a result are out of there. RAD kids are hard work, but honestly, anyone with an ounce of common sense knows that adopted older kids from the 3rd world come with a shitload of emotional baggage. I don't like the methods she has described either. Holding therapy has been discredited time and time again.

I just hope these kids got a good home where their issues will be addressed compassionately.

fundiefan (06/09/11 07:24:34)

Watching that video it is, to me, extremely obvious that the little boy is overwhelmed. How sad. From the first second he was not grateful and overjoyed that these people 'saved' him. They ignored the obvious from the very start.

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glamourdollxoxo (06/09/11 07:27:54)

As sad as it was at least those kids are with caregivers now who have a clue about RAD and seem to be thriving. Most RAD kids go through many placements without forming attachments so im hoping this wont affect them much as bad as that sounds. These Christians think that these kids should be so grateful for being adopted these idiots have no freaking clue and it sickens me.

AthenaC (06/09/11 07:28:35)

And who wouldn't be overwhelmed?

You're going from a Haitian orphanage to the home of a crazy white lady in Brookings, Oregon who gets upset with you when you say you're hungry and who can't stand to watch you eat because she doesn't like your table manners.

Generation Cedarchips (06/09/11 07:32:23)

Okay - that woman just makes me sick. Teaching your adopted children that you're only there for them when you feel like it is so harmful. I just get so sad thinking about what this woman did to those poor children. As a sidenote, this is why I also cannot stand author/speaker extraordinaire Beth Moore - she's another one who decided the "forever home" wasn't going to be forever after all and returned an adopted child after having him for a number of years (I want to say 7? but not sure exactly).

Last Edited By: Generation Cedarchips 06/09/11 07:37:43. Edited 1 times.

capt sugaree

(06/09/11 07:33:57)

Wow, those kids were so young when they adopted them--only five and seven. This is really a heartbreaking story.

fundiefan (06/09/11 07:38:08)

Of course. I wasn't commenting on him - I was commenting on their obvious lack of noticing and acknowledging him. The news report was about "I'm your mommy, these are your siblings, we're all in love with each other" - no one acknowledged the fact that he was scared and unsure and stand-offish even though it was obvious.

MortonFan (06/09/11 07:43:09)

Well isn't this ironic. She says at the end of the video clip, "They're my children now, and until the day I die, they're mine."

She forgot to add, "Until they change my picture-perfect life." Ugh.

ETA: typo

Last Edited By: MortonFan 06/09/11 07:45:24. Edited 1 times.

slickcat79

(06/09/11 07:47:42)

Ok, it's kind of small potatoes compared to her treatment of the adopted children, but she also has a blog tag about potty training...her 6-month-old. Yes, that's right, kid can barely sit up by himself, but we're going to stick him on a potty until he learns how to use it. I have never, ever heard of anyone trying extensively to potty train a child that young.

LilMissMetaphor (06/09/11 07:51:08)

My yolk was not light

I have an electric mixer I could lend you...

AthenaC (06/09/11 07:52:37)

I think this blog entry says it all:

booksnbeats (06/09/11 07:55:48)

What?! Please link to this!

I had NO idea the boy she adopted was only five. She talked about him and his "victim complex" (?!) like he was a sulky teenager.

I just feel bad for the kids they have left, now. (Even the, um, one in that photo. Because even a ... developing fetus deserves dignity. At least a better Photoshop filter. Oh god, I don't know if I can have lunch today.)

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This topic didn't transfer over very well; there are three days of conversation missing. Just an observation; I know you're not done and are still testing.

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Lissar (06/09/11 07:55:51)

I'm floored. Fundie blogs often amuse me, piss me off, and frustrate me, but this pathetic excuse for a human being is on a whole 'nother level. Do you have a link for where she says she got upset with the kid for being hungry? For fuck's sake.

formerGothardite (06/09/11 07:58:43)

There is a whole forum on Mothering.com devoted to people who don't use diapers from birth and instead somehow potty train their infants. The claim, if I remember it, is that if you are really in tune with your baby you will notice them giving signs that they need to go to the bathroom and be able to rush them there in time. I don't know if that is what this lady is doing, though.

I pity any child who gets adopted into an ATI family. It is rough on kids who haven't been through hell and back, but for these poor kids, they didn't stand a chance. Not with parents like that who use a program like ATI. Plus Gothard used to be fairly anti-adoption. Bringing the curse of the orginal parents into the new family and all that. I wonder if he has changed his stance.

MortonFan (06/09/11 08:02:23)

Not only is she ridiculously condescending to her former children (obviously), but is it just me, or does she seem to look down on her son's new mom for loving him??

Propagatrix (06/09/11 08:04:45)

I believe it's called "elimination communication." Works like a dream with a five-week-old kitten, but I'm not sure how it goes with an infant.

Austin (06/09/11 08:06:03)

The more I read, the more I see it really is all about her. I don't say that as a snark; it's just a fact.

Thank goodness she had those two children to put through the wringer because now her marriage is better, her home is happier, her life is sweeter, and so there you go: it's all good - FOR HER.

Her husband is such a manly man, with arms wrapped around his family to protect them. To protect them from what exactly? Oh, that's right, protect his actual family from these two little children they chose to adopt and bring into this hellhouse. Clearly, he never remotely thought of them as his children. What is wrong with these people?

FJers, I thought we had seen it all. I thought we had witnessed, over the tenure of FJ, all of the BSC, lowdown, disgusting, monstrous fundies and their behaviors. Clearly, this we are witnessing a new low.

Perhaps on an annual basis, we should award one fundie/ATIer/QF "The Most Disgusting Fundie" award. It's only June, but so far, my vote would be for this bitch.

formerGothardite (06/09/11 08:06:31)

They were never her kids because you don't give away your kids when the going gets tough. She seems so shocked that the new mom is capable of loving them and dealing with their issues. It is like she feels those kids were so horrible that that nobody would ever love them and help them adjust to a new life. I hope this woman comes here and reads all this. And I hope she feels guilty for treating children as disposable objects for the rest of her life.

dcmhejbl62 (06/09/11 08:07:29)

I think I get it.

There were no mistakes made... god sent her those children so she could learn that her real gift is leadership, and so her manly man's man of a man could protect their privileged children from those raised with poverty and neglect, ie Satan's spawn.

She sure can recognize the "victim" mentality in everyone but herself, can't she?

Btw, I read a lot of adoption blogs, including those with disruptions, and yep, she takes the cake.

I am also amazed at how many adoptive parents were "unaware" of RAD.

SnarkyJan

(06/09/11 08:08:32)

That, and she's pissed off at Justus' new mom for succeeding where she couldn't. She had this kid written off as a failure and was convinced that nobody could succeed with him when her godly self could not. Don't you love how she speaks of Justus as a budding megalomaniac intent on conquering at least her household, if not the world?

dirtyhippiegirl (06/09/11 08:11:13)

I bet that her own kids have been beaten into obedience from an early age, and the adopted kids DARED to backtalk, pilfer stuff, lie, bicker with the other kids, and do all the shit that NORMAL kids get up to.

Yeah, my thoughts exactly. I think it's telling that she gets into quite a bit of detail about some things -- like when the kid sprayed his sibling with the hose, the breakfast scene, etc. but tends to beat around the bush about the Really Bad Stuff and be very vague about this god awful passive-aggressiveness, insubordination, etc. that she apparently couldn't beat out of the kids.

She also mentions her husband's income being cut drastically and losing some of the healthcare coverage around the time she really starts on about dissolving. Wonder if the kids just got too expensive with the baby, too?

lol and she mentions how her husband gets a lot out of those ATI wisdom booklets that she also gives the kids. Aren't they supposed to be really juvenile? as in, that's why you home school with them and give them to kids? Mr. Sharpshooter may not be all brains...

notTHATkind (06/09/11 08:12:16)

According to Wikipedia "Holding Therapy" hasn't been validated through research, but I can understand why someone would want to try it to create a bond of security for their kids ("I'm not letting you go. See how much I love you? You can't push me away!"). Anyway, the Wikipedia article also talks about traditional treatment where assessment of a proper caregiver whose attitude and feelings towards the kid will foster attachment. Obviously Emma isn't that person.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reactive_a ... #Treatment

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quinoa (06/09/11 08:12:22)

I know I'm new here and that I certainly haven't established myself as a reasonable person, but I'll say that I think most of the individuals discussed on this board have absolutely appalling worldview. Does that help me gain some cred? I don't really think you're all going to hell. I don't believe in hell. Is that reassuring? Now for the purpose of my post.

This Emma woman is unbelievably disgusting for a lot of reasons, but I'm not sure early potty-training is one of them. Her site doesn't appear to omit unsavory aspects of her parenting philosophy, and in describing potty training she doesn't mention any negative reinforcement for going in a diaper, so it doesn't seem so bad.

Full disclosure: I started potty training my son as soon as he could sit up on his own by doing basically this very thing. We sat him on the potty after meals and nap, and periodically throughout the day. If he peed or pooped in the potty, we'd point it out to him matter-of-factly - "Oh look, you pee-peed in the potty," and move on with our day. If he used his diaper, we just cheerfully changed it and made no comment either way. By 11 months, he only soiled diapers overnight. (In all other aspects of my parenting, I think I'm pretty middle of the road.)

LeftyMom (06/09/11 08:14:07)

My late grandmother swore that all of her girls were potty training almost as soon as they could stand up, and done by a year old. But I guess back when all anybody had were flannel squares and rubber covers, all parties involved were probably pretty motivated to move on. But even for that era, that was unusually early and people would make comments as she walked my then-infant aunties into restrooms. The boys took longer, she said. So I know it's possible before a year, because Grandma said so, and that woman knew more about kids than anybody.

With a child even younger than that? They're not trained, the parents have trained themselves to undress the baby and hold them over a potty whenever they get a bit squirmy or make a weird face. Honestly? Having a young baby is hard enough without having to watch their every gesture and interpret every noise to see if they're about to pee. They're ALWAYS about to pee. /why I don't get ec-ers

slickcat79 (06/09/11 08:17:27)

She does link to an elimination communication article, but I'm not sure how much she really tries to be in tune with the baby...she just takes him to sit on the potty every 20-30 minutes and it works about 2/3 of the time.

strongquiverdotblogspot.com/search/label/Potty%20training%20Infants

Austin (06/09/11 08:18:15)

Just hang in there for seven more posts and you'll be a Tater Tot!

I agree with you on this woman. The potty training is the least of her issues, from what it appears.

sableduck (06/09/11 08:20:36)

Well...I have to say hat I am glad she recognized her limitations and that those children were not better off with her. That they needed more than she could give. I suspect she and her husband were incredibly unprepared for the issues those children would have, and being an ATI family just made the situation worse.

Sad, yes.

but I am very glad she DID "quit" and sent them to somewhere they could heal and be loved and cared for properly.

notTHATkind (06/09/11 08:23:46)

The thing that makes me feel sick is the RAD blog where she has posted the negative image of herself and her (ex?-son) and basically implies that he is the devil.

cassandra (06/09/11 08:25:42)

AthenaC wrote:She's tried to pray her dead fetuses back to life.

This one's extra special.

strongquiver.blogspot.com/2009/05/my-journeypraying-for-resurrected-baby.html

strongquiver.blogspot.com/2009/04/faith-as-mustard-seed-even-when-your.html

In the first link she talks about how she's HAPPY that the doctors declared her fetus dead so that when it is resurrected it will 100% be labeled as a miracle. So sick. And in the second link she has her young children praying for the resurrection of her fetus.....

Wouldn't it actually be sacrilegious to hope your child is resurrected from the dead? I feel like that's kind of a reserved Christian phenomena.

Now, I have heard of a parent showing a kid a miscarried fetus before. My ex-bf's dad is a doctor and when his mother miscarried they showed it to him because it looked like a small baby, my ex-bf was 14 at the time though. Not 7. They also flushed the miscarried fetus...I'm surprised this woman didn't have it cast in bronze and mounted above her fireplace or something.

Last Edited By: cassandra 06/09/11 08:33:31. Edited 1 times.

Austin (06/09/11 08:27:51)

OMG, I just caught that. Here's what she says about the photo: This picture didn't take any enhancement other than shown as a negative... interesting isn't it?

She's wasn't kidding at all - she clearly really thinks the child is a demon/demonic.Eyes

radchallenge.blogspot.com/

AthenaC (06/09/11 08:32:02)

Cassandra and Austin... might want to break those links.

It would be a shame if this one flounced so soon.

Lissar, I looked for the page where she talked about how the kid was replacing all emotions with food and she HAD to break him of it, but there's so much crazy there I couldn't refind it.

Sola (06/09/11 08:32:09)

Of all the fundies that find out about us here on FJ and come over to shit on our rug, I really, REALLY, hope this one finds us.
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notTHATkind (06/09/11 08:33:58)

If I could have kids, I would do it this way, too. I have a friend who didn't have to change poopy diapers all day by the time her daughter was 9 months, and that just sounds like a bonus to me.

Austin (06/09/11 08:39:48)

Aren't they broken? I thought that's why we put the big ole DOT in the middle of the link.

MortonFan (06/09/11 08:40:02)

I have to agree! I'd almost relish the opportunity to make this one run crying to her oh-so-protective husband.

slickcat79 (06/09/11 08:40:42)

That whole section was pretty disturbing. She even had the other kids involved in this whole process of praying the fetus back to life. How would that feel, to be 6 years old and be told that your prayers were going to help save your baby siblings life...and then it doesn't work. Plus having to see the miscarried fetus and wonder how that was supposed to be a baby. *shudder*

I wonder what the doctors thought about the whole deal. They may actually be used to women in denial about miscarrying, as it's a very difficult situation, but you would have to wonder about telling someone that their fetus has died, and having them respond that they will pray for it to survive.

desertvixen (06/09/11 08:41:52)

I somehow doubt her husband has all those qualifications. The BS seems a little thick on the floor with this one.

EC might work for some people, but it always seems to me like the kid is training the parents, rather than the other way around.

Austin (06/09/11 08:42:30)

Dead as opposed to. . . what? Alive? I don't get why that makes a difference. Clearly, a miscarried fetus is dead. . .

MortonFan (06/09/11 08:52:14)

So she really (essentially) used the phrase "one man's trash is another man's treasure" about her SON??????

Sorry to keep posting my observations, but I am just in horrified shock and yet can't stop reading. This lady is beyond anything I've seen before. June or not, I'm with you on Worst Fundie of the Year, Austin!

robertposteschild (06/09/11 08:52:25)

Ugh.

She's a textbook example of narcissism.

The adoptive children shattered her narcissistic self-image by acting like hurt and frightened little children instead of just agreeing to be accessories to her grandiose self-image. There is no indication of real RAD issues.

With all this barrage of verbiage, she is desperately trying to cover over the narcissistic wound those nasty children dealt her, by demonizing them, and building herself up again as God's special snowflake.

The video about resurrecting dead babies in the woman is from the church in Redding, CA that was sued by a former member who fell off a cliff and was left for dead by 2 fellow church members. They tried to pray him back to life- he was in a coma, but the whackadoodles thought he was dead. They didn't report the incident to the police and tried to cover up their role.

cassandra (06/09/11 08:55:04)

radchallenge.blogs...8/childish-pursuits.html

This appears to be a post about how her young adopted daughter is sexually tempting her 9 year old!?!?!

I'm a little confused due to the poor organization, but....based on my initial reading this is seriously disturbing.

Austin (06/09/11 08:59:02)

This was included with an overwhelming amount of other shit in her response to a woman named Geralyn, a mother who also adopted children from Haiti, who took her to task on what she did to these children. Geralyn's post and the bitch's response are here:

radchallenge.blogspot.com/2010/08/what-many-of-you-are-thinking-but-have.html

She is so incredibly narcissistic that she cannot begin to see the forest for the trees. While she gives lip service to having made mistakes, she goes on again and again to blame the children and basically claim they were animals.

Ended 10/65

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failsafe

She seems really awful, but WRT to the potty training, well.

I was potty trained at about 9.5mo/old in the late 80s because my mom was pregnant with my sister and couldn't stomach the sight of diapers (I was also an early bloomer in general, fully verbal by 1.5, and I'm sure with a later-bloomer, it would have been more challenging to do it). She got sick of puking every time she had to change my diaper, and potty trained me. Both my sisters were fully potty trained by 1.5. One of my friends who is an excellent mother practices elimination communication and it works quite well for her. However, it is more complex than "Hmm put the kid on the potty and maybe it'll learn."

Frumper Lover

Just 2 entries into the RAD blog and already the crazy is overwhelming. She's annoyed that the kid is angry about being served oatmeal...umm, how much oatmeal do you really think he ate as an impoverished Haitian? It's got to be a texture a flavor that is totally unfamiliar, which no kid reacts well to. It's one of the reasons infants need to be gradually introduced to new foods. My friend adopted 2 preschool-age children from Ethiopia, and when they returned home they ate almost exclusively Ethiopian-style food for several weeks. The kids were not just going to pick up an American diet overnight.

She also makes the point that her husband was left in charge of all the kids even though he's only cooked twice during their 13 years of marriage. Umm...srsly? I was about to give them equitable-division-of-labor points because the dad participates in homeschooling the kids, but that kind of wipes that out.

And she actually makes the claim that she loved the adopted kids "like her other kids", as if anyone reading these blog entries would believe that. She is breastfeeding a baby, yet feels violated when a 5-year-old "touches her inappropriately". She has to help care for her brother's kids, who were a joy to watch, but felt threatened by her adopted devil children. I have no idea why she felt is was appropriate to bring 2 adopted children into her home while 8 months pregnant, or why that was even allowed. There was not one single time that she treated those kids like she treated her biological kids...its just disgusting.

Austin

She must very heavily moderate comments. I cannot find too many that challenge her at all, and the ones that do also pet and pat her ego plenty at the same time. Since she is such a disgusting individual, I can't believe that no one has thought to point that fact out to her. I think her narcissism can't take being challenged and that's why there's no truly negative (factual) comments posted.

She will probably flounce once she becomes aware of us because it does not seem that she can tolerate any criticism.

robertposteschild

Does she ever say or give any clues as to what agency she went through to adopt? That agency needs to be investigated.

failsafe

I agree. I wish there was a way to report her to the adoption agency (which is probably through her church and wouldn't even care).

Generation Cedarchips

failsafe wrote: I agree. I wish there was a way to report her to the adoption agency (which is probably through her church and wouldn't even care).

The adoption agency may not care, but the local office of CPS whereever she lives might find her blogs to be interesting reading.

capt sugaree

She and her husband brought a five-year-old and a seven-year-old into their home in January, and by July--July--they were done. Six months is not enough time to bond as a family.

She is a whackjob and I fear for her other children.

thatonechick

Why am I not surprised she is ATI?

Propagatrix

AthenaC wrote:Here's a news clip about their original adoption:

http://kdrv.com/news/local/160047

Time to film an update!

Lissar

It is a year ago this month that our life changed forever! On January 24th my 2 kids were flying home from Haiti after a 2 year wait and a tense 2 weeks after the Haiti earthquake and on the day they came home my only brother was at death's door being life flighted out of town.

It's kind of interesting now that I think of it. On the very same day that my life changed forever and I mean FOREVER is the same day his life changed too.

Each of our family's dynamics changed, our relationships changed, our household was shook and pressed down. Our homes were squeezed, drained and tested. What came forth for both our households was beauty from ashes.

He had a tumor removed the size of flat baseball from his head and he was literally back from the gates of death, but his recovery was far from easy and as a matter of fact there were times he wasn't sure if he would ever be well again, but praise be to God even though he still has visible markers of his ordeal it only serves as a reminder to me of the mercy of God that we still have him here today. His household was shaken, but now they are appreciating life and family time like never before.

For my household it is all so awakening because my marriage was so strong and wonderful before. I didn't even know it was possible that it could get better. It was like we hit a hiatus and I thought we were at the peak of what marriage could be and what God had intended it to be.

Holy shit she has no business running a SOTDRT. What is this fuckery? Word salad? Someone explain to me how you hit a hiatus. I don't know if I feel sorrier for the Haitian kids or her own kids that are probably stuck with her. She's evil and totally whacked out to boot. The icing on this shit cake, is that she seems to think she's fucking perfect!

ETA: This is from her RAD blog. radchallenge dot blogspot dot com/2011/01/beauty-from-ashes.html

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failsafe

She and her husband brought a five-year-old and a seven-year-old into their home in January, and by July--July--they were done. Six months is not enough time to bond as a family.

Hell, 6 months isn't even enough time for the kids to get used to day to day life in America, let alone integrate completely and seamlessly into a family structure.

While I think she was right to give the kids up as she is clearly an extraordinarily bad fit, the fact that a) she has other kids at home and b) that those poor Haitian children had to suffer through 6 months with her really makes me sad. International adoption is NOT easy, and it is not something that is for everyone. It is certainly not advised for someone who already has a large, young family, seemingly little education on the complexity of the adoption but who sees no issue with taking on two at once, and who is pregnant at the time. It seems she still is in touch with one person who adopted one of her castaway kids - if I had adopted a child under those circumstances, I'd be running as far from the previous parents as I could get.

pearl

Wow. Just wow. I want to give little Justus a hug. If I were Justus's new adoptive mom I'd be pissed at the "devil" picture she posted on the web-site. What a jerk. Damn. She scarred those two Haitian kids for life. It makes me wonder if they would have been better off staying in the orphanage.

Latraviata

In my professional life I had to to deal with some disturbing cases, I can honestly say, this is one of them.

Everything I read, about adoption, holding her miscarriage in her hand taking pictures of it and showing it to young children, potty training a 6 month old. This woman.......(shakes head)

fundiefan

pearl wrote:Wow. Just wow. I want to give little Justus a hug. If I were Justus's new adoptive mom I'd be pissed at the "devil" picture she posted on the web-site. What a jerk. Damn. She scarred those two Haitian kids for life. It makes me wonder if they would have been better off staying in the orphanage.

That is actually a debate that has been going on for a while within the International adoption community. A few countries, some of those from the former Soviet Union specifically, shut down International adoption pending reviews. I don't know the details or specifics, I just remember reading something about it so I can't quote or cite.

There was also a big deal going on after the Haiti earthquake and the questionable measures adoption services took to get kids adopted. Some were adopted to foreigners when they had parents, they were just poor parents. Again, this was part of what I remember reading about but it was long enough ago that I don't remember where or what the specifics were.

I think a situation like this serves to place doubt on the whole process of International adoption. Not that it is 'all' wrong or bad or negative, but the process needs to be seriously questioned and investigated and measures need to be taken. The first concern in all cases should be the children.

This woman and her family were not thoroughly investigated. They couldn't have been. If they were not prepared for what RAD is, they were not informed or worked with as they needed to be in order to be given these two innocent children. The agency definitely failed as much as the family did. The two kids were the victims of both the agency and those they were sent to live with.

freehannie

It's pretty clear that those poor children are better off not living in that family. I feel terrible for her kids that do live with her though. She must have them totally under her control if things like spraying another kid with a hose is an unforgivable offense. I'd have been kicked out of my parents' house at least 10 times for that one alone.

Her story about Justus watching her seemed pretty paranoid. If I had just been moved to another country with people I barely knew who didn't speak my language, ate foods I had never had before, and expected me to be thrilled about the whole situation, you can bet I'd be watching everything going on around me too. The child was just trying to figure out what to do. I think she went into the adoption with completely unrealistic expectations which were shockingly not met and rather than re-evaluate her expectations, she blamed the children for it. Anything they did wasn't seen as normal adjustment issues but as a sign of the devil and their inherent evil. I hope they are now with people who are better prepared to deal with all of the complications and joys of parenting these kids.

I have to say this woman is really bringing the crazy. I hope the husband has a little more sanity than her. Her poor kids being homeschooled all day by her with no relief in sight.

Patsy

quinoa wrote:

formerGothardite wrote:

slickcat79 wrote: Ok, it's kind of small potatoes compared to her treatment of the adopted children, but she also has a blog tag about potty training...her 6-month-old. Yes, that's right, kid can barely sit up by himself, but we're going to stick him on a potty until he learns how to use it. I have never, ever heard of anyone trying extensively to potty train a child that young.

There is a whole forum on Mothering.com devoted to people who don't use diapers from birth and instead somehow potty train their infants. The claim, if I remember it, is that if you are really in tune with your baby you will notice them giving signs that they need to go to the bathroom and be able to rush them there in time. I don't know if that is what this lady is doing, though.

...This Emma woman is unbelievably disgusting for a lot of reasons, but I'm not sure early potty-training is one of them. ...

Oh, absolutely. I've read a few foster/adopt parenting blogs before, and two that I recall ended up disrupting adoptions. OOne, I don't judge the parents for a second. It's abundantly clear that they worked hard, and ended up having to see what the best thing for their children would be. I don't think there's any one thing she's done that you can say, "all parents who do that are disgusting". But her actions overall are.

And I want to note this (that I do NOT think all disruptions make the parents horrible monsters) in case she shows up saying nobody understands. I think some disruptions are, sadly, necessary and the best thing to do. Her actions are as far from that as possible.

Patsy

fundiefan wrote:

pearl wrote:Wow. Just wow. I want to give little Justus a hug. If I were Justus's new adoptive mom I'd be pissed at the "devil" picture she posted on the web-site. What a jerk. Damn. She scarred those two Haitian kids for life. It makes me wonder if they would have been better off staying in the orphanage.

That is actually a debate that has been going on for a while within the International adoption community. A few countries, some of those from the former Soviet Union specifically, shut down International adoption pending reviews. I don't know the details or specifics, I just remember reading something about it so I can't quote or cite.

Are you referring to this?:

http://rt.com/usa/news/ad...d-russian-child-returns/

http://www.cbsnews.com/st...lyshow/main6387514.shtml

Talked about here, in a very long (but worth reading) spiel on culture, community, adoption and trauma. Makes more sense if you've got a bit of context from her other posts, which are also definitely worth reading. You'll need to dig a while to find the stuff actually about that story, though. An extract from that part:

I have been cringing throughout this media debacle every time I hear somebody say, “You can’t really blame her.†I can, and I will. While I understand that disruption is awful, and that you cannot judge what happened to bring a parent to that point, I can judge how she chose to disrupt. I have worked with a family that disrupted because the only way their son could receive the services he needed would be if he became a ward of the state. This isn’t uncommon — there are generally more accessble and affordable services available for children living without families than there are for intact families desperately trying to stay together. This kid was old enough that they could explain this to him, and naturally, he did not believe them. He perceived what they did as a rejection, an abandonment. But you know what else they did? Every weekend, every birthday, every holiday, they visited him at the group home where he’d been placed. They wrote him letters. They bought him CDs and clothing and books. They helped him with his homework. He was still a part of their family; they just weren’t capable of providing him with the day-to-day parenting he needed. They could still provide him with the love, with the sense that somebody out there in the world cares enough to make a significant effort toward your well-being, and they did. There are a million ways to manage a disruption, and this mother chose a way that maximized all possible damage to her son while minimizing all possible damage to herself. I can blame her for that.

... I want to quote more. Go read.

fundiefan

freehannie wrote: It's pretty clear that those poor children are better off not living in that family. I feel terrible for her kids that do live with her though. She must have them totally under her control if things like spraying another kid with a hose is an unforgivable offense. I'd have been kicked out of my parents' house at least 10 times for that one alone.

Her story about Justus watching her seemed pretty paranoid. If I had just been moved to another country with people I barely knew who didn't speak my language, ate foods I had never had before, and expected me to be thrilled about the whole situation, you can bet I'd be watching everything going on around me too. The child was just trying to figure out what to do. I think she went into the adoption with completely unrealistic expectations which were shockingly not met and rather than re-evaluate her expectations, she blamed the children for it. Anything they did wasn't seen as normal adjustment issues but as a sign of the devil and their inherent evil. I hope they are now with people who are better prepared to deal with all of the complications and joys of parenting these kids.

I have to say this woman is really bringing the crazy. I hope the husband has a little more sanity than her. Her poor kids being homeschooled all day by her with no relief in sight.

Not to mention the fact that from the second that child entered her sphere, she told him she was his mom and he was her son. His security was tied to her, whether it was what he wanted or not or accepted it fully or not. I would bet that he was actually watching her for fear she'd leave him! If he let her out of his sight, she might disappear. He had nothing but her, that house, those people. Whether he could bond or not doesn't mean he wasn't terrified of being rejected yet again. RAD is an emotional response to terrible circumstances - one of them being continual rejection. It's a defense mechanism against the pain of rejection. "If I don't love you, you can't hurt me". Infants even do this, it is not a conscious or chosen behavior. It is an instinctive, emotional reaction. Just because they were in her home now, they were suddenly and magically supposed to be 'cured'. She didn't deserve them and I can only hope that they are now in more understanding situations.

browngrl

Austin wrote:

Perhaps on an annual basis, we should award one fundie/ATIer/QF "The Most Disgusting Fundie" award. It's only June, but so far, my vote would be for this bitch.

Yes! I agree- she has my vote too. But what shall we give her as an award? A steaming hot bowl of manure perhaps (with a spoon of course - so she can swallow her own BS)

doggie wrote:

It's ok to abort them after you get them I guess.

I am sure she said it is what jesus wanted her to do. I bet he did want those poor children out of that horrible home.

This.

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LilMissMetaphor

Being grateful is not an option so I start training them really young that life is not fair. If you try and get the biggest piece, you end up with the smallest piece. If you try to be first in line you will be moved to the last (Mathew 20:16).

From her rad blog.

Uh yeah--honey..? Fairly sure that they already KNOW that life is not fair and they have been getting "smallest pieces" for most of their young lives now. It's your job to turn that around, not crack the whip and say "do 20 pushups if you can't answer me in a clear and strong voice".

failsafe

Being grateful is not an option so I start training them really young that life is not fair. If you try and get the biggest piece, you end up with the smallest piece. If you try to be first in line you will be moved to the last (Mathew 20:16).

What do you mean, LMM? You mean when God was talking about the over privileged people who take and take and take, he DIDN'T consider Haitian orphans who lose their mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, even country, to be the most privileged of all? God, they're so selfish.

Also they may not be answering in a a loud clear voice because ohhey, they probably spent the first few years of their lives speaking Haitian Creole and it is constant work for them to make sense of every element around them now that they've been thrust into this new place.

persuaded

Oh. Sweet. Jesus.

I really have no words... only tears.

Well, I do have a few words. As a Christian and an adoptive mom, I want to say that this woman is reprehensible and willfully ignorant and narcissistic and full of pride. Full of pride. RAD is real and children with RAD are heartbreakingly difficult to parent and yes, they can turn a family inside out. But she has no business whatsoever feigning ignorance on the subject. And can I just say that I hate/despise/HATE it when someone like this comes out and talk about these kinds of issues and everyone clamors and says how "courageous" they are. No hon, you're not courageous. You're just trying to normalize the horrible cruel choices you have made. You're just trying to squeeze approval and praise and pity out of people who should know better. No hon, you weren't "used of God" to bring these poor children into a better life. You want to see courageous? Take a look at those kids you have rejected. That's what courage looks like.

I am literally in tears.

ladypuglover

I tried reading this freak's blog but I just can't. Every word she writes is filled with pure evil and self serving love just for her-own-little-ol-self. Sorry, I gotta bow out on this one.

booksnbeats

Yeah, I am crying over what this woman wrote. I probably should stop. I don't think I've ever met anyone this narcissistic, honestly. And I have people in my family who probably would have qualified when it was still a diagnosis.

Those poor kids. I can't believe she only had them 6 months. I'm NOT AN EXPERT (I just read adoption blogs) but that doesn't sound like RAD to me. Just normal adoption adjustment.

Every piece I've read in which a parent talked about ending an adoption was written with a completely different tone, from a viewpoint a whole world away in terms of pain, sadness, and love. It doesn't sound like they made any real effort (e.g. locks on doors, open doors while playing if you have a child who has been molested). Just gave their own children up.

The molestation thing might be the saddest turd she's dropped on that blog. The child is a victim. She is an adult. She was not molested by that girl. Maybe she was touching her inappropriately (who knows what happened). But she is the parent, the one with power.

I'm just thinking about poor Justus, getting in trouble just for looking at her, probably trying to figure out what he can possibly do to make her happy.

I'm also glad her children are not disabled/unhealthy, and seem to be mentally stable (except for all whatever damage she has done to them). I don't think she'd treat them much differently than the kids she adopted if they caused her real problems.

Sorry, guys. I just got started and couldn't stop.

GolightlyGrrl

I'm usually not speechless, but this woman has me absolutely gobsmacked. The narcissism, melodrama, thoughtlessness and lack of empathy just jumps off the screen and slaps you on the face.

I know very little about international adoption and even less about RAD. I am glad Justus and Lovelie are in different homes. They deserve much better. From her blog it sounds like Justus is thriving at his new home (and nice bitchy comment thrown at his new mom) and I hope Lovelie is also doing well.

And why in God's gay hell is Emma writing in vivid detail about these two children if not to feed her immense ego? Does she not realize children can Google themselves? Can you imagine Justus and Lovelie finding these blogs and knowing how much their original adoptive mom hated every fiber of their being? What if their classmates and friends find this awful women's blog? WTF?

Also, Emma is an absolutely horrible writer. The copyeditor in me went into overdrive trying to make sense of her posts. Yikes.

RE: Emma's wedding photo. With her make-up gun set to "whore" she looks like the lost member of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey."

Spartan89

I never thought anyone could disgust me more than Zsuzsu, but this woman does. She is a pathetic excuse for a human being.

Koala

God my heart breaks for those poor kids....all of them.

She makes it breathtakingly clear that children are merely accessories to her, and anything that doesn't fit into her "big picture" gets tossed aside. Her words literally drip with hate.

I have a few of questions:

1. Has a PROFESSIONAL ever actually diagnosed these children with RAD?

2. What agency helped connect these children with this family? They should be investigated. 20 mins with this lady would tell you she is mentally unstable.

3. If the lady she gave Justus to couldn't adopt before, why does she get to adopt now??? Was this some kind of under the table deal?? Where is the little girl? I am very concerned about the kind of environment these beautiful children are in now.

This whole thing makes me think of a Law and Order I saw...it gives me shivers thinking about what she has put them through.

fundiefan

failsafe wrote:

Being grateful is not an option so I start training them really young that life is not fair. If you try and get the biggest piece, you end up with the smallest piece. If you try to be first in line you will be moved to the last (Mathew 20:16).

What do you mean, LMM? You mean when God was talking about the over privileged people who take and take and take, he DIDN'T consider Haitian orphans who lose their mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, even country, to be the most privileged of all? God, they're so selfish.

Also they may not be answering in a a loud clear voice because ohhey, they probably spent the first few years of their lives speaking Haitian Creole and it is constant work for them to make sense of every element around them now that they've been thrust into this new place. Or maybe they just agree with me and think she's crazy bitch that deserves zero respect, so don't want to overly burden themselves by giving it to her.

I remember reading a blog about a woman who adopted an older girl from the former Soviet Union. The child would stand on the coffee table and jump off. Mom would say "do not jump off the coffee table". The child would smile and say OK. Then, she'd do it again. After a few times, the mom sat her down and asked if she understood. The child said she did, but she said it in a way that mom knew she was not being honest (not in an "I am the DEVIL and intentionally lying" kind of way way, but in an embarrassed way, as I understood it). So, mom went right to the basics and asked, 'do you know what a coffee table is"? The little girl said No. This was after months of the little girl really 'taking' to speaking English. The mom, however, is smart enough to know that speaking it doesn't mean understanding it. And she is also smart enough to know that the child was not intentionally being defiant and did not punish her.

The point being that it is very possible, and likely, that the kids simply did not even understand the words used to give them rules in the first place. But this insane woman is so high on herself and her magical abilities to cure a child simply by being in its presence that she couldn't even comprehend such a basic thing.

demgirl

I assume the new mom could adopt b/c there are so few restrictions on private adoption in the US. She didn't have to meet the requirements of the Haitian government once she could adopt the child from Emma. I hope the new mom is great, but frankly, I'm not sure it speaks well of her that she has stayed in contact with Emma.

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persuaded

Koala wrote:1. Has a PROFESSIONAL ever actually diagnosed these children with RAD?

Koala, I am wondering the same thing. I see a lot of comments about "typical" RAD "behaviors" but nothing about any kind of professional treatment or counseling or even any kind of diagnosis. That just seems insane to me. Admittedly though, I haven't read a whole lot of her blog... I can only take so much.

As for your other question about where the kids are now... there are families that take children from disrupted adoptions and it's all very above board and the situations are very stable and yes, even "therapeutic" as she put it. Sadly though there is a whole network of folks who take these kids under the radar. Some are good families who just don't have the money to adopt again, or who can't qualify to adopt again for some reason such as house too small or too many kids. Others are couples who are just plain desperate for a child, who can't fulfill adoption requirements and are willing to take whoever they can... and these folks are often incredibly poorly equipped to handle these kiddos. There are also truly truly awful people who adopt these kids and basically warehouse them for the adoption subsidy money.

fundiefan

This is the blog I mentioned. I love this family and think the parent's are fantastic. Their 'newest' daughter is from a disruption. I think one of the other three is as well.

She is open about their struggles and issues and how they handle them.

I'm breaking the link because while she isn't being snarked on I don't know that she'd be all that thrilled to have her family talked about on a snark board.

http://minichfamilyblogDOTblogspot.com/

robertposteschild

persuaded wrote:

Koala wrote:1. Has a PROFESSIONAL ever actually diagnosed these children with RAD?

Koala, I am wondering the same thing. I see a lot of comments about "typical" RAD "behaviors" but nothing about any kind of professional treatment or counseling or even any kind of diagnosis. That just seems insane to me. Admittedly though, I haven't read a whole lot of her blog... I can only take so much.

As for your other question about where the kids are now... there are families that take children from disrupted adoptions and it's all very above board and the situations are very stable and yes, even "therapeutic" as she put it. Sadly though there is a whole network of folks who take these kids under the radar. Some are good families who just don't have the money to adopt again, or who can't qualify to adopt again for some reason such as house too small or too many kids. Others are couples who are just plain desperate for a child, who can't fulfill adoption requirements and are willing to take whoever they can... and these folks are often incredibly poorly equipped to handle these kiddos. There are also truly truly awful people who adopt these kids and basically warehouse them for the adoption subsidy money.

How does this work? Do they just not go through the process of assuming legal guardianship, and somehow fake it through school enrollment - oh I just typed that and then had a d'uh moment. They don't do public school, of course.

What about medical care? Do they ever ask for paperwork to show you are a legal guardian? Or do they just skip health care, too, including the mental health care these kids need?

persuaded

robertposteschild wrote:

persuaded wrote:

Koala wrote:1. Has a PROFESSIONAL ever actually diagnosed these children with RAD?

Koala, I am wondering the same thing. I see a lot of comments about "typical" RAD "behaviors" but nothing about any kind of professional treatment or counseling or even any kind of diagnosis. That just seems insane to me. Admittedly though, I haven't read a whole lot of her blog... I can only take so much.

As for your other question about where the kids are now... there are families that take children from disrupted adoptions and it's all very above board and the situations are very stable and yes, even "therapeutic" as she put it. Sadly though there is a whole network of folks who take these kids under the radar. Some are good families who just don't have the money to adopt again, or who can't qualify to adopt again for some reason such as house too small or too many kids. Others are couples who are just plain desperate for a child, who can't fulfill adoption requirements and are willing to take whoever they can... and these folks are often incredibly poorly equipped to handle these kiddos. There are also truly truly awful people who adopt these kids and basically warehouse them for the adoption subsidy money.

How does this work? Do they just not go through the process of assuming legal guardianship, and somehow fake it through school enrollment - oh I just typed that and then had a d'uh moment. They don't do public school, of course.

What about medical care? Do they ever ask for paperwork to show you are a legal guardian? Or do they just skip health care, too, including the mental health care these kids need?

I really don't know too many of the specifics... and honestly I don't think the folks would be too terribly forthcoming with someone who would be critical of the process, which of course I would be. I suspect it operates in much the same way that a private adoption would, or maybe a transfer of guardianship. For the record though, this isn't a fundie thing, it's an adoptive community thing.. and (excepting for the first type of receiving family/facility I mentioned) a very very tiny and shameful slice of that community. Adoption disruption is very rare- in my twenty years in the adoption community I have never met a family who disrupted their adoption.

Lissar

I should back the fuck away from this one but I can't seem to help myself. This is what it says on her RAD blog above the comment box.

A careless word may kindle strife

A cruel word may wreck a life

A timely word may level stress

A loving word may heal and bless.

It's like - MY TOTAL AND COMPLETE LACK OF SELF AWARENESS, LET ME SHOW YOU IT.

But you know, that only goes for what people say to/about her precious self, and not for what she says all over the internet about young children that were in her (if you can call it that) care.

bellamonster04

She writes as though the devil himself lived in those children and getting rid of them was the equivalent of a exorcism of her home! I've never seen anyone so evil that they could demonize children in that way, especially when they knew that the child was acting out because of some atrocities they have dealt with in the brief time on Earth. To KNOW that these children have dealt with things that no human being should and STILL have so much contempt for them is just plain EVIL. If this woman truly believes that demons can live inside people she needs to seriously consider the one inside of herself.

Obviously those children are better off with a family without the DEEP issues that her family has (that she cannot see and therefore cannot yet deal with), but to give the children away and then CONTINUE to write about them like they were nothing more than a couple of monsters that wasted a year of their lives is insanely nasty.

Want More Babies

Well that was damned quick. The Haiti Adoption blog is set to private. Wonder if she did that with all her blogs.

brashchick

I know there are a lot of serious issues here, and I don't mean to take away from them, but this line in the middle of her rant jumped out at me: ".....my yolk was not light..." Ummm, no. It was probably bright yellow.

"

GolightlyGrrl

Koala wrote: God my heart breaks for those poor kids....all of them.

She makes it breathtakingly clear that children are merely accessories to her, and anything that doesn't fit into her "big picture" gets tossed aside. Her words literally drip with hate.

I have a few of questions:

1. Has a PROFESSIONAL ever actually diagnosed these children with RAD?

Oh please. Since when have people like Emma ever turned to professionals? Don't you realize having a fuckton of kids and a weathered copy of the KJV Bible gives you all the expertise in the world?

Damn, I'm all ready having hard week, and this broad is not helping me.

Inanna

I just read through this thread and didn't even go to her blog and I'm already feeling sick to my stomach. What is WRONG with this woman?

There's nothing wrong with not being mentally/physically/emotionally/financially equipped to deal with all the potential pitfalls of adoption, for real. But the simple fix for that is to just... NOT ADOPT, for the love of small bunny rabbits!

Oh, but it's ok. It was part of God's Plan (tm, all rights reserved). Right-o!

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demgirl

Want More Babies wrote:Well that was damned quick. The Haiti Adoption blog is set to private. Wonder if she did that with all her blogs.

Good. This woman needs to close all her blogs/make them private -- it's disgusting that she is able to use them to play into her own desire for self-validation of her heinous behavior.

Meanwhile, should someone let Zsuzsu know she's now officially losing the race for Most Hated Fundie Ever?

capt sugaree

Just an observation: she really, really likes to post pictures of herself.

demgirl

She just can't keep her mouth shut about it. Even on the blog that she admits has nothing to do with the adoption:

Ever since we got back from Big Sandy there has been such a SWEET, sweet, aroma and atmosphere in our home. This time last year I felt like I was drowning in our family since we had newly adopted children in our home. This time last year I would wake up and run to the floor, get on my knees and push my face into the ground with weeping in sobbing and prayer just to start my day! Just last night I found a book that was supposed to be “Confirmation†for our adoption process, well I stuck in the garage sale pile…. some confirmation! Every day I cried out, literally, to YVHV to have MERCY on me and He did. Praise Him. We no longer have the children and our family has been restored 10 fold in spiritual growth and blessings... For anyone who is thinking of adopting contact me and I will give you my adoption blog info it contains the story of our dissolution. I don’t have it on here because that story is a closed book in our lives we have moved on and I really don’t even like to think about it unless I am using it to minister to someone else.

She never thinks about it? They were her children. I hate this bitch.

atifamily.com/?p=961

Latraviata

demgirl wrote:

Want More Babies wrote:Well that was damned quick. The Haiti Adoption blog is set to private. Wonder if she did that with all her blogs.

Good. This woman needs to close all her blogs/make them private -- it's disgusting that she is able to use them to play into her own desire for self-validation of her heinous behavior.

Meanwhile, should someone let Zsuzsu know she's now officially losing the race for Most Hated Fundie Ever?

I volunteer to 'stock' her.......apparantly according to Kayla I have been stocking Zsu.

So, I suppose I picked a new hobby stocking!

emmiedahl

Did you all see her list here? radchallengeDOTblogspot.com/2010/11/what-is-disruption.html Half of these things (or more) are normal behaviors for a young child and the rest are easily attributed to being in an orphanage (hoarding food and such). If these kids were trying to stab her in the middle of the night, I could see looking for another placement. If she was dealing with attitudes and food issues, then she is a goddamn bitch who should lose all of her children.

camdendayton

lilwriter85 wrote:I took a quick look around the blog and I'm already bugged with this woman. Her wedding pictures are bit snark worthy.

Totally snark worthy, so early 90s. HA!

bellamonster04

"I don’t have it on here because that story is a closed book in our lives we have moved on and I really don’t even like to think about it unless I am using it to minister to someone else."

She doesn't want to even *think* about it unless she can use it to make herself look good to someone else. Those kids meant NOTHING to her. I'm sure she made that message loud and clear to those poor children who were stuck in a home where they were not wanted and there was absolutely nothing they could do about it. The more I read, the worse I feel for those poor children. Their year in this woman's home was just another year of bad memories and mental abuse they were subjected to and will have to try to overcome.

quinoa mama

I feel sick. http://radchallengedotblo...-play-dumb.html#comments

She has a video of the little girl "playing dumb" not knowing how to turn off the vacuum cleaner. You can hear her voice talking to her daughter in a very sarcastic way. I guess her excuse for video taping it is that she wants to use this to teach other parents how to deal with this situation. It comes across as her being very proud of herself, and it's incredibly demeaning to the child.

Want More Babies

How do you post pictures on here?

fundiefan

She is very sick. She says:

"If there is one thing I can not handle is someone to take pity on me. I don't handle a pathetic soul very well (I'm not talking about a genuinely hurting person), but the poor, poor me syndrome. I'm not saying I never do it. I'm saying I can't handle when I rarely do it either. I may share the truth of a situation a lot, but it's never to gain pity. It's to share knowledge about my situations to hopefully give comfort to someone in knowing they are not alone or to post red flag for others not to enter the same direction if they are not truly called etc... I think a lot, "I wish someone would have told me that!" So in an effort to be a voice for the TRUTH in situations I share the truth of my victories and my valleys all for your public scrutiny. I appreciate your kindness. "

She doesn't have a clue what a genuinely hurting person is. She has applied the motives of the devil to genuinely hurting children, and didn't stop there. She now goes on and on and on. Looking for PITY. She needs others to tell her she isn't a monster because she knows damned well she is and she won't stop with her poor me syndrome until she has been thoroughly praised without question.

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Ending with page 15/65. Will carry on later.

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browngrl

I just watched that video of the little girl vacuuming.  Thank goodness those kids are away from that evil woman.  

Lissar

Here's a little "Worst Of" from Emma.

I realize for years I was trying to do my part to rescue everyone on earth.  It's so nice not to feel the pull anymore and know that is OK because God has it covered and has called people to those tasks, which I was not called to do.

I don't give a shit about anyone but myself, bitches! And I like it. Suffering people? Not my problem. Jesus wants other people to deal with that, he told me so.

Some things to remember:  J did not come the way his new momma received him. He came mad at the world and emotional, rebellious wreck. I couldn't even take him grocery shopping because he would not walk by me without having a break down in the grocery store. He kicked and hit me while I was 8 months pregnant that he screamed at our kids every morning and complained about the food I provided for him  like I was abusing him for  serving him oatmeal.

Gee, I dragged this traumatized kid away from everything he'd ever known, and he had the nerve to have FEELINGS about it. It was totally his fault I already had my hands and my womb full of my own crotch fruit and I was in no way prepared to parent an adopted child.

He physically challenged his daddy on many occasions and on top of that I had a colicy, sick newborn that was life flighted just a month after my only brother was life flighted leaving me to watch his 3 kids too the very same day I got J and L…

I am an attention whoring martyr. My pain, you cannot understand it! All of this is because of the devil children, by the way.

J brought out the WORST in both of us because we were tired, unprepared and add to that all the protective momma hormones I had going on for the baby who was just in ICU at a children's hospital for a week dealing with a boy who didn't like his baby brother, add to that a doctor that said DO NOT LET ANY of the KIDS touch the baby for at least 6 weeks because if he gets sick he will have to come back into ICU, so they couldn't touch him or me because if I got sick the baby could get sick and they were sick a lot when they first came...

The baby had food allergies so I could barely eat anything because the baby would cry inconsolably so when he was sleeping I wanted the house quiet and J is the loudest kid I HAVE EVER met!

I have no idea why a five year old would be loud! And why a kid who was just adopted might think that he deserved bonding time from his new mom! Isn't he supposed to be fixing me a frosty beverage and rubbing my feet now that he's been here a month? Why isn't he grateful, dammit?

Okay, you know what? I can't even do this. It's all horrible. Go read it if you think you can stand it, because it's all this bad or worse. Sure as God made little green apples this bitch should NEVER have been allowed to have those precious children, not for a minute. Whatever agency placed them with her should be right out of business. And lady, if you are reading here? You wouldn't look that bad on the outside if you chilled out with the make-up, but you are ugly to the bone in your soul. I spit in your general direction.

notsocommon

That isn't this whack's child (in the video)...it is another family

bellamonster04

fundiefan wrote:

She is very sick. She says:

"If there is one thing I can not handle is someone to take pity on me. I don't handle a pathetic soul very well (I'm not talking about a genuinely hurting person), but the poor, poor me syndrome.  I'm not saying I never do it. I'm saying I can't handle when I rarely do it either. I may share the truth of a situation a lot, but it's never to gain pity. It's to share knowledge about my situations to hopefully give comfort to someone in knowing they are not alone or to post red flag for others not to enter the same direction if they are not truly called etc...   I think a lot,  "I wish someone would have told me that!" So in an effort to be a voice for the TRUTH in situations I share the truth of my victories and my valleys all for your public scrutiny. I appreciate your kindness. "

She doesn't have a clue what a genuinely hurting person is. She has applied the motives of the devil to genuinely hurting children, and didn't stop there. She now goes on and on and on. Looking for PITY. She needs  others to tell her she isn't a monster because she knows damned well she is and she won't stop with her poor me syndrome until she has been thoroughly praised without question. 

So I wonder, does that mean she does not read her own blogs? She said she can't handle the "poor, poor me syndrome" and that would be a good title for her blog. She should just go ahead and make it her username. It's amazing how when anyone else does it they are looking for pity and attention but when she does the same thing she's being "a voice for the TRUTH".

Effie

demgirl wrote:

She never thinks about it? They were her children. I hate this bitch.

atifamily.com/?p=961

This story makes me sad and mad. Do you remember last year when an American parent sent her adopted child back to Russia...? She did it because she wanted to make her life easier. She should have thought about that beforing adopting a child. The same goes with this cold-hearted blogger. Such a behaviour is immoral and cruel.

Somehow I get the idea that these children are better off without her kind of parenting. She could never have loved these children. It's like they were disposable to her.

fundiefan

I so never should have watched that video. I am going to puke. How can these people live with themselves?

Even a child who is NOT adopted can have a brain fart. Even a grown adult who has done something a thousand times can be preoccupied and forget. Ask any honest adult how many times they've done/not done something they've done a million times?

To insult and humiliate, on camera, is sadistic. There was another girl in the background watching with a grin on her face; was this women teaching her other children to mock just as she does?

GolightlyGrrl

capt sugaree wrote:

Just an observation: she really, really likes to post pictures of herself.

And I'm like, "Bitch, you ain't that hot."

Here are her posts on modesty.

http://strongquiver.blogspot.com/search/label/Modesty

Last Edited By: GolightlyGrrl 06/09/11 13:11:21. Edited 1 times.

darareaksmey

What a hate-filled bitch. God has nothing to do with the cruel ways she herself describes having dealt with these children.

I'm an adoptive mom, and one of my children was adopted internationally. Both of them came to us as tiny infants, so RAD was less likely and never manifested. Not that I would have expected it. My daughter was cared for in a reputable orphanage by a loving nanny.

RAD and disrupted adoptions are all over the international adoption community; but MOST people don't take personal umbrage at the kids when things don't work out. I don't think proper care was taken by the agency who placed these kids with her, and I certainly don't think she knew WTF she was doing when she agreed to adopt older kids for whom RAD seemed a likely outcome of their early lives.

As for their lack of gratitude? Pshaw. Parents do, and should, owe their kids everything they can give them for their whole lives. It's why not everyone should be a parent. If you are lucky, the child loves you back, but it is an absolute certainty that you owe the child all the love and affection and attention there is. They did not ask to be where they are. I repeat, this woman is a bitch.

glamourdollxoxo

I can only imagine what she does to her non adopted children visions of plumbing line pearl style discipline come to mind.

Lissar

glamourdollxoxo wrote:

I can only imagine what she does to her non adopted children visions of plumbing line pearl style discipline come to mind.

Oh, she just loves the Pearls. She quotes them and links to their website.

robertposteschild

Thank god the children got out before they were beaten to death.

But I wonder about where they ended up. Going back to the video, if it's not from this family, who is the fucktard posting it? Is this the type of info that is circulating among a segment of the christian adoption community about how to deal with RAD?

camdendayton

doggie wrote:

So instead of showing them they are being silly and it's not going to work you tell them "they aren't strong." Genius.

Wouldn't you want to live someone who thinks you might be possessed

Well I am glad to see you can actually act like a warm and caring mom sometimes. 

What a shock it must be that kids come at a cost and can't just be made to think and act exactly as you want them to! That god doesn't just give you enough time and strength through prayer! Arg, this magically thinking drives me crazy.

PS. I am not a parent. I am a teacher, I know how kids work, and I have worked with MANY traumatized kids. I probably would not adopted traumatized children if I had kids of my own. At least not until the kids were 18+. There's just no way kids can understand what you would be going through with a traumatized child or be empathic to that child, unless they've been through it themselves. 

robertposteschild

Adding to the above - I can just see this attitude playing out in the Lydia Schatz case - the parent thinks the child is wilfully "playing dumb" and then must break the child's will a la Pearl. Fuck.

I do not think much of the welcome to my brain woman.( from the youtube video. )

fundiefan

I usually try to give the benefit of the doubt. It is true not everyone is capable of taking on what some of these kids come with and it is entirely possible to get in over your head. I try to be compassionate and believe that it is a good thing to realize that and do something about it, even if it means disruption, because in the end it is a child's life and that child always deserves someone willing to give more than they're looking to get. There is no crime or shame in recognizing you aren't capable of giving a child all it needs. I know for a fact I don't have what it takes. I am not strong enough. I know that enough to not even consider the option. Not everyone knows that though and that's part of what the usually very long, drawn out process can help figure out. Only, one has to be honest enough with themselves and humble enough to admit it. Not delusional.

This emma bitch went in with the wrong intentions, for the wrong reasons. She wanted to adopt kids so she would look good. So others would see her as a great Christian. She never considered the kids or what it would take AWAY from her perfectly controlled little life; she only looked at what she imagined they would GIVE to her.

That is where the agency failed. This is not a hard thing to figure out. You can tell someone's motives if you pay attention. You can tell what someone understands if you provide complete information. If the bitch emma only thought RAD came from children born of drug/alcohol abuse, she either chose to be ignorant or was given immensely faulty information.

The kids ended up in a dangerous situation. In one that could even be considered worse than where they started, given the manipulation and emotional factors.

Wherever they are now, it can only be better. It has to be. They've suffered enough; the universe has to have allowed them to settle and be loved and respected exactly as they are, not as who they are imagined to be. I can't let my mind think anything else.

failsafe

Is that the same woman in that video? It doesn't read the same and she doesn't look the same, so it's a different woman right?

fundiefan

Yes, the woman in the video is a different person. That fact makes this all the more horrendous because there are more emma type bitches out there responsible for these kids.

GolightlyGrrl

I thought the woman in the fundie looked a bit like Zuzu. Skeery.

MortonFan

My thoughts exactly, fundiefan. At first I thought it was Emma's own video, and I kept telling myself, "I'm SO glad that poor girl got out of that evil household." I was SO sad when I realized this was a different girl, who probably still lives with that horrible, horrible family. I have never seen anything so condescending as when that bitch of a mom asked her "baby sister" to turn on the vacuum. Why would you pit your kids against each other? That kind of behavior is emotional abuse.

glamourdollxoxo

There are some wonderful mothers who blog who have RAD children which far out number the people like Emma who adopt to look good. Two wonderful blogs for those interested are Christine-welcometomybrain.net and corey-watchingthewaters.com who both adopted children Corey's children are also adopted from Haiti. Corey's son who she adopted had to be put into a RTC after he sexually assaulted one of her children. She ended up having to disolve the adoption, but has worked her butt off to find him a family to give him another chance at life in a safe environment that she could not provide due to the chance of him re victimizing. The difference between Corey and Emma is that Corey is still torn up about it to this day about having to disolve the adoption to get him the help he needed, but she still continues to fight for him to give him the chance he deserves to live in a family. I don't know what Emma's children did to push her over the edge, but I would like to know what was so bad that she felt the need to re home them if their safety wasn't at risk.

robertposteschild

I think the vaccum woman is welcome to my brain. I'm confused.

dirtyhippiegirl

I was hospitalized with a boy whose family ended up dissolving the adoption because they couldn't afford (even with private health insurance) the cost of placing the kid in a private facility for any length of time, which he needed since the reason he was hospitalized was that he'd just killed the family dog by strangling it.

I was also hospitalized with a girl who was very severely anorexic and her *biological* family ended up placing her in state custody and surrendering their rights because they couldn't afford the 9-12 months of inpatient treatment that she needed.

It's a shame that intensive psych help is nearly impossible to get for kids. My dad had some of the best insurance in the state but I was still maxing it out as an adolescent with only three inpatient or residential weeks a year. Wouldn't want to imagine a scenario where long-term commitment was necessary.

ChunkyBarbie

This woman is bat.shit.crazy and not in a fun way. I am horrified that she is still violating these poor children by writing about them on her blog and keeping old woe is me stories up. It is clear she hated the little boy and didn't like the little girl either. That "devil" picture is abuse. Emma needs her ass kicked.

glamourdollxoxo

It is hard to get especially when your adopted kids are on the state's insurance which the doctors and treatment facilities who accept are far and few with waiting lists that are forever long. It's a shame that there aren't better procedures in place to get these kids the help they  need without charging parents an arm and a leg for services they desperately need.

MuseMama

I don't get this quote:

So, they knew that they were taking in children who'd been abused, or even enslaved, who's background they knew little to nothing of, so drugs and alcohol wasn't something they could rule out even if she really did think that's what caused RAD.  And they didn't think that children so incredibly traumatized might have attachment problems?  WTF?  So, it's the kids fault she didn't do her homework?  She thought adopting traumatized children was such a little thing and they'd just be so grateful for their escape it would negate everything that had happened to them?

She has a much over-inflated sense of herself.  

Sola

I've just noticed that she links to mamaant on one of her blogs. http://atifamily.blogspot.com/ (not breaking it because I couldn't give a flying fuck whether she knows she is being discussed here or not)

If you look at the right sidebar, under ATI Families, there's the link to mamaant's blog.

Latraviata

This woman really lost her marbles to show this video on a public blog. For the love of god, she is talking about a vulnerable child, not a bullying neighbour

The accompanying text is very, very annoying, what is she trying to prove? Bad, ungrateful child(ren) and good christian, blessed with excellent loving, christian parental skills ME?

Poor, poor children, they lost their parents, Haiti is one of the poorest countries in the world, lots of crime, in short sheer misery. Coming to the USA must have been a culture shock in the first place.  An entire family throw themselves on them, I am your mummy, daddy, brothers and sisters. Most likely they still have vivid memories of their parent(s) and they are supposed to fit in, love everybody instantly, know right away what to do and how to behave in a loving christian American household, reciting biblical verses while consuming fruit?? Of course they have behavioural problems, what do you expect? I almost developped behavioural problems the moment I laid eyes on her blog.

On top of everything mummy exposes you on the internet to show the world 'you play dumb' whatever that means, I never heard of it, should I??

And as a result you are diagnosed (officially, by a professional??) RAD and mummy and daddy decide, you are not grateful enough, so sod off, I have done my christian duty and I did right, because I always do right because I am a christian and god even loves me more.

Very, very disturbing to say the least!!

TerrieES

A note on the video mom: RAD kids operate from a place where, if they are not in control, their lives are in danger. And why not? It was true before, and they have no reason to think things are different now. Many RAD kids will act like the girl in the video ALL. THE. TIME. Because they are fighting to stay in control and alive. If they do what their new parents tell them to do, they might DIE, because they've lost control. That's how they see it. So a lot of parenting techniques are aimed at not letting them control the situation without turning it a situation where they can dig in their heels.

While I don't think the video was a good idea, I can't put that mom in the same category as Emma for one simple reason. She is working hard to help her kid and not giving up.

fundiefan

I think part of the reason I can't turn away from this topic is because I have an old friend who has a son with RAD. We knew each other in high school and only reconnected after a recent reunion and now communicate via Facebook. So, it's not personal for me, but I do 'see' some real life problems and issues. And, my heart breaks. My friends son is 15 now. She adopted him when he was 6, along with his younger brother who is now 12. The younger one has fewer issues and is not RAD. It was a domestic adoption, not international, but from an obviously bad situation.

The 15 year old attends a Military boarding school. He can't be within the family. I don't know the specifics, but I believe her when she says it's for his benefit. He is part of the school's marching band and she's posted videos of parades he's been in, beaming with pride at her son's accomplishments. Just this week she was asking for support because he is home for the summer and there is a lag-time between the end of school and the start of the program he's to be in for the summer.

I can't imagine what she honestly goes through. But I see, and we've talked a bit about, how hard it is. How her son's RAD is the axis around which her family turns.

But, turn they do. They do everything within their power to give HIM a life and a chance. Even if that is keeping him outside the family and in boarding school. He apparently thrives at school, in the detached, regulated, completely controlled environment.

I just watch/read/hear about their family and, knowing who they are and what they go through, it tears me to pieces to know that there are bitches like emma in the world.

I DO acknowledge and understand that sometimes, it is more than a family can handle. Emma, however, is not in that category. She defies description.

fundiefan

How is she working hard and helping her kid? By humiliating, demeaning and condescending her? By bring other kids into it to do the same? Humiliation doesn't work. Not on kids and not on adults. Only people with over inflated senses of themselves would use the tactic. I realize that sometimes unconventional measures need to be taken, but I will never accept humiliation or condescension as an acceptable measure for anything. Even if you think you've tried everything else and are at the end of your rope. 

ChunkyBarbie

Is it too much to ask that parents who choose to homeschool know the difference between there, their and they're or weight and wait?

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ladypuglover

Where is the devil picture? Why would she even do that? Please for my own reasons would someone link to the photo?

Gawd this is bringing back bad nightmares for me. For example my dad took some time one day to go through every single picture of me to make me look like I was a devil with horns and ptichfork and long red tail. All the ones in frames I should say and then proudly hung them up on the wall. He had invited some of his friends over and then called me to come look at what he did that day. There were all these photos of my childhood in front of his friends making me look evil but in my dad's words my true self. I felt destroyed and couldn't even react. When I didn't react in the temper or crying to prove how evil I really was my dad beat me to show how he had to be forced to deal with me. I was 10 years old and I thought I was over it and this bitch is still a child in such an evil way. My little girl self is crying for this other hurt child and my grown self wants to take her out back for a "Come to Jesus" meeting.... meaning tighten her shot group. How could she keep abusing this child when he is gone?

MortonFan

fundiefan wrote:

How is she working hard and helping her kid? By humiliating, demeaning and condescending her? By bring other kids into it to do the same? Humiliation doesn't work. Not on kids and not on adults. Only people with over inflated senses of themselves would use the tactic. I realize that sometimes unconventional measures need to be taken, but I will never accept humiliation or condescension as an acceptable measure for anything. Even if you think you've tried everything else and are at the end of your rope. 

Absolutely. If this is that lady "working hard to help her kid," then I'd hate to see her when she's just feeling bitchy.

Turtle

Those poor babies. I just read the tread, I can't look at her blog.

But hey, we can all rest easy knowing that my aunt and her loving partner of 15 years can't adopt. I'm sure it would be traumatic for those kids to have two mommies who don't hate children.

Barf.

thoughtful

Austin wrote:

Perhaps on an annual basis, we should award one fundie/ATIer/QF "The Most Disgusting Fundie" award.  It's only June, but so far, my vote would be for this bitch.

And name it for her in perpetuity.

doggie

if she has a great family life all perfect there is something wrong. There is no such thing as a perfect family and if you think you have one then you are just hiding from the reality of your true family. This woman has dug a nuclear fallout shelter of a hole to hide from the reality of her life. Along with her fantastic manly man navy seal hubby and her puppies (oops I mean children)

ladyPug. The "devil" picture is a negative of her and the little boy. It is in the upper right hand side. She makes a transparent innuendo that he looks like or is a devil. Radchallengedotblogspot The woman is a bitch.

persuaded

ladypuglover... I'm so sorry your father did such a terrible thing to you. I really just wish I could give you a ♥((hug))♥

Spartan89

ChunkyBarbie wrote:

Is it too much to ask that parents who choose to homeschool know the difference between there, their and they're or weight and wait?

TerrieES

I should add that I'm familiar with the mom's blog and other videos, so I'm putting this individual video in that context. I took her tone as "going for over-the-top melodrama" and not quite hitting it. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm not. Like I said, I don't approve of this instance, but, unlike Emma, she works to be better than her bad moments, rather than washing her hands of the situation and saying "Well, that's just not my gift."

twin2

demgirl wrote:

Good. This woman needs to close all her blogs/make them private -- it's disgusting that she is able to use them to play into her own desire for self-validation of her heinous behavior.

Meanwhile, should someone let Zsuzsu know she's now officially losing the race for Most Hated Fundie Ever?

Well, concidering when you google her blog FJ is now the second thing that comes up I am expecting a flounce, a visit, or a PERSECUTION! post in the near future.  Lets hope for the first, however I am expecting the last.

failsafe

I have to say, I sometimes read janisjourney.org, a father's blog about his young schizrophrenic child. And through it, I think I've begun to understand a tiny microscopic portion of what parents of mentally ill children go through - and it sounds hard. Hard because if your child is in a wheelchair, people understand. People understand sick they can see, people don't think sick they can is "real," don't think it is somehow as worthy of sympathy or support. It seems frustrating and extraordinarily difficult to do. And Michael (the blog owner) isn't perfect - he pisses me off a lot of the time. I often think, as I read it, "I wouldn't do it that way," or "I think what he's doing is counterproductive" or flat out disagree with him. But the fact that he loves his kid, that he desperately loves her and is doing the best he fucking can to get her the help he thinks is best for her, always shines through.

I don't denigrate the difficulty of being the parent of a mentally ill child. But I think if you don't start from a place of love, you are always going to fail, no question about it. And I read no love in this woman's blogs. None whatsoever. I don't deny the kids probably were difficult. I don't deny her other kids probably DID wish things could go back to the way they were. I don't deny that it is damn hard to parent a kid with RAD. But she didn't seem love those kids, not one little bit, and how could she have possibly hoped to succeed without it?

ladypuglover

Ok, I saw the photo and what she wrote.... I truly hate her. I hate her with every ounce of my being for abusing this hurt little boy who needed love and more than she could ever give. I have so much to say but I'm going to keep silent now as I can't say what I want to say. She so much reminds me of my father, it isn't funny how well they would get along as it appaers they were made from the same cloth. I'm done, this isn't good for me to be on this thread and yet I can't look away....

Austin

Add her blogs to your google readers, FJers.  Surely a flounce is a-comin'!

Austin

It is a rare fundie for whom at least one or two apologists don't pop up.  I see none in this thread.  She truly may surpass ZsuZsu as the most hateful, disgusting fundie blogging "mom" ever.

MuseMama

As for the vacuum video, that was done by Christine, with her daughter's permission. Their road has been long and hard, and she's NEVER given up on that girl. Mar admits, in the video that not being able to turn of the vacuum was an act. Is it a big behavior? No. But it was an example of one of the little things they deal with frequently.

The problem that I had with the video, isn't that she made it or posted it, but that the writer of the blog takes that as some kind of justification for her inexcusable behavior. As if that's vindication. It's not.

doggie

Maybe adopted children take pieces of your heart so she did not want to give away spare pieces in case she needed them later on

Gizmola

Oh, doggie, that sorry excuse for a woman has no heart.

Yep, I predict a flounce and a persecution rant coming on since she's closed the adoption blog. (ETA: nevermind - I think I just messed up the link. The horror is still there.)

I can't even put into words how totally disgusted am I with her. She is just...there are no words. 

fundiefan

MuseMama wrote:

As for the vacuum video, that was done by Christine, with her daughter's permission. Their road has been long and hard, and she's NEVER given up on that girl. Mar admits, in the video that not being able to turn of the vacuum was an act. Is it a big behavior? No. But it was an example of one of the little things they deal with frequently.

The problem that I had with the video, isn't that she made it or posted it, but that the writer of the blog takes that as some kind of justification for her inexcusable behavior. As if that's vindication. It's not.

My problem with it is that the mother used humiliation. Humiliation may get you your desired immediate reaction, but it solves nothing and if done enough will create even more problems.  Why did the mom trust her daughter's permission to post the video, but not trust her enough to work with her on the vacuum issue? Of course I don't know the child or the mom, and even if this is an ongoing situation, it is impossible for me to see humiliation as acceptable, in ANY circumstance. Ever. 

I know you choose your battles. I know that most of us cannot ever even come close to comprehending what it is like to live with emotionally damaged kids. But I cannot get past the condescension. The tone of voice, the bringing other kids into it, the recording of it in the first freaking place. 

Latraviata

MuseMama wrote:

As for the vacuum video, that was done by Christine, with her daughter's permission. Their road has been long and hard, and she's NEVER given up on that girl. Mar admits, in the video that not being able to turn of the vacuum was an act. Is it a big behavior? No. But it was an example of one of the little things they deal with frequently.

The problem that I had with the video, isn't that she made it or posted it, but that the writer of the blog takes that as some kind of justification for her inexcusable behavior. As if that's vindication. It's not.

That vacuum video was not Emma?

Well, never mind the woman is horrible anyway.

AthenaC

failsafe wrote:

But she didn't love those kids, not one little bit, and how could she have possibly hoped to succeed without it?

I don't get the sense that she loves her other kids either.

The closest thing to a "my kid did something awesome" post is when she's talking about how her son got saved, and then later baptized.

Seriously, for a "mommy blog," there's almost nothing kind or loving towards her biological children on here. It's seriously all Emma all the time.

dirtyhippiegirl

glamourdollxoxo wrote:

It is hard to get especially when your adopted kids are on the state's insurance which the doctors and treatment facilities who accept are far and few with waiting lists that are forever long. It's a shame that there aren't better procedures in place to get these kids the help they  need without charging parents an arm and a leg for services they desperately need.

Yeah. I hate that it's easier when the kids are back "in the system" to get them help. But, in general, mental health issues are disregarded in our society and totally underfunded by insurance companies.

Rowan

I am disgusted by the thought that someone looking for legit info on RAD and ways to deal with it may come across her blog and think that the hate that she spews is valid.

valsa

I haven't adopted yet but I intend to in the future, so I read tons and tons of resources on adoption and intercountry adoption.

1) It doesn't sound to me like these kids have RAD. Trauma and the normal difficult adjustment for older children adopted internationally- yes. RAD- no. Granted, maybe she isn't telling us everything that went on with the children but with her history of oversharing, I somewhat doubt that.

2) I really wish she'd named the agency she went through because they obviously did not properly screen this bitch. It seems very obvious that this woman did not have realistic expectations or knowledge about intercountry adoption, older child adoption, or adoption of a traumatized child and they did not educate her about any of those things either. Also, I'm guessing that if she got rid of her kids within six months of bringing them home, the agency probably doesn't do proper follow-up either (called post-adoption reports) I'm not interested in adopting from Haiti so I haven't done any real in-depth research into it, but just from looking at about a dozen agencies' websites, the requirement for post-adoption reports varies from none to three in the first year and yearly afterward. Bad agencies are usually the ones who don't require follow-up, because they don't want to hear or have to report that something like this happened (which might make the government of Haiti look at them negatively)

3) I'm hoping that J's new Mama is one of the good ones (did she take the little girl too?) Haiti seems to have pretty strict requirements for number of children already in the household, so her being disqualified for that reason doesn't automatically raise a red flag with me. From the agencies I looked at, Haiti favors households with 0 to 1 kids already present and if there are already two kids in the household, you have to get a special waiver from the president of Haiti (which seems to allow you to adopt with up to 3-5 kids already in the house) Granted, all this info is current and not from a year ago, when all this was happening.

camdendayton

Linnea wrote:

I'm horrified by all the major wrongness in her life that everyone has mentioned, but I also do have to snark about this little piece of Grammar Fail:

I am a woman of action and so is my husband.

Thanks for a laugh on this thread. I needed it!

fundiefan

valsa wrote:

I haven't adopted yet but I intend to in the future, so I read tons and tons of resources on adoption and intercountry adoption.

1) It doesn't sound to me like these kids have RAD. Trauma and the normal difficult adjustment for older children adopted internationally- yes. RAD- no. Granted, maybe she isn't telling us everything that went on with the children but with her history of oversharing, I somewhat doubt that.

2) I really wish she'd named the agency she went through because they obviously did not properly screen this bitch. It seems very obvious that this woman did not have realistic expectations or knowledge about intercountry adoption, older child adoption, or adoption of a traumatized child and they did not educate her about any of those things either. Also, I'm guessing that if she got rid of her kids within six months of bringing them home, the agency probably doesn't do proper follow-up either (called post-adoption reports) I'm not interested in adopting from Haiti so I haven't done any real in-depth research into it, but just from looking at about a dozen agencies' websites, the requirement for post-adoption reports varies from none to three in the first year and yearly afterward. Bad agencies are usually the ones who don't require follow-up, because they don't want to hear or have to report that something like this happened (which might make the government of Haiti look at them negatively)

3) I'm hoping that J's new Mama is one of the good ones (did she take the little girl too?) Haiti seems to have pretty strict requirements for number of children already in the household, so her being disqualified for that reason doesn't automatically raise a red flag with me. From the agencies I looked at, Haiti favors households with 0 to 1 kids already present and if there are already two kids in the household, you have to get a special waiver from the president of Haiti (which seems to allow you to adopt with up to 3-5 kids already in the house) Granted, all this info is current and not from a year ago, when all this was happening.

I once entertained the idea of adoption. I didn't go forward but I did do a lot of reading without action. Age has a lot to do with qualification as well as the number of existing kids. So does marital status. In some case and by some countries regulations, you can't adopt if you've been recently {by various definitions} divorced, even if you are re-married and looking to adopt with your current spouse.  I won't discount J's new home only on the basis of Haiti not qualifying. She may have aged out of their requirements (the parent having to be no more than a certain number of years older than the child)  or not be married or have a divorce within defined timelines or have 'too many' kids. A lot of things can discount an international adoption but not be an issue in a domestic adoption (once the kids are US citizens, therefore in the US system). 

That's part of why I say I can't allow myself to think that the kids are not now better off for the bitch dumping them. There are people, no matter their circumstances in life, who have nothing but love and compassion to give to hurt kids and will do everything possible and then some FOR those kids. I hope J & L are NOW in a home like that, no matter the family make-up. 

camdendayton

dcmhejbl62 wrote:

I think I get it.

There were no mistakes made... god sent her those children so she could learn that her real gift is leadership, and so her manly man's man of a man could protect their privileged children from those raised with poverty and neglect, ie Satan's spawn.

She sure can recognize the "victim" mentality in everyone but herself, can't she?

Btw, I read a lot of adoption blogs, including those with disruptions, and yep, she takes the cake.

I am also amazed at how many adoptive parents were "unaware" of RAD.

I think you hit the nail right on the head. I had a mother that was all about her, but luckily she wasn't also in a cult and din't have a messiah, so she didn't do anything as insane as adopting children that she wouldn't be able to love, or even having 5 children for that matter (opps, I mean 8 ). ((sigh))

Edited for clarity and no smiley w/ sunglasses above

.

onlyorganic

The fetus photos... are upsetting.

Lillybee

I think that this woman wanted the perfect Pearl robot children and when it didn't happen within a month, started looking for things to harp on about them.

Poor kids, they came from a different culture, language, were in abusive situations and then in an orphanage. They survived the earthquake.

But she wanted them to become perfect Christian kids immediately.

camdendayton

Austin wrote:

OMG, I just caught that.  Here's what she says about the photo:  This picture didn't take any enhancement other than shown as a negative... interesting isn't it?

She's wasn't kidding at all - she clearly really thinks the child is a demon/demonic.

http://radchallenge.blogspotDOTcom/

Oh. My. God.   OMG does not do that justice. Is she reffering to the mark on his forehead as the mark of the beast??? What a B I T C H. That's all I can say. 

persuaded

I am tempted to put up a comment at her blog... among all of the other troubling things going on over there, it just doesn't seem right that she should be posting pictures of these children and going on and on ad nauseum about their personal issues, experiences and behaviors. They are not "her" children anymore. She no longer has the right to put all of this out there. Seriously. She's violated them enough. It needs to stop.

Austin

persuaded wrote:

 Seriously. She's violated them enough. It needs to stop.

Truly excellent point.

freehannie

As if there isn't enough to worry about with this woman, I'm reading her ATI family blog and it sounds like she's a recent convert to ATI.  Here's what she says about using the program.

"What we love about it is that our children are going to get such a quality education like they have never had before because it takes SO much mom and dad involvement and dying to self because honestly I’m normally too busy to teach my kids academics. I love doing Bible studies with them and praying with them, but I leave academics up to them (once I teach them how to read) to research and learn for themselves and anyone who knows my kids knows how smart they are, now they are just going to be even smarter because they will have and all around family learning experience with mom and dad being at the forefront of this experience." from the ATIfamily.com website under What is Advancing Training Institute

So she is too busy to teach academics?  Then why is she homeschooling?  What is she so busy doing?  I'm guessing writing multiple blogs about how much she has suffered.

booksnbeats

devilwoman.jpg

This picture didn't take any enhancement other than shown as this woman's true self... interesting isn't it?????

glamourdollxoxo

This sounds like this family is drinking the koolaid and it sounds like it's just getting scary. I fear for those poor kid's with the "quality" education they will receive this lady sounds like a total whackadoodle who wants to take the easy way out with everything.

Austin

booksnbeats wrote:

devilwoman.jpg

This picture didn't take any enhancement other than shown as this woman's true self... interesting isn't it?????

Brilliant!

Koala

freehannie wrote:

As if there isn't enough to worry about with this woman, I'm reading her ATI family blog and it sounds like she's a recent convert to ATI.  Here's what she says about using the program.

"What we love about it is that our children are going to get such a quality education like they have never had before because it takes SO much mom and dad involvement and dying to self because honestly I’m normally too busy to teach my kids academics. I love doing Bible studies with them and praying with them, but I leave academics up to them (once I teach them how to read) to research and learn for themselves and anyone who knows my kids knows how smart they are, now they are just going to be even smarter because they will have and all around family learning experience with mom and dad being at the forefront of this experience." from the ATIfamily.com website under What is Advancing Training Institute

So she is too busy to teach academics?  Then why is she homeschooling?  What is she so busy doing?  I'm guessing writing multiple blogs about how much she has suffered.

  She's too busy to teach them academics?  Why am I surprised??

fundiefan

More kids who will grow up to know nothing but expect everything.

What a world we will be.

demgirl

She wrote this pre-adoption:

I do not put my children’s names on line for their protection. Remember that I am a fiercely protective mother. My adoptive children I do name probably because they are not here and it helps connect me and my supporters with them. Their names are Justus and Lovelie. Her birth mother who is now deceased named her. I can say that names are very important to me and I take careful consideration to give each of my children unique names.

Which I think clearly shows where the adopted kids rated in her mind waaaay before they ever arrived at her house. Her "real" children deserved her "fierce protection". Her adopted children she was willing to name and give details, because they are concepts, not real kids, and moreover, they really only exist to show how wonderful Emma is.

fundiefan

Reading Emma bitch's ATI BS she says this.

I tend to see emotions as a form of manipulation (Sorry this comes from my former baggage).....

I have long learned that lesson with my husband, but yet to learn it with my children.  I expect them to serve me and when they don’t or don’t meet my expectations… well, I’m not too nice about it.  I just made my vow yesterday unto God and I proclaimed it to my children, but days before all of my kids said they are seeing some real changes in me since we have returned from the conference… more peaceful, speaking in kinder tones etc.

I have had what it takes all along to do what I need to do by the indwelling of Christ in me, but giving up my rights and submitting myself as a servant of my family has been my only real stumbling block that has been removed by the acknowledgement of its presence and Holy fear.   I must not turn back on my vow to the Lord, because I know it is His will that I speak kindly to my children.

No wonder J & L were thrown away.

And I am sure they will both be glad to know now that it was never them, it was always her. 

What a piece of shit she is. 

twin2

freehannie wrote:

As if there isn't enough to worry about with this woman, I'm reading her ATI family blog and it sounds like she's a recent convert to ATI.  Here's what she says about using the program.

"What we love about it is that our children are going to get such a quality education like they have never had before because it takes SO much mom and dad involvement and dying to self because honestly I’m normally too busy to teach my kids academics. I love doing Bible studies with them and praying with them, but I leave academics up to them (once I teach them how to read) to research and learn for themselves and anyone who knows my kids knows how smart they are, now they are just going to be even smarter because they will have and all around family learning experience with mom and dad being at the forefront of this experience." from the ATIfamily.com website under What is Advancing Training Institute

So she is too busy to teach academics?  Then why is she homeschooling?  What is she so busy doing?  I'm guessing writing multiple blogs about how much she has suffered.

WTF?  Teaching themselves might work when they get to high school age, but sending them out on their own after they learn the ABCs because she is too busy?   She really couldn't care less. 

Its like we took the worst part of each of the fundies we snark on and put them into one body. 

demgirl

There's also a stunning lack of self-awareness:

One important lesson I learned about trusting God is that He does truly care for children. He cares so much for them that He gives us parents the monumental task of protecting them the best of our ability. I understand some people fail miserably but that was never His plan or intention. Sin is the problem not God. I take the mandate seriously and I understand fully that children are hurt by people who parents trust. Knowing that I do not leave my children to babysat with just anyone and I only have one family I trust. Our number one rule is a man is never to be present if we do leave our children somewhere, not even a teenager boy or a preadolescent one. Yes, girls hurt too, but boys and men do so more often. I worked as a Director for a Women’s and Children’ Shelter for 2.5 years. Everyone of those women and children were hurt by someone their parents trusted or some cases by their own parents. As you can see I’m passionate about protecting children.

So, bio kids only get left with one family she trusts, but adopted kids? Just give them to another family when things get "tough". Also, she's "passionate about protecting children". Which would be funny, if it didn't make me want to vomit.

And how is she so busy that she can't teach her kids? She apparently does very little:

My kids no matter how small share in the household responsibilities including scheduling duties to each child for example every Wednesday my 8 year old son cleans out my truck, every Monday he cleans up the property. Three times a week a child is assigned to organizing the homeschool cabinet. They each have daily duties and so do I. One of my duties is NOT picking up toys that is their job. Keeping house isn’t hard for me, because my kids share the load. They each do their own laundry even the six year old from loading, unloading, folding and putting it away. Every 4th Wednesday we have Home Economics Day that means no “Table Time†school work. We all wake up and clean all day to a timer set in hour increments.

Also, have I mentioned that I loathe this woman? Loathe her:

I first learned about assigning push-ups to curb poor behavior shortly after I adopted my 2 kids. My adopted daughter (Push-up Queen)actually enjoyed showing off her “skillâ€. I actually had a mom make mention that her son was impressed by how many push-ups Miss L could do. What Miss L failed to tell them was that it was plenty of practice from being disrespectful and disobedient!

dirtyhippiegirl

Koala wrote:

  She's too busy to teach them academics?  Why am I surprised??

You're talking about a woman whose sharp-shooting SEAL hubby gets so much out of the ATI Wisdom Booklets that he studies them every morning.

Lissar

I watched her four year old brother bring the watering can to her to fill up for him and I could see she really wanted to spray him but she only aimed at his feet and he jumped back. I stood closely watching ready to tell her to not get him wet! But I gave her sometime and she didn't try again. So I went on with my chores. Just about 10 minutes later Little Professor (9year old) walks in with his clothes wet! He said he was walking across the yard and Miss L called out to him and when he turned to look at her she sprayed him with the water and got him all wet. It was cold outside and even she chose a long sleeve dress and pants to wear for the day. Daddy went outside to tell her to sit on the bench under the tree to think about what she had done. We could see her huddled on the bench trying to stay warm so daddy called her down and asked if she was cold. She said, kind of. He told her, "I asked you to water the plants not the kids. If you get them wet while it's cold they will get sick and we can all get sick."

It's so cold that it's major drama if the biological kids get sprayed with a hose, but not too cold to make the adopted kid from Haiti, who is used to tropical temperatures, sit outside for punishment. What kind of heartless fuckers let a kid sit outside freezing?

Austin

She claims to have once been the director of a women & children's shelter. 

  How'd you like to be the woman in crisis ending up on that shelter's doorstep?  OMG!

fundiefan

demgirl wrote:

There's also a stunning lack of self-awareness:

One important lesson I learned about trusting God is that He does truly care for children. He cares so much for them that He gives us parents the monumental task of protecting them the best of our ability. I understand some people fail miserably but that was never His plan or intention. Sin is the problem not God. I take the mandate seriously and I understand fully that children are hurt by people who parents trust. Knowing that I do not leave my children to babysat with just anyone and I only have one family I trust. Our number one rule is a man is never to be present if we do leave our children somewhere, not even a teenager boy or a preadolescent one. Yes, girls hurt too, but boys and men do so more often. I worked as a Director for a Women’s and Children’ Shelter for 2.5 years. Everyone of those women and children were hurt by someone their parents trusted or some cases by their own parents. As you can see I’m passionate about protecting children.

So, bio kids only get left with one family she trusts, but adopted kids? Just give them to another family when things get "tough". Also, she's "passionate about protecting children". Which would be funny, if it didn't make me want to vomit.

And how is she so busy that she can't teach her kids? She apparently does very little:

My kids no matter how small share in the household responsibilities including scheduling duties to each child for example every Wednesday my 8 year old son cleans out my truck, every Monday he cleans up the property. Three times a week a child is assigned to organizing the homeschool cabinet. They each have daily duties and so do I. One of my duties is NOT picking up toys that is their job. Keeping house isn’t hard for me, because my kids share the load. They each do their own laundry even the six year old from loading, unloading, folding and putting it away. Every 4th Wednesday we have Home Economics Day that means no “Table Time†school work. We all wake up and clean all day to a timer set in hour increments.

Also, have I mentioned that I loathe this woman? Loathe her:

I first learned about assigning push-ups to curb poor behavior shortly after I adopted my 2 kids. My adopted daughter (Push-up Queen)actually enjoyed showing off her “skillâ€. I actually had a mom make mention that her son was impressed by how many push-ups Miss L could do. What Miss L failed to tell them was that it was plenty of practice from being disrespectful and disobedient!

God failed. God gave J & L to someone who had no good intentions and who caused further harm. If God truly and blatantly takes care of kids, why did he allow those two innocent children into the bitch's presence? She won't allow her children to be with others, yet somehow, she was allowed to be a danger and threat to two innocent children. This is so fucking crazy and confusing and makes me want to flog god to bits for his fucked up choices. 

The more I read and learn, the more comforted I am by the fact that she does NOT have those kids anymore. If there is a god, he will keep their experience with the bitch out of their minds and allow them to heal and move on where they are without ANY ill or lifelong effects from their six months with the bitch and former seal or whatever the hell she claims he is. 

*Edited because typos do change content and flog and blog are not synonymous.

Jencendiary

They are related, as the author of that blog needs to be flogged in the town square.

(I'm taking myself out of this conversation, as I am an adoptee and I had a difficult upbringing and this woman makes me too angry to be funny or even civil.)

demgirl

Actually, I'm slightly relieved she doesn't participate in educating the kids:

It was actually 10 minutes after I talked to her in front of her daddy. I just chose to weight 20 minutes before I dealt with it.

I can't tell if the kids actually had problems, or just had adjustment/lingual understanding issues. For instance:

Today Miss L broke a boundary, lied and took something she wasn't supposed to all 20 minutes after I had a talk with her about the importance of listening and not looking to break the rules and how when she did it lessened her privileges. It was actually 10 minutes after I talked to her in front of her daddy. I just chose to weight 20 minutes before I dealt with it. Anyway, it was one of those discernment things. In my gut I knew she lied, I knew she was where she wasn't supposed to be and I confronted her about it. She froze and I knew I was right, but she remained silent. I didn't tell her I saw her but I heavily implied it by telling her, "We have windows, what you think I can't see you? You think I can't see what you were doing?" Then I said, "What do you have to say for yourself?" She waited a long while and then finally said very lowly, very dutifully, not from the heart, "sorry." I gave her consequence and I made her labor for me in the backyard to pay for some of the stuff she ruined. I had another talk with her to make sure she was connecting the consequence with her actions and she knew exactly why she was working. However, I continued the talk and was talking about safety and how her actions can be unsafe for the baby based on some things she has done in the past. I told her, "He is just a baby and could die" that is not OK, right? No answer... Right? It's not OK that the baby dies. She had a very repulsing look to me of bitterness and willfulness that was not going to answer. I said, "He is just baby he hasn't hurt anyone, it's not OK if he dies it's not OK if he gets hurt!"

Like, what does stealing something have to do with harming the baby? Does anyone understand what this is even attempting to say? I love how she made the poor thing "labor" for her in the backyard. And her story never stays straight. First, the incident involved the daughter stealing. Then all of a sudden it was ruining something. Then it was causing harm to the baby. Get your story straight, bitch.

Frankly, it just gets worse. It's sickening:

I mentioned on my face-book page that I was on guard because she woke up at 7AM this morning being defiant, argumentative and disobedient all before I even had time to pray or do my daily devotion.

Her sister "Dee" (their both 7) had a really bad headache and was in pain and Miss L kept on yelling in the room and Dee was pleading with her in a nice tone to "please stop." She only got louder and more resolute to annoy Dee.

I tried to talk to her about her attitude but she didn't want to give eye attention (that is normal for her) or answer, then finally she confessed that she was yelling. My solution was to have her make Dee's bed after she woke up and was feeling better. Miss L was not happy about that! I asked her to go lay down while I bathed, but she would not budge. Wonderful! Not.

Anyhow, she finally complied.

Okay, so the real problem here is that a newly adopted child required mom's attention and mom didn't want to give it -- she wanted her peaceful time and she wanted her bathing time and she certainly was not going to give up her luxuries to meet her daughter's needs. Also, the ungrateful adopted child was doing something that annoyed a bio child, and that simply cannot be.

But this gets to the heart of the matter:

The disaster days are filled with her will of steel on those days she is unmovable in her heart filled with anger and bitterness.

Fundies believe that children's wills must be broken, their spirit destroyed and they must be made perfectly zombie like compliant. And she couldn't break these children's wills immediately.

kb

From her post about the daughter being allegedly inappropriate with the son:

"He of course didn't realize what she was advancing towards but let me tell you the little machismo in him did, because I could see it before my eyes. We told him there are things going on within himself that he doesn't understand yet because he is getting older and that he is still too young for the need of dealing with these things, but because of his disobedience we have to have this talk now rather than later."

OK, I was never a pubescent boy, but I thought at the very beginning of puberty, nothing caused body changes.  Like, a boy could just be sitting, and not thinking about girls, and oops.  It bothers me that she blames her 9 year old bio son for his body.  Is she going to be pointing out "events" through the next five years until he gets actual control over that?  How horrifying to have your mom blame your sin nature for every boner you get in junior high.

Austin

demgirl wrote:

Like, what does stealing something have to do with harming the baby? Does anyone understand what this is even attempting to say? I love how she made the poor thing "labor" for her in the backyard. And her story never stays straight. First, the incident involved the daughter stealing. Then all of a sudden it was ruining something. Then it was causing harm to the baby. Get your story straight, bitch.

Because running in the house or taking a cookie or some other childish act = wants to kill the baby.  Yup.

fundiefan

Austin wrote:

Because running in the house or taking a cookie or some other childish act = wants to kill the baby.  Yup.

Because devil posessed, second string adopted kids running in the house = wants to kill HER baby. 

Austin

kb wrote:

From her post about the daughter being allegedly inappropriate with the son:

"He of course didn't realize what she was advancing towards but let me tell you the little machismo in him did, because I could see it before my eyes. We told him there are things going on within himself that he doesn't understand yet because he is getting older and that he is still too young for the need of dealing with these things, but because of his disobedience we have to have this talk now rather than later."

Okay, we know she absolutely hates the adopted daughter, but I don't understand.  She's talking about her bio kid (son) here, right?  What was the disobedience?

Koala

It's just making me sick. Those kids must have been so scared and confused.

Her saying that she expects her children to serve her, and then going on to talk about having L make her daughters bed and "labor" in the back yard just gives me the worst feeling.

Koala

Austin wrote:

Okay, we know she absolutely hates the adopted daughter, but I don't understand.  She's talking about her bio kid (son) here, right?  What was the disobedience?

I think she's crazy.  Just batshit crazy.  She could see a butterfly go by and somehow take it as a sign of disrespect from her children....she's nuts like that.  God only knows what she's rambling on about.

demgirl

I'm sorry guys, but I just feel like this stuff has to be documented.

I'm determined for this to be a good day! Miss L woke up once again breaking house rules trying to get me mad, but I'm killing her with kindness and speaking or prophesying over her today. After she was disobedient, dishonoring and breaking my rules. I hugged her real tight and said THANKS FOR BEING A GOOD GIRL AND BEING SO OBEDIENT today is going to be a good day and to my surprise she received it and is now doing a diligent job scrubbing the shower after not wanting to step into the bathroom just moments b4! Praise God! This tactic doesn't always work sometimes she gets really angry that she wasn't able to push my buttons, but today it worked! ... It's now 4:23pm and I should have known that I spoke to soon! Today is a work day because we are hosting a BBQ at our home tomorrow so we have been working all day. Miss L has been doing her assign jobs, but she was making sure to make stops to purposefully try and annoy me.

Seriously? Prophesying over her? No wonder the kid was terrified and maybe acting out... strange country, strange home, strange people, strange food and some crazy white lady "prophesying over" you all day? And has anyone else noticed that these supposed "incidents" mostly seem to occur when Mom is trying to get the young child to do chores that are not necessarily age-appropriate, like scrub the shower? I mean, what, the kid had been in her new home for a few months at MOST and she has to do a "work day" all day long?

And this horrible RAD behavior? Apparently it involves coming into the house when being told to stay outside all day:

She kept coming in and out to try and push my buttons, but I'd just send her back outside and told her to stay outside today so of course she went out and then came right back in moments later. She did this on a few occasions. I didn't loose my cool, but the last time I told her if she came in again she wouldn't be getting lunch. I told her, "So if you are not hungry just let me know by coming in again."

FUCKING BITCH. Threatening to withhold food from a child who lived in an orphanage in an impoverished country because she came inside when she wasn't supposed to? There are no words. There are just no fucking words.

I said, "You can say sorry." She said, "Sorry" but with a nice size grin on her face. Sorry my hiney! But I held it in because it's become a game let's tick mommy off. However, I am also pretty competitive and I am strong enough (most of the time) to win her at her own game at least in front of her face.

So this is a GAME? A COMPETITION? Seriously? Fucking seriously? Is this some sort of sick and twisted joke?

I have come to realize that I deal with rebellion much easier than with a pathetic spirit. Mr. J is pathetic with a capital P most days. Have you ever watched Winnie the Pooh, well Mr. J is like Eeyor.... poor poor me I'm so pathetic. Now that drives me up the wall! But that's another post.

You are SICK lady. SICK.

LeftyMom

fundiefan wrote:

Reading Emma bitch's ATI BS she says this.

I tend to see emotions as a form of manipulation (Sorry this comes from my former baggage).....

I have long learned that lesson with my husband, but yet to learn it with my children.  I expect them to serve me and when they don’t or don’t meet my expectations… well, I’m not too nice about it.  

I don't throw this out there lightly, but I'm honestly thinking this woman is a sociopath. 

Koala

demgirl wrote:

I'm sorry guys, but I just feel like this stuff has to be documented.

I'm determined for this to be a good day! Miss L woke up once again breaking house rules trying to get me mad, but I'm killing her with kindness and speaking or prophesying over her today. After she was disobedient, dishonoring and breaking my rules. I hugged her real tight and said THANKS FOR BEING A GOOD GIRL AND BEING SO OBEDIENT today is going to be a good day and to my surprise she received it and is now doing a diligent job scrubbing the shower after not wanting to step into the bathroom just moments b4! Praise God! This tactic doesn't always work sometimes she gets really angry that she wasn't able to push my buttons, but today it worked! ... It's now 4:23pm and I should have known that I spoke to soon! Today is a work day because we are hosting a BBQ at our home tomorrow so we have been working all day. Miss L has been doing her assign jobs, but she was making sure to make stops to purposefully try and annoy me.

Seriously? Prophesying over her? No wonder the kid was terrified and maybe acting out... strange country, strange home, strange people, strange food and some crazy white lady "prophesying over" you all day? And has anyone else noticed that these supposed "incidents" mostly seem to occur when Mom is trying to get the young child to do chores that are not necessarily age-appropriate, like scrub the shower? I mean, what, the kid had been in her new home for a few months at MOST and she has to do a "work day" all day long?

And this horrible RAD behavior? Apparently it involves coming into the house when being told to stay outside all day:

She kept coming in and out to try and push my buttons, but I'd just send her back outside and told her to stay outside today so of course she went out and then came right back in moments later. She did this on a few occasions. I didn't loose my cool, but the last time I told her if she came in again she wouldn't be getting lunch. I told her, "So if you are not hungry just let me know by coming in again."

FUCKING BITCH. Threatening to withhold food from a child who lived in an orphanage in an impoverished country because she came inside when she wasn't supposed to? There are no words. There are just no fucking words.

I said, "You can say sorry." She said, "Sorry" but with a nice size grin on her face. Sorry my hiney! But I held it in because it's become a game let's tick mommy off. However, I am also pretty competitive and I am strong enough (most of the time) to win her at her own game at least in front of her face.

So this is a GAME? A COMPETITION? Seriously? Fucking seriously? Is this some sort of sick and twisted joke?

I have come to realize that I deal with rebellion much easier than with a pathetic spirit. Mr. J is pathetic with a capital P most days. Have you ever watched Winnie the Pooh, well Mr. J is like Eeyor.... poor poor me I'm so pathetic. Now that drives me up the wall! But that's another post.

You are SICK lady. SICK.

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fundiefan

She is sick. It IS all about her, and not even in a self centered, superficial. 'look at me' way. In a psychological, real, scary way.

Apparently every move the little girl made was FOR THE BITCH'S BENEFIT! To push buttons, annoy her, get her angry...whatever. That poor little girl seems to never once have acted for herself or because of her own feelings and/or emotions. She woke up in the morning thinking not of her own best interest but of how she could push the bitch's buttons and piss her off! Because the bitch is the center of the universe and no one would dare act on their own behalf in her presence.

Austin

LeftyMom wrote:

I don't throw this out there lightly, but I'm honestly thinking this woman is a sociopath. 

I agree.

This woman is "killing them with kindness"?  Yeah, she's killing their spirits alright, whatever they have left.  When they don't meet her expectations, she's "not too nice about it"?  WTF?

She is a loon and she should be locked away from society.  She's a friggin' menace.  I feel bad for her other kids.

valsa

With all this talk of "laboring", scrubbing showers, cleaning all day, being forced outside in the cold as punishment, and withholding food, I'm starting to wonder... this bitch does know it's illegal for white people to keep black children as slaves, right?

Also, I'm becoming more and more convinced that these kids don't have RAD. A kid with untreated RAD probably would have thrown a fit ala The Exorcist rather than clean all day and definitely would have done whatever it was that the mom was threatening to withhold food for. Kids with RAD are willing to suffer themselves, just to not give you power and control over them.

I'm betting this lady spent about one week with her former adoptive children, found out their behavior wasn't identical to her beaten-into-submission-from-birth kids, then Googled adoption problems and found the RAD diagnosis, without having any practical understanding of what RAD actually is.

glamourdollxoxo

This sounds like these children were indentured servants more than anything. I'm also wondering what agency she went through because as stated earlier most agencies are hesitant to place two children with parents who have never adopted before at the same time. It sounds like a shady situation all together and sounds like some back door adoption agreement.

Want More Babies

Those poor children probably have never seen a "white" witch doctor before! No wonder they were so scared. All the vodoo curses phophesying this crazy woman was doing was enough to put them in fight or flight mode! Poor things were taken from the frying pan and put in the fire.

Austin

valsa wrote:

With all this talk of "laboring", scrubbing showers, cleaning all day, being forced outside in the cold as punishment, and withholding food, I'm starting to wonder... this bitch does know it's illegal for white people to keep black children as slaves, right?

These kids are 5 and 7, right?  I can't believe she had them doing all these chores and punishing them in these ways.  I hope beyond hope that those poor babies are in a safe, secure situation now.  

LilMissMetaphor

Did you guys also notice how she is patting herself on the back for a job well done because at least she brought them into America, the land of good and plenty, and well, even if they had to put up with her abusive shit, they should still thank her because she spent thousands of dollars on them and got them into the country.  To do...what, one wonders? It's not as if they were migrant workers looking for a sponsor.

AthenaC

LilMissMetaphor wrote:

Did you guys also notice how she is patting herself on the back for a job well done because at least she brought them into America, the land of good and plenty, and well, even if they had to put up with her abusive shit, they should still thank her because she spent thousands of dollars on them and got them into the country.  To do...what, one wonders? It's not as if they were migrant workers looking for a sponsor.

America > Teh Rest of teh Planet.

Scrubbing toilets in the US is better than being the Queen of England, doncha know?

keeperrox

Austin wrote:

OMG, I just caught that.  Here's what she says about the photo:  This picture didn't take any enhancement other than shown as a negative... interesting isn't it?

She's wasn't kidding at all - she clearly really thinks the child is a demon/demonic.

http://radchallenge.blogspotDOTcom/

You mean this picture?

Appalling.jpg

Because I, too, find it one of the most disturbing things on there.

dirtyhippiegirl

^She looks creepier than he does, in my opinion. Kind of like a large-eyed insect...

Want More Babies

"Don't Let Their Cute Faces Fool You"

You can say that again. This bitch almost looks "normal". If anyone is the evil one, it is her.

AthenaC

dirtyhippiegirl wrote:

^She looks creepier than he does, in my opinion. Kind of like a large-eyed insect…

Her eyes look very dead in every picture.

demgirl

I would really like a backup of this thread in case Yuku has a hissy fit but I have no idea how to go about doing it.

fundiefan

keeperrox wrote:

  

You mean this picture?

Appalling.jpg

Because I, too, find it one of the most disturbing things on there.

Disturbing doesn't even begin to explain or describe it. She is hell bent on ruining those children because they dared to not worship her just because she breathes. Since she can't do it physically or emotionally anymore, she will do it online and by using their names and telling every story she can imagine - and I'm not doubting in the least that her stories are just that, stories. Inventions of her unemotional imagination. 

I agree with those who say those kids probably never experienced RAD. At least not before they entered the lair of the bitch. Now, who knows. 

Want More Babies

Here is a post from July 15, 2010

 Children who suffer from attachment disorders are really good at making parents look bad. They have a high need for control and are great manipulators. While I've only had my kids for 6 months I'm definitely not a professional in the area, nor do I claim to have all the answers or any answer at all for that matter. I'm just a fish swimming in the ocean of emotion: disappointment, fatigue and disillusionment (YES sometimes good days)who is looking for avenue to vent and hopefully gain some encouragement and insight from other parents who have attachment challenged children.

You don't need any children to make you look bad, you do it well enough on your own. If anyone has a high need for control and are a great manipulator, you are.

failsafe

For what it's worth:

Here is her youtube video on the Haitian adoption:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sMKS2Qjr6E&feature=player_embedded

and here are some salient facts from the comments:

We looked into European adoption and it was too expensive

Actually that isn't true in our case. The actual cost to adopt 2 children is $16,000 dollars and our adoption facilitator makes nothing off the adoptions. That fee goes to process. It's was another approx $2000 + for state side fees we paid, not including $300 monthly which does go to the care of our children. Not to mention the cost each time I go visit them. It all adds up

kb

Austin wrote:

Okay, we know she absolutely hates the adopted daughter, but I don't understand.  She's talking about her bio kid (son) here, right?  What was the disobedience?

I read it as either a physical manifestation of attraction (pre-pubescent boner?  I thought he would be too young for that but then she acts like she had to give him the full birds and bees treatment.) or just liking the attention.  Either way, it shouldn't be seen as disobedience. 

dirtyhippiegirl

AthenaC wrote:

Her eyes look very dead in every picture.

I think she looks like she doesn't take enough showers or wash her make-up off after applying it -- not something that I'd want to touch with a ten foot stick, personally.

failsafe

I think she looks like she doesn't take enough showers or wash her make-up off after applying it -- not something that I'd want to touch with a ten foot stick, personally.

It's the hair. It consistently looks slightly greasy, in every picture.

flyonthewall

Because I, too, find it one of the most disturbing things on there.

I can't believe she would post a picture of a child under that context. How did she ever make it past the screening process to adopt.

BTW I can't find that picture on her RAD blog anymore. Maybe someone gave her a verbal smackdown.

eta: deleted photo.

t0r0sebud1

I worked with a big Mormon family once. The mother was infertile and she had adopted 8 and had a number of foster children.  Her oldest was a gifted, talented, and sincere young man.  He had admitted to her that he had had sex and a drink and regretted it deeply and wouldn't do it again.  She responded by putting him in a group home she refused his telephone calls on Mother's Day.  She said that he was a bad influence on the other children. She tried to rescind the adoption, blaming him for causing her to have a miscarriage with her only pregnancy but the courts would not allow it.  CPS also prosecuted them for "overly harsh parenting," and she lost the foster children as a result.  She blamed him for that as well piece of work that she was.  I wonder about the boy (now a man) and hope he is okay.

dirtyhippiegirl

failsafe wrote:

I think she looks like she doesn't take enough showers or wash her make-up off after applying it -- not something that I'd want to touch with a ten foot stick, personally.

It's the hair. It consistently looks slightly greasy, in every picture.

Good call!

demgirl

Our very own Persuaded schooled her... Persuaded, you were far kinder than I would have been, but I think that was the best way to go because you got her to take that wretched photograph down. Thank you, on behalf of those children... :

2 comments:

Persuaded said...

You know Emma, I honestly wonder if it is appropriate for you to be posting pictures of these children, and sharing tales of their issues and so on. By your own choice, they are not your children any longer. They are not part of your family... you really don't have the right to make all of this public at this stage of their lives. Additionally, if you care at all for these little ones, you'll want to spare them the pain of stumbling upon these posts someday in the future when they google themselves- and of course they will. And I am truly begging you to take down the photo of you and J... the negative where you allude to him being a "devil" (or at least that is my inference from your caption.) I know what I've said seems blunt and probably harsh, but as hard as my words were to write (and I'm sure to read,) I wanted to give you the courtesy of my honest thoughts. One Christian to another and one adoptive mama to another.♥

June 9, 2011 6:42 PM

SQ said...

Thanks for stopping by. This isn't the most uplifting place I know, but I speak the truth of story here. So many people are afraid to speak about the other side of adoption and so people go out and read happy adoption stories all day and then think hey I would like to do that, I can adopt. I have had way more positive, "Thanks You's" for my honesty than I have tomato throwers and I could save one family or should I say two from heartache because they were misinformed then my site has done it's job. I looked up to a family that was doing a lot of adoptions and felt like such a failure compared to this "Saintly family". I tortured myself with the thought of how they could have such a success story and I could not. This past year I finally spoke to this family and found out that they actually sent one of their children BACK to the country they adopted him from because of personal reasons. I never heard her mention that story in her writings.... Here I was feeling like I failure when she almost had a nervous break down herself. For that reason I keep my site up, so momma's don't feel like failures or alone. Not everyone is called to adopt. We can do what God calls us to do. We must make sure and get wise counsel before we adopt to make sure it is indeed God calling and us not trying to do what we think is best. I took your advice and took the corner photo off. Thanks for your input and may the Lord prosper you in all that you do as a wonderful momma....

By the way the kids are doing fantastic and it is such an encouragement to know that they are not in danger any longer (Haiti) and are in there forever families that have indeed called to the task of such a high calling.

June 9, 2011 8:01 PM

fundiefan

That video? Click on the name, and you get two uploads. The other upload is another Haiti video with these remarks. 

Reach out to Haiti - Foyer de la Nouv Adoption Story http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHb182zRQ5M&feature=channel_video_title

From: ********| Apr 9, 2008  | 1,268 views

Check out update news at http://www.haitiadoptions.blogspot.com 

2 months after I made this video I found out this girl was not actually my daughter... Check out the full story. THere was a mistake this girl had the same name as the girl I comitted to, but they sent me this childs photo. I've met my real daughter now and I'm in LOVE! Please NOTE: I'm not able to respond to comments for some reason. I haven't figured out how to fix the problem. BUT THANKS for your comments (less info)

end of page 26/65

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Austin

I may be a little paranoid here, but I am just feeling nervous with the posting of her last name. I know that it's found easily enough on her numerous blogs and other places, but I don't want to give Yuku ANY excuse to delete this thread (not that they necessarily need one) given recent events.

failsafe

Austin

You're right. I've deleted it from my post

dirtyhippiegirl

t0r0sebud1 wrote:

I worked with a big Mormon family once. The mother was infertile and she had adopted 8 and had a number of foster children. Her oldest was a gifted, talented, and sincere young man. He had admitted to her that he had had sex and a drink and regretted it deeply and wouldn't do it again. She responded by putting him in a group home she refused his telephone calls on Mother's Day. She said that he was a bad influence on the other children. She tried to rescind the adoption, blaming him for causing her to have a miscarriage with her only pregnancy but the courts would not allow it. CPS also prosecuted them for "overly harsh parenting," and she lost the foster children as a result. She blamed him for that as well piece of work that she was. I wonder about the boy (now a man) and hope he is okay.

I think a lot of people would be surprised at how often "good" parents misuse the system when it comes to even their biological kids. Was hospitalized with more than one kid who was more less disciplined by his/her parents by being placed in an inpatient facility -- usually for things like getting caught smoking pot with friends or having premarital sex. It was always really weird because everyone knew these kids shouldn't be there, including the staff. So...yeah.

/spent most of my adolescent in and out of psych hospitals so I saw a lot :P

Austin

demgirl wrote:Our very own Persuaded schooled her... Persuaded, you were far kinder than I would have been, but I think that was the best way to go because you got her to take that wretched photograph down. Thank you, on behalf of those children... :

2 comments:

Persuaded said...

You know Emma, I honestly wonder if it is appropriate for you to be posting pictures of these children, and sharing tales of their issues and so on. By your own choice, they are not your children any longer. They are not part of your family... you really don't have the right to make all of this public at this stage of their lives. Additionally, if you care at all for these little ones, you'll want to spare them the pain of stumbling upon these posts someday in the future when they google themselves- and of course they will. And I am truly begging you to take down the photo of you and J... the negative where you allude to him being a "devil" (or at least that is my inference from your caption.) I know what I've said seems blunt and probably harsh, but as hard as my words were to write (and I'm sure to read,) I wanted to give you the courtesy of my honest thoughts. One Christian to another and one adoptive mama to another.♥

June 9, 2011 6:42 PM

SQ said...

Thanks for stopping by. This isn't the most uplifting place I know, but I speak the truth of story here. So many people are afraid to speak about the other side of adoption and so people go out and read happy adoption stories all day and then think hey I would like to do that, I can adopt. I have had way more positive, "Thanks You's" for my honesty than I have tomato throwers and I could save one family or should I say two from heartache because they were misinformed then my site has done it's job. I looked up to a family that was doing a lot of adoptions and felt like such a failure compared to this "Saintly family". I tortured myself with the thought of how they could have such a success story and I could not. This past year I finally spoke to this family and found out that they actually sent one of their children BACK to the country they adopted him from because of personal reasons. I never heard her mention that story in her writings.... Here I was feeling like I failure when she almost had a nervous break down herself. For that reason I keep my site up, so momma's don't feel like failures or alone. Not everyone is called to adopt. We can do what God calls us to do. We must make sure and get wise counsel before we adopt to make sure it is indeed God calling and us not trying to do what we think is best. I took your advice and took the corner photo off. Thanks for your input and may the Lord prosper you in all that you do as a wonderful momma.... By the way the kids are doing fantastic and it is such an encouragement to know that they are not in danger any longer (Haiti) and are in there forever families that have indeed called to the task of such a high calling.

June 9, 2011 8:01 PM

Oh, she's such a disgusting person. It is really ALL about her. I'm glad to know they are not in danger any longer (Emma).

Good job, persuaded. At least she agreed to take the child-is-the-devil photo down.

Austin

failsafe wrote:Austin

You're right. I've deleted it from my post (and hopefully it hasn't been up long enough to catch anyone's attention).

Thank you so much!Happy

fundiefan

I also removed the identifying info from what I copied/pasted from Youtube.

Thanks for the reminder.

Austin

Thank you!Happy

flyonthewall

Standing ovation to you Persuaded. Wise words delivered with grace.

Your children are very blessed to have you for a mother.

(I couldn't help but chuckle when she mentioned tomatoes in her reply to you)

t0r0sebud1

WTG Persuaded! I read your blog and know you are the most wonderful adoptive mom around. I couldn't see you putting up with any of it!

booksnbeats

I agree she sounds like a complete sociopath. My mother would make me do stuff like clean all day (often her mess), scrub the showers. When I was 10 or 11. And I resisted it then. These poor children even did what she said. Those are not age-appropriate chores.

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LeftyMom

dirtyhippiegirl wrote:

t0r0sebud1 wrote:

I worked with a big Mormon family once. The mother was infertile and she had adopted 8 and had a number of foster children. Her oldest was a gifted, talented, and sincere young man. He had admitted to her that he had had sex and a drink and regretted it deeply and wouldn't do it again. She responded by putting him in a group home she refused his telephone calls on Mother's Day. She said that he was a bad influence on the other children. She tried to rescind the adoption, blaming him for causing her to have a miscarriage with her only pregnancy but the courts would not allow it. CPS also prosecuted them for "overly harsh parenting," and she lost the foster children as a result. She blamed him for that as well piece of work that she was. I wonder about the boy (now a man) and hope he is okay.

I think a lot of people would be surprised at how often "good" parents misuse the system when it comes to even their biological kids. Was hospitalized with more than one kid who was more less disciplined by his/her parents by being placed in an inpatient facility -- usually for things like getting caught smoking pot with friends or having premarital sex. It was always really weird because everyone knew these kids shouldn't be there, including the staff. So...yeah.

/spent most of my adolescent in and out of psych hospitals so I saw a lot :P

That happened to my childhood best friend. Her family seemed very normal, but as soon as she started doing typical teenager stuff and not being perfectly obedient, her mother flipped the fuck out. And this girl was getting straight As, doing tons of extracurriculars, and generally being the kind of kid parents dream of, other than having (perfectly nice but not squeaky-clean, suburb-approved) boyfriends who her mother hated.

Her mom was a teacher, you'd think she'd have known kids better than that.

dirtyhippiegirl

^Yeah, doesn't surprise me at all. Typical of a lot of kids that I saw. What I also witnessed was that a lot of these kids ended up getting stuck in rehab for another 30-90 days...it's like...do these parents realize that their kid is going to come out *worse* than when they went in? I actually started smoking pot while I was inpatient -- before that I didn't even know anyone who did that. lol.

Patsy

1:

Inanna wrote:I just read through this thread and didn't even go to her blog and I'm already feeling sick to my stomach. What is WRONG with this woman?

There's nothing wrong with not being mentally/physically/emotionally/financially equipped to deal with all the potential pitfalls of adoption, for real. But the simple fix for that is to just... NOT ADOPT, for the love of small bunny rabbits!

Oh, but it's ok. It was part of God's Plan (tm, all rights reserved). Right-o!

As glamourdollxoxo noted, Corey at Watching the Waters is in the process of disrupting her and her husband's adoption of their son, but still (? at last check) thinks God led them to adoption. The difference? She CARES about the kid, has made a positive impact on his life, and intends to continue to do so to the absolute best of her ability. She talks about the fact that SHE has been abused by her children without saying "they are evil and poor me, I am the only victim in the universe". (Other differences include "Corey is a good mother, a strong and good human being" vs. "Emma is ..." I don't need to finish it.)

2:

(((((big hugs)))))) ladypuglover

3:

And slightly off-topic: Her writing is appalling and that quote about women serving their bosses in her blog header is so stupid I don't need to explain it. Just wanted to express my irritation at it.

4:

demgirl wrote:SQ said...

Thanks for stopping by. This isn't the most uplifting place I know, but I speak the truth of story here. So many people are afraid to speak about the other side of adoption and so people go out and read happy adoption stories all day and then think hey I would like to do that, I can adopt.

So as I said above, she hasn't bothered to look around at adoptions around her. She didn't bother to research. This is the equivalent of choosing to get pregnant (using fertility treatments, actually - she had to write applications and pay money), giving birth, and then leaving the kid alone for twenty hours a day and saying "I didn't know they needed human contact at all! I still fed it enough!" Except it's WORSE, because in those cases the parents are neglecting because they were neglected and never got a chance to realise what was normal and nurturing, she just COULDN'T BE BOTHERED to figure out what would be best for her children.

I have SEEN negative stories of adoption. Corey and a lesbian mother who adopted an older child internally, but who was from another country (no names but if you read her blog - on-and-off private now - you'd recognise the story), for instance, are VERY clear that adoption can be simply HORRIFIC. I have come across DOZENS of foster/adopt blogs that don't talk constantly about the downsides, but acknowledge them, because it is de facto now to see adoption as a last resort thing and as sad for children even if they end up in a great family. I do not have any close friends or family who are adopted, in foster care, or fostering, who I discuss these issues with, and yet I have that much of an idea of the stuff that is accessible through google. It has been around for years.

I realise I am vomiting out a lot of thoughts here (less than half of what I'm thinking) but so much fury.

demgirl

Not to derail the thread, but it's interesting -- I feel like I was failed multiple times in multiple different ways by the psychiatric community when I was an adolescent. One of those ways was that there were multiple times I needed to be hospitalized, but even with truly exceptional insurance, I was never "sick enough", even when I wouldn't get out of bed for days at a time and was having panic attacks in school that made it impossible for me to go to class every single day. Yet, there seems to have been no problem hospitalizing teenagers who didn't need it in the first place.

On topic, this woman is a major league fail. I have been scrutinizing her because she needs to be scrutinized and there needs to be a record of this type of behavior somewhere, and also to vent my fury, horror and sadness, but if a side effect of the scrutiny here happens to be that she shuts down the RAD blog, I'm fine with that. She needs to stop putting her version of the childrens' problems on the web for any and all to see. They're not her kids. She's made that abundantly clear. It's not appropriate.

Austin

I'm glad you (and others) have documented so much of her crap here, demgirl.

And those are not her kids any more. I can't believe she doesn't get that. Another woman is raising those kids and rightfully considers them hers. I wonder how Emma would feel about someone posting this sort of information about her bio kids. I guess she doesn't get the connection, or doesn't care.

dirtyhippiegirl LeftyMom

dirtyhippiegirl wrote:

t0r0sebud1 wrote:

I worked with a big Mormon family once. The mother was infertile and she had adopted 8 and had a number of foster children. Her oldest was a gifted, talented, and sincere young man. He had admitted to her that he had had sex and a drink and regretted it deeply and wouldn't do it again. She responded by putting him in a group home she refused his telephone calls on Mother's Day. She said that he was a bad influence on the other children. She tried to rescind the adoption, blaming him for causing her to have a miscarriage with her only pregnancy but the courts would not allow it. CPS also prosecuted them for "overly harsh parenting," and she lost the foster children as a result. She blamed him for that as well piece of work that she was. I wonder about the boy (now a man) and hope he is okay.

I think a lot of people would be surprised at how often "good" parents misuse the system when it comes to even their biological kids. Was hospitalized with more than one kid who was more less disciplined by his/her parents by being placed in an inpatient facility -- usually for things like getting caught smoking pot with friends or having premarital sex. It was always really weird because everyone knew these kids shouldn't be there, including the staff. So...yeah.

/spent most of my adolescent in and out of psych hospitals so I saw a lot :P

That happened to my childhood best friend. Her family seemed very normal, but as soon as she started doing typical teenager stuff and not being perfectly obedient, her mother flipped the fuck out. And this girl was getting straight As, doing tons of extracurriculars, and generally being the kind of kid parents dream of, other than having (perfectly nice but not squeaky-clean, suburb-approved) boyfriends who her mother hated.

Her mom was a teacher, you'd think she'd have known kids better than that.

dirtyhippiegirl

^Yeah, doesn't surprise me at all. Typical of a lot of kids that I saw. What I also witnessed was that a lot of these kids ended up getting stuck in rehab for another 30-90 days...it's like...do these parents realize that their kid is going to come out *worse* than when they went in? I actually started smoking pot while I was inpatient -- before that I didn't even know anyone who did that. lol.

Patsy

1:

Inanna wrote:I just read through this thread and didn't even go to her blog and I'm already feeling sick to my stomach. What is WRONG with this woman?

There's nothing wrong with not being mentally/physically/emotionally/financially equipped to deal with all the potential pitfalls of adoption, for real. But the simple fix for that is to just... NOT ADOPT, for the love of small bunny rabbits!

Oh, but it's ok. It was part of God's Plan (tm, all rights reserved). Right-o!

As glamourdollxoxo noted, Corey at Watching the Waters is in the process of disrupting her and her husband's adoption of their son, but still (? at last check) thinks God led them to adoption. The difference? She CARES about the kid, has made a positive impact on his life, and intends to continue to do so to the absolute best of her ability. She talks about the fact that SHE has been abused by her children without saying "they are evil and poor me, I am the only victim in the universe". (Other differences include "Corey is a good mother, a strong and good human being" vs. "Emma is ..." I don't need to finish it.)

2:

(((((big hugs)))))) ladypuglover

3:

And slightly off-topic: Her writing is appalling and that quote about women serving their bosses in her blog header is so stupid I don't need to explain it. Just wanted to express my irritation at it.

4:

demgirl wrote:SQ said...

Thanks for stopping by. This isn't the most uplifting place I know, but I speak the truth of story here. So many people are afraid to speak about the other side of adoption and so people go out and read happy adoption stories all day and then think hey I would like to do that, I can adopt.

So as I said above, she hasn't bothered to look around at adoptions around her. She didn't bother to research. This is the equivalent of choosing to get pregnant (using fertility treatments, actually - she had to write applications and pay money), giving birth, and then leaving the kid alone for twenty hours a day and saying "I didn't know they needed human contact at all! I still fed it enough!" Except it's WORSE, because in those cases the parents are neglecting because they were neglected and never got a chance to realise what was normal and nurturing, she just COULDN'T BE BOTHERED to figure out what would be best for her children.

I have SEEN negative stories of adoption. Corey and a lesbian mother who adopted an older child internally, but who was from another country (no names but if you read her blog - on-and-off private now - you'd recognise the story), for instance, are VERY clear that adoption can be simply HORRIFIC. I have come across DOZENS of foster/adopt blogs that don't talk constantly about the downsides, but acknowledge them, because it is de facto now to see adoption as a last resort thing and as sad for children even if they end up in a great family. I do not have any close friends or family who are adopted, in foster care, or fostering, who I discuss these issues with, and yet I have that much of an idea of the stuff that is accessible through google. It has been around for years.

I realise I am vomiting out a lot of thoughts here (less than half of what I'm thinking) but so much fury.

demgirl

Not to derail the thread, but it's interesting -- I feel like I was failed multiple times in multiple different ways by the psychiatric community when I was an adolescent. One of those ways was that there were multiple times I needed to be hospitalized, but even with truly exceptional insurance, I was never "sick enough", even when I wouldn't get out of bed for days at a time and was having panic attacks in school that made it impossible for me to go to class every single day. Yet, there seems to have been no problem hospitalizing teenagers who didn't need it in the first place.

On topic, this woman is a major league fail. I have been scrutinizing her because she needs to be scrutinized and there needs to be a record of this type of behavior somewhere, and also to vent my fury, horror and sadness, but if a side effect of the scrutiny here happens to be that she shuts down the RAD blog, I'm fine with that. She needs to stop putting her version of the childrens' problems on the web for any and all to see. They're not her kids. She's made that abundantly clear. It's not appropriate.

Austin

I'm glad you (and others) have documented so much of her crap here, demgirl.

And those are not her kids any more. I can't believe she doesn't get that. Another woman is raising those kids and rightfully considers them hers. I wonder how Emma would feel about someone posting this sort of information about her bio kids. I guess she doesn't get the connection, or doesn't care.

dirtyhippiegirl

demgirl wrote:Not to derail the thread, but it's interesting -- I feel like I was failed multiple times in multiple different ways by the psychiatric community when I was an adolescent. One of those ways was that there were multiple times I needed to be hospitalized, but even with truly exceptional insurance, I was never "sick enough", even when I wouldn't get out of bed for days at a time and was having panic attacks in school that made it impossible for me to go to class every single day. Yet, there seems to have been no problem hospitalizing teenagers who didn't need it in the first place.

Trust me, you probably didn't need it either. I was probably hospitalized 20+ times as a teenager for the reasons that you stated, etc. and when I look back (as an adult who has been hospitalized another ten or so times) -- it was pretty pointless and actually severely hindered me from growing up and becoming an independent adult. (Duh.)

Kathryn31

Holy hell! I was not on FJ yesterday and now I am up to page 15 of this...this...help me with an adjective for the train wreck that this woman calls a blog. Never did I think so many FJerites could be speechless. You would think this were a faux blog if it were not so pathetically real. Seriously, if someone had told me about it I would have thought they were exaggerating in great amounts.

One of my many questions is this: What would CPS think of her showing a dead embryo/fetus to her young children? That is so sick, twisted and just plain WRONG. Not that anything about this woman is right but DAMN! She is just poop-flinging monkey crazy!

flyonthewall

Austin wrote:I'm glad you (and others) have documented so much of her crap here, demgirl.

And those are not her kids any more. I can't believe she doesn't get that. Another woman is raising those kids and rightfully considers them hers. I wonder how Emma would feel about someone posting this sort of information about her bio kids. I guess she doesn't get the connection, or doesn't care.

It's clearly not about them, it's all about her. That is why she was so quick to point out and be repulsed by her Haitian children's need to seek out attention by whatever means necessary. She either saw her own self-centered ways reflected in them and reacted to it or she knew they would never fit into her ideal family model.

Kathryn31

Another thing I love is how she explains away any wrong doing by saying this is not what her "calling" is about and she stepped into another persons "gifting" which is why the adoption failed. It couldn't possibly be due to the black heart and elephant sized ego could it? Nah.....

Kathryn31

Koala wrote:

demgirl wrote: I'm sorry guys, but I just feel like this stuff has to be documented.

I'm determined for this to be a good day! Miss L woke up once again breaking house rules trying to get me mad, but I'm killing her with kindness and speaking or prophesying over her today. After she was disobedient, dishonoring and breaking my rules. I hugged her real tight and said THANKS FOR BEING A GOOD GIRL AND BEING SO OBEDIENT today is going to be a good day and to my surprise she received it and is now doing a diligent job scrubbing the shower after not wanting to step into the bathroom just moments b4! Praise God! This tactic doesn't always work sometimes she gets really angry that she wasn't able to push my buttons, but today it worked! ... It's now 4:23pm and I should have known that I spoke to soon! Today is a work day because we are hosting a BBQ at our home tomorrow so we have been working all day. Miss L has been doing her assign jobs, but she was making sure to make stops to purposefully try and annoy me.

Seriously? Prophesying over her? No wonder the kid was terrified and maybe acting out... strange country, strange home, strange people, strange food and some crazy white lady "prophesying over" you all day? And has anyone else noticed that these supposed "incidents" mostly seem to occur when Mom is trying to get the young child to do chores that are not necessarily age-appropriate, like scrub the shower? I mean, what, the kid had been in her new home for a few months at MOST and she has to do a "work day" all day long?

And this horrible RAD behavior? Apparently it involves coming into the house when being told to stay outside all day:

She kept coming in and out to try and push my buttons, but I'd just send her back outside and told her to stay outside today so of course she went out and then came right back in moments later. She did this on a few occasions. I didn't loose my cool, but the last time I told her if she came in again she wouldn't be getting lunch. I told her, "So if you are not hungry just let me know by coming in again."

FUCKING BITCH. Threatening to withhold food from a child who lived in an orphanage in an impoverished country because she came inside when she wasn't supposed to? There are no words. There are just no fucking words.

I said, "You can say sorry." She said, "Sorry" but with a nice size grin on her face. Sorry my hiney! But I held it in because it's become a game let's tick mommy off. However, I am also pretty competitive and I am strong enough (most of the time) to win her at her own game at least in front of her face.

So this is a GAME? A COMPETITION? Seriously? Fucking seriously? Is this some sort of sick and twisted joke?

I have come to realize that I deal with rebellion much easier than with a pathetic spirit. Mr. J is pathetic with a capital P most days. Have you ever watched Winnie the Pooh, well Mr. J is like Eeyor.... poor poor me I'm so pathetic. Now that drives me up the wall! But that's another post.

You are SICK lady. SICK.

You know, with each post I think it can't possibly get worse....and then it does. This woman is the worst excuse for a human being I have ever seen

Koala I keep thinking the same thing. There is something really, really wrong here. She is too twisted to not need some serious help. I cannot believe this is out in blogland. Has someone taken screen shots or something because this should be documented. I literally fear for her kids mental and physical safety and that is something I have never said about a fundie blogger.

demgirl wrote:Not to derail the thread, but it's interesting -- I feel like I was failed multiple times in multiple different ways by the psychiatric community when I was an adolescent. One of those ways was that there were multiple times I needed to be hospitalized, but even with truly exceptional insurance, I was never "sick enough", even when I wouldn't get out of bed for days at a time and was having panic attacks in school that made it impossible for me to go to class every single day. Yet, there seems to have been no problem hospitalizing teenagers who didn't need it in the first place.

Trust me, you probably didn't need it either. I was probably hospitalized 20+ times as a teenager for the reasons that you stated, etc. and when I look back (as an adult who has been hospitalized another ten or so times) -- it was pretty pointless and actually severely hindered me from growing up and becoming an independent adult. (Duh.)

Kathryn31

Holy hell! I was not on FJ yesterday and now I am up to page 15 of this...this...help me with an adjective for the train wreck that this woman calls a blog. Never did I think so many FJerites could be speechless. You would think this were a faux blog if it were not so pathetically real. Seriously, if someone had told me about it I would have thought they were exaggerating in great amounts.

One of my many questions is this: What would CPS think of her showing a dead embryo/fetus to her young children? That is so sick, twisted and just plain WRONG. Not that anything about this woman is right but DAMN! She is just poop-flinging monkey crazy!

flyonthewall

Austin wrote:I'm glad you (and others) have documented so much of her crap here, demgirl.

And those are not her kids any more. I can't believe she doesn't get that. Another woman is raising those kids and rightfully considers them hers. I wonder how Emma would feel about someone posting this sort of information about her bio kids. I guess she doesn't get the connection, or doesn't care.

It's clearly not about them, it's all about her. That is why she was so quick to point out and be repulsed by her Haitian children's need to seek out attention by whatever means necessary. She either saw her own self-centered ways reflected in them and reacted to it or she knew they would never fit into her ideal family model.

Kathryn31

Another thing I love is how she explains away any wrong doing by saying this is not what her "calling" is about and she stepped into another persons "gifting" which is why the adoption failed. It couldn't possibly be due to the black heart and elephant sized ego could it? Nah.....

Kathryn31

Koala wrote:

demgirl wrote: I'm sorry guys, but I just feel like this stuff has to be documented.

I'm determined for this to be a good day! Miss L woke up once again breaking house rules trying to get me mad, but I'm killing her with kindness and speaking or prophesying over her today. After she was disobedient, dishonoring and breaking my rules. I hugged her real tight and said THANKS FOR BEING A GOOD GIRL AND BEING SO OBEDIENT today is going to be a good day and to my surprise she received it and is now doing a diligent job scrubbing the shower after not wanting to step into the bathroom just moments b4! Praise God! This tactic doesn't always work sometimes she gets really angry that she wasn't able to push my buttons, but today it worked! ... It's now 4:23pm and I should have known that I spoke to soon! Today is a work day because we are hosting a BBQ at our home tomorrow so we have been working all day. Miss L has been doing her assign jobs, but she was making sure to make stops to purposefully try and annoy me.

Seriously? Prophesying over her? No wonder the kid was terrified and maybe acting out... strange country, strange home, strange people, strange food and some crazy white lady "prophesying over" you all day? And has anyone else noticed that these supposed "incidents" mostly seem to occur when Mom is trying to get the young child to do chores that are not necessarily age-appropriate, like scrub the shower? I mean, what, the kid had been in her new home for a few months at MOST and she has to do a "work day" all day long?

And this horrible RAD behavior? Apparently it involves coming into the house when being told to stay outside all day:

She kept coming in and out to try and push my buttons, but I'd just send her back outside and told her to stay outside today so of course she went out and then came right back in moments later. She did this on a few occasions. I didn't loose my cool, but the last time I told her if she came in again she wouldn't be getting lunch. I told her, "So if you are not hungry just let me know by coming in again."

FUCKING BITCH. Threatening to withhold food from a child who lived in an orphanage in an impoverished country because she came inside when she wasn't supposed to? There are no words. There are just no fucking words.

I said, "You can say sorry." She said, "Sorry" but with a nice size grin on her face. Sorry my hiney! But I held it in because it's become a game let's tick mommy off. However, I am also pretty competitive and I am strong enough (most of the time) to win her at her own game at least in front of her face.

So this is a GAME? A COMPETITION? Seriously? Fucking seriously? Is this some sort of sick and twisted joke?

I have come to realize that I deal with rebellion much easier than with a pathetic spirit. Mr. J is pathetic with a capital P most days. Have you ever watched Winnie the Pooh, well Mr. J is like Eeyor.... poor poor me I'm so pathetic. Now that drives me up the wall! But that's another post.

You are SICK lady. SICK.

You know, with each post I think it can't possibly get worse....and then it does. This woman is the worst excuse for a human being I have ever seen

Koala I keep thinking the same thing. There is something really, really wrong here. She is too twisted to not need some serious help. I cannot believe this is out in blogland. Has someone taken screen shots or something because this should be documented. I literally fear for her kids mental and physical safety and that is something I have never said about a fundie blogger.

Edit: copy and paste riffle

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