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The Miserly Mother Wins Gold


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RaisingHomakers.com has recently changed owners: Sarah Mae handed the reins to June Fuentes. Not surprisingly, then, Mae's gentle manner – it was evident in the kinds of things she reposted – is being replaced by Fuentes' self-serving, harsh brand of over-zealous legalism.

There's this trend among fundie women to try out-doing one another in feats of heroic motherhood, with newer and ever more brutalistic child-training philosophies being knapped from older ones.

Veronica, a pastor's wife, has recently posted an article called, “I'm Sorry.†She begins by bragging that she has not taught her daughter to merely apologize for wrong-doing.

I was married before I began to understand the difference between simply saying “I’m sorry,†and truly confessing, repenting, and seeking forgiveness for my sin(s) against another person.

I can only conclude Veronica was never actually sorry when she apologized, or she would have recognized long before marriage that “confessing, repenting, and seeking forgiveness†are integral to a genuine apology.

She continues...

As parents – as mothers – do we know what we are really saying when we instruct our children to “apologize†for their actions?

I bet you thought an apology was an expression of regret with the implied promise to do better next time. Well, you're wrong! Veronica is the better mother!

Veronica traced the origin of the modern word “apology†back to its ancient source, “apologia†- a formal defense. As a result of this earth-shattering discovery, Veronica has banished the apology from her home, because she believes that such will leave room for an implied defense rather than merely an open-faced confession of sin with no “buts.â€

To the rest of us, this might look like a mixture of stupid semantic game-playing and the will to power so many fundie parents express when talking about their own children, but we're wrong! Veronica has read the dictionary and she knows better.

When one apologizes for a wrong done, yes, they may recognize some fault or failing on their part. But a true “apology†is a defense. And, it usually includes the word but. “I’m sorry, but…†“I feel bad about what happened, but…â€

Excuses, excuses.

“Yes I broke the glass, but it was an accident†isn't merely an excuse; it's a valid defense.

It's not clear whether Veronica listens long enough to her daughter to get the whole story before she gears up and starts doling out punishments as penance. Judging by this post, it would seem Veronia withholds forgiveness until such time as her child manages everything on mama's checklist: “No, we are called to humble ourselves. To confess (James 5:16, 1 John 1:9). To repent (Romans 2:4). To seek forgiveness (Matthew 6:14-15, Luke 17:3-4).â€

All an apology does is dump one person’s bad feelings about an event on to the other person. While, at the same time, also explaining to the injured party why the offender was not really at fault.

This is what Veronica actually believes – that an apology, merely by virtue of its connection to a related but different idea, doesn't actually mean what most people think it means; and so, therefore, apologies made as such aren't genuine.

So ha!

Another vault in the Holier-Than-Though Olympics.

Well I wear skirts on Sundays.

Well I wear a skirt every day.

Skirts are for harlots. I wear a jumer every day, with bloomers.

I wear that and a headcovering every day.

Well, my headcovering covers the entire head, and I don't poof my hair out the front to appeal to the menfolk.

I wear a face veil, so ha!


I send my kids to a Christian school.

Heathen! I homeschool my kids – with ATI, And time-outs are for heathens. I whip mine with a quarter inch dowel.

Well I hit mine with a half-inch dowel, starting at three months old, and I don't expect them to ever read anything but the Bible.

Well I have you all beat: I whacked my stomach with an inch wide dowel every time the baby kicked,and now it has brain damage so it will never need schooling - so ha!


I expect my kids to apologize when they're wrong.

I expect my kids to apologize on-demand, whether they're actually wrong or not.

Well I have you both beat: I don't accept apologies from my children, because the word “apology†can be traced back...blah blah blah...so ha!

These people are so full of shit.

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There isn't much to say other than Wow....Just wow.

I think many of these women would FEEL better and be HAPPIER if they gave up birthin' litters of children and home schooling. I believe they would be doing their children a favor... Also a little prozac (or something similar) goes a long, long way...just sayin'

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I don't get it. So what does she actually expect her daughter to do if she does something wrong, if she can't apologise? Get on her knees, rub oil into mummy's feet and wipe them clean with her hair?

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