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Checking up on Kingdom Mama


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If you aren't familiar with this blog (kingdomtwindom.com), it's about a mom of 5 whose husband cheated on her repeatedly, ultimately leaving her and her kids. She said that God would end up putting them back together, and now they are, in fact, living together again (coincidentally, he moved in right after he went bankrupt). Thread here: Kingdom Twindom got her cheating husband back.

I hadn't checked her blog in a while, but her posts about life together have been so depressing, it's kind of hard to snark on them. For example:

So far, today has leaned toward the lousy side. The whines from all four older kids during school time (most definitely induced by their mother who put sugar on their oatmeal because she was out of honey) didn't sit well with my last remaining nerve. And I snapped when Cuddle Bug read "came" as "chameleon". But it's not her fault. I woke up feeling like my shoulders were going to shoot right over my head. To tell you the truth, I think I've felt that way all week.

School is going fantastically, we're in love with the My Father's World curriculum, and I promise to make it a focus of a post when I sit down to write on Saturday. Other things in life are not going quite as smoothly.

Marriage wise, things are continually, slowly but steadily, moving in the right direction. I'm happy. But I'm also lonelier than I thought I would be. Readjusting to day to day life as a married woman is almost as hard as adjusting to day to day life as a single woman. I can't cry, for starters. There is no time of the day when it's safe for me to hit the deck and sob. I wouldn't trade it, though. Last night, I asked Papa Bear if he would mind tucking the kids into bed. He said sure and shuffled down the hallway. As soon as he was out of earshot, I allowed myself about forty-five seconds of hot, relief-filled tears. I can't understand how I did everything for the eight months that he was gone. He's home, and helping, and I still go to bed exhausted every night. I feel like I've woken from a nightmare that was far too terrible to have actually happened to me. Still, I know that it did. And I'm trying to shake it off. That's what counseling is for, I guess. We're still going every Friday.

Financially, we're attempting to recover two bankrupt households and reform one stable one. We can't afford to live forty-five minutes (over a vehicle-torturing mountain pass) from Papa Bear's job. And, we can't afford to move, either. To make matters worse, my business that I built and poured into and relied on (over the last seven months or so) hasn't attracted a new client in three weeks. I'm baffled. And a little scared. Oh, and the last client I did have (the one that belittled my work and offered me $200 less than our agreed price) never paid me one thin dime.

I'm not writing this post simply to vent or whine....and I'm certainly not asking for anyone's help but God's. I'm writing it because I feel the weight of these things [the world] overwhelmingly today, and I usually try not to blog when I feel this way. I tell myself that it's not helpful or uplifting.

But...

Maybe someone needs to know that, even though I'm so down I just ate dessert in the middle of the afternoon...even though I'm so bummed, forlorn, dejected that I'd love nothing more than to sit in a deep tub and cry (and cry and cry)...even though I've allowed myself to become [temporarily] worried by my circumstances, I still love God. I still believe that 100% of the Bible was written to teach me and guide me and that ALL of His promises are true. I still trust that God has a fantastic plan for my life. I still want to submit and surrender to that plan so that I can live it out in its fullness. I still believe that poverty is an over reliance on self and not an empty bank account. I still believe that God knows the number of hairs on my head and that His thoughts about me outnumber the grains of sand in all the earth.

Even on the "blah" days. Even when I feel like I shouldn't feel. Even when I am suffering the overwhelming effects of having taken my eyes off of my Savior, He hasn't taken His off of me.

And because of Him, joy comes in the morning. Of that, I am absolutely certain.

(from kingdomtwindom.com/2011/09/can-you-have-case-of-thursdays.html)

Their marriage is improving but she can't cry in front of her husband, or lean on him for any kind of support? She feels like living with him is harder than living as a single parent? Geez.

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And school is going "fantastically" and they're in love with the curriculum, yet the kids whine during school time and she keeps snapping at them? Lots of contradictions in this post.

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And school is going "fantastically" and they're in love with the curriculum, yet the kids whine during school time and she keeps snapping at them? Lots of contradictions in this post.

Seriously. You'd think these bloggers' entries would inspire some self-reflection. But they never seem to...

She should read Candy's fiction. Maybe headcoverings and supporting her husband's purchasing of "men's magazines" is all she needs.

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Well, that is depressing. I can't even snark on her much. It sounds like she needs to dump the loser husband and put the kids in a private or public school for a while. I am glad I am not her!

ETA for riffles then I gave up.

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That's one of the saddest things I've ever read.

This.

:shock:

There are not even words. I am glad she got to cry for 45 seconds before putting on a bright countenance.

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I personally don't feel right snarking on someone who's obviously in despair, but I will say that her narrative is kind of inconsistent- the kids love their homeschool curriculum, but they complain and whine and she snaps at them? She wouldn't trade this life with her husband after he came back, but she really wants to cry? Something isn't really adding up, and I think it's her trying to be in denial about her despair, but it doesn't seem to want to be hidden.

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She sounds like she's headed for a breakdown. I'm worried for her because you know that's going to wind up manifesting physically sooner or later.

Does anyone know what kind of business she had? Starting one to keep her kids fed when her husband left her shows there's some strength in there somewhere.

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I don't know what she does - but I'm pretty sure that starting a business was the only way a homeschooling mom of five without a husband could stay home, so I'm not sure anyone can count on her having any kind of "drive," you know?

I can't even imagine. Five little kids, a husband who walks in and out of the marriage depending on how he feels about it and his financial situation, homeschooling, and about to move out of their house and into TWO SPARE ROOMS AT HIS BOSS' HOUSE. Oh, that will end well.

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Is this the couple who went on TV? Dr. Phil or maybe Oprah? The guy in the couple I recall had gone to strip clubs and had a fling or one night stand with one of the dancers. The wife was pregnant and on bedrest at the time. They survived that infidelity but a few years later, after they went on television to discuss what happened, the husband fell apart, became depressed and guilt-ridden and left his family. Is this that couple?

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Guest Anonymous
Is this the couple who went on TV? Dr. Phil or maybe Oprah? The guy in the couple I recall had gone to strip clubs and had a fling or one night stand with one of the dancers. The wife was pregnant and on bedrest at the time. They survived that infidelity but a few years later, after they went on television to discuss what happened, the husband fell apart, became depressed and guilt-ridden and left his family. Is this that couple?

Yep, this is them. The whole situation is a train crash.

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Train wreck.

This woman is spends her life relying on God to take care of everything, and trusts that he will. Yet, she does nothing to prepare herself, prepare her children, prepare their life for God's eventual outcome. In other words she prays for rain day and night to water her crops, but she does absolutely nothing to prepare her fcrops for the rain. She is not open to considering that God's plan for her may not include this man she is married to.

The husband returned because he had this new job and no where to live. She sees this as God answering her prayers. I really do feel so sad for her andI hate to think of the eventual breakdown that is coming.

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Thanks, didn't want to have to go back and read through the blog. I feel so sorry for her. Five kids and he flakes out. If he feels so badly about what he did then he ought to stick around and spend all his time making it up to her, not running away.

These two had not spent much time together before they married, as I recall. I think it was mostly a long distance relationship since he was deployed just days (maybe THE day) after they met and I am fairly sure they married shortly after his return. Their dating/courtship reminds me of many of the fundies who discuss a possible courtship, spend a couple of days together, get engaged, then marry within a couple of months to a near stranger. While there are successful quickie relationships, many are not. I think of all the young couples and wonder how many of them have discovered huge issues (porn, sexual addiction, infidelity) similar to the ones facing these two. Could any problems ever be brought out in the open and addressed? Or would it be kept quiet and the wife would know it is her fault and she simply need to be more submissive in order to help her husband? I doubt that kingdom twindom is an isolated case.

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