Chaste fundie romance or trashy romance novel?

[MamaJunebug]

There used to be a silly radio contest called "Heavy metal band or prescription drug." The host read off a name and you had to guess which it was associated with -- a heavy metal band or a prescription drug. My record was maybe .500!

Anyhoo, I came across a blogger whose purple prose made me think of a similar game, as described in the topic title. Now, when I went back to copy+paste some stuff, it had been edited out for the last part, but just trust me -- it originally read close to the way it does here. Wish I'd thought to act on this earlier, before the "surgery". Names have been changed to protect the fundies.

""I now pronounce you man and wife." The pastor stopped and gave a long pause as Joe and Jane eagerly anticipated his next words. The giddiness was apparent on their beaming faces as they could hardly wait for what came next.

"You ready to go now?" Pastor teased.

"Yes!" both happily replied while the audience laughed.

"Then Joe, you may now kiss your bride!"

And boom.

And it was a deep kiss and they held for a long, long time, and the audience watched raptly.

So, whaddaya say? Chaste fundie romance or trashy .... oh, wait, I already showed my hand. Well, anyway. I thought it would be fun and maybe others will find similar fun items to post.

Yeah. I first read that and thought, (a) it sounds cheesy. Especially with the original description of the kiss; and (b) while DPIART probably wasn't in the congregation/audience, how many pervy folks are out there thinking, "heh-heh, heh-heh, their first kiss ... they didn't even hold hands until a week ago .... wonder if he's got a stiffy? wonder what she's doing, heh-heh, heh-heh...."

Save the first kiss for marriage and then do it in front of the audience. Bee to the ess.

[Firiel]

Reminds me of this quiz I took and failed a while back:

homeschoolersanonymous.wordpress.com/2014/04/12/50-shades-of-grey-or-contemporary-christian-music-lyrics-a-quiz/

[MamaJunebug]

Reminds me of this quiz I took and failed a while back:

homeschoolersanonymous.wordpress.com/2014/04/12/50-shades-of-grey-or-contemporary-christian-music-lyrics-a-quiz/

Ah hahahahaha! I had a feeling it'd been done before!!

ETA: 0. I actually got NONE right!!!

[Firiel]

Ah hahahahaha! I had a feeling it'd been done before!!

ETA: 0. I actually got NONE right!!!

I only got one right the first time I took it! And being raised in an environment where I heard quite a bit of contemporary Christian music, I thought I'd do pretty well.

[fun2beme]

There used to be a silly radio contest called "Heavy metal band or prescription drug." The host read off a name and you had to guess which it was associated with -- a heavy metal band or a prescription drug. My record was maybe .500!

Anyhoo, I came across a blogger whose purple prose made me think of a similar game, as described in the topic title. Now, when I went back to copy+paste some stuff, it had been edited out for the last part, but just trust me -- it originally read close to the way it does here. Wish I'd thought to act on this earlier, before the "surgery". Names have been changed to protect the fundies.

""I now pronounce you man and wife." The pastor stopped and gave a long pause as Joe and Jane eagerly anticipated his next words. The giddiness was apparent on their beaming faces as they could hardly wait for what came next.

"You ready to go now?" Pastor teased.

"Yes!" both happily replied while the audience laughed.

"Then Joe, you may now kiss your bride!"

And boom.

And it was a deep kiss and they held for a long, long time, and the audience watched raptly.

So, whaddaya say? Chaste fundie romance or trashy .... oh, wait, I already showed my hand. Well, anyway. I thought it would be fun and maybe others will find similar fun items to post.

Yeah. I first read that and thought, (a) it sounds cheesy. Especially with the original description of the kiss; and (b) while DPIART probably wasn't in the congregation/audience, how many pervy folks are out there thinking, "heh-heh, heh-heh, their first kiss ... they didn't even hold hands until a week ago .... wonder if he's got a stiffy? wonder what she's doing, heh-heh, heh-heh...."

Save the first kiss for marriage and then do it in front of the audience. Bee to the ess.

I think people in the congregation are too modest to even think of someone else getting a stiffy and if they do, they immediately pray for forgiveness for their vulgar, filthy thoughts. I am currently praying for your soul for even typing and subjecting others to such vileness and impurity. Oh wait, I typed it too. LOL

I could see a book like that possibly (?) being romantic to young teenagers though I suspect fundie girls would still blush.

[fun2beme]

“I now pronounce you Headship and Helpmeet, thus fulfilling your fathers’ agreement, I mean, God’s will, that you be joined in good times and bad (which you must deny because Jesus = happiness), and in sickness and in health (though wife must still perform wifely duties if ill) as God commanded in (random Bible verse – KJV, of course).â€

The pastor stopped and gave a long pause and Nathaniel and Rebecca-Grace-Martha made duck faces at each other.

“You ready to engage in actual physical contact now?†Pastor teased. The congregation bowed their heads in prayer for those sinful, vile, impure people who engage in full-frontal hugs before marriage.

“Nathaniel, you may now kiss what’s-her-name; her name no longer matters now that she is yours.â€

And BADDA BOOM, BADDA BING.

And it was an awkward kiss in which he kissed the side of veil and she kissed her father. The ladies in the audience clutched their pearls demurely while watching carefully to make sure neither showed the slightest sign of kissing know-how.

And the people threw Lipton Rice Side Dishes at them.

[formergothardite]

Reminds me of this quiz I took and failed a while back:

homeschoolersanonymous.wordpress.com/2014/04/12/50-shades-of-grey-or-contemporary-christian-music-lyrics-a-quiz/

I couldn't get any of those. :lol:

[alba]

Reminds me of this quiz I took and failed a while back:

homeschoolersanonymous.wordpress.com/2014/04/12/50-shades-of-grey-or-contemporary-christian-music-lyrics-a-quiz/

I got 7/10. I may have cheated, though, because I basically picked the sexiest/kinkiest/sketchiest lyrics for the Christian Rock and the most innocent-sounding phrases for 50 Shades.

[elizasc]

3/10 ... Not sure if that's a fail or something to be proud of

[lawfulevil]

I accidentally bought some Chaste Fundie Romance novels in a Kindle sale awhile back... maybe not chaste enough for the Duggars, the couple does kiss before marriage. But it does have a simply unholy double standard, so maybe it's Duggar-friendly after all. I also have a somewhat scorching collection of romance novels set in all different periods and ranging from "fade to black" to "dear god, I didn't know that was slang for penis". I'll hunt up some mixed quotes ASAP.

[Cats B4 Quivers]

This thread pleases me. And reminds me that the local bookstore has a pile of Amish romance novels on sale. For purely educational reasons. Yeah, that's it.