Public Shaming or Internet Safety Lesson?

[Flossie]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/2 ... ostpopular

Mother's Facebook Lesson Takes Different Turn After 4Chan Finds Daughter's Photo

The Huffington Post | by Cavan Sieczkowski

Posted: 03/21/2014 12:30 pm EDT Updated: 03/22/2014 12:59 pm EDT

A Colorado mother who attempted to teach her daughter a lesson about Facebook use wound up getting blasted by others.

In an effort to show her daughter how quickly something can spread online, Kira Hudson posted a public photo of the young girl and asked her Facebook friends to share it, WHNT reports. She had the girl pose with a sign that read, "3/18/14: Mom is trying to show me how many people can see a picture once it's on the internet."

In a screenshot of the post, obtained by the Daily Dot, Hudson explained, "My 12-year-old daughter doesn't understand why she can't have an Instagram or Facebook account... Please 'like and Share' ... She just doesn't get it!"

But Hudson probably didn't expect the photo of her daughter to wind up on 4chan, an image-based bulletin board. Users on the random imageboard /b/ eventually found Hudson's Facebook page, home address and phone number, according to the Daily Dot. On Wednesday, the mother received prank calls, and pizzas were delivered to her house. Some also edited the original photo to include an obscene message.

Apparently, other 4chan users wanted to teach Hudson a lesson about public shaming.

Hudson eventually removed the photo, which had almost 1 million likes.

These sorts of posts might get a lot of attention on social media, but parenting experts do not recommend jumping on the public humiliation bandwagon. Alfie Kohn, author of Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason, previously told The Huffington Post public shaming is "counterproductive" and will "never achieve any result beyond temporary compliance, and it does so at a disturbing cost."

A child is likely to view the parent as an "enforcer" versus an "ally," Kohn added. It could also make the child believe "the reason not to steal (or lie or hurt people) isn't because of how it affects others but because of the consequence you, yourself, will face if you're caught."

Still, teaching children about Internet safety is a vital lesson nowadays. Last year, fifth-grade teacher Julie Culp wanted to show her students a photo can be seen by many people online. So she took a selfie with a sign and asked people to like the snapshot. The image garnered hundreds of thousands of likes.

Update: 11:30 p.m. - Hudson provided the following statement to HuffPost:

"I am very grateful to all of the parents who have messaged my daughter and me, letting us know that because of our “experiment,†they were able to teach their own children more about Internet safety. This was one lesson that both my daughter and I learned very quickly! I had not anticipated it gaining momentum as fast as it did. It certainly opened my eyes to the fact that I thought my own private Facebook was secure. It was not as secure as I thought. Luckily for us, the information that was gathered by others was not my current residence or phone number.

I would like to apologize to the family who is living at our old address and let them know that I hope this hasn’t caused them much distress and the next pizza will be a gift from me. This whole thing has really proven the point, and I am hopeful that even though there have been a few bumps, others can continue to learn from our experience."

I didn't see public shaming, although I'd have preferred the girl to be holding the sign in front of her face, maybe with only her eyes showing above the sign, since the photo was meant to go viral.

[happy atheist]

It doesn't seem like shaming to me either.

[Daisy]

I don't see shaming either. Shaming is when they make them hold signs saying I stole or I got bad grades or whatever. I don't think the experiment was a great idea, but it's not shaming

[2xx1xy1JD]

Doesn't sound like shaming to me either, except for possibly questionable judgment in using the child instead of the mother to hold the sign.

It does, however, sound like the universe saying that the lesson you learn isn't always the lesson you intend to teach. Sounds like the mom needed to learn something about internet safety herself.

[Trynn]

Sigh. Why not let the child have an account while teaching your kid Internet safety? At 12, this alone worked perfectly for me, but if you really wanted, you could insist she make it private, and monitor what kind of info she posts. Like making sure she doesn't publish her name and home address.

The phone number and address Wernt her current ones? Bullshit! Then how did hey get pizzas delivered to their house from the prank callers?

I don't think it's shaking exactly, but the woman should've used a photo of herself. That would've made me a lot more comfortable with it.. I know *I* wouldn't want to even have a chance of photos of me going viral.

That's why I don't let people take pics of me if I think they are going to out them on Facebook. People had a hard time understanding this, they think I'm just camera why. No, just cautious. And private.

[Toothfairy]

It doesn't sound like shaming. It's sounds like a mother being smart

[miffy]

A friend of a friend from school did this to her son when he turned 13 & was allowed a FB account. The caption said something along the lines of 'I'm trying to show my son how many strangers can see his photo, please like & share'.

I think its a great idea.

[DGayle]

"A child is likely to view the parent as an "enforcer" versus an "ally,""

When I was a kid, this is how it was. Parents were parents first and friends second. The role of parent requires both.

Anyway I think the word "shame " is so overapplied these days that it's lost meaning. I'm also not against letting kids feel shame for their actions. Sometimes kids understand the feeling of shame before they understand the effect their actions have on others.

Realistically sometimes the effect someone's actions have on themselves if the only effective deterrent. Last year some parents were at their wits' end and tried everything to get their son to stop bullying and finally made him stand on a street corner with a sign saying he was a bully. That kid himself said he finally understood some of the humiliation he was causing his victims. A lot of people said those parents were wrong, but as someone who was bullied as a kid, I tip my hat to them for doing what they had to to prevent another kid from being bullied by their son, who changed his ways.

There's a difference between that, and making a kid whose 8 and has bedwetting issues holding a sign about it for everyone to see.

And neither of those are the same as a kid holding a picture to see how many people can see it. It can be hard to believe that your picture is the one that will go viral. Better to learn it this way than with a regretful photo.

[Marianne]

I can't stand with parents who post pictures of their children. Please, respect their privacy, even if they doesn't understand it.

(also, the biggest argument against facebook for me would be "Facebook will sell your privacy to private enterprise and to spy agency of foreign country" 11 years old niece of girlfriend understrand it very well.)

[ILoveJellybeans]

All I know is that I am sick of it and it has now become a meme. Now one person posted a picture asking others to share it for an "experiment" or "teaching their kid about internet safety" and it went viral, loads of other people started doing it. I don't think its about the kids, I think its for attention.

[Rebelwife]

"A child is likely to view the parent as an "enforcer" versus an "ally,""

When I was a kid, this is how it was. Parents were parents first and friends second. The role of parent requires both.

Anyway I think the word "shame " is so overapplied these days that it's lost meaning. I'm also not against letting kids feel shame for their actions. Sometimes kids understand the feeling of shame before they understand the effect their actions have on others.

Realistically sometimes the effect someone's actions have on themselves if the only effective deterrent. Last year some parents were at their wits' end and tried everything to get their son to stop bullying and finally made him stand on a street corner with a sign saying he was a bully. That kid himself said he finally understood some of the humiliation he was causing his victims. A lot of people said those parents were wrong, but as someone who was bullied as a kid, I tip my hat to them for doing what they had to to prevent another kid from being bullied by their son, who changed his ways.

There's a difference between that, and making a kid whose 8 and has bedwetting issues holding a sign about it for everyone to see.

And neither of those are the same as a kid holding a picture to see how many people can see it. It can be hard to believe that your picture is the one that will go viral. Better to learn it this way than with a regretful photo.

I fully admit that I have on a number of occasions hoped my children felt some shame for their actions especially when those actions have resulted in someone else really being hurt. There is nothing wrong with being ashamed of ones self when it is warranted. The key word there, though, is warranted. I think the difference is when people try to make that shame public - that's shaming for punishment, not to learn empathy.

[Jana814]

It doesn't sound like shaming. It's sounds like a mother being smart

Agree!

[Mama Mia]

It sounds like an absolutely horrible idea to me. Why not just put a sign on her kids neck saying " my mother wants me to be bullied, please share with your friends "

Or " my mom thought it was a good idea to share my photo with a million strangers to comment on....even though any idiot who has read the comments on these type of posts will see that I am going to have adult strangers calling me an entitled,spoiled brat who should be beaten. And those are the tame comments. Others will make sexual and/ or racial comments. Good job mom"

[Tesseract]

I think she had good intentions, but exercised extremely poor judgement in using her daughter's photo. I don't use Facebook or Twitter and have tried very hard to explain to my son that his privacy is valuable. He is asking for both kinds of social media, but as of now I am not comfortable with the idea. We'll see as time goes on.

[treehugger]

I don't see it as public shaming. But I do think it is a very stupid idea. The girl was what, 12? Unless I am mistaken, I believe Facebook's policy is that a user has to 13+ years old.

*Little side rant: I have some fundie-lite friends whose kids (ages 8 and up) all have Facebook. The other day I got into it with the one mom because my Facebook profile was not "child-friendly". Ummmm, it doesn't have to be. If she has such a big problem with her kids being exposed to pg13 stuff, then maybe they shouldn't be on Facebook :angry-banghead:

[O Latin]

I don't see it as public shaming. But I do think it is a very stupid idea. The girl was what, 12? Unless I am mistaken, I believe Facebook's policy is that a user has to 13+ years old.

*Little side rant: I have some fundie-lite friends whose kids (ages 8 and up) all have Facebook. The other day I got into it with the one mom because my Facebook profile was not "child-friendly". Ummmm, it doesn't have to be. If she has such a big problem with her kids being exposed to pg13 stuff, then maybe they shouldn't be on Facebook :angry-banghead:

Totally agree with this. I know a family where the kids aren't allowed to have Facebook until they turn 13, as per Facebook's official policy. Naturally each kid is on there creating an account and friend requesting everyone they can on their thirteenth birthday. I received one such request last fall and did not accept it, partially because I don't necessarily make sure everything on my Facebook is appropriate for a seventh grader and I don't want to hear about it from his slightly helicopter-ish mom if he sees something she thinks he shouldn't have.

[Nothing2CHere]

Totally agree with this. I know a family where the kids aren't allowed to have Facebook until they turn 13, as per Facebook's official policy. Naturally each kid is on there creating an account and friend requesting everyone they can on their thirteenth birthday. I received one such request last fall and did not accept it, partially because I don't necessarily make sure everything on my Facebook is appropriate for a seventh grader and I don't want to hear about it from his slightly helicopter-ish mom if he sees something she thinks he shouldn't have.

This! I have some young relatives (in the age 10 or so range) who I had received Facebook friend requests from which I refused because I didn't think it was appropriate. I wasn't going to censor what I posted because of them, and I didn't want to hear it from their parents, either (whose views on pretty much All of Life are the polar opposite of mine).