Does Being a Fundy Make One More Mature

[luckylassie]

I sometimes wonder this: are the twenty year old fundies more mature than their same-age secular peers? Is there something that the fundie young people have that makes them more mature (or less) than "normal" people. Anna wrote on her and Josh's site that people would often mistake her for someone older. I don't know if that would be a good or a bad thing. :confusion-scratchheadyellow:

[clibbyjo]

No, I think the opposite. I have 3 fundie nieces, ages 24,23 and 18 and I would say their emotional ages are early teens because they have been so sheltered. Look at Sarah, she is almost 30 and still writing things like "We children love our Daddy!" What 30 year old talks like that?

[fundiefan]

Nope. I think it does the complete opposite, to be honest.

[liltwinstar]

In some ways, I think it can. If you're raising your younger siblings, for example, that would force you to think and behave in ways that "normal" teenagers/young adults don't have to.

If you go to a family-integrated church (as I did) where they have long, meaty theological sermons (not just a "be good, y'all!" type sermon) that can get you used to abstract concepts and discussions at an early age.

I don't think it's a good thing. Kids have developmental stages and when you circumvent those, you cut off growth. So a 20 year old might be able to pontificate about the five points of Calvinism, but he might have zero social skills. Or she might know how to juggle five kids but have no clue how to handle a job interview at Starbucks.

I know for me, I was expected to behave as an adult from the time I was about 12 or so - proper dress, proper behavior (always) with no leniency, doing a lot of the household stuff (laundry, cooking, cleaning - for our own family and sometimes for other families as well) extremely diligent in chores and school work, little sleep etc. It wasn't an appropriate expectation, in my opinion.

[luckylassie]

I remember watching the episode where Jana and Jill had to have their wisdom teeth removed. When Jill was crying and holding on to J.B. I felt so sorry for her but I also thought her to be a bit immature. I wonder sometimes if people look at me and see the same thing. I hope not.

[dawbs]

I think they may *look* more mature. Not just outward appearances (although frumpers make one look either 12 or 27), but in how they carry themselves--someone w/o the normal 'lightheartedness' of being a kid.

I also think they probably *do* mature faster in some areas. Of course, I've heard a great deal of consensus from professionals that a kid who is forced to mature overly-quickly in one area manages to do so by under-maturing in another. So a kid who has been raising her younger siblings or holding down his father's business or what not may be very mature in their 'parenting and keep one's temper' or 'handle customer relations' aspects and will be stilted in their 'get along with peers' or 'maturity to look at the world in shades of gray' aspects.

[ladypuglover]

I sometimes wonder this: are the twenty year old fundies more mature than their same-age secular peers? Is there something that the fundie young people have that makes them more mature (or less) than "normal" people. Anna wrote on her and Josh's site that people would often mistake her for someone older. I don't know if that would be a good or a bad thing. :confusion-scratchheadyellow:

Because she looks like she is 30 plus years old!

[Bookworm]

"Of course, I've heard a great deal of consensus from professionals that a kid who is forced to mature overly-quickly in one area manages to do so by under-maturing in another."

Oh my goodness, that totally makes sense. And I can see it in so many people I know, including me - although I've made some major progress the last couple of years! 8-) But yeah, I know a guy who is about 30, I believe, and reminds me of a 16-year-old in some ways. And then there are the 12-year-old girls who refuse to talk about anything but babies and cooking, as if they are mini moms, and look at you like you have two heads when you try to introduce any other topic. Not being a teen anymore or in those groups I no longer talk to very many HS girls, but I remember wondering if they ever got really excited about anything.

[antifundie]

I don't think it makes them more mature. I think people confuse maturity sometimes--sure they can cook up a mean TTC while handling 10 kids, but that doesn't mean they have the emotional maturity to say...handle male attention or asking a guy out, you know?

People used to say that I was mature because I *could* talk to adults, (and I could) but I couldn't talk to people my own age very well. I'm still learning how to make small talk,etc. I realize that poor social skills are not found only in fundies, but the idea of maturity that was upheld wasn't developmentally appropriate. You can't just go from "perfect" (little white sock, hairbows, and fluffy dresses) childhood, to a mature woman (aka, perfect mother and wife) without any stop in between.

[Joykins]

The homeschool/sheltered types may take on more responsibilities earlier but they're also really just kind of out of sync when it comes to maturity--more on some levels, less on others.

[VodouDoll]

There's so much that goes into being mature. Intellelectual curiosity, emotional honesty, deciding for yourself what right and wrong means rather than relying on others to tell you, being able to set and hold reasonable boundaries with others, making decisions for yourself, being brave enough to take responsibility for those decisions, living your own life, and standing on your own two feet.

Being able to recite your parents' half-baked theology has nothing to do with real psychological maturity. I would say it's probably very rare for fundie children. Their parents stunt them on purpose.

[TheJewAmongUs]

They put on a good false front, but if you were to challenge a fundy with questions they don't have prepared answers for, or ask them to think abstractly, I think they'd crumble.

On the other hand, you might see a young 20-something passed out on a sidewalk surrounded by "red party cups" on Thursday night, and then intelligently participating in class discussion or in a meeting at work the next day.

Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm not going to call either one more or less mature ;)

[Austin]

No. I find the SAHDs, as well as many of the 30 and 40 year old fundie women, startlingly immature. I believe it is childish to think everything should be your way and that you should be able to dictate to others. It is childish to whine and cry if someone disagrees with you (sounds like the playground: "she's picking on me!") It is childish to think that your opinion (and those of those just like you) is the only one that matters. And it is childish to flounce off.

I believe a lot of these women really don't want to take responsibility for their lives. It's easier to abdicate their responsibility to themselves and their potential by handing over their self-determinism to others. It's easier to blame their fathers when their lives don't turn out and it's easier to blame their husbands for bad decisions, because they don't have to make any. They don't "own" anything and refuse stand on their own.

Because they really are not faced with any decisions, let alone hard ones, it's not that hard for them to look like they're not making mistakes.

[VodouDoll]

I think a lot of them don't consciously abdicate responsibility. It's just that they've never been shown any other way. They don't know it's even possible. For every Razing Ruth, there are hundreds who aren't ever able to see that the way their parents are treating them isn't right, and that their lives don't have to be this way. But still, they are an incredibly irresponsible group. They're responsible in superficial ways, can keep their houses clean and their work done efficiently, but taking real responsibility for yourself, your decisions, and your actions and being honest about your mistakes is a huge part of maturity that we don't often see even among the adult fundies. Look PP blaming the border patrol for his freak out. That awful woman who gave away her adopted children and blamed the kids for it. Steve Maxwell not even trusting himself with his own internet passwords.

I think another aspect of real maturity is being realistic enough to see people and the world as they really are, and be able to take them on their own terms. There's small chance of fundie kids succeeding at this, since they're so sheltered from the real world and people who aren't exactly like them. Real maturity is being brave enough to open yourself to love and friendship and new experiences, even knowing you're risking hurt and heartbreak. There's zero chance of kids learning to do this in the "giving away pieces of your heart is a sin" crowd.

[Austin]

The ones with blogs or who follow blogs that allow even some comments are exposed to other viewpoints. At some point, an adult woman has to take responsibility for herself.

[Rosa]

Nothing speeds up brain maturation. Back in the day when people were "adults" at 16 and had started working seriously at 10 or 12, they still acted like idiots in their late teens and early '20s - duelling, marrying badly, getting pregnant at a time when it meant getting branded, stoned, or starving to death, going to war because they were bored, taking off with just a piece of bread and a journal to climb the Rocky Mountains, jumping ship on the Gold Coast and trying to walk back to France across the Sahara. It looks adventurous from a few hundred years' distance, but it was also stupid and people died of dumbassery an awful lot.

[lilwriter85]

In some ways fundies are mature in certain aspects when it comes to running a house, but when it comes to other things that involve emotion, they are very immature.

Some of the fundies and fundie lites are very sheltered and some of the bloggers we have discussed have shown that. I think Lyndsie was a good example and I think crazy Jessica was another one. But with Jessica she didn't grow up in the fundie/homeschooling environment and she thought she was mature because always listened to the Chad, but she was pretty immature about a lot of things.

[theologygeek]

No. I find the SAHDs, as well as many of the 30 and 40 year old fundie women, startlingly immature. I believe it is childish to think everything should be your way and that you should be able to dictate to others. It is childish to whine and cry if someone disagrees with you (sounds like the playground: "she's picking on me!") It is childish to think that your opinion (and those of those just like you) is the only one that matters. And it is childish to flounce off.

I believe a lot of these women really don't want to take responsibility for their lives. It's easier to abdicate their responsibility to themselves and their potential by handing over their self-determinism to others. It's easier to blame their fathers when their lives don't turn out and it's easier to blame their husbands for bad decisions, because they don't have to make any. They don't "own" anything and refuse stand on their own.

Because they really are not faced with any decisions, let alone hard ones, it's not that hard for them to look like they're not making mistakes.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

[notsocommon]

Nothing speeds up brain maturation. Back in the day when people were "adults" at 16 and had started working seriously at 10 or 12, they still acted like idiots in their late teens and early '20s - duelling, marrying badly, getting pregnant at a time when it meant getting branded, stoned, or starving to death, going to war because they were bored, taking off with just a piece of bread and a journal to climb the Rocky Mountains, jumping ship on the Gold Coast and trying to walk back to France across the Sahara. It looks adventurous from a few hundred years' distance, but it was also stupid and people died of dumbassery an awful lot.

I think "dunbassery' should be an official cause of death.

[forever ago]

From what I can tell, a lot of grown fundie women act a lot younger than they are. I've seen way too many violently pink blogs from them, and their behavior toward people who disagree is very immature.

Of course when you're keeping a teenage girl in the house all the time, for school, work, church, AND downtime with almost no opportunities to get out, and her only company is either 2 parents who are 20-30 years older than she is, or younger siblings who are not as mature as she is... yeah, she's going to seem very immature.

Given how sheltered fundie kids are, they're going to seem even more immature.

Fundie writing, blogging, aesthetics- shit, anything from fundy culture- smacks of immaturity, and its emphasis on a seemingly perfect world and just how simplistic fundie "solutions" are, is very telling of fundamentalist upbringing.

[xReems]

Nope, not at all. Fundies are so sheltered from the horrible and ebil outside world that I feel like it stunts their emotional, mental, and social growth. Look at Jill Duggar, for example-she's 20 but acts like she's a 13 year old with her social skills. Plus, it doesn't help when she throws in all those "and" and "ums" after every word. My sister is her age and she's more mature than the older Duggar girls combined. Plus, cannot forget Anna when we first were introduced to her. Both she and Josh acted like as if they were young teenagers than mature adults who were on the verge of getting married. Throw in the "Josh girl" purse and you have yourself a 20 year old going on 12.

In my opinion, social growth occurs when you venture out on your own, meeting all different kinds of people. Their main form of interaction are with like minded people and although that's okay, they have not experienced the real world, thus making them seem more immature than most people around their ages. Clearly, I don't think the girls will ever experience the real world since they'll always have to submit to either their father or husband. Being sheltered when you're young is okay but as you get older, your parents are suppose to let go of you little by little. Seriously, some of these fundie children would never get an actual job with how their social skills are. They're so behind with their vocabulary, it's sad. Hell, even my own mother who never graduated from high school is more mature socially than Michelle Duggar.

So, no, I don't think Fundies are more mature. If anything, they're more immature and act way younger than their age.

[thoughtful]

I think "dunbassery' should be an official cause of death.

Especially for all of those people whose last words are "Hold my beer and watch this!"

[ElphabaGalinda]

I think it makes them less mature. They aren't allowed to be really mature. Especially the girls, they are sheltered from everything, first by their fathers, then by their husbands. None of them are allowed to have interactions with anyone that isn't exactly like them, and even those reactions are tightly controlled. They can't do anything without approval, and the things they can do with approval are very limited. I guess it depends how you define mature. To me, mature means able to interact succesfully with the outside world, to support yourself, to be open minded, to think for yourself and to be able to naturally interact with people that are different than you are. Fundies can't do any of those things, so in my opinion, even when they have billions of kids, they are not mature.

[HowRude]

Fundies seem more mature because they take on responsibilites earlier than the mainstream world would, for example earlier marriage and baby rearing since God knows when.Things like that age people for example my friends who are young mother seem more aged than I am. However fundies seem very immature in reasoning skills.