A thing that makes me sad (and feel bad about myself) - Aid

[Hane]

I occasionally visit the blog of a conservative Christian single homeschooling mom (she's long-time separated from her husband, though has no intention of divorcing). She's down-to-earth, funny, and warmhearted, and has five children (two biological and three adopted; two of her adopted kids have special needs). She seems genuinely Christian, in the best sense.

And then, one day, I saw that she posted on Ladies Against Feminism. She wrote that she was a homeschooling SAHM, having left her job (I think it was at a state social services agency) to be at home fulltime with her children. She also mentioned that she was able to do this without any government assistance.

Now, her ex may indeed be fulfilling his financial obligations to her and their children. She may have saved up a financial cushion during the time she was employed outside the home, and may be getting a little financial help from her parents. At least one of her adult daughters lives at home and has a job, so she may be helping out as well. (I'm guessing about ALL of these possible sources of money.)

But she lives in a state in which adoptive parents of "hard-to-place" children receive a stipend. (I know this because my ex and his first wife adopted their younger son from this state.) If she does indeed receive this stipend, I certainly do NOT begrudge her and her children--she is obviously giving them a warm and loving home.

But, if she gets a stipend for the care of her special-needs children, why pretend she doesn't get any government aid?

I deeply apologize if, for some reason, she gets no stipend, but the LAF post sent my antennas up.

[demgirl]

If she posts at LAF, I have to find her immediately suspect. If she does get it, she probably doesn't consider it government aid, but rather a stipend or some other line skimming thing. If the $ is all coming from the husband, I think it was short sighted of her to quit her job so precipitously. What if he just quits paying? A government job is good stuff -- low likelihood of being fired, good health care benefits, stability and usually a steady, regular workday that lets you spend lots of time with the kids after work.

[Hane]

Yeah, demgirl--I have a hard time figuring out exactly why she decided to quit a job she said she liked, and at which she was well treated, because she had a jones to be a SAHM. Heck, I can conceivably retire in four years, when I'm 62, but am afraid it would be financially irresponsible to retire so soon--and I have only myself to worry about supporting.

[julie]

hmmmm, which blog is this?

[GenerationCedarchip]

Among the fundies I know, they consider "no government aid" to be refusing to accept things like Medicaid, food stamps, disability, WIC, housing vouchers (Section 8) and so on. However, if you happen to get an automatic stipend by virtue of foster care or adoption of special needs kids, they don't usually consider that government aid. Social Security kind of falls into that grey area, too.

The foster care/adoption stipends are seen variously as either your payment for bringing someone into your family that you were not legally obligated to take in or as being the kid's own "legacy" of sorts and Social Security is often exempted because people see that as their own money which they earned and which the government wrongfully withheld from them all these years. And you can make of those arguments what you will...

[Hane]

I'd rather not say.

[julie]

I think I know who you're talking about, and I think she reads here/posts sometimes. Just wanted to see if I was right ;) Carry on haha.

[brashchick]

Julie, if we are thinking of the same blogger, she only has four children, and I believe only one has special needs, so possibly not.

[Hane]

Julie, if we are thinking of the same blogger, she only has four children, and I believe only one has special needs, so possibly not.

She has five kids, two with special needs--one of whom lives with her ex.

[sugaree]

I know we've discussed this here, but there's a whole lot of anti-government aid folks who honestly believe that they themselves have never accepted any government aid, even though they do. Cognitive dissonance. Right outta the same playbook as the only moral abortion is my abortion.