I am so much happier now that I accept what an ass I married

[Koala]

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/07/problems-with-manipulation-techniques.html

The problem with most marriage books and blogs is they often promote manipulation techniques to get a husband to do what a wife wants instead of teaching a wife to have a gentle and quiet spirit that loves, serves, and is submissive to her husband.

I recently posted the above paragraph on facebook and told Ken. He said that a wife should be able to make a request to her husband once a month if she wants something from him. I told him my life has been SO much better since I didn't expect anything from him.

I have learned to just focus upon becoming the woman God wants me to be, not the man God wants Ken to be. I have learned not to put any expectations upon Ken about anything. I have learned to just let him be and allow the Lord to change him.

I use to want Ken to adore me and say nice things to me. I use to want many things from him and I was miserable. Now that I just focus upon serving him and trying to please him and just think of ways to change myself, we are both much happier.

I read those blogs that tell you how you can get your husband to be more romantic or help around the house more or treat you better, etc. There's always some type of formula {manipulation} in order to get what you want from your man.

I prefer to just teach the ways of God and what He expects from godly women. He wants us to know Him and let His Word dwell in us richly. He wants us to deny ourselves and think more highly of others than ourselves. He wants us to be servants and be willing to serve others.

Taking our eyes off of our husbands and what we want from them is a very good thing. Life becomes so much simpler. Keep your eyes upon Jesus. Draw closer to Him and allow Him to make you into the woman He desires. Then watch how you will reap what you sow.

[nelliebelle1197]

I am really glad this was about Lori and not you, Koala.

[becky4201]

Lori is a moron. I expect my husband to be kind, loving, helpful around the house (it's his house too!), to be faithful, help with the kids & a whole host of other things. He expects the same out of me! :angry-banghead:

[Jinger Jar]

Don't hold back, Lori. Tell us how you really feel about being married to Ken.

[HoneyBunny]

That was one of the most ridiculous Lori posts I've ever read. Do people really believe this way? Bad enough Lori's "make no requests at all", but Ken's "one request per month" is even nutsier. So, do I have to keep track of when I last requested something? If I'm going to be climbing a ladder to do something, but it's only been 22 days since my last request, do I just climb it alone with no spotter and take my chances? When we're getting ready to take a trip, and my husband is going to Target and I need something from Target, but I asked him for something 29 days ago, is my only recourse to pray that God tells him I need another set of razor refills? This is so NOT how my happy, almost as long as Lori's marriage works or has ever worked.

Lori is a fucking monster but Ken's a fucking moron.

[GeoBQn]

The "one request a month" makes me picture Lori acting like Queen Esther, fasting and praying for several days before she enters Ken's throne room to make a request of him and hoping he won't have her executed.

[Closed Womb]

See, now I saw this title and knew, immediately, that it was about Lori. 8-)

Y'know, if this is how the monster wants to live, that's her business. My problem is that she is ruining the lives and self esteem of countless other women which she "mentors." That appalls me. Lori lives the live of a full time, collared submissive, as far as I can tell. If that's her kink (literally), good on her. But stop pretending that her proclivities apply to mainstream marriages.

And, by the way, my husband adores me and says nice things to me. He has from day one and he has never stopped, no manipulation needed. Odd, considering I'm too fat (in Lori's opinion) to even attract a decent man.

[Guest]

USED to. With an -ed. That makes it past tense. If you say use to without using another verb in the past tense, it means it's present tense. It also doesn't make sense.

[ImNoSupermom]

I find this whole post incredibly ridiculous considering that she recommends Fascinating Womanhood- THE manual for manipulating husbands

[salex]

I will agree on one thing. I do see some of the "how to train your husband" sites as teaching manipulation... ie, "if he does this, give him a blow job as a reward" kind of thing. I always thought that was weird as hell as I always viewed sex as a mutually fun time, not a way to give or withold to get what you wanted. I actually see a lot of the submissive sites as being a way to try to manipulate when other things haven't worked.

That said, why not marry a man who treats you well in the first place, instead of one that needs to be doneover some how? And why shouldn't your spouse expect the same of you? I have a husband who adores me and says nice things to me, about me and moreover, does nice things for me. Said husband has a wife who does the same for him. We are a happy little mutual admiration society, each wanting the best for each other and ourselves individually and together. It is too bad Lori can never experience that. She did a poor job of picking a spouse and now makes a career of writing about that error.

And, as a complete aside, but because it needs to be said.

Lori Alexander is a Monster.

[Closed Womb]

She did a poor job of picking a spouse and now makes a career of writing about that error.

Can I hear an AMEN?

Well said, salex.

[dairyfreelife]

See, now I saw this title and knew, immediately, that it was about Lori. 8-)

Y'know, if this is how the monster wants to live, that's her business. My problem is that she is ruining the lives and self esteem of countless other women which she "mentors." That appalls me. Lori lives the live of a full time, collared submissive, as far as I can tell. If that's her kink (literally), good on her. But stop pretending that her proclivities apply to mainstream marriages.

And, by the way, my husband adores me and says nice things to me. He has from day one and he has never stopped, no manipulation needed. Odd, considering I'm too fat (in Lori's opinion) to even attract a decent man.

I saw the title and said 'Lori' also. Lo and behold, I was correct.

I also don't understand why Ken shouldn't adore her and say nice things to her. I don't think that's a bad thing to expect in a marriage, but I've not been married, so what do I know.

I also think manipulation goes on a lot in fundie marriages because women can't just ask their husbands to do something or listen to them, so they have to resort to such tactics to get anything done. If women had equal status and were considered just as capable as men to do things and not considered too stupid or too emotional to make decisions, the need for manipulation would all but disappear.

[LucySnowe]

I told him my life has been SO much better since I didn't expect anything from him.

...yeah, because that's an ideal marriage. Jeez.

[Hane]

I read the bloviations of Lori and her self-sacrificing ilk and would LOVE to convince them of the fact that divorce (when no minor children are in the picture) is NO BIG DEAL. In fact, when one is married to a jerk, it's downright benign.

Woman Married to a Douchebag? Can you support yourself? Then GET THE HELL OUT.

[AnywhereButHere]

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/07/problems-with-manipulation-techniques.html

She is living in a loveless marriage, with a guy who treats her like a servant (sex and otherwise). I can just see her in any given month, trying desperately to come up with which request she should ask of him that month. I mean if you only get one it should be the best one possible, right?

This just makes me really sad. Lori is a monster and an irresponsible jackhole who is influencing other women (though hopefully not as many as she likes to think) into buying her horseshit, and I'm sad for them if they buy into it and wind up miserable. but I am also a little sad for Lori. What made her into someone who feels so worthless that she doesn't deserve a kind word from her husband or someone who needs to ration out requests? Ah hell, maybe it's the lack of breakfast this morning that's making me soft. After lunch I'll go back to my thinking that she's an outright bitch, but right now, I'm a little depressed for her.

[urban teacher]

Reminded me of the book Room where the mother can ask her captor for a Sunday treat and spends the week having to decide what to ask for. But in the book, she's captive. I agree with everyone else, Lori is a monster!

[church_of_dog]

I can just see her in any given month, trying desperately to come up with which request she should ask of him that month. I mean if you only get one it should be the best one possible, right?

I think I'd play the "genie in the lamp" card and make my request "to have unlimited requests" :penguin-no:

[MissA]

Holy shit, I ask the poor bastard to do things maybe as often as every day. Major wife fail!

I can only assume that she means that she doesn't ask him to change rather than she never asks him for anything. Because really, how surreal would that be to be in a relationship where you can't ask for *anything*? I'm kind of imagining that rather than saying "Hey, honey, can you open this jar of applesauce for me?" (because as we all know feminine = poor grip strength), she prays for a quiet spirit and serves canned peaches.

[HoneyBunny]

Holy shit, I ask the poor bastard to do things maybe as often as every day. Major wife fail!

I can only assume that she means that she doesn't ask him to change rather than she never asks him for anything. Because really, how surreal would that be to be in a relationship where you can't ask for *anything*? I'm kind of imagining that rather than saying "Hey, honey, can you open this jar of applesauce for me?" (because as we all know feminine = poor grip strength), she prays for a quiet spirit and serves canned peaches.

That's exactly how Teri Maxhell lives. Family visiting? Worried that husband might forget to pick up pizza which is needed to feed everyone? Don't call- PRAY! That's right, get God involved in the pizza pickups and applesauce can openings...everything.

It's insanity.

[Talitha Cumi]

That was one of the most ridiculous Lori posts I've ever read. Do people really believe this way? Bad enough Lori's "make no requests at all", but Ken's "one request per month" is even nutsier. So, do I have to keep track of when I last requested something? If I'm going to be climbing a ladder to do something, but it's only been 22 days since my last request, do I just climb it alone with no spotter and take my chances? When we're getting ready to take a trip, and my husband is going to Target and I need something from Target, but I asked him for something 29 days ago, is my only recourse to pray that God tells him I need another set of razor refills? This is so NOT how my happy, almost as long as Lori's marriage works or has ever worked.

Lori is a fucking monster but Ken's a fucking moron.

It could be one request per calendar month. So you could make one request on July 31, and another August 1, but then you'd be screwed until Sept. 1.

I kind of love that I saw the title and thought "Yep, that would be Lori."

[salex]

It could be one request per calendar month. So you could make one request on July 31, and another August 1, but then you'd be screwed until Sept. 1.

I kind of love that I saw the title and thought "Yep, that would be Lori."

Probably put it on the calendar or in the chore pack. First tuesday of each month is big trash day, breast self exam, pay the cable bill and formal "make a request of Ken" day.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I wonder what kind of request it has to be? Even the simple stuff?

Like if Lori is sitting on the toilet, notices theres no toilet roll left, and asks Ken to go downstairs and get the pack she bought earlier but accidentally left downstairs?

Needs him to help with changing the lightbulb, cause hes taller and she cant reach?

Asks him to pick up some pads on his way home from work cause hes run out? (Oh no, cause thats too feminine and might turn him gay)

In the middle of cooking and realises the milk has gone bad, but needs it in the recipe, so asks him to either run out and get some or keep an eye on the food for her?

Does calling 911 if she falls and breaks her leg or something count as a request?

Lori says she loves Ken, but all of her posts about marriage seem passive aggressive "Ken is a shit husband" kind of posts.

[wild little fox]

Reminds me of worshiping the fundie Christian God.

[SamuraiKatz]

Can she save up requests for six months. Then request 4 at one time? Saving the other two requests for emergencies? I'd really like to know how this works.

[Want More Babies]

Lori says she loves Ken, but all of her posts about marriage seem passive aggressive "Ken is a shit husband" kind of posts.

THIS

There is no way I would want a marriage like theirs. I am very happy in my marriage where we are both EQUAL partners.

Lori Alexander is a fucking monster!