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New Years Eve/Birth and the END OF DAYS!


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Ralph Messer, known best for wrapping various prosperity gospel assholes in an actual Torah, loves to post videos of himself rambling about all kinds of shit. He recently posted one on the history of New Years Eve. Its a total waste of an hour so heres a summary. Is there a rule somewhere that says they cant just get to the fucking point but have to say shit for an hour rather than just saying "my sermon today is relax and trust god?" I mean seriously...

He first explains that it began, like Halloween, with the Catholics. He then goes through a bunch of things that make you fail, flashing a number you can call to give him money. I have no fucking idea what he's talking about.

He says that isrealis call the night "Sylvester" which is "akin to the night niagra falls froze over" and something about Nazis. The reader cant pronounce "niagra." New Years eve is now a night of fear because the night of pograms because Decemebr 25th, "as Christmas, calculated to be the night preceding the circumcision of the child born in the "little down of bethlehem." therefore, a call was given for the local peasant to engage in drinking, making merry, and killing jews. Darkness, along with the silence before a storm, reigned in Jewish Shteitles (pronounced shettles by the reader) that night, in an attempt to make it harder to find the defensless victims, barricaded behind the flimsy doors of their huts. Torah stoyde, which was done by the light of candles was impossible..." So Torah study is prohibited because it was a night of mourining.

The reader then goes through various shitty things that happened in history on New Years. She cant pronounce anything that is Hebrew or Yiddish.

By celebrating on December 31, you are unwittingly honoring Pope Sylvester who baptised Constatine the Great. That is bad. Stay here and give me money.

He then goes from the history of December 31 of the occult to catholic stuff to pograms to end of times ramblings. Something about the "rod of discipline" used by god to punish people and then use it against those that came against Israel.

I fast forwarded to around 36 minutes and he brings a woman from Wisconsin on the stand. He gives god thanks for the state of wisconsin. She has 12 kids. He talks about contractions and how you "really know" when you're in labor. All prophecy is timed to a woman as if in childbirth :shock:

He asks this poor woman about hormones and what makes you go into labor. He somehow gets to a "contraction in the earth". In order to have a baby you have to have the contractions (no you dont) and they come from within. The child cannot decide to come out, it has to be in unison with the mother's body.

So we are children waiting to be born and god is in labor?

The end times will take endurance and fight and pain. You can prepare, though! No one says "bring it on!" You should just relax, have faith, and TRUST IN HIM AMEN!

You cant "bind" contractions away from you, they're going to happen. Its not a negative confession... you should just relax and have it. Its scary but you know the end is awesome!

In the end... I'm not sure what the fuck he said other than "amen" and "praise god" eleventy billion times. I do know that the people in the audience are nuts, wearing all white and clapping for this loser. At least he didnt wrap anyone in a Torah this time. :pray:

Ralph Messer, apocalyptic prosperity gospel rabbi extraordinaire!

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Kudos to you, B.uzzard, for actually watching it and summarizing it for us! :clap: Quite frankly, I have headache just from reading it. It seems like the hits just keep coming!

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