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tehfanglyfish

My Dog Died and I Feel Like Shit

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tehfanglyfish

So my dog had to be euthanized last week after cancer advanced. The dog was quite old and suffering but I still feel like shit for agreeing to the procedure. I feel like he trusted me and I betrayed him and it's really eating me up inside. Logically I know it was the right call - especially after seeing the x-rays. We tried the drugs the vet recommended to keep him comfortable and they weren't working. At the same time, my emotions are a mess and I am overwhelmed with grief. I'm an atheist - I don't believe in heaven, souls, etc., so it means that his awesome self was just snuffed out and is completely gone. (Though hope springs eternal that there's something we don't know about physics, the universe, etc., and maybe he's still floating around out there somewhere - just typing that really shows what a mess I am right now.) And with him gone, the world seems a lot less magical. I just needed to vent. Think I'm going to get caught up on stuff for work as a distraction.

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Chickenbutt

@tehfanglyfishI know how you feel. My son's 6 month old puppy died suddenly yesterday. He too is an atheist and he is devastated. He wonders about how she felt, how confused she was not knowing what was happening and all the things that I'm sure you are wondering. I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I had magical words to help you, but unfortunately I don't. Just know that he had a good life, was loved and will be missed.

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tehfanglyfish

@Chickenbutt Thank you. And I'm so sorry for your son. At least my pup was in his mid-teens so he had lots of years. That's extra rough to lose a little one like that.

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MarblesMom

So sorry to hear about your loss, @tehfanglyfish.  It is a very, very hard decision that leaves a gaping wound.

Hugs to you, and know that your beloved is now out of pain. 

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Chickenbutt

@tehfanglyfishThank you. It is rough. My grand daughters are in New York and my son can't decide whether to tell them over the phone, or wait until they come home. The girls are 11 and 9. Tough decision to make.

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MarblesMom

@Chickenbutt a sudden pet loss for kids can be devastating!  My adult daughter's dog died a few months ago, and she didn't tell the kids for a while... that must be a very hard conversation to have.  Good thoughts for your son and granddaughters!

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doggie

it is hard. our next to last dog she had cancer and I knew that if we went to work she would have died alone that day she had given up she seemed relived to go to sleep. our last dogs rear end and pretty much failed and she was so miserable cause she could not get around or always control herself.  it always seemed the right time they seemed to have given up. did not make it easy but going out and getting another dog sure helped. this last time we were at the pound that day but it was too late to bring the new guy home so it hard to be the next day. 

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Chickenbutt

@MarblesMomThank you. I don't know what he is going to do. I'm not sure he does either. Either way, they are not going to do well with it. The evil side of me wants him to tell them while they are with slut their mother. Let her be a parent for once and handle the fallout. Then the good side of me says wait and tell them here when they have supportive people around them. Good vs evil......

 

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Unimpressed
Palimpsest

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss @tehfanglyfish .  It is very hard and we miss them for a long time.  I'm sure you know that when the pain can't be controlled  - it is the right thing to let them go.  Your dog had a good life with you.. Try to remember that. We had to let a beloved dog go too about 6 weeks ago.  It is hard even when you know you made the right decision.

@Chickenbutt, I'm sorry for your loss too.  I hope you and your son find the right way to tell the children.  I am sure you will know the right way to comfort them.

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doggie

Hard to not laugh when you tell a chickenbutt it will be OK. But it will get better and more animals will come along. God goofed up on dogs length of life.

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Chickenbutt

lol....I always knew there was an upside to my name. If it makes someone laugh, then I am happy.

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Happy
PennySycamore

@tehfanglyfish,  I am so sorry about your beloved dog.  As others have said,  when the pain get to be too great or the quality of life just isn't there anymore, then our pets depend on us to help them end their suffering.  We've faced that decision far too much in the past few years: a Lab and three cats with cancer and my dear terrier Lucy who had kidney failure.   We still miss them terribly, but they suffer no more.  

@Chickenbutt,  I am so sorry about your son's pup.  

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Meh
Tim-Tom Biblethumper

@tehfanglyfish  Virtual hugs to you.  I'm an atheist too, but like yourself there's a small spark that tells me that there is something beyond all this and love is eternal.  :romance-heartbeating:  I'm sure you gave your dog a great life.

@Chickenbutt  I'm sorry for you and your family's loss too.

Hugs to you both...  :group-hug:

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actuallyjessica

I'm very sorry for your loss. I completely understand the pain and guilt you feel, and it is excruciating.

When I had exactly the same thing happen 2 months ago with my beloved cat, this poem was the only thing that seemed to help with the guilt - because it sucks so much when their body is failing them and there's nothing else you can do to help them be comfortable, so you have to do the only thing you can do to help them.

"Today you did the bravest thing,
today you set me free.
Thank you for showing me
the ultimate dignity.
I'm sorry that my leaving
has broken your kind heart.
But we knew this day would come,
the day we had to part.
Don't think I did not hear
every last word you said,
Don't think I did not feel
your trembling hand touch my head.
Today you did the bravest thing,
today you set me free.
Thank you for a wonderful life,
Thank you for loving me. "

Take care, tehfanglyfish, and may your doggy rest in peace.
 

Edited by actuallyjessica

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Terrie

*hugs* I am so, so sorry. I have been in that position. Even when you know it's absolutely the right choice, some part of you wants to go "No, no, stop! Give me back my dog." I remind myself that the love they gave me, I will carry with me. I also bought a cheesy little garden stone, because I loved the inscription. "If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever." Because it's true.

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apandaaries

I am so sorry for your loss, and for Chickenbutt's son and granddaughters.  Losing a pet is just dreadful.  So sorry you're going through this.  

Our household will likely go through this within the next year or so.  Our beloved pug is already old, but getting older and having more issues with increasing severity.  It's so tough.  I hope you can start to feel in your heart that you did what was best for him.  

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Waffle Time
church_of_dog

I'm so sorry for your loss, @tehfanglyfish.   I too am an atheist and don't believe there is anything sentient that continues on after death.  However, that doesn't upset me but for some reason I find it strangely comforting.  Like "as it should be".  I'm pretty odd about that stuff though.

Your pup's special self lives on your memory!

But it's so hard for us hoomans to bear, I know.  It's been almost two years for me and I'm only just now starting to think about getting another dog, just because I know it will happen again someday.  :cry:

Many hugs from your virtual doggy friends...

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Puzzled
Fascinated

I'm so sad for you, too. I remember my dad going out to say goodbye to our Saint Bernard the day before he had to be euthanized. It is so, so difficult. Another atheist here. I wish I believed that our furry friends are cavorting happily in some awesome place. Ah, let's just go with that. My deepest condolences. 

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tehfanglyfish

Thank you so much, everyone, for your kind words. Today is the first day I really felt like I could come back to this thread. Thinking about it over the past week I feel better about what we did. He really had declined and had poor quality of life, something that became very clear when I went through old photos. I'm so glad he's not hurting any more, but I sure as hell miss him.

Eventually I think we might get another dog but it will be awhile before I'm ready.

I do appreciate all the replies. They have helped a lot.@actuallyjessica that poem was beautiful.

 

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Jucifer
On June 5, 2016 at 10:12 PM, tehfanglyfish said:

So my dog had to be euthanized last week after cancer advanced. The dog was quite old and suffering but I still feel like shit for agreeing to the procedure. I feel like he trusted me and I betrayed him and it's really eating me up inside. Logically I know it was the right call - especially after seeing the x-rays. We tried the drugs the vet recommended to keep him comfortable and they weren't working. At the same time, my emotions are a mess and I am overwhelmed with grief. I'm an atheist - I don't believe in heaven, souls, etc., so it means that his awesome self was just snuffed out and is completely gone. (Though hope springs eternal that there's something we don't know about physics, the universe, etc., and maybe he's still floating around out there somewhere - just typing that really shows what a mess I am right now.) And with him gone, the world seems a lot less magical. I just needed to vent. Think I'm going to get caught up on stuff for work as a distraction.

I'm so sorry!

One of our cats (years ago) had a disease.  I can't remember what it was now, but it was the same thing that Joey Ramone had. 

We tried and tried to keep her alive and get her better but nothing worked. 

The specialist vet called to tell us in the middle of her last operation that it looked hopeless to her. I was the lucky one who answered the phone. :( I was the one who had to make the decision that enough was enough and it was time to put her down. 

It was the right thing to do but I felt guilty about it for a long time. 

We lost one of our dogs last year. He was in pain at the end and I was glad to see that end but gee whiz, he was a good friend. It's never easy. 

XOXO!!!

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