Need Advice on Attire for Orthodox Jewish Wedding

[GeoBQn]

My husband and I are invited to the wedding of my MIL's friend's daughter. The daughter is becoming Orthodox, and the wedding will be Orthodox. (I assume Modern Orthodox, but I can't be sure.) While I've been to Orthodox weddings before, this is the first time I'm going to one since I've gotten married. I'm Jewish, but not Orthodox, so I don't cover my head. Do I need to wear a headcovering for the wedding? All the women who are invited to the wedding are also invited to a tichel party the night before, but I would feel awkward going since I don't wear tichels. My MIL is also curious about this because she doesn't cover her head, and the bride's mother doesn't either. I think I need to go shopping for something to wear, because all of my formal dresses wouldn't be considered tsnius.

 

Normally, I'd ask someone close to the bride, but this is a complicated situation. Both the bride and groom's parents are against the marriage (but they will still be at the wedding . . .) It's at the point where the bride's mother is mad at my MIL for not being completely against the marriage. This has made it really hard to find out information about the wedding other than what is on the invitation. I just don't want to create any more tension with my wardrobe choices.

[FaustianSlip]

Can you ask the bride herself? Or the groom? Especially if the bride is newly observant, I wouldn't think she'd take issue with someone asking (I mean, if/when I get married, it'll be a Jewish wedding, and I assume my friends and family will have etiquette questions- no big thing).

My instinct is to say that if you don't typically cover your head, you probably don't have to for this occasion; I'm sure the bride is aware that not everyone in attendence is observant, so I don't think there would be a freak out if you showed up with your hair uncovered. It's not like you'd be attending in a halter top and a micro-mini. Though if you want something middle-of-the-road, you could just wear a hat. I know of a number of MO folks who don't wear wigs or tichels, but do wear hats.

[OrangeTulips]

Depends on how much you want to "fit in" or are afraid of "standing out." Since you say the bride is becoming orthodox, you likely will not be the only non-orthodox person there! (And there will probably be a significant contingent of even-more-confused non-Jews). This happens all the time, even in orthodox-from-birth weddings because one person may not have grown up that way (becoming observant later in life or being a convert), but maybe they just want to invite their co-workers or friends from university!

Wear what you would normally wear. Be yourself! I suggest avoiding really low necklines or really high hems. Unlike many circles, black is an acceptable color to wear (and quite common for single girls in orthodox circles because it's so damn flattering). Don't worry about covering your hair. (And quite often, people mistake "regular" hair for sheitels-wigs- so they may think you're covering even if you don't!)

As for the tichel party, I say go! Even if you aren't covering your hair, you might find some cool new styles you'd like to wear sometimes. Often, tichel parties are mostly single girls who aren't covering their hair yet (or might not ever). It's a time to learn about the versatility of tichels and generally just have girly fun! You certainly won't be anymore in the dark than probably half the people there. And WAY less pressure/cost than a bridal shower! Also, I'm a big believer in people from different Jewish backgrounds getting to know each other socially and realizing that everyone's still a nice person even if you disagree. Am Yisrael Chai and all that jazz :D

If there's such strife going on, your presence and interest might be really reassuring to the bride, and it's a great mitzvah to make a bride happy! If you still have questions, offer to take her for coffee or lunch (easier to ask her to pick the place) to learn about the wedding and learn more about her new life. I bet that would be really meaningful to her to have a kind ear to listen!

But yeah...yuck. Sucks to be her if both sets of parents are against it. I sure hope they're wrong about whatever is bothering them!

[GeoBQn]

Those are good points about not everybody being Orthodox, as well as being a reassuring presence for the bride. I'll talk it over with my MIL.

[bionicmlle]

As for the tichel party, I say go! Even if you aren't covering your hair, you might find some cool new styles you'd like to wear sometimes. Often, tichel parties are mostly single girls who aren't covering their hair yet (or might not ever). It's a time to learn about the versatility of tichels and generally just have girly fun! You certainly won't be anymore in the dark than probably half the people there. And WAY less pressure/cost than a bridal shower!

Oh now I want to go to a tichel party! That sounds really fun and I love advice you gave, OT.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Don't bother with a head covering.

Did the invitation say anything about dress?

I would just wear a dress, which is at least close to knee length., and add a jacket/sweater/shrug/shawl if it is sleeveless. It can even be a fairly sheer, dressy shawl/wrap meant to be worn with evening wear. Don't worry too much about the neckline except to avoid truly large amounts of cleavage.

Make-up and heels are fine, and many Orthodox women go wild with them. No restrictions on color of clothes, patterns, etc.

You aren't Orthodox, and you aren't going to look Orthodox, so don't stress about all of the rules that the bride herself would follow. If you do a dress and some kind of cover for the shoulders, then you are being respectful.