Things Fundies Like

[Black Aliss]

A writer for the Daily Beast recently published an article about Falling for Hot Jesus at a Christian Theme Park in Florida. Specifically, the Holy Land Experience in Orlando, Florida. Hilarity ensues as she enters the mouth of a giant plastic whale for a Jonah experience, sings at the Celebrate Jesus Karaoke (spoiler: not a bar), takes communion with a really hot Jesus inside a fake cave (huh?), attends the God Bless America show, where "an actor in a soldier’s uniform limps out on stage and declares he doesn’t mind being crippled for the rest of his life because losing a leg in war was 'God’s will' for him".

Then there's another show, this one featuring "The Women Who Loved Jesus.” "The stars of this extravaganza include Jesus’ mom, a pissed-off hooker, some woman who was almost stoned to death by a crowd of angry men, and a lady who’s been bleeding from orifices for 12 years due to some strange disease"

The climax is, (another spoiler) the inevitable arrest and crucifixion scene, which unsurprisingly frightens the small children in attendance.

https://www.thedailybeast.com/falling-for-hot-jesus-at-a-christian-theme-park-in-florida

Apparently, though, the fundies are really into this shit, and yeah, I can totally see any of the families we talk about in this forum enjoying this "experience". Okay, maybe not Steve, because fun, but the rest, if they could afford the $50/head tickets? Yeah.

So there's this theme park, and Ken Ham's Creation Museum. What other strange and unwonderful roadside attractions for fundies are out there?

[Elegant Mess]

Haven't some notable fundies been spotted at Silver Dollar City in Branson, Missouri?

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

Is the Ark Encounter still in business? (I loved it when Ozzy Osbourne and his son Jack visited the ark for their television show. )

[47of74]

Is the Ark Encounter still in business? (I loved it when Ozzy Osbourne and his son Jack visited the ark for their television show. )

Yeah they’re still open. For his long is anyone’s guess. They’re not selling as many tickets as before.

https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/12/17/ark-encounter-sold-fewer-tickets-this-november-than-last-november/

I wonder. If they had fornicate face visit would it attract the Branch Trumpvidian set?

[JermajestyDuggar]

5 hours ago, Elegant Mess said:

Haven't some notable fundies been spotted at Silver Dollar City in Branson, Missouri?

Lots and lots of fundies that we talk about on FJ got to SDC regularly. The Wissmanns were just there yesterday. 

[ViolaSebastian]

I think Branson, MO in general attracts a lot of fundies. Who can forget the now-defunct Dixie Stampede? And Sight and Sound Theatre, where Jim Bob scared the crap out of Jordyn (Jenny?) on purpose. There's also a Creation/Bible Museum, which hilariously only offers a "statement of faith" when you click on the "history" tab. 

https://creationexperiencemuseum.com/

[Palimpsest]

Well, there is the Museum of the Bible.  I hear it has a good gift shop.  But "not enough Jesus."

Butter Jesus was struck by lightening.  God was sending a message.

Spoiler

 

 

But they didn't take the hint and rebuilt Him.

Spoiler

 

[FilleMondaine]

24 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

Well, there is the Museum of the Bible.  I hear it has a good gift shop.  But "not enough Jesus."

Butter Jesus was struck by lightening.  God was sending a message.

  Hide contents

 

 

But they didn't take the hint and rebuilt Him.

  Hide contents

 

Lived quite close to those. FYI: on the other side of the highway is the pastors' totally legit enormous horse ranch. Just a little further along (and much higher and should have totally been hit by lightening) is a Hustler store. Much shady going on at that church...

Arc Encounter-- if they actually used period-appropriate building techniques, I would totally go. That would be dang impressive just like the Sistine Chapel is. But instead, they found a way to retcon modern building techniques and try to scam true-believers into "history". Not cool.

There are lots of "Family Friendly" things in Ohio: Outdoor Passion Plays, amusement parks, Amish Country...

[JermajestyDuggar]

6 minutes ago, FilleMondaine said:

There are lots of "Family Friendly" things in Ohio: Outdoor Passion Plays, amusement parks, Amish Country...

I may have acted in said outdoor passion play in my youth ?

[JermajestyDuggar]

According to Instagram, the Wissmanns were at SDC yesterday. And the Duggars (Plus Lawson Bates) and some M. Thomases were there today. What is this? Some sort of fundie discount week?

[Palimpsest]

1 hour ago, FilleMondaine said:

Arc Encounter-- if they actually used period-appropriate building techniques, I would totally go. That would be dang impressive just like the Sistine Chapel is. But instead, they found a way to retcon modern building techniques and try to scam true-believers into "history". Not cool.

Wow.  I hadn't seen that article.  Thanks.

I've never been to the Ark Encounter but if I did I'd not be able to refrain from snorting at the dinosaurs.  They were totally on the Ark, you guys!

But I'm everlastingly grateful to the person who put the Ark's waste disposal system on youtube.  Noah had such dedication and imagination well beyond his time.   He had an elephant well trained on the treadmill to work the pulley system too.

 

[neurogirl]

John Crist is a Christian comedian who was homeschooled and raised fundie and still is Christian but also pokes gentle fun. This is by no mean's his best video, but here's his visit to the Ark. 

[Hane]

3 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

Wow.  I hadn't seen that article.  Thanks.

I've never been to the Ark Encounter but if I did I'd not be able to refrain from snorting at the dinosaurs.  They were totally on the Ark, you guys!

But I'm everlastingly grateful to the person who put the Ark's waste disposal system on youtube.  Noah had such dedication and imagination well beyond his time.   He had an elephant well trained on the treadmill to work the pulley system too.

 

You’d think Noah and the crew would just chuck it all overboard, but what do I know?

[AliceInFundyland]

Silver Dollar City is more good old wholesome fun as opposed to a Christian Animatronic LSD experience. I feel that distinction needs to be made. It markets as an 1880s theme park.

I went back in the day. A good time can be had.

They do have a Southern Gospel and Young Christian weekend. There’s that. 

Ah well. Smuggle in your flask or edibles and have fun on the sly  Still has rides.

 

Also in Missouri:

I have never been here (I always begged to go but my father refused)

https://preciousmomentschapel.org/

[Kailash]

Ha! I was going to mention the Precious Moments Chapel @AliceInFundyland. I grew up around there and we went on a school field trip there. I thought it was weird and just over the top. But a lot of people collect the figurines and are really into it. 

[DomWackTroll]

I'd love to build a Vision Forum theme park. Relive those precious mem'ries of a long-lost fantasy land at VF Comes Alive! Featuring such fabulous and exciting attractions as:

Doug Phillips' Tilt-o-Whirl- You're a Christian! You're a hedonist! You're a Christian! You're a hedonist! This wild ride is like nothing you've ever experienced before. No children under 14!

Beall's Denial is a River- Feel the guilt melt away as you float down Mrs. Phillips' stream of repression, not a care in the world as you are serenaded by Beautiful Girlhood dolls and animatronic interns. 

The Double Standard Photography Studio- Ladies, get ready to get all gussied up, just like the helpmeets of long ago! VF Comes Alive! has a wide array of hideous frumpers for you to choose from for your family portrait. Don't worry about the hassle of dressing hubby and sons-- they just wear their normal clothes! 

Voddie's House of Horrors- You won't know it until you step inside, but you're now courting Voddie Baucham's daughter! Just TRY to find your way through this maze of toxic masculinity, impossible theological questions, and pointless browbeating! 

Victoria Botkin's Kountry Kitchen- Mm-mm! Them womenfolk sure know how to cook like women! But be careful not to let yer young'uns pick up any stray guns that might be on the tables. 

[mango_fandango]

Omg I remember reading about Butter Jesus somewhere!! No idea where though. Maybe here, IDK.

[Tangy Bee]

The Billy Graham Library is very popular in this end. Especially around Christmas. Billy and his wife are buried on site.

[ViolaSebastian]

55 minutes ago, Tangy Bee said:

The Billy Graham Library is very popular in this end. Especially around Christmas. Billy and his wife are buried on site.

I once watched a YouTube video of a guy visiting the library and found out it features a talking cow that talks about Graham’s life. It was extremely bizarre. 

 

[AliceInFundyland]

In Tulsa one can visit Oral Roberts University. (I did this with my ex. He looked up Tulsa and when we visited my family - he took me sightseeing.) It has interesting architecture. Please don’t visit the website. It has a disturbing tribute to “slain” alumnus John Chau. 

 

[smittykins]

8 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

Omg I remember reading about Butter Jesus somewhere!! No idea where though. Maybe here, IDK.

Obligatory Heywood Banks post:

 

[ViolaSebastian]

5 hours ago, smittykins said:

Obligatory Heywood Banks post:

 

The added last verse where he talks about waking up and having a ton of voicemails about Big Butter Jesus gets me every time. ?

[formergothardite]

14 hours ago, Tangy Bee said:

The Billy Graham Library is very popular in this end. Especially around Christmas. Billy and his wife are buried on site.

Every time I got to Charlotte it is like there are non-stop signs advertising it. I don't know anyone who has actually been but it does seem popular. I thought it was an actual library. I didn't realize it was filled with singing, talking cows. 

 

There is Christ in the Smokies which is like a wax museum for the Bible. 

[Briefly]

18 hours ago, AliceInFundyland said:

In Tulsa one can visit Oral Roberts University. (I did this with my ex. He looked up Tulsa and when we visited my family - he took me sightseeing.) It has interesting architecture. Please don’t visit the website. It has a disturbing tribute to “slain” alumnus John Chau. 

 

I forgot about ORU.  I work a few miles from it.  The buildings look like something out of a 70's sci-fi, very low budget movie.  Except for the giant praying hands at one of the entrances to the campus.  They are supposedly modeled after dear old Oral's hands. 

There is a joke about how the hands fell apart one day, nobody could get them to stand back up to praying position.  So one day, somebody tossed a dollar bill in the air and they clapped back together instantly to catch the dollar and they've stayed together ever since, with the dollar still clasped tightly.

There is an arena or auditorium.  Quite a few local high schools hold their graduation ceremonies there, or they used to but maybe not as many do because Tulsa finally got an actual arena.  My daughter graduated at the Mabee Center, which is ORU's auditorium.  We went to a couple of Sesame Street live shows there when she was little.  ORU does not let a lot of mainstream entertainers have shows there or anyone that the school officials consider to be wordly.

[AliceInFundyland]

@BrieflyYeah, I have photos. We went and wandered around with my mom. (She was like why ... but got into it) It’s fairly bizarre to think about preserving such a thing. I can see it. It’s unique. I like old buildings. The big cross one is interesting. But, Oral Roberts, charismatic televangelist has led us to... John Chau, martyr??? UGH. We don’t need any relic of that.