Churches "worshipping" mothers.

[FJismyheadship]

https://www.facebook.com/stephanie.helms.311?__nodl

So apparently, churches Will be worshiping mothers this Sunday at the expense of the gospel.

This person also believes going on mission trips and not presenting the gospel is bad... don't go JUST to provide necessities...

Young fundie girl I thought you guys would be interested in checking out.

Link not broken because Facebook, also is a public profile.

[FundieWatcher]

Atleat it seems her elders expressed their disapproval.

This is the first Mother's Day I've seen anti-Mothers Day posts. In my news feed it is coming from feminist though. With most other feminist disagreeing. The ones against seen to feel it reflects society's idea that motherhood is the ideal state for women.

Mothers Day has awesome anti- war origins. It is OK in my book. :wink-penguin:

[Hane]

I once heard that some Protestant churches celebrate "The Festival of the American Family" on the day everyone else celebrates Mother's Day. (has anyone here heard of it?) Because you can't let women get all uppity by having one lousy day a year.

[notsocommon]

She is just trying to outholy others. Such a shame it backfired.

[Soulhuntress]

I once heard that some Protestant churches celebrate "The Festival of the American Family" on the day everyone else celebrates Mother's Day. (has anyone here heard of it?) Because you can't let women get all uppity by having one lousy day a year.

Or they are trying to be inclusive with the infertile women.

[BrownieMomma]

Or they are trying to be inclusive with the infertile women.

My husband abandoned me, our young child, my older child, and our unborn child. He never came back and doesn't support his children in any way. I never remarried and there is no father figure in my children's lives. There is only me.

Please don't change Father's Day to include me. I'm not their father. I'm okay with it.

I just don't go. I don't take the kids to church on Father's Day. I don't make a big deal about it, they rarely realized and now as teens it doesn't cross their radars.

I know infertile women suffer, esp on Mother's Day. There have been some very hurting years for me and the annual reminder of the father who left our family was just one more shitty thing to get through. But get through it we did, and not by trying to co-opt it away from men who actually are fathers.

Do those churches celebrate a second family festival in June? Or is it just mothers who have no value and deserve no recognition?

[Ave Maria]

I've never understood the thing of making a big deal about Mother's Day or Father's Day at church -- it isn't a religious holiday, after all. Personally, when we did attend (as a then-childless couple) a church that made a huge deal of it, it was uncomfortable and I was always tempted to stay home.

It can also be painful for people who have lost their mother, especially young.

If families want to celebrate, fine -- but I don't think a Hallmark Holiday belongs in church, especially if people are singled out in anyway.

[roddma]

I know all holidays arent going to please everyone, but it is correct in saying Mother's Day and Father's Day are bittersweet for interfiles and childless by circumstance folks. I try to remember Mother's Day is only one day a year started by a childless woman herself. But I doubt the ones promoting gifts for mom/dad don't really realize how it can hurt especially females.

[FundieWatcher]

I've never understood the thing of making a big deal about Mother's Day or Father's Day at church -- it isn't a religious holiday, after all. Personally, when we did attend (as a then-childless couple) a church that made a huge deal of it, it was uncomfortable and I was always tempted to stay home.

It can also be painful for people who have lost their mother, especially young.

If families want to celebrate, fine -- but I don't think a Hallmark Holiday belongs in church, especially if people are singled out in anyway.

It is not, at all, a Hallmark holiday. You are correct it is not religious, but please research the origins of Mother's Day. They are awesome. :D

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news ... ture-moms/

[anjulibai]

I know all holidays arent going to please everyone, but it is correct in saying Mother's Day and Father's Day are bittersweet for interfiles and childless by circumstance folks. I try to remember Mother's Day is only one day a year started by a childless woman herself. But I doubt the ones promoting gifts for mom/dad don't really realize how it can hurt especially females.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are often depressing holidays for a lot of people. I doubt the ones promoting gifts for children and family togetherness realize how it can hurt especially poor families and those without families.

[BrownieMomma]

Every year I dread Christmas so much. There is always so much pressure, so many gifts to give, a lot of extra work and money for decorating. It's far worse than any Father's Day.

[Soulhuntress]

We avoid church on Mothers Day & Father's Day unless we are with my in-laws. We do send flowers to mom and recognize them (got a dog card a couple times from DH) but it is not our day and that is alright. For churches this is a no win. Inclusive and ignore mom, honor mom or ignore the holidays not on the liturgical calendar are the only options. And none are really going to result in a happy congregation.

[MamaJunebug]

I've never understood the thing of making a big deal about Mother's Day or Father's Day at church -- it isn't a religious holiday, after all. Personally, when we did attend (as a then-childless couple) a church that made a huge deal of it, it was uncomfortable and I was always tempted to stay home.

It can also be painful for people who have lost their mother, especially young.

If families want to celebrate, fine -- but I don't think a Hallmark Holiday belongs in church, especially if people are singled out in anyway.

I'll say this (and some other good things) about conservative Lutheran churches. They look upon Mother's and Father's days as civic celebrations; thus to craft a whole Sunday service around these demi-holidays is to mix church with the civic state.

The most I ever heard either day recognized was during corporate prayers led by the pastor, in which he (in my denom, it was always a he) thanked God for the gifts of Christian mothers. Search+replace for dads on that Sunday in June.

Everybody has a mother and a father, whether or not they are one. And for all their warts, they tried the best they knew how, therefore giving special thanks on those days doesn't hurt.

But to hand out roses to the moms, or to have a special potluck in their honor or some such? Nope.

There are some things about Lutheranism that make me :shifty-kitty: but to their attitude on this kind of thing I give :wink-kitty: and :clap: .

[fun2beme]

I'm 40, single, no kids (which I always wanted). Yesterday at church all the mothers and grandmothers stood up for a special blessing. I was the only female over 22 who remained seated. Felt like crap so I ate a ton of ice cream and bought a new purse.

Most other churches I've gone are more inclusive - invite aunts, godmothers, etc., to stand. Sadly, even though I don't have kids of my own, I'm still a much better mother-figure than a ton of the fundies we write about here.

[polecat]

I'm going to put myself out there with this one, but ...

All week I have seen a stream of non-stop negativity about Mother's Day. It's not fair that we celebrate motherhood when not everyone can be a mother. Mother's Day is hard for people who have lost babies or mothers. Mother's Day is all about the gift grab. Mother's Day is selfish because how dare we expect kids to celebrate their MOMS especially if their moms sucked. Mother's Day is obnoxious because motherhood is not the highest ideal in the land and leaves out all the women who can't or don't want to be mothers.

You know what? Even though those were valid complaints and feelings, it was to the point that I didn't even want to post pictures of my day or acknowledge the day in any way, shape or form because I was so afraid of offending someone. I sent private messages to the mothers in my life -- my aunts, my cousins. And then when I DID finally decide to post pictures because darnit, I had a really nice day with my kids and had gotten some great pictures (new camera, ftw), I, of course, got the snotty comment almost right away, "Well it's nice to see someone enjoys it. I hate Mother's Day." I really, truly understand that the day can be hard. Not only have I gone through the pain of Mother's Day while struggling to get and stay pregnant, but I've also gone through it after losing my own mom, but not once did I ever vomit negativity on someone else's happiness like that person did. I suppose it made her feel better to hurt someone else. I hope it did, anyway, because to be honest, that really hurt my feelings, and at least if she felt better afterwards, then that hurt was worth it.

Mother's Day, to me, isn't about celebrating motherhood as such. It's about celebrating mothering in all its forms. It's about the child-free aunt who has guided and supported her nieces and nephews. It's about celebrating the childless woman who is a feral cat carer and a dog foster. It's about celebrating the childcare workers and all those who guide and love those who need us because -- let's face it -- mothering really IS important regardless of how one feels about biological mothers in general or specifc.

As my youngest kid said, "Mother's Day isn't just for moms. It's for all grown-up ladies because that's a big job."

All that said, I do agree that churches need to get out of the holiday business if it isn't a religious holiday. Let people celebrate how and when they want.

[JillsFlowerHeadband]

I'm going to put myself out there with this one, but ...

All week I have seen a stream of non-stop negativity about Mother's Day. It's not fair that we celebrate motherhood when not everyone can be a mother. Mother's Day is hard for people who have lost babies or mothers. Mother's Day is all about the gift grab. Mother's Day is selfish because how dare we expect kids to celebrate their MOMS especially if their moms sucked. Mother's Day is obnoxious because motherhood is not the highest ideal in the land and leaves out all the women who can't or don't want to be mothers.

You know what? Even though those were valid complaints and feelings, it was to the point that I didn't even want to post pictures of my day or acknowledge the day in any way, shape or form because I was so afraid of offending someone. I sent private messages to the mothers in my life -- my aunts, my cousins. And then when I DID finally decide to post pictures because darnit, I had a really nice day with my kids and had gotten some great pictures (new camera, ftw), I, of course, got the snotty comment almost right away, "Well it's nice to see someone enjoys it. I hate Mother's Day." I really, truly understand that the day can be hard. Not only have I gone through the pain of Mother's Day while struggling to get and stay pregnant, but I've also gone through it after losing my own mom, but not once did I ever vomit negativity on someone else's happiness like that person did. I suppose it made her feel better to hurt someone else. I hope it did, anyway, because to be honest, that really hurt my feelings, and at least if she felt better afterwards, then that hurt was worth it.

Mother's Day, to me, isn't about celebrating motherhood as such. It's about celebrating mothering in all its forms. It's about the child-free aunt who has guided and supported her nieces and nephews. It's about celebrating the childless woman who is a feral cat carer and a dog foster. It's about celebrating the childcare workers and all those who guide and love those who need us because -- let's face it -- mothering really IS important regardless of how one feels about biological mothers in general or specifc.

As my youngest kid said, "Mother's Day isn't just for moms. It's for all grown-up ladies because that's a big job."

All that said, I do agree that churches need to get out of the holiday business if it isn't a religious holiday. Let people celebrate how and when they want.

(bolding mine)

I gave one of the housekeepers at work, an older lady who never married or had children of her own, a Mother's Day card and a little stuffed cat with a note thanking her for being such a wonderful "work mom" (she's the one whose shoulder everyone cries on when they have problems and she always just knows the right thing to say or not say for any occasion).

That dear lady teared up and told me, "I always felt so left out on Mother's Day, you don't know how much this means to me-"

It's nice to remember all the mother figures in our lives even if our biological mothers are alive, well and still active in our lives, as mine is.

[jerkit]

Oh. Well.

I happen to have a mutual friend with this person.

[polecat]

Oh. Well.

I happen to have a mutual friend with this person.

Holy cats, so do I.

[louisa05]

There was a blessing for mothers at our Catholic mass yesterday morning. The priest did it at the end of the mass when everyone was already standing. Can't tell you how much I adored him for that. As someone else said, it is not fun to be the only woman over college age in a congregation that is awkwardly sitting during that. And inevitably, someone throws you a look of pity, too.

Aside from a mention of mothers, grandmothers and "all who mother us" in the prayers earlier, that brief blessing was the only mention at my church. There was the crowning of Mary at the beginning which is a May tradition in the church as a whole (i.e. also done in countries where mother's day is not a holiday or not in May) but likely placed on Mother's day intentionally. It wasn't about mothers, though.

I remember vividly, though, enduring an entire service devoted to mothers at evangelical church once when I was nearing 29 and hadn't had a date in over a year. There was a parade of specially chosen mothers through the aisles and to the platform. A video tribute to mothers including an admonition about the duty to marry and have babies young because if you didn't you were selfish. A sermon about how motherhood is the ultimate calling and fulfillment of being a woman and women were made for that purpose alone--we could work, the pastor told us, but only if it weren't at the expense of our children or it didn't exclude having children. I wanted someone to shoot me and put me out of my single childless misery that day. That service did look much like an orgy of mother worship, to be honest.

Aside from that, I think the backlash probably has a lot to do with the way many people persist in viewing having children as making women somehow better. I saw someone rant yesterday that no one gets upset about father's day in the same way. But here's the thing: my husband is just as childless as I am. He has never been told, though, that he is incapable of doing things, incapable of certain emotions (real love, empathy), or doesn't get tired or have stress because we don't have children. Society doesn't do that to men. For those of you who have read about my current life situation elsewhere on FJ, you might know that I have some heavy stress. But I have "friends" who have told me that I can not be stressed or exhausted because we don't have children. And acquaintances who learn of my situation tell me that even more frequently. My husband, who is impacted less directly by it all, gets more empathy and understanding from friends, acquaintances and co-workers than I do, because no one qualifies stress for men with "well, at least you don't have kids to worry about". I have said to him more than once that he is lucky to be male because he is allowed to be tired even though we don't have children.

[KSmom]

I'm 40, single, no kids (which I always wanted). Yesterday at church all the mothers and grandmothers stood up for a special blessing. I was the only female over 22 who remained seated. Felt like crap so I ate a ton of ice cream and bought a new purse.

Most other churches I've gone are more inclusive - invite aunts, godmothers, etc., to stand. Sadly, even though I don't have kids of my own, I'm still a much better mother-figure than a ton of the fundies we write about here.[/quote]

I was really pleased with how our new pastor approached Mother's Day. (I have children, but I have adult married children, and an unmarried daughter with no children who often feel left out at church). He said that all women mother, and pointed out the mothering attributes of God from scripture, and pointed out that this is one way in which women live out Jesus' command to love others. During the prayer time, all women were prayed for.

As for the bolded, my daughter growing up had older young women that really impacted her life and now I see her doing the same. You are awesome for giving to others and you may never know all the good that you are doing!

[FaustianSlip]

This pretty sums up my feelings on Mother's Day:

[bBvideo 560,340:evy9asbh]

[/bBvideo]

I think it tends to come up in church because it's always on a Sunday- I'm sure my synagogue mentioned it, but I don't think there was some huge production over it or anything. I will say that when my father died suddenly when I was in high school, I hated hearing about Father's Day. It completely sucked, and there was a part of me (that I'm not proud of, but...) that took a sort of perverse delight in saying, "My father died last year," when relative strangers would want to know what I was doing for Father's Day. Look, go and have a great time on Father's Day, but leave me the hell out of it. Those feelings have tempered somewhat over the years, obviously, but it took a while for that to happen.

[hollyj]

When I used to go to church as a child (Anglican church) the rev. just wished the mothers a happy mother's day and went on with the service. I have infertility and tried for years to get pregnant and every time I do get pregnant I end up having ectopic pregnancies. My first one happened three years ago today so the proximity of that anniversary and yesterday did wear on me a bit. FB was a little crazy yesterday with all the tributes that I just kept off FB the rest of the day. On another note, I used to have an infertility support group and a couple that used to come are both ministers and they told me they struggled a lot with how they formatted their Mother's & Father's day services. I think what they do now is acknowledge the women and men who aren't childless by choice.

[DGayle]

If the big arguments against Mothers Day are that not all women are mothers, and some mothers have lost kids, and so not every woman is included, then let's get rid of ALL holidays since there isn't any holiday at all that includes everybody, not even New Year. Fathers Day leaves out the men who aren't fathers or who lose kids, Valentine's Day leaves out singles, Christmas leaves out non-Christians and whoever doesn't celebrate Santa, Thanksgiving leaves out the homeless, Passover leaves out non-Jewish people, every holiday, every single holiday, leaves people out.

So why is Mothers Day the holiday people want nixed because it doesn't include all women? This focus on getting rid of Mothers Day feels very anti-woman to me, and to be honest, saying it should include all women just so women who don't have kids don't feel left out is the equivalent of a pity-invitation. I needed fertility help to have my kids, so know what it's like being an infertile woman on Mothers Day (more painful was walking by the kids' stuff in Target, or hearing kids laugh outside, or read about parents complaining about being tired after chasing their misbehaving kids around all day), and I don't even have a mom, but it still never crossed my mind to boycott the day because it doesn't include me. I'm still not a big fan of this holiday since anybody can be nice for 1 day whereas my kids treating me with love every day of the year matters more, but it's not all about what I want. If other people want to have a holiday, why not let them?

[FoxyMoxie]

Mothering Sunday in the UK was started as a religious festival and is held on the 4th Sunday in Lent (so has already been and gone for us) - it was when you visited the mother church of your diocese and didn't have anything to do with mothers. It then became the day of the year when servants could go and see their families to go to the church together, and so gradually became more about seeing family. Nowadays of course it's just like other secular Mother's Days, though the date is still the same.

I wonder if people feel more strongly about Mother's Day because having a bad relationship with your mother is still pretty taboo - it seems much more normal to have a bad relationship with your dad. Maternal relationships are really emotional relationships, whether bad or good - I think that's behind it more than an anti-woman thing. I think with other holidays, people who don't celebrate them are still seen as more 'normal' than people who find Mother's Day painful.

[Maggie Mae]

I think most of these holidays to "celebrate" mothers, fathers, siblings, relationships are all pretty silly. I remember back in my teenage, church going days the way they would make us do embarrassing things like present our moms with flowers or jewelry and say something nice in front of everyone. I would do those things, but I don't like to make a giant presentation of it with everyone watching and judging. It's so sappy and sentimental and boring and awkward.

Mother's day is also just kind of dumb with its focus on "womanhood" as though being a mother is the only thing that counts. NOT saying that it's "anti-woman" but it seems so exclusively focused on the idea that mothers do so much more work, and at least in my family that isn't exactly true. To me, it seems like a relic from a bygone era, where the mom sacrifices a career and stays at home doing all of the home work, and the dad is absent except for a pay check and discipline, and a family vacation.