Churches "worshipping" mothers.

[BrownieMomma]

Today I read up on Anna Jarvis and how she wanted to start a remembrance for her mother when her mother died. She wanted to carry on whatever it was her mother was doing and honor her mother. She wanted everyone to be able to honor their own mother.

Her mother died in 1905 and in 1908 MD started.

Within a few years, Anna was horrified at the commercialization of her holiday, how it became something she never intended it to be and then she tried to stop it. That didn't work out well.

There's no way to have something that is going to include every single person. Why does it need to? Even in Anna's original intent, she had a good relationship with her mother but I don't. I am very uncomfortable with having to honor my mother when I really resent her for never being a mom to me.

My children will never have anyone to honor on Father's Day. I stopped taking them to church the year the well-meaning Sunday School teachers had them make card for me and their grandfather. I'm not their father, I'm not a substitute father and my own father is also a piss poor parent and not much better at grandparenting. I don't want him honored when he doesn't really do anything for my kids.

So why should the honor be taken away from the men who do stick around? The men who do parent? Just because it is not my reality does not lessen the vital importance of the role these men play.

Honestly, I am going to suspect that if you are in a church and your feelings are grandly hurt because of acknowledgement that other people have something you don't, that is probably not the right church for you.

[jerkit]

Holy cats, so do I.

Did the mutual fb friend recently get married? Wiggle your ears if yes lol.

[FoxyMoxie]

I feel like a good pastor or priest (or lay reader) would be sensitive to the needs of their congregation, and abstain from mentioning Mother's Day or Father's Day if it was going to really hurt people - and by that I mean people with PTSD and other post-traumatic issues from parental abuse or neglect. It's not about being offended, it's about not having serious mental health harm.

[Ave Maria]

I'm a little confused as to what the original intent of Mother's Day was/is, but then I come from a big gift giving culture. So it seems the founder wanted mothers to be honored (or at least for people to honor their own mother) but not via anything material? I can understand being upset about people spending tons and tons of money or going overboard, but IMO a card is great, especially if someone's mom lives far away (especially in the days when long distance calls were very expensive -- a card or letter was probably the most cost effective way TO honor a far away mother and let her know about it). The founder comes across as controlling, mean spirited, and more than a little crazy to me. (As in -- "I've created this holiday so my way or the highway" when most customs evolve over time. Sure, if people want to bring it back to the fundamentals in their own family, that's great, but don't tell others they can't/shouldn't give their mothers presents, etc.)

Our priest handled it well, I thought -- said "Happy Mother's Day" during the announcements, but nothing that would single anyone out. Our old parish had the mothers kneel for what felt like ages, and I was a married woman with no kids at the time -- it was a tough one.

[Johanna25]

I got a dear Aunt card from a niece and nephew yesterday. That was nice. They are children of divorce, mostly raised by their dad, my brother, so my mother and I both did a lot of mothering for them. They are both good kids now in their 20's.

[Walking Cat Bed]

I'm one of the child-free, so I don't see Mothers' Day as something to "honor" me. I call my mom (since we live a good distance from each other) and we talk for a while, and that makes her happy. And I always tag her when I post this video on facebook, because it amuses both of us:

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I was just glad when my crazy kitten actually snuggled with me for a full minute at a time two or three times on Sunday AND let me trim her nails without fighting me too much.

I do understand and empathize with those who have a hard time with Mothers' Day (or Fathers' Day) due to losing a child or having an abusive or toxic parent. Relationships, whether with family members or others, are exceedingly tricky; I try my best not to assume that someone has a perfect, Hallmark-movie relationship nor a horrible, Lifetime-abuse-movie-of-the-week relationship.

[DGayle]

I'm a little confused as to what the original intent of Mother's Day was/is, but then I come from a big gift giving culture. So it seems the founder wanted mothers to be honored (or at least for people to honor their own mother) but not via anything material? I can understand being upset about people spending tons and tons of money or going overboard, but IMO a card is great, especially if someone's mom lives far away (especially in the days when long distance calls were very expensive -- a card or letter was probably the most cost effective way TO honor a far away mother and let her know about it). The founder comes across as controlling, mean spirited, and more than a little crazy to me. (As in -- "I've created this holiday so my way or the highway" when most customs evolve over time. Sure, if people want to bring it back to the fundamentals in their own family, that's great, but don't tell others they can't/shouldn't give their mothers presents, etc.)

It's not about being mad people want to send a card. What happened is big businesses glommed onto the new holiday and basically said that, IF you love your mother, you'll buy her this or that. It's like today, how the "proper" way is to buy flowers and take Mom out to a fancy dinner at some place that marks up their regular meals by 50% for the night, or for Valentine's Day, a guy is supposed to buy marked-up roses, a piece of jewelry, and a fancy, overpriced dinner, or else he doesn't really love you. They're commercialized because people are outright expected to buy certain things to do it "right." My kids do it "wrong" by making me cards since our commercialized society places value on the things you have to spend money for. The "right" way would be to buy commercially-made cards, which is impersonal.

[BobTheWalrus]

it's funny because in the UK, the Sunday that now gets called Mothers' Day was originally Mothering Sunday, and it was all about letting your domestic servants have a day off to go back to their mother church. So nothing to do with actual mothers at all! Of course that mother church was probably in the village where they grew up so they would likely go and visit the family as well. But still.

[Firiel]

Most of the posts critical of Mother's Day that I've seen have just been calling for understanding and courtesy for those who may find the holiday difficult. They include things like not asking people if they are mothers to determine who gets a little gift and just giving them to everyone and not asking mothers to stand for recognition in church and just recognize mothers without singling out who, specifically, is one and who isn't one.

None of the posts I saw or noticed were saying the holiday shouldn't exist or anything at all. I dunno-- this was the first Mothers' Day that was hard for me because I would really like kids and can't imagine how that will ever happen. So it's been hard for me, and I appreciated the posts that reminded people to be sensitive to those who were feeling crappy on that day. And, of course, even though it was a hard-ish day, I was happy to honor the mothers in my own life because I do appreciate them, and my sadness doesn't take that fact away.

[SoSoNosy]

Our pastor, during announcements, had the mothers stay seated and everybody else stood up and applauded. My daughter stayed seated and applauded, because I was sitting beside her; I know of a few other mother-daughter duos who attend our church, so they probably did the same thing. Then things proceeded as usual.

[MamaJunebug]

it's funny because in the UK, the Sunday that now gets called Mothers' Day was originally Mothering Sunday, and it was all about letting your domestic servants have a day off to go back to their mother church. So nothing to do with actual mothers at all! Of course that mother church was probably in the village where they grew up so they would likely go and visit the family as well. But still.

I did not know that! My sis sent BMJB a "Mothering Sunday" card back in the 1970s whilst traveling the UK and we got a great kick out of it!! (iPhone's predictive text knew Mothering Sunday. Who'd've thought?

[roddma]

No I dont think objecting MD is for a pity party and I find that slightly offensive. There's this high competition between parents and non-parents and I think it's worse among women. Having kids is a much more sensitive issue. And agree with Maggie Mae. Like Father's Day, it reflects a by gone era when women had fewer choices. The same goes for schools phasing out father-daughter dance, etc. I dont care for Valentine's much either, becasue i recall being single and alone. Why do we need 'special' days to honor spouses or other family members?

[Ave Maria]

It's not about being mad people want to send a card. What happened is big businesses glommed onto the new holiday and basically said that, IF you love your mother, you'll buy her this or that. It's like today, how the "proper" way is to buy flowers and take Mom out to a fancy dinner at some place that marks up their regular meals by 50% for the night, or for Valentine's Day, a guy is supposed to buy marked-up roses, a piece of jewelry, and a fancy, overpriced dinner, or else he doesn't really love you. They're commercialized because people are outright expected to buy certain things to do it "right." My kids do it "wrong" by making me cards since our commercialized society places value on the things you have to spend money for. The "right" way would be to buy

commercially-made cards, which is impersonal.

Ah, okay, thanks. I kind of see where they're coming from, but I still don't have a problem with the commercial aspect of it. Businesses are in it to make money, after all, and we all have to make responsible choices despite ads, etc. And if you can afford it and want to do it, have at it.

We actually found a lot of places doing specials this year that were LESS expensive than the regular menu, but chose to do dinner instead of brunch so there would be less little kids everywhere misbehaving. The brunches also tend to be self service, and meh, serve me please. 8-)

[louisa05]

Ah, okay, thanks. I kind of see where they're coming from, but I still don't have a problem with the commercial aspect of it. Businesses are in it to make money, after all, and we all have to make responsible choices despite ads, etc. And if you can afford it and want to do it, have at it.

We actually found a lot of places doing specials this year that were LESS expensive than the regular menu, but chose to do dinner instead of brunch so there would be less little kids everywhere misbehaving. The brunches also tend to be self service, and meh, serve me please. 8-)

I guess I don't understand people who think because advertisers say it, it is the only acceptable choice. Are there really people that ruled by ads? As Ave Maria says here, businesses have to take every opportunity they can to make money. And advertising the stuff people kind of do anyway (many women like flowers and jewelry and in many families, women still do all or most of the cooking at home) is to their advantage. But I have never personally watched or read or seen advertising in any media and thought, "yes, that is what I must do because some ad exec just told me so". I'm not sure the majority of people are such lemmings.

We have not gone out to eat on Mother's Day for years, actually. We have celebrated before or after in order to avoid the crowds. But I think a lot of the people eating out are doing so because mom is the one who does the cooking and they don't want to make her do it that day, not because of advertising. Same reason we eat out on b-days and very few advertisers do much b-day advertising.

I personally think the backlash has to do with how women are expected to be mothers and many of us who are not are openly pitied regardless of our reasons. And, as I mentioned earlier in the thread, there is the constant implication that we are selfish and somehow generally incapable. You don't see men treating each other that way. My husband has never been told he has no empathy or life skills or stress because he is not a parent. I have been told all of that more times than I can count. My personal favorite just came up recently as a woman in a group at church made reference to women without children having an "easy life with no responsibilities" and not being "relatable" or "adult". She assumed everyone in the group was a mother.