ThatWife calls (former) Bathroom baby a "jerk"

[Koala]

http://thatwifeblog.com/2013/04/27/t1s-birthday-celebration-and-t2s-blessing-weekend/#more-15511

We finished off the visit with a trip to the zoo. I don’t know if T1 just doesn’t like zoos (I actually don’t like zoos either, they make me sad), or he just really loves maps and couldn’t be bothered with a group of caged exotic animals, but he was frankly a bit of a jerk. He wouldn’t even look at the animals, sat in the stroller and searched the free map they handed us for the choo choo train, threw a fit and hit me in the face when we got to the choo choo train (which meant he didn’t get to go on it), rode on three different carnival rides you can find in the corner of random parking lots across the US, and then the place closed and we went to the airport.

In the interest of transparency, I have a HUGE issue with adults calling children names. Even "brat" makes me absolutely cringe. But seriously, this is a 3 year old (with possible developmental delays?). So he wanted to sit and look at the map. Who cares?

I think not allowing him to ride the train after he hit her in the face is fine, but that is no excuse for calling a toddler a "jerk".

Someone called her on it in comments. This is her reply:

I have tried really hard to objectively think through how it would make me feel if my mom said to me “I invested in an opportunity for you at 3 years old and you deliberately made it a negative experience. You were being a jerk.â€

That would not make me cry. That would make me sad… that I was a jerk to my mom.

It scares me that she thinks that a 3 year old is conspiring to ruin her zoo day. As usual, it's all about Jenna. :roll:

[singsingsing]

I have huge issues with people documenting the lives of their minor children on public blogs, period.

[jaynie]

http://thatwifeblog.com/2013/04/27/t1s-birthday-celebration-and-t2s-blessing-weekend/#more-15511

In the interest of transparency, I have a HUGE issue with adults calling children names. Even "brat" makes me absolutely cringe. But seriously, this is a 3 year old (with possible developmental delays?). So he wanted to sit and look at the map. Who cares?

I think not allowing him to ride the train after he hit her in the face is fine, but that is no excuse for calling a toddler a "jerk".

Someone called her on it in comments. This is her reply:

It scares me that she thinks that a 3 year old is conspiring to ruin her zoo day. As usual, it's all about Jenna. :roll:

Yeah, I mean, I think there is a context in which words like "brat" can be endearing (that's possibly cultural though?) but definitely not when you MEAN it. And by that comment-reply, it's pretty clear she means it. How much do you have to hate your kids before you think their childlike behaviour is a deliberate attempt to spoil your day?

Poor T1. I hope he's some kind of miracle kid and grows up to be a well-adjusted human being, but she's sure stacking the odds against him.

[Koala]

I have huge issues with people documenting the lives of their minor children on public blogs, period.

I couldn't agree more.

[JenniferJuniper]

I agree there is a huge difference between saying your 3 year old is being a brat vs saying he's being a jerk.

A brat is a bratty kid. And all kids are bratty sometimes. A jerk is an asshole.

I just hope That Bitch doesn't call him a jerk to his face, but sadly, she most likely does.

[2xx1xy1JD]

That reply of hers just makes it worse. Maybe, possibly, I could understand how a parent could be frustrated in the moment (although I've gone 13.5 years without calling any of my kids a jerk). But to respond like that when someone calls you out on it? The language is downright creepy. She says that she's thought this through. What's with the language? "Invested in an opportunity"? She took him on an outing for the day. She's not thinking objectively - she can't manage to get out of her own headspace long enough to see the world through the perspective of a young child. He's 3. A day at the zoo is hopefully a chance to spend some time together doing something enjoyable. He's not training to be a zoologist. If he finds maps and rides enjoyable, what's wrong with that? She can't possibly respond to his cues - if he doesn't respond exactly the way that she has planned out in her head, then he's "deliberately making it a negative experience". Does this woman know nothing at all about children?

[Maggie Mae]

Oh I don't think a jerk is an asshole. I call my bird a jerk all the time, and I still cried like a crazy person when he almost died last summer. While I understand that it's not the same thing as a human child, I still don't see "jerk" as the worst insult ever. Not that asshole really is either. I think it's all about the tone one takes when using some of these labels.

[Maggie Mae]

Did anyone else notice that she said last breast feeding picture? Does that mean she's done having kids? Is that allowed?

She is really unattractive in the face. Her husband is so much better looking, makes me feel bad for her.

[SomewhatFundy]

I would probably ignore the use of the word "jerk" if it came from anybody other than her. But considering how much her child seems to annoy her, it does make me raise an eyebrow.

We use the term "jerk" pretty casually in my family. My husband, kids and I all pretty regularly call each other "jerk", "punk" and "butthead". It's all done in a friendly, joking manner. We don't actually use that terminology when we are upset with the kid's behavior.

But with her? I wouldn't be surprised. She seems to hate being a mom.

[JenniferJuniper]

Oh I don't think a jerk is an asshole. I call my bird a jerk all the time, and I still cried like a crazy person when he almost died last summer. While I understand that it's not the same thing as a human child, I still don't see "jerk" as the worst insult ever. Not that asshole really is either. I think it's all about the tone one takes when using some of these labels.

Well, your bird doesn't understand, but call your boss a jerk and you may be fired if s/he thinks you mean it.

According to merriam-webster, a jerk is an "unlikable person; especially: one who is cruel, rude, or small-minded". And Jenna meant what she said. Methinks the asshole doth project too much.

[takers401]

Did anyone else notice that she said last breast feeding picture? Does that mean she's done having kids? Is that allowed?

She is really unattractive in the face. Her husband is so much better looking, makes me feel bad for her.

Since she's mentioned breastfeeding issues with both kids I assumed she meant that she was stopping breastfeeding and going formula full-time for T2. I do think that there's going to be some serious talking between the two of them with having a third child, though.

You feel bad for her because you think he's a ten and she's a five? I don't quite understand your statement.

On calling T1 a jerk...I don't think it's the worst thing in the world but I also think she was wrong in doing so on a public forum. Or even to his face if she said that to him. Whenever my little one is having "moments" we talk about making good choices, someone being grumpy-pants, going to timeout until we get some self-control, or letting her know that mommy is very angry with her behavior. I never call her a jerk or a brat. I may have to remove myself from the situation if her behavior is bad enough that it's affecting me but under everything is my love for her and my desire for only good things. Calling her a jerk would hurt her spirit and I have no intention of doing that.

[Maggie Mae]

Since she's mentioned breastfeeding issues with both kids I assumed she meant that she was stopping breastfeeding and going formula full-time for T2. I do think that there's going to be some serious talking between the two of them with having a third child, though.

You feel bad for her because you think he's a ten and she's a five? I don't quite understand your statement.

On calling T1 a jerk...I don't think it's the worst thing in the world but I also think she was wrong in doing so on a public forum. Or even to his face if she said that to him. Whenever my little one is having "moments" we talk about making good choices, someone being grumpy-pants, going to timeout until we get some self-control, or letting her know that mommy is very angry with her behavior. I never call her a jerk or a brat. I may have to remove myself from the situation if her behavior is bad enough that it's affecting me but under everything is my love for her and my desire for only good things. Calling her a jerk would hurt her spirit and I have no intention of doing that.

Thanks for the background. Honestly, I don't know where I was going with the lack of joke about her being a five and him a ten. I kind of feel bad for her, in that she is someone that had to convince her husband to marry her through shame and PowerPoint, she thinks that her life is something to emulate when it is really kind of dull, and she appears to have a complex ala Bree Van deCamp where everything must appear "perfect". But then I remember that she's kind of a jerk and she kept her first born in a bathroom.

[Feberin]

Three year olds can be very difficult at times but I tend to describe my son when he is acting like that as having a bad day, being in a foul mood or something like that not a jerk. However for her calling him a jerk seems kind of mild compared to other things she has done to him like letting him sleep in the bathroom for his first years.

[Patsy]

I've been known to describe kids as "little shits", but there's the caveat there that a: I only ever say it as "X is such a little shit, it's so great", and b: I'm Australian and we swear a lot. The implication with a statement like that - "jerk", "brat", "shit" - is that the kid is either doing something to intentionally wind people up and interfere with their day, or (maaaaybe) unintentionally putting people out and making life difficult for them, either through "naughty" behaviour or just general gringing and dragging their feet.

A kid enjoying their day the way that suits them, rather than performing on command, is neither of these things, but of course to ThatBitch, almost any typical infant behaviour is wrong and immoral for the child to do and irritating for her to endure. We're talking about someone who not only bitched but also took away her baby's toys because he didn't tidy them like an adult. Of course she'd get the shits when the day didn't turn out Disney movie perfect, and of course she'd go that step further by actually explicitly blaming the kid and saying they were at fault for it. I can't fucking stand her.

[Salamander]

Fundies are so persecuted even their kids go out of their way to ruin a good time at the zoo. :roll:

[kpmom]

It sounds like she's mad 'cause she paid for the zoo and all the boy wanted to do was ride the train. That's a 3 year old for you.

Honestly she sounds like she's overwhelmed and frustrated. She also needs a better understanding of child development so she doesn't take these things so personally.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

I know people laugh at folks who read books about child development before they have kids ("oh, you'll figure it out, hahaha"), but here is an example of someone who REALLY could have used it. In the past she's been shocked - SHOCKED - that her kid played with his toys by carrying them from room to room and that he got out of bed at night to play with toys after she had put him to sleep. She freaks out over behavior that even childless folks like myself can tell you is totally normal.

[Conuly]

I would probably ignore the use of the word "jerk" if it came from anybody other than her. But considering how much her child seems to annoy her, it does make me raise an eyebrow.

Exactly my thoughts there. Not everybody considers "jerk" a particularly heavy-duty word. Some people use it very casually for, like, the guy who takes a the last doughnut before asking if anybody else likes it. And it is the very lucky parent who is NEVER upset or frustrated with their kid, especially during a tough age like three.

But most parents don't actively avoid spending time with their kids, and can generally, even at the tough times, enjoy their kids' company. And the context is just so... weird. You go for the kid, not yourself. If the kid is happy, even if they're not doing what you expect, call it a win and move on.

[hywelis]

Calling your kid a jerk? On the Internet, which is tantamount to being in public?What a loving mother, and bonus points for class and excellent parenting. /snark

Hywelis

[apple1]

... Does this woman know nothing at all about children?

Nailed it.

FWIW (My kids are adults now) - as I have said before - The person who coined the term "terrible twos" had not yet had a three year old.

Child development. Check it out.

[ILoveJellybeans]

This woman is the worst mother ever. I think the kindest thing she could do with those kids is put them up for adoption.

[dawbs]

"Jerk" doesn't bother me. Actually, 5 minutes ago, I referred to my cat as both a jerk and an asshole, to someone.

I can't think of a time when I've referred to my toddler as a jerk, but I can say w/ relative certainty that I've probably done something on that plane.

I can also understand the zoo frustration. I think a few weeks ago when we took our toddler to a 'lamb festival', paid to get in, and then the toddler developed an instant, severe phobia of all things lamb, Mr. Dawbs had that vein in his head started sticking out. :angry-tappingfoot: :pull-hair:

I think it's not calling the kid a jerk or being frustrated, it's those, combined w/ everything else that makes it icky in this case.

Because I don't see the blog as that of someone who takes joy in her child(ren).

It reads like someone playing lipservice to joy, who knows what she's 'supposed' to feel and whose expectations are continually not quite met.

Maybe it's because of that veneer, where they have to pretend to be perfect. I find nothing makes something that's "good" seem bad than expecting something *awesome*.

meh, I can't put it all into words today. I'll try again later :)

[2xx1xy1JD]

I liked many of the comments that people left on her post. Most were really polite, but still trying to tell her that he's THREE, he's behavior is normal for a 3 yr old, and her view that he's intentionally ruining the experience or being ungrateful is just off-base. It's not just her use of the world jerk, it's her whole view - which she keeps repeating - that a 3 yr old should somehow understand that grandparents paid $60 for the zoo and that he's therefore got some obligation to enjoy the animals more than the map or the rides. It makes me wonder what her childhood was like. I mean, I know plenty of teen moms who can figure out how to follow a child's cues and enjoy the moment. It's not just a matter of ignorance. She really seems to be stuck on this idea that he needs to meet adult expectations. I wonder why?

[MrsYoungie]

I remember when Youngieson#1 was that little. (sigh) My dad would take him somewhere just about every week, but he would always make it a major expedition - like the Science Centre or a museum or something. I kept telling him that the little guy would enjoy taking a bus ride to the end of the line (the lakeshore) and back again. Total cost? about $5 total plus maybe some crusts for the geese. Or even just to the parkette around the corner to go on the swings. 3 year olds don't need big expeditions. Everything is new and amazing. If they want to see animals - take them to the local shelter or even a PetSmart on adoption day. You don't have to actually adopt an animal, but there are always lots of cats and dogs to see. At 3 years old, a big Newfoundland dog is just as impressive as an elephant. I saw 2 Newfie dogs at my PetSmart a while back and I was totally impressed!

[noni alabaster]

That reply of hers just makes it worse. Maybe, possibly, I could understand how a parent could be frustrated in the moment (although I've gone 13.5 years without calling any of my kids a jerk). But to respond like that when someone calls you out on it? The language is downright creepy. She says that she's thought this through. What's with the language? "Invested in an opportunity"? She took him on an outing for the day. She's not thinking objectively - she can't manage to get out of her own headspace long enough to see the world through the perspective of a young child. He's 3. A day at the zoo is hopefully a chance to spend some time together doing something enjoyable. He's not training to be a zoologist. If he finds maps and rides enjoyable, what's wrong with that? She can't possibly respond to his cues - if he doesn't respond exactly the way that she has planned out in her head, then he's "deliberately making it a negative experience". Does this woman know nothing at all about children?

I think That Wife has experienced much emotional abuse in her life, and she is projecting. She is the same woman whose husband wrote a nasty note and taped it on some cheese, correct? I assume she gets called names all the time, so, naturally, name-calling is normal to her. I am not giving her a pass, but I think she is responding in the only way she can. It is sad that she is continuing this cycle with her child, but the mind of an abuse victim can become warped, over time.