ThatWife calls (former) Bathroom baby a "jerk"

[Verin Sedai]

3 of my kids have been present at the birth of a sibling, the eldest 3 times, the second twice & the 3rd once. They all were very happy and excited about it and not the least traumatized. My eldest actually wanted to catch his youngest brother, or at least be the second person to hold him. They usually all do their own thing while I'm labouring, occasionally wandering in to check on how things are going, then when the birth is close, they all come and hang out. My then youngest was not quite 3 this time and he was so excited by everything. He talked about it for weeks after. It's not like you just have them show up to watch with no preparation. Or at least considerate parents don't. We talked about it, and I tried to have him watch some videos. He got a bit worried at a couple points, but just needed some reassurance and he was fine. I think if I were to have another, all my older kids would be annoyed if I told them they couldn't be there.

But yeah, upset/freaking out kids need to leave during labour. Unlike this prize winning parent, though, I 'd be happy my child was being cared for & I could focus on what I needed to do, not mad he "ruined" things.

I feel like I should tweak my opinion a bit... you sound like an awesome mom and I'm glad your kids got to participate in your births. I think if a kid is of the right age or temperament to deal with being at the birth of a sibling, that it is awesome and should be encouraged.

I take issue with moms who would force their kids to participate, or not respond quickly to cues that the experience is too much for their child; and then, of course, not hold it against them that they weren't able to watch.

[lilith]

I would bet that T1 is into maps cause Dora has been his best friend, babysitter, and sole companion for the past three years.

[Burris]

"I have tried really hard to objectively think through how it would make me feel if my mom said to me 'I invested in an opportunity for you at 3 years old and you deliberately made it a negative experience. You were being' a jerk.'â€

Her use of the term "investment" suggests this trip to the zoo was less about spending time with her kid and more about the return mother hoped to get on her speculation - perhaps in the form of a compliant child who would thank her profusely for a day-trip he won't even remember in a few years, drawing compliments from strangers on how wonderful mommy dearest is for having raised a child who is almost inhumanely perceptive and obedient for his age.

Those things didn't happen and so the kid is a jerk. It's obvious the day out was all about this woman; about meeting her expectations.

[SomewhatFundy]

Her responses are blowing my mind. She would have a stroke at my house. My inlaws recently came over for my son's fifth birthday. They brought gifts, some were clothes and some were toys.

My son opened one present, and it was an outfit. He said "oh, clothes thanks" and tossed them down to grab another present.

Grateful? No, but we all laughed. He was ready to get to "the good stuff", and wasn't about to waste time on clothing presents. We of course reminded him "make sure you thank grandma and grandpa for the toys AND clothes" which he did. But it wasn't a big deal that he was "ungrateful" towards their gift. Everybody understood that he is a CHILD and as such isn't going to be excited by the same things we were.

She needs to relax. You can teach your child gratitude while not having a big stick up your rear end. I thought her story about her son being enamored with the maps and trains was cute, not something worth taking personally. But she certainly seemed to consider it an attack on her that the little guy had his own ideas of what was fun.

[Feberin]

I feel like I should tweak my opinion a bit... you sound like an awesome mom and I'm glad your kids got to participate in your births. I think if a kid is of the right age or temperament to deal with being at the birth of a sibling, that it is awesome and should be encouraged.

I take issue with moms who would force their kids to participate, or not respond quickly to cues that the experience is too much for their child; and then, of course, not hold it against them that they weren't able to watch.

I also wonder how much the mother's way of dealing with pain would make watching the birth of a sibling scary or not. I know that with both kids while I was in the transition phase it was just so horrible that I'm sure I would have scared my son. I'm surprised TW had him there for any of it since I would think she'd be eager to have a reason to send him away.

[Nothing2CHere]

She needs to relax. You can teach your child gratitude while not having a big stick up your rear end. I thought her story about her son being enamored with the maps and trains was cute, not something worth taking personally. But she certainly seemed to consider it an attack on her that the little guy had his own ideas of what was fun.

Especially considering how she starts off the paragraph about the zoo trip stating that she doesn't really like zoos much!

[Closed Womb]

T1 does not seem to understand that his mother is That Wife married to That Husband living THAT LIFE. They have an image to uphold, goddamn it. You don't live THAT LIFE by reading freaking maps and riding the trains at the zoo.

[MMS]

This is another time where I wonder why Jenna's parents did not step in and gently guide her toward better parenting decisions. If my parents would have taken my family to the zoo (and my parents often treat my children to nice trips) and I started freaking about about my son only wanting to deal with the map and the train, my father would gently take me aside, assure me they were just happy to be with the family, and it was no big deal. He would explain the behavior was just typical of a child that age, and if my son wanted to just ride the train, well by God, let's ride the train. They would do their best to give me some perspective on things in a kind way and give me the benefit of their experience. Then, my Dad would probably go out the next day, buy my kid a train set, train sheets, train cups, train books, train toys, etc since he found something my kid really liked. My son was obsessed with elephants at T1's age, and I swear, we spent hours at the zoo standing there watching the elephants walk around and eat lettuce. I guess I don't understand why her parents don't step in occasionally and try to intervene on behalf of a child who is obviously not be considered in an appropriate manner. I thought the same thing through the bathroom years, so I guess that is just no their style.

[desertvixen]

This is another time where I wonder why Jenna's parents did not step in and gently guide her toward better parenting decisions.

Well, one could argue that she learned her approach from somewhere. I don't know much about her parents, however.

If my parents would have taken my family to the zoo (and my parents often treat my children to nice trips) and I started freaking about about my son only wanting to deal with the map and the train, my father would gently take me aside, assure me they were just happy to be with the family, and it was no big deal. He would explain the behavior was just typical of a child that age, and if my son wanted to just ride the train, well by God, let's ride the train. They would do their best to give me some perspective on things in a kind way and give me the benefit of their experience. Then, my Dad would probably go out the next day, buy my kid a train set, train sheets, train cups, train books, train toys, etc since he found something my kid really liked.

This. I can understand the frustration at wanting an experience to go a certain way, especially when you have spent money on it, but kids are kids.

[Rosa]

MMS, that is so sweet. My son really likes to just do one thing all the way through, and we have the hardest time with family members who want to take him to the zoo or the science museum or whatever, because some of them are not patient enough to stand around while he reads all the worlds or figures out how the experiment actually works or whatever.

When he was about 2 a friend took him to the kids' museum for some exhibit, and he only wanted to ride the elevator up and down all afternoon.

[2xx1xy1JD]

This is another time where I wonder why Jenna's parents did not step in and gently guide her toward better parenting decisions. If my parents would have taken my family to the zoo (and my parents often treat my children to nice trips) and I started freaking about about my son only wanting to deal with the map and the train, my father would gently take me aside, assure me they were just happy to be with the family, and it was no big deal. He would explain the behavior was just typical of a child that age, and if my son wanted to just ride the train, well by God, let's ride the train. They would do their best to give me some perspective on things in a kind way and give me the benefit of their experience. Then, my Dad would probably go out the next day, buy my kid a train set, train sheets, train cups, train books, train toys, etc since he found something my kid really liked. My son was obsessed with elephants at T1's age, and I swear, we spent hours at the zoo standing there watching the elephants walk around and eat lettuce. I guess I don't understand why her parents don't step in occasionally and try to intervene on behalf of a child who is obviously not be considered in an appropriate manner. I thought the same thing through the bathroom years, so I guess that is just no their style.

I don't know anything about her parents, but I've wonder where she gets some of her odder ideas from.

Why did she make that comment about how she would have felt guilty about being a "jerk" to her mother at age 3? Why was she SO concerned about T1 showing gratitude to her father for spending $60 to take them to the zoo? How was she raised?

[oil]

Ew. That Wife has a birth story up. So far, I'm at the part where her mother instructs her to have sex to get the baby out, and to "'lift up your hips at the end to help the sperm get to your cervix.' I would have tried anything recommended by a medical professional at that point, and so we did… it."

Hey, ThatWife. ThatGross.

Aw some people are more open about talking like that. So many times its not just the mother saying a thing of like that with lift the hips, but the neighbor ladies, the grandmothers, and even more women. Imagine trying to conceive and having 15 women squeezed in to your home every one of them giving you instructions on how to save the sperm from pouring out after intercourse. LOL and having cake and coffee while doing it. Its not embarrassing because its life. But its still funny.

And that poor 3 year age baby. Its not his fault that he didnt like the zoo. That fucking idiot mother. I am too sensitive to being mean to children unless they know you say it with love and not as a condemnating.

[lilith]

Aw some people are more open about talking like that. So many times its not just the mother saying a thing of like that with lift the hips, but the neighbor ladies, the grandmothers, and even more women. Imagine trying to conceive and having 15 women squeezed in to your home every one of them giving you instructions on how to save the sperm from pouring out after intercourse. LOL and having cake and coffee while doing it. Its not embarrassing because its life. But its still funny.

And that poor 3 year age baby. Its not his fault that he didnt like the zoo. That fucking idiot mother. I am too sensitive to being mean to children unless they know you say it with love and not as a condemnating.

I agree that it's all about context and attitude - unfortunately TW seems to be serious and doesn't ever seem to show warmth towards T1.

[oil]

I agree that it's all about context and attitude - unfortunately TW seems to be serious and doesn't ever seem to show warmth towards T1.

Since I am awake from can not sleep, I will read this lady's story from the beginning start.

[lilith]

Since I am awake from can not sleep, I will read this lady's story from the beginning start.

Settle in - there's a lot to read. She has scrubbed and edited her blog a fair few times too. GOMI has featured her a lot too.

[indygirl76]

Am I imagining things, or do the frames on her glasses have two different shapes? The left is circular and the right is square? Is that on purpose? Is that something new they're doing to treat vision problems? Did she borrow those from the discarded pieces at the Mr. Potato Head Factory? Are those a joke?

They are incredibly and hilariously Professor Trelawney-esque, but no, you're not imagining things. They really have two shapes, and afaik, it's a "fashion" "choice," not a vision issue.

[AVENues]

If she wants to go to the zoo... because SHE wants to, she should own it and say so and go to the zoo alone. No need to drag the kid along, then. Zoos smell, there are caged up animals. I loathed circus, zoos, "amusement" parks where they had animals caged up, locked behind bars, canned in aquariums etc. Of course a 3yo won't think this way - mostly - but they can be bored, scared, etc...

Stupid parents. If you want to go to lego parks, elephant parks, laser tag etc to entertain yourselves, DO NOT use the kids as an excuse. I always read how you fuck up your children's weekend because you want to be horsing around or go back to kindergarten mentally with some stupid ass attractions and your kids hate it. If it's about you... admit it... spares the kids nightmares...

[dawbs]

Since I am awake from can not sleep, I will read this lady's story from the beginning start.

An awful lot has disappeared from the blog.

I'm fairly sure the power-point whe used to convince her husband to marry her is gone. As are the posts about him locking up the cheese so she can be skinny enough to try for a baby, etc.

[Daisy]

I think she's also scrubbed the triple diapering pic and the picture of them cutting his hair with electric clippers while he sat in a tub of water.

[Mama Mia]

If she wants to go to the zoo... because SHE wants to, she should own it and say so and go to the zoo alone. No need to drag the kid along, then. Zoos smell, there are caged up animals. I loathed circus, zoos, "amusement" parks where they had animals caged up, locked behind bars, canned in aquariums etc. Of course a 3yo won't think this way - mostly - but they can be bored, scared, etc...

Stupid parents. If you want to go to lego parks, elephant parks, laser tag etc to entertain yourselves, DO NOT use the kids as an excuse. I always read how you fuck up your children's weekend because you want to be horsing around or go back to kindergarten mentally with some stupid ass attractions and your kids hate it. If it's about you... admit it... spares the kids nightmares...

That seems really excessive. The kid had a lousy time on this ONE trip, she probably assumed he would have fun, and on another day and in a different mood he might have.

When our kids were little we went to the zoo, the aquarium, amusement parks, the circus, the fair etc frequently. Occasionally it would be a disaster because one or more of the kids would be having a bad day - but usually they loved it.

[sadie673]

Wow. How have I never heard of her before? Saying her kid was being a jerk seems to be among the least of her issues.

[Feberin]

That seems really excessive. The kid had a lousy time on this ONE trip, she probably assumed he would have fun, and on another day and in a different mood he might have.

When our kids were little we went to the zoo, the aquarium, amusement parks, the circus, the fair etc frequently. Occasionally it would be a disaster because one or more of the kids would be having a bad day - but usually they loved it.

I agree we've had many sucessful trips to zoos, science centers and an amusement park with my son. We have had a couple things that weren't so sucessful but he still talks about how we went to Six Flags last October. The zoo is one of his favorite things to do and he asks to go back frequently enough that we felt a membership would be a good choice. I think spending a weekend going on a day trip is much more fun for kids then going shopping and getting stuff done around the house, which is what we do when we have a free weekend with no plans.

[AVENues]

Oh I soooo wasn't talking about cases where only a few trips turn into a disaster because kiddo got up on the wrong side of the bed.

[Morton Fan]

Am I imagining things, or do the frames on her glasses have two different shapes? The left is circular and the right is square? Is that on purpose? Is that something new they're doing to treat vision problems? Did she borrow those from the discarded pieces at the Mr. Potato Head Factory? Are those a joke?

That is bizarre?! Bad photoshop job??

[guidedbybobafett]

She's doing that thing that fundies do where they ascribe malicious motives to children that probably don't have them.

It's not "strange" to me that she believes her son purposely ruined her zoo outing, it's freaking psychotic

If she legitimately believes that her 3 year old should be able to read her to such a degree that he is capable of pretending to enjoy himself in order to make her feel better I feel deeply, deeply sorry for that poor kid, and hope she recognizes her mistakes. Because that's what they are- huge, massive, damaging mistakes.