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Fundy-Lite family goes full fundy when it comes to "purity"


Ralar

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I follow a blog of a fundy-lite family. The husband and wife are both pastors. The husband pastors a church and the wife helps out. They previously had a traveling musical ministry, but had to settle down when their daughter was diagnosed with cancer about 10 years ago. She is 15 or 16 and healthy now, and attends public school. The son recently graduated from a Christian (but real) college and married a childhood friend. They dated (real dating, not a courtship) for about 2 years before marrying. The new daughter-in-law comes from a similar background and recently wrote an entry on the blog to explain a previously posted photo (link below -- I couldn't post the pic from my iPad). The blog entry is very creepy and something I'd expect or find on a full-fledged fundy blog.

http://is.gd/K6jOWq

A Ring and Two Promises

By MS

My sisters and I are close in age with only two years separating us from each other; because of this, we’ve had the opportunity as we were growing up to become very close friends.

As we grew up, our parents initiated what we dubbed rites of passage. At ten, we were able to cut our hair. At twelve, we were able to wear make-up and shave our legs.  At fifteen, we were promoted to eye make-up.

Fifteen years old was also the age when we received our promise ring. This was a special time when each daughter was taken out to a nice dinner with our parents and they would discuss with us the importance of saving ourselves for our husband and for our wedding night.

As time would have it, December 20, 2002, was the appointed day for me to receive my ring; that evening found my mom, my dad and myself cozily tucked away in a booth at Carrabba’s Italian Grill. I had chosen a beautiful baguette diamond ring to remind me of my promise I would make that night.

After we ate dinner, my mom took the ring out and set it on the table in front of me. My dad began to talk to me about the promise I would make that night to save myself for my husband. They explained how this promise was not one that I would only make to them, but also to God and to my future husband.

As I put the ring on that night, I made a vow before my parents and God that I would save myself for the one He had for me. It became very real to me as we sat at the table and prayed that God would help me in the years to come. I was making a vow not only to protect my body, but also my mind and my eyes from the things that would take away from that vow of purity.

It wasn’t just the ring that helped me keep the promise but it was also the many prayers of my family and myself as I got older that reminded me every day of the vow that had been made sitting in that booth in 2002. I wore that ring every day for nine years. And every day I would pray, “God help me keep my promise for one more day.â€

Then in 2009, I found him, the man of my dreams, the man I had prayed for so many years. He was handsome, tall, smelled good, was a childhood friend, was good with money, was funny, had a great family, loved kids, loved Jesus--and did I mention he looked good? His name was NS and he was a psychology major one year behind me in school, but what does age matter?

We began dating on June 19, 2009, and continued the relationship until February 26, 2011 when he asked me to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. That night was the first time my promise ring had ever been replaced with another ring. It also meant my second promise would begin just five months from that night.

On July 23, 2011, I sat down in the dressing room of the church where I was about to be married and penned words to my soon-to-be-husband of the promise I had kept to God, and my parents, and him.

I explained to him once again the importance of the ring and what it meant to be able to truly give him the gift of myself on our wedding day. I wrote everything he was to me and expressed how excited I was that my promise had been kept for so many years. I could not think of a better man to give this gift to than him. He was a true answer to my prayers and God had given me the desires of my heart through him.

As I walked down the aisle toward my husband-to-be, holding on to my daddy’s arm with my family, friends and God watching me, I could not have been more thankful that a promise was made, a promise was kept and a new promise was about to be made. Only this time the promise would not be to save myself, but to give myself whole heartedly.  The promise would not be for only nine years, but it would be for a life time.

(Edited to add:  A comment was left asking if N had made the same commitment and he did; he just didn't have the ring to wear.)

Thanks, M, for sharing the beautiful story of a beautiful promise!

And just to make this entry all the more meaningful, tonight is the night that we have chosen to present S with her own promise ring.  She asked Her father and I if we could wait and do our ceremony until N and M got home so that they could take part in it.  (Which I think says a lot about how much she thinks of the two of them.)

So tonight S will make her own promise of purity, surrounded by a family who loves her.  What a joy it will be to see the tradition continue as we wait with her to meet the man that God has set aside to be her husband.

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Am I the only one stuck on the fact that they chose Carrabba's for a purity ceremony, essentially?

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Am I the only one stuck on the fact that they chose Carrabba's for a purity ceremony, essentially?

Exactly! Who goes to a chain restaurant for a sacred religious initiation rite (albeit an arguably creepy one)?

Baptism at Six Flags Water Park? Marriage ceremony to follow at Burger King?

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Am I the only one stuck on the fact that they chose Carrabba's for a purity ceremony, essentially?

I'm interested that it's described as a "nice dinner".

I am reminded of a woman who was telling me her engagement story and she was so excited to tell me that he took her to a fancy romantic dinner at Red Lobster. I was proposed to over nachos in the living room floor though, so who am I to talk?

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I don't find anything wrong with purity rings if a girl chooses it for herself and isn't forced into it by her parents (and she did sound pretty willing to wear it), but personally I could never understand purity rings. My father gave me a ring one Christmas but it was just as a symbol of how much he loves me. He's squicked out by the thought of "owning" my purity and said that any promise I make to stay a virgin until my wedding night is between God and myself; he doesn't want to be a part of it, and that's more than okay with me since I feel the same way. My parents' only wish is that I make wise decisions about sex and to be sure I wouldn't regret the person I choose for my first time, which I do agree with.

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I don't find anything wrong with purity rings if a girl chooses it for herself and isn't forced into it by her parents (and she did sound pretty willing to wear it), but personally I could never understand purity rings. My father gave me a ring one Christmas but it was just as a symbol of how much he loves me. He's squicked out by the thought of "owning" my purity and said that any promise I make to stay a virgin until my wedding night is between God and myself; he doesn't want to be a part of it, and that's more than okay with me since I feel the same way. My parents' only wish is that I make wise decisions about sex and to be sure I wouldn't regret the person I choose for my first time, which I do agree with.

I don't have a problem with making a promise to yourself and to god, or with wearing a ring as a symbol of that promise. What I find creepy is making the promise to the parents.(or entire family, in the case of the second girl) to remain a virgin until marriage, and to have a ceremony in connection with the virginity vow.

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A baptism at 6 flags would be awesome! :dance:

I would totally go to one of those!

I've never heard of Carrabba, I assume it's regional?

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I don't have a problem with making a promise to yourself and to god, or with wearing a ring as a symbol of that promise. What I find creepy is making the promise to the parents.(or entire family, in the case of the second girl) to remain a virgin until marriage, and to have a ceremony in connection with the virginity vow.

Right. Nothing wrong with the ring as it's just a piece of jewelry, but I could never imagine making a promise like that to my parents, and especially not my older brother O_O and by all means, definitely not in public. Say I or this girl lived somewhere where purity rings were commonplace, especially at high school. I wonder how many people would be watching our hands constantly, seeing if we still had our rings on. If one day I were to accidentally leave my ring at home, would the school suddenly blow up with rumors? I bet it would at the one I went to. >_<

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I would totally go to one of those!

I've never heard of Carrabba, I assume it's regional?

Carrabbas is part of the Outback family. It is the Eye-talion restaurant version of Outback Steakhouse.

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I don't have a problem with making a promise to yourself and to god, or with wearing a ring as a symbol of that promise. What I find creepy is making the promise to the parents.(or entire family, in the case of the second girl) to remain a virgin until marriage, and to have a ceremony in connection with the virginity vow.

Ralar expresses my own sentiments. It is fine if a person decides to wait until marriage to have sex. The choice is theirs. Parents, though, have no business caring what their one day adult daughters will do with their vagina's.

I am also confused as to why anyone would hold a fifteen year old to such a promise. The adolescent has no idea how she or he will feel in a few years about being a virgin until marriage.

Although I am glad that the young lady in the post is pleased with her choice, would she really be that different or a less moral person if a tiny piece of skin was missing from her body? I don't understand the pride that people take in perserving their virginity.

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Am I the only one stuck on the fact that they chose Carrabba's for a purity ceremony, essentially?

No you aren't. Did they chastise her for inappropriately handling the breadsticks, I wonder?

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No you aren't. Did they chastise her for inappropriately handling the breadsticks, I wonder?

Haha! I'm assuming they're unlimited like at Olive Garden . . . oh the possibilities.

Also, can you imagine in the middle of pledging purity to God someone has a birthday at the next table with the whole fuss with the waiters all singing? OMG, I'm dying thinking of it. :lol:

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This seems less coercive than the big public ceremonies or purity balls. If a person wants to wait until their wedding night, fine, but it's a private decision.

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Ralar expresses my own sentiments. It is fine if a person decides to wait until marriage to have sex. The choice is theirs. Parents, though, have no business caring what their one day adult daughters will do with their vagina's.

I am also confused as to why anyone would hold a fifteen year old to such a promise. The adolescent has no idea how she or he will feel in a few years about being a virgin until marriage.

Although I am glad that the young lady in the post is pleased with her choice, would she really be that different or a less moral person if a tiny piece of skin was missing from her body? I don't understand the pride that people take in perserving their virginity.

I don't know that it's the actual virginity so much. I mean, yes it is, but I think it's just another way to keep separate and congratulate themselves for not being "sinful". I think it's about a kind of moral superiority for them.

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A baptism at 6 flags would be awesome! :dance:

You could get baptized when you ride the flume ride under the rapids! :lol:

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Pfft. Any true connoisseur would know Carrabba's has pieces of bread to dip in olive oil and herbs, not breadsticks.

Okay, I may have a soft spot for Carrabba's because back when I was a teen, one of the first Carrabba's was near my house and it's where I went on my first "fancy" date. It wasn't a major chain, then.

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Pfft. Any true connoisseur would know Carrabba's has pieces of bread to dip in olive oil and herbs, not breadsticks.

/quote]

I love that herb blend and olive oil for dipping the bread! YUM!

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Oh come on, now you guys are just going to make me drool all over my keyboard!

Actually, I've never been to Carrabba's but now I can't wait to go there sometime.

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Pfft. Any true connoisseur would know Carrabba's has pieces of bread to dip in olive oil and herbs, not breadsticks.

Okay, I may have a soft spot for Carrabba's because back when I was a teen, one of the first Carrabba's was near my house and it's where I went on my first "fancy" date. It wasn't a major chain, then.

Ditto! My first "fancy" date with my boyfriend was to Carrabba's, I enjoy going there. The seafood cannelloni is wonderful!

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