Fundy-Lite family goes full fundy when it comes to "purity"

[27randomscribbles]

As for Carraba's being a "nice dinner", I have to make a confession... I didn't realize until about two years ago that Carraba's isn't considered a "nice" dinner in the culture at large. Olive Garden is where my family goes for nice occasions and was the "nicest" restaurant I had ever been to until the age of 24. It's called being lower class. :lol:

Ha ha. For me it was just growing up in the middle of nowhere. My family was pretty upper-middle class and we lived in a tiny town in central Florida...we actually would drive a good amount of time to go to Olive Garden or Red Lobster...the only things in town were Pizza Hut and Golden Corral...every sunday after church we'd go to one of those places! :)

Now that I've left and moved to the big Windy City I've gotten all snobby about chain restaurants and won't eat in them here (too many other options)...but when I'm visiting family theres nothing like Olive Garden breadsticks for some good memories. :)

Slightly more ON-topic:

I was raised probably between fundie-lite and simply conservative evangelical. Public and private schools (not much difference in a small, religious town), expected to dress modestly but not "frumpy" and I could wear pants, etc. Mom stayed home, daycare was considered by my family to be "lazy" or "damaging to kids" and we went to church A LOT.

In Youth Group I remember COUNTLESS talks on sex. I signed so many purity pledges, and the Ring Thing was "in" at the time so I had a purity ring. We were given many talks in my private middle school on sex as well, including some lessons on how if girls "give away their bodies before marriage" it is like giving your future husband a "box of half-eaten chocolates", a "rose with no petals", a "used up lollipop" and it also made us like a piece of tape that had been used...we wouldn't "stick" properly to our husbands if we'd had sex with someone else. They threw in scare tactics like STD's and pregnancy (abortion was a no-no, and while BC wasn't forbidden to married couples it was assumed we'd magically learn that stuff on our wedding night).

Needless to say, despite becoming an agnostic, feminist, super liberal girl, (my parents don't know the agnostic part or how liberal I am...those of you who left your religion probably understand how impossible it is for them to accept it) I still have some fucked up psychological issues I'm working on with trusting my husband and sexual issues. Some of these problems come from being an adoptee and the Christian idea of adoption that I was raised with...but a lot of it comes from being told I was nothing more than my purity and that guys were all about sex and couldn't control themselves (I have trouble trusting my husband to not cheat, despite the fact that he's awesome).

Purity culture sucks. I don't want kids for a long time. I have to work through my issues with my past first (I have a good counselor now)...but when I do, I will not raise them with these ideals. They screw kids up.

[galaxygirl]

Trust me, I lived a year and a half in a town where the most exciting thing was an Applebees, I love my Olive Garden and my Red Lobster and will never take them for granted again.

[xDreamerx]

OT, but with Catherine, the specific issue wasn't that she was a virgin in general, but that if she had had sex with Henry's brother specifically (even if they hadn't been married), she would have had an affinity with Henry--their marriage wouldn't have been valid in the eyes of the Church and none of their children could have inherited the throne. Of course, none of this mattered years later when Henry married Anne Boleyn after having had an affair with her sister, because Henry had broken with the Church at that point.

He didn't marry Anne that long after the trial at Black Friars. This is incorrect. He had his marriage to Anne declared null and void while she was imprisoned in the Tower because of his previous affinity with Mary. They were both just political maneuvers really. But, the following of these sorts of laws had nothing to do with Henrican reforms, Anglicanism etc. people still followed them after the split.

Sorry for going OT but it bugged me.

[Ralar]

Ha ha. For me it was just growing up in the middle of nowhere. My family was pretty upper-middle class and we lived in a tiny town in central Florida...we actually would drive a good amount of time to go to Olive Garden or Red Lobster...the only things in town were Pizza Hut and Golden Corral...every sunday after church we'd go to one of those places! :)

The young lady from the original post is from Cental Florida also. I'm sure tHere are more restaurants that area today, but it surely is not a gourmet wonderland.

[Gizmola]

If I was marrying a man and the greatest thing I could give him is an intact hymen then I haven't developed any real personality. If that is THE BEST thing about me, the fact I haven't had a penis in my vagina (that's what they're most concerned about), then I'm not much of a woman. If the man did believe my purity was what best of me, then I really wouldn't be marrying much of a man.

I wish I could take fundie girls with purity rings and tattoo this on their hands, so that every time they see that ring they know that what it represents is NOT the only thing to offer their future husbands. That it is not the BEST thing they're bringing to the marriage.

If I were to date a man who even considered raising an eyebrow about my sexual past, his ass would be out the door before the thought was completed.

[HijabiLady]

He didn't marry Anne that long after the trial at Black Friars. This is incorrect. He had his marriage to Anne declared null and void while she was imprisoned in the Tower because of his previous affinity with Mary. They were both just political maneuvers really. But, the following of these sorts of laws had nothing to do with Henrican reforms, Anglicanism etc. people still followed them after the split.

Sorry for going OT but it bugged me.

Catherine's virginity was brought to topic because it all went back to affinity. So really it was her virginity that was the hinge point, she couldn't have married Arthur unless a virgin, and could not have married Henry if not still intact specifically because of the affinity reason. But honestly, the guy was a pig and a whore and used legalism to follow his penis.

Henry had slept with Mary Boleyn (and rumored to have fathered at least on of her children) before he was even divorced from Catherine. So it's safe to say he used the "affinity" clause on Anne retrospectively just to clear the way for Jane.

[Mommy22alyns]

Ok, I have to admit that sometimes, in the wrong setting, a baguette cut is ugly. But it can also be a really nice cut.

I was just kind of goggling over the actual diamonds part. :oops:

[alba]

I used to want to wait till marriage to have sex. I never really had a real reason for it, but I guess it was something we were told Christians did at church or something, and I didn't want to sin. In the end I waited till I was almost 21. It was with my now-fiancé, and for a while I still felt a bit guilty, worrying I was doing something wrong. Even now that I don't believe in God I still have a lot of hang-ups about sex.

I agree that the labels are somewhat subjective and don't necessarily mean much. They certainly mean less in the United States than in many other places (the UK has very specific, governmentally-defined demarcations between classes if I am correct). For the record though, I don't think "lower class" = "poor". You can be "lower class" in my book and still not be lacking in any major material needs.

"Governmentally-defined"? I think not. We have different distinctions than in North America (for instance Kate Middleton, even though her parents were millionaires, was middle-class until she married a member of the nobility), but they're culturally-defined. Generally-speaking, working class and middle class translate to blue-collar and white-collar workers, while the upper class are the landed gentry and nobility.

[Peas n carrots]

You could get baptized when you ride the flume ride under the rapids! :lol:

Actually, that would be one baptism I would love to attend! I have to say that is a freakin' great idea.

Linking daddy with purity = ewww. One thing I've noticed is everything is sentimentalized (is that a word?) with fundies. Ok, I know on the sentimental curve I'm probably on the extreme end of "not sentimental at all" so I don't get a lot of it. But why is everything so damn rosy with them (if it's not teh ebil)?

[genericJname]

and it also made us like a piece of tape that had been used...we wouldn't "stick" properly to our husbands if we'd had sex with someone else

:lol: I had my fair share of tape lectures in youth group. And I got a purity ring because it was the cool thing to do.

Hey, does anyone remember this lady?

We had to watch her video in youth group all the time. There was a family acquaintance who tried to get her to come to our town and speak to all the schools and churches, but her fee was too pricey.

[Daenerys]

The thing I hate about the 'purity' ideal is how it pushes people into marrying quickly because they are too horny to wait. All the people I know who waited have married in under a year from meeting, whilst I plan to wait at least 3 years with my partner before I commit that much, and live together as well. It just encourages people to fling themselves into the unknown and miserable marriages.

[FuManchu]

(Edited to add:  A comment was left asking if N had made the same commitment and he did; he just didn't have the ring to wear.)

That's quick thinking on his part!

"Darling, I promised to remain pure until we married. You did too, didn't you?"

"Er... yes, dear, of course I did! I just... didn't get round to having a ring made. No, I've never lustfully handled the beautiful, soft, willing form of a naked girl in my life. Especially not last summer after the cocktails for Dan's birthday. And certainly not all through 2010 with that girl I told you was just a colleague."

[alba]

The thing I hate about the 'purity' ideal is how it pushes people into marrying quickly because they are too horny to wait. All the people I know who waited have married in under a year from meeting, whilst I plan to wait at least 3 years with my partner before I commit that much, and live together as well. It just encourages people to fling themselves into the unknown and miserable marriages.

They do tend to recommend that a couple that is in love get married quicker rather than have sex before marrying because they 'know' they're going to be together forever anyway. You can know you're going to spend your life with someone without being ready for marriage, which doesn't seem to be something fundies can grasp.