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EowynW

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Well, the few posts I read didn't seem too bad. I mean, she's a fundie so I disagree with a lot of what she says, but she's not as crazy as some. In "How Could a Mom Regret Having Children?" she says she is grateful for the working women who have made an impact on her life. And in "Always Open: 5 Reasons I Love Having My Tubes Intact" she says she understands why some couples might be interested in child spacing, but she did not agree with permanent methods for preventing pregnancies. I thought she might be Catholic, but her "About" page does not indicate that. She seems to have a lot of posts, so I'll probably read more.

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I only read her entry that @Corntree mentioned, about not having a tubal ligation.

http://lovinglifeathome.com/2017/05/11/always-open-5-reasons-i-love-having-my-tubes-intact/

Her 5 headings on why she's glad to not have had her tubes tied and my responses: (I had my tubes tied at the age of 40, the day after I gave birth to our second child.)

1.  I love being a mother

So do I. That's why we decided to have 2 kids. Why do people like this assume that couples decide to limit their family size because they don't enjoy children or parenthood?

2. It keeps everyone in suspense

I personally never really enjoyed having people ask about our plans to have kids, or have more kids. I like being able to say that I had my tubes tied and end the conversation quickly.

3. It avoids unnecessary surgical complications

I don't know the complication rate for tubal ligations, but I would guess it isn't terribly high. My only complication was a slight irritation along my incision as it healed. At my 6 week checkup, the doctor removed the suture knot that was irritating me under my skin. That being said, a tubal ligation is an elective surgery, and a wise patient should research before making her decision.

4. It packs sex with potential

Personally, I enjoy sweet fellowship with my honey more if the possibility of a geriatric pregnancy with possible scary complications isn't on the table. (I watched Jubilee Duggar's funeral before I discovered the sordid under-belly of 19K and I cried and cried. Not for me, thanks.)

5. It’s an exercise of faith

I have faith in God. I don't have faith in myself to effectively parent more kids. I also have faith that if God truly needed us to have more kids, the surgical result could fail the same way that other forms of birth control can.

Anyway...:my_biggrin:

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That woman has such a familiair face. I'm wondering if I have seen her in a youtube clip.

 

Is it this family? 

 

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1 hour ago, Timetraveler said:

Is it this family? 

Looks like it's one and the same.

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I agree she's not as hard core as some. In the comment section of the 5 reasons she's glad she didn't have a tubal, someone commented that her husband didn't want more because of her difficult pregnancies, and JF replies that she had easy pregnancies and deliveries so having more babies was an easy option for her and that if things were different they might have made other choices and that the commenter and her husband would have to choose together what was best. 

@WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? I committed my own list as I was reading that too, lol. I too had a tubal at 40 when my last baby was born. I'll just share my top 2

1. I love being a mother, and I love my children having a mother. Which is why I took my dr's advice not to attempt another high risk pregnancy. 

3. Surgery can cause complications. Specifically multiple c/s and abdominal surgeries lead to dangerous complications and risk and premature birth in subsequent pregnancies. I had a tubal to avoid more surgery and complications. 

 

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From the hubby blog:  Interesting that she is older than he is.  I thought fundies were all about the expected norm of  husbands being older and established.  Odd that he had to give up his full scholarship when they married.  So I guess he /she worked to put him though the last 2 years of college.

Her blog just reeks of the privileged with money SAHM with mega children telling the rest of us how easy it is to raise a huge family.  Well ...... of course it is when you have lots of money, and probably unseen/unspoken of help.  If that photo is really their house this Doc is definitely making bank.

She's the fundie version of Kendra at Catholic All Year (10 kids, no bc not even NFP).  Kendra will make you rage in anger and sick with disgust. She too is rich, privileged, lives in a mansion in LA they are renovating, hubby makes big, big bank, and she refuses to acknowledge her daily help --and the  fact she's also made her oldest daughter (12-13) into a 2nd mother who has  major responsibility for the littles. 

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The post on Wonder Woman made me want to scream. Sweeping generalizations about feminists abound!  

WW fully embraces her femininity! Newsflash: so do feminists! 

She brings out the best in the men beside her! Feminists try to bring out the best in *everyone* beside them, not just the men in their lives. At least, I and the other feminists I know do.

She accurately appraises her enemy! Uhhh...so do we? We can help it if our enemy is the patriarchal structures she wants to uphold...

She pursues her purpose with passion! So do I, what a shock. So should everyone regardless of gender.

She rightly recognizes the role of faith! So do many people who identify as feminists. We also recognize the role faith plays in the creation and enforcement of so many of the structures that the patriarchy has tried to shove both men and women into for so very, very long. Love is a good faith to believe in for sure, but that means loving *all* your neighbors equally, not just the ones we find it most comfortable for us to love.

I don't care that she has privilege, good for her. But all I see her doing with it is to pretend that everyone has the same privileges she does, and doing nothing to change her perspective and use her privileges to lift others.

To quote my favorite Bugs Bunny line, "Whadda maroon!" 

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Quote

Sex as God designed it to be enjoyed — by a husband and wife fully committed to one another and open to receiving the blessing of children — is a potent thing. When any of those elements are missing (marriage, faithfulness, procreative potential), sex is stripped of some of its power and meaning, and what is left is a distorted shadow of what was meant to be.

What about after menopause?

And ugh, she's got To Train Up A Child on her recommended reading list.

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2 minutes ago, Sobeknofret said:

The post on Wonder Woman made me want to scream. Sweeping generalizations about feminists abound!  

Do they think these ideas just magically appeared in the movie or something? Probably a good chunk of people working on the script, production, etc. would identify as feminists who also have a variety of other important values in their lives, too... *gasp* 

9 hours ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

Personally, I enjoy sweet fellowship with my honey more if the possibility of a geriatric pregnancy with possible scary complications isn't on the table.

Seriously. I'm married and in the normal age range for having kids, but I'm confident I don't want every time we have sex to be packed with "potential." 

I'm glad that my husband and I didn't have to endure the added stress of a potential pregnancy/childbirth as we've been faced with some difficult times; instead, we were able to focus on tackling challenges together and, as a bonus, it made our relationship stronger. If/when we have kids, I'll be happier knowing we were able to plan them at a more stable point in our lives where we can have more time and energy to devote to them. 

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@Sobeknofret, Preach, sistah/brother/kickass person who may or may not have a binary gender identity!!

it seems "the feminist agenda" is becoming much like the mysterious "gay agenda."  I'm pretty sure most "agendas" consist primarily of: take care of yourself, take care of your family, try not to be a dick to others, get shit done.  I could be wrong though, or maybe I simply have an under developed agenda identity.  :pb_lol:

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If sex is only fabulous when it's full of "potential "-- what about infertile couples?  Is the sex awful or should they not even bother?  What about after menopause?  Should the hubby divorce the dried up bag and get a new wife full of potential?

Oh I so want this woman to revisit her pronouncement when she is past menopause and all her "potential" is gone.

 

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I wish I had my tubes tied when #2 was born. I would be able to enjoy sweet fellowship with Mr. Shrew now without having to worry about a perimenopause baby.  I'm 49 1/2, doc says I need to quit the hormonal BC, and it was giving me bad headaches this time around anyway. I know my fertility is probably zero, but I don't want to risk it. I don't want to have a kid younger than its niece/nephew, nor do I want to be pregnant at the same time as my son's partner. 

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15 minutes ago, Rubaiyat said:

@Sobeknofret, Preach, sistah/brother/kickass person who may or may not have a binary gender identity!!

it seems "the feminist agenda" is becoming much like the mysterious "gay agenda."  I'm pretty sure most "agendas" consist primarily of: take care of yourself, take care of your family, try not to be a dick to others, get shit done.  I could be wrong though, or maybe I simply have an under developed agenda identity.  :pb_lol:

There's always some sort of "agenda," isn't there?  Religious and political conservatives are always complaining about those evil agendas.

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@Red Hair, Black Dress Jessa's older than Ben. But he didn't do a full bachelor's degree and we have no idea what he does for a living. 

This woman appears to be just one of a number of Christian mommy bloggers who all just post the same old stuff.

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@JMarie, it's a lot like those conspiracy theorists.  Where are all these supposed subversives getting all this free time!?!?  And how can I get me some?!?  Seriously, for an ebil librul, I've obviously been skipping WAY too many seminars.  Especially the ones on time management.  

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I used to keep track of my cycles to avoid getting pregnant. All 3 of my children were welcome surprises. (My husband and I think we must've conceived our son while we were sleeping, but I know exactly when I conceived my daughters. I knew I was ovulating and we didn't have a condom but we succumbed to the throes of passion anyway. Haha.) We wanted a lot of kids, but I got hit hard with serious mental health issues near the end of my third pregnancy - issues that I'm still dealing with 9 years later - and over time I decided that even if I got better, another pregnancy might cause more mental health issues. It's not worth the risk. I need to be here for the kids I already have. So now we use condoms, every time, even when I'm sure I'm not fertile. (I don't want hormonal BC or sterilization.) Yeah, I'd like for us to be "natural" again, but I really don't need to get pregnant right now. Or maybe ever again. And sex is an important aspect of a marital relationship. So I am just grateful for condoms right now, b/c I can have a sexual relationship with my husband without worrying about pregnancy. Fundies ignore the real pain that women go through and insist that you should accept blessing after blessing no matter how difficult your pregnancies are or what risks are involved. Children are very special, but welcoming a new life into the world does not trump everything else.

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I got my tubes tied 9 years after my last baby was born. Laparoscopic surgery, in-patient. My OBGYN actually removes all of your fallopian tube now, instead of "tying" or cutting it. It eliminates all chances of an etopic pregnancy, I guess.

I had a copper IUD for 9 years, and I really liked it. But with the uncertainty of the Trump presidency and what it would do to my health care options, I decided that sterilization was the best choice, especially while my insurance was willing to cover it. We knew we were done after the 3rd was born and the next 9 years made it even more obvious. Now I'm 8 months post surgery, and I have no side effects and much lighter periods, because the copper IUD can cause really terrible bleeding.

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14 hours ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

 

4. It packs sex with potential

 

My grandmother gave birth to 7 kids (no twins) between 1939 and 1946. I am sure she understood the packed potential of sex and I am so glad I can choose when to use my fertility and not have to have back to back pregnancies like she had. I am most likely just as fertile, at 34 I got pregnant from having sweet fellowship once during a whole cycle. I would not have an abortion if there would be an "oops baby" but we feel quite done now with two and will use protection from now on. Would there be a number three I would probably look into a permanent alternative afterwards as I am pretty sure that I don't want to go through one more pregnancy. 

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As a curious newlywed, how did you women find out what number of kids was right for y'all? For us, who will hopefully having kids in our early to mid 30s, two just sounds the most practical for us. It means we won't have to buy a bigger car or house, and the baby stage will be over quickly so we can do family activities together for. Also I am confident that I could handle two but also still work on developing me and my life as well. But, and this is because of my fundie raising, to the same time, just two seems so modern and "selfish". And 3-4 sounds more like a "family" and it's so stupid. I would  having this trouble if I had debt be raised fundie with the whole "have all the blessings". Ugh. I have no one to ask in person because everyone in my circle is a diehard baby lovin' pro life conservative christian  person. 

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@EowynW   If 2 children seems right to you both, then you've already figured out what the "right" number of children are for you all.  So you and the hubby already have your plan.  

But... and this is important  -- You Can Change Your Plan.  And that's perfectly ok.  And .... even more important....  you can change your plan at any time -- before you have children, after the 1st one, after the 2nd one. You do not have to get your families' permission or approval for your plan.  

That's the great thing about being autonomous adults -- you all get to decide everything for yourselves.  Doesn't matter what your families want. Doesn't matter what your fundie past teachings say.  All that matters is what you and Mr EW want.

It. Is. Not. Selfish. To. Make. Decisions. Based. On. What. Is. Best. For. You.  Repeat this to yourself as often as necessary until you believe it.   :)

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39 minutes ago, EowynW said:

As a curious newlywed, how did you women find out what number of kids was right for y'all? For us, who will hopefully having kids in our early to mid 30s, two just sounds the most practical for us. It means we won't have to buy a bigger car or house, and the baby stage will be over quickly so we can do family activities together for. Also I am confident that I could handle two but also still work on developing me and my life as well. But, and this is because of my fundie raising, to the same time, just two seems so modern and "selfish". And 3-4 sounds more like a "family" and it's so stupid. I would  having this trouble if I had debt be raised fundie with the whole "have all the blessings". Ugh. I have no one to ask in person because everyone in my circle is a diehard baby lovin' pro life conservative christian  person. 

Well, like you I pictured myself with 3-4 kids but I realized that I do not like being pregnant. In fact I hate it so much it was the main reason I waited more than 3 years to try for number 2 despite wanting another child. I am mainly done because I don't want to be pregnant again not because I don't want more kids (adoption is too expensive for us and we do not live in such a way that fostercare might be an alternative). For us it is partly a money issue too. As life is right now 2 makes much more sense financially than 3. Would that change, well, maybe we do change our mind and have three. Thankfully I did find myself the type of person that can be flexible with the number of kids I welcome and I more enjoy the ones I have than grieve the ones I didn't get. I liked being a mother of one and of 2 so I am sure I could do any number. But hopefully no more pregnancies.

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@EowynW--My husband and I talked about family size while we were engaged and 2 sounded good to both of us. I'm one of four in my family of origin and my husband is one of three. (That makes us sound like Borg. In which case I'm actually 4 of 4 and he's 2 of 3.) I liked growing up in a family of 6, but as I got older, I was pretty sure that I didn't want to be the mom of 4 kids.

I suppose that I had an easier time shifting my views because of not having a fundamentalist upbringing. I had friends and family members (aunts and uncles) that had 3 kids, 2 kids, and only 1 kid, so a smaller family seemed ordinary to me.

You and Mr. Eowyn hopefully have quite a few years of fertility available to you once you decide to try to conceive. One thing I wouldn't have minded doing differently would be to have started ttc a year or two earlier, so that our kids could be 3 or so years apart. Two years apart is do-able, but it got kind of tough for me some days when they were little. But that's just my view. Just like every couple should be allowed to choose their family size as much as possible, they also need to try to space their children in the best way for their family. 

I don't know if I would have had my tubal ligation if I had been much younger when child #2 was born, but at 40, with insurance covering it, it was a relatively easy decision. At 30 or 35? Who knows what I might have chosen.

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