Elsie Dinsmore (the Original) Synopsis

[Sobeknofret]

Trynn has kindly agreed to summarize the revised Elsie books chapter by chapter, and I'll do the original versions. So, with a comfortingly large bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream and a delightful pot of coffee to add it to, here is chapter one.

Dramatis Personae:

Elsie Dinsmore: 8 years-old when the book opens. Daughter of Horace Dinsmore of Union, (possibly) Virginia, and the late Elsie Grayson, orphan of Louisiana.

Horace Dinsmore: Father of Elsie, aged 27. He married at 17 or 18, and thanks to Tragic Circumstances^TM has never even seen Elsie, although he obviously knows she exists. In Europe at the time of opening of the book.

Mr. Dinsmore: Grandfather of Elsie, and father of Horace by his first marriage.

Mrs. Dinsmore: Second wife of Mr. Dinsmore, and step-mother of Horace. Mother of Adelaide, Louise, Lora, Arthur, Walter, and Enna. (In the original books, I can't find a given name for her. In the revisions, it's apparently Isabelle)

Adelaide Dinsmore Seventeen or eighteen when the books open

Lora Disnmore Fourteen

Louise Dinsmore Twelve

Arthur Dinsmore Ten. Asshole even at 10

Walter DinsmoreHe's described in the later books are being "a trifle younger" than his aunt Elsie, so maybe seven or eight

Enna Dinsmore Five or six. The spoiled baby of the family

Miss Day The nasty family governess, has a grudge against Elsie for no particular reason other than she can

Miss Rose Allison Close friend of Adelaide Dinsmore from, Philadelphia, visiting for several months

Aunt Chloe: Elsie's personal slave, acts as her "Mammy." Deeply pious, and has raised Elsie since her mother died. The book only calls her Elsie's "servant," but let's call it for what it is: Elsie owns her.

The setting is the Dinsmore family plantation called Roselands, which is definitely outside a small Southern city called Union, possibly in Virginia or South Carolina, but most likely Virginia.

{huge slug of Bailey's and coffee} So let's have at Chapter One :popcorn2:

[Georgiana]

If I ever start a band, I am going to name it "Horace Dinsmore and the Tragic Circumstances".

But more on topic, I read these books as a child. I eagerly await your synopsis.

[Sobeknofret]

Chapter One opens with a saccharine sweet verse about the "liquid eyes" of the subject, and how beautiful they are either when crying or smiling. Barf.

The children of the family, except Adelaide, are in the pretty schoolroom at Roselands doing lessons with their governess, Miss Day. Miss Day is trying to teach Enna, who is, as usual, whining and being a general pill, and Miss Day is, as usual, short-tempered and bitchy with everyone.

[Note, everyone in these books are at an extreme, at least for the first two books; they are not just good or bad, they are extremely good (Elsie, Miss Rose, Chloe) or extremely bad (just about everyone else, but especially Arthur). They're so extreme, they're not even really human, just caricatures, and particularly bad ones at that.]

Miss Day announces that she will step out for an hour to give everyone time to learn their lessons. When she comes back they will recite to her, and those who do perfectly, will have the opportunity to ride to the fair in the city with her! Oh, joy! :hand: Those who don't will have to stay home and relearn their lessons. I know which I'd choose.

She gives out the lessons to each pupil; Elsie is tasked with doing arithmetic, geography, and writing a page in her copybook with no inkblots. Elsie answers, "Yes ma'am," meekly and gets to work on her arithmetic problems. Miss Day swans out of the room, with the warning that the lessons must be perfect or no trip to the fair. Arthur mutters that his mother will probably intervene and let them go to the fair anyway, so it's no big deal.

Arthur proceeds to begin to torment Elsie- tickling her neck with a feather, messing with her hair, stealing her book, talking incessantly to her, while she meekly tries to ignore him. Meek is a word that gets used a lot in reference to Elsie, and frankly it's about as annoying as you might imagine. Louise suggests to Elsie that she take her books and go out on the veranda to study, where Arthur will leave her alone. Oh no! Elsie can't do that! Miss Day has give instructions that the kids are to stay in the schoolroom, and to be a sensible person and move would be rankest disobedience! :hanged:

Elsie continues to be meek and suffer in patient meekness, until, oh no! Arthur causes her to leave an inkblot on her copybook! Elsie cries. Arthur, feeling guilty, tries to help her by offering to help make the math problems she's working on come out correctly and by carefully cutting the page out of the copybook, so Miss Day never has to see the inkblot. Dishonesty! Can't do that!

Arthur stomps away and Elsie finishes up her lessons as best she can, but when Miss Day returns, Elsie is called to recite first, which she does badly. Miss Day, the author tells us, was always harder on Elsie than any of the others, and she is not allowed to go to the fair with the others! Horrors! Elsie weeps and sobs her way back to her desk, and although she sends an imploring glance at Arthur to tell what happened, he ignores her.

[This is another thing that annoys the crap out of me about these books- the author always *tells* us things, and doesn't *show* them. Very bad writing, frankly, and one of the things that professional writing teachers always train out of budding fiction writers early on.]

Lora gets indignant, and tells Miss Day about what happened, and Miss Day, true to the cardboard character of evil she is, predictably refuses to let Elsie go anyway, and then makes Arthur stay at home also. We are told that Elsie has "the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit," but she has a naturally quick temper (she does?!), and resents the unfairness of Miss Day's leaving her behind. Also, she's weeping and sobbing.

Mrs. Dinsmore comes in to escort the children to the fair, wonders (not unreasonably) what the hell is wrong with Elsie. Lora tries to tell her mother the story, but is interrupted by Miss Day, who tells Mrs. Dinsmore that Elsie failed in her lessons, and Arthur is also having to stay home. Mrs. Dinsmore overrides Miss Day, because Arthur is a 'spirited' child and needs the excitement of the fair to calm him down (?) and so Miss Day must not be too hard on him. Lora asks if Elsie is allowed to go too, and Mrs. Dinsmore replies that as Elsie is not her child, she has nothing to say about it, and Miss Day has complete control over the issue. Miss Day, irritated, as usual, vents her anger on Elsie (who is crying still) by shaking her and then boxing her ears.

After everyone leaves, Elsie dries her tears and pulls out her well-worn Bible and opens it to 1 Peter 2:19 "19 For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.

20 For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.

21 For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps" (KJV)

Of course, Elsie decides that she had disobeyed God and starts crying again, because she thought rebellious thoughts at the injustice done to her. At that moment, Miss Rose Allison, who has never yet met Elsie, enters the schoolroom and finds Elsie. She pours out the story of her injustices to Miss Allison, and finishes by sobbing, that she'll never be like Jesus, never! Miss Allison reveals herself as a devoted Christian too, surprise! She encourages Elsie in her self-mortification, and tells her that she will love her dearly, and invites her to morning and evening Bible study in her rooms.

Elsie exclaims that no one loves her except her poor old mammy, and mammy loved her so much that she introduced her to Jesus and taught her all about her. Mammy, it seems, was also mammy to Elsie's mother, also called (what else) Elsie. Mother Elsie died when baby Elsie was just a week old, and told Mammy to take care of the baby and teach her to love God. [Mother Elsie was, as we find out later, literally, barely sixteen, and died of a broken heart, because she believed her beloved teen-age groom, Horace, dead as well.] Little Elsie wears an elaborate locket with her mother's miniature inside it, and her Bible also belonged to her mother. She also tells Miss Allison that her father is in Europe and she has never met him, although, of course she loves him so dearly!

After Miss Allison calms Elsie down and leaves her in the school-room to study again, she meets Elsie's Aunt Adelaide, and gets the whole Tragic Circumstance^TM from her. Horace met and married a 15 year-old girl named Elsie Grayson, a stupendously wealthy orphan, while on a trip to visit friends in New Orleans, without the consent or knowledge of either his father or her guardian. Naturally, Mr. Dinsmore the elder was horrified, because the Grayson family made their money in trade not plantation and slave owning, although Elsie Grayson is heiress to several businesses as well as a rich plantation in Louisiana and many hundreds of slaves. Horrified at his son's marriage, Mr. Dinsmore rips his son away from his now pregnant child bride and sends him to college and then Europe. At the same time Elsie's equally horrified guardian, takes her to the family plantation, tells her that Horace has died, and intercepts all letters to his ward. She dies a week after giving birth to Elsie the younger, and when the guardian dies as well, baby Elsie is given into the care of her grandfather Dinsmore, who hates her, and refers to her as "old Grayson's grandchild." Adelaide also remarks that Mrs. Dinsmore, her mother, resents the hell out of Elsie, and is jealous on account of her younger daughters being so much less beautiful and rich than Elsie. Adelaide remarks that Elsie's meekness is why so many people in the house despise her; she lets everybody run all over her and take advantage of her. Miss Allison and Adelaide discuss Christianity and it is established that Adelaide is occasionally fond of her, but considers Elsie's piety boring and is contemptuous of it.

End chapter one. :shock:

[sparkles]

And this is the crap that's held up as a model of Christian girlhood? Yikes!

[Sobeknofret]

Chapter Two

As with most Victorian novels, chapters in Elsie Dinsmore , and the rest of the books, almost always open with a verse or quotation as the headpiece of the chapter. Chapter Two's headpiece is two quotations, one from the Jacobean dramatist Beaumont, and the other from the super-popular writer, Anon. Both are about having the patience "of a dove" and sorrow, fear, and injustice. {takes a huge shot of Bailey's}

Chapter two opens with Elsie just a few minutes after Miss Allison has left her alone in the schoolroom. She kneels down and prays "that she might be made like unto the meek and lowly Jesus." She (natch) cries again, and then gets up with "her load of sin and sorrow," gone and begins to work again.

Miss Day comes back from the fair and tests Elsie again, who has learned her lessons perfectly and has re-written the copywork perfectly. This irritates Miss Day and she snipes at Elsie again, who meekly apologizes that her work was not done perfectly the last time, and that she was "saucy" to Miss Day, which irritates her even more. Elsie cries again, but leaves the schoolroom.

That night, Elsie and Miss Allison have their promised Bible study, where they read a chapter together and discuss it, and then pray together. Miss Allison hugs Elsie and kisses her, saying that she's so glad to have found another True Christian in the house to discuss and pray with, and that she can't help but love Elsie already. Elsie interjects that her Mammy, Chloe, also loves Jesus, so they're not alone! There's a long quotation about Christians running the race together from Malachi 3:

"16 Then they that feared the Lord spake often one to another: and the Lord hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the Lord, and that thought upon his name.

17 And they shall be mine, saith the Lord of hosts, in that day when I make up my jewels; and I will spare them, as a man spareth his own son that serveth him."

After this Aunt Chloe comes in to collect Elsie for bedtime, and she and Miss Allison meet for the first time. Miss Allison shows her True Christianity by greeting and treating Chloe with respect as an equal. This is the first place we hear a slave speak, and, unsurprisingly, it's in dialect. She's describes as "a very nice colored woman of middle age, looking beautifully neat in her snow-white apron and turban, entered with a low courtesy, asking, 'Is my little missus ready for bed now?'" We are automatically supposed to think that indeed Chloe is a True Christian, because she's described as being neat and clean. All True Christians are shown to be neat and clean! After she's introduced to Miss Allison, and her status as a True Christian is clearly established, Chloe tells Miss Allison "I's only a poor old black sinner, but de good Lord Jesus, He loves me jes de same as if I was white, an' I love Him an' all His chillen with all my heart." :shock: Racism, alive and well in the Elsie Dinsmore books.

Chloe takes Elsie away and helps her get ready for bed, remarking that Miss Allison reminds her strongly of Elsie's mother, although not as pretty. And, just in case you guessed it, this is indeed Finley's heavy-handed attempt at FORESHADOWING! (dum dum dun!) While Chloe is getting ready for bed herself, Elsie reads a chapter of the Bible to her, and then they go to bed. (Chloe is unwilling to sleep anywhere but in the same room as Elsie.

Next morning, Elsie appears at Miss Allison's door, promptly at 7:30, because all True Christians are prompt and punctual as well. That's how we know that they're True Christians, besides being meek, and clean and tidy. After prayer and Bible study, the narrative jumps forward by several months into the fall and winter of the year, during which time Miss Allison continues to stay at Roselands, and shower affection and love upon the poor love-starved Elsie, finding her a True Christian indeed, and (foreshadowing again!) very strict about keeping the Sabbath day holy. Her views are described as being "clear and correct," on everything from religion to daily life. Even though no one loves her at Roselands, Elsie is a paragon of perfect meek behavior- good student, kind to everyone, perfect True Christian, feeds stray cats out of her own pocket ( :shifty-kitty: I made that last one up, but this is how perfect Elsie is supposed to be). Her toys and books are often taken from her and given to the other children, Enna especially, and "[...] even so it seemed to be with little Elsie; her trials seemed to have only the effect of purifying and making more lovely her naturally amiable character." :roll:

But! Above all what Elsie longs for is the return of her dearly beloved Papa, who, it must be remembered, has never even met her.

Then the narrative does a weird jump backwards, to the morning after the schoolroom problem! Finley is clearly not a professional writer here. Anyway, Arthur is sulking but won't tell Elsie what is the matter. Elsie is mystified until she hears Arthur talking to Lora about borrowing some money. Lora doesn't have it to give him, and she points out that only Elsie probably has the money to lend, but he should be ashamed to ask her, given the way he treated her in the schoolroom the day before. Elsie, being the utter doormat she is, however, relishes the opportunity to do something nice for Arthur, "returning good for evil." It turns out that Arthur saw a toy sailboat at the fair and wants it, but has no allowance left to buy it with, and his father will not advance him more money from next month's allowance because he's such a spindthrift (this, too, is foreshadowing).

Elsie pretends to want time to think about it, and Arthur gets angry with her again. She then sends one of the slaves to town with the money to buy the boat, and puts it on Arthur's desk in the schoolroom with a note saying that it's a gift from Arthur "from his niece, Elsie." Arthur is thrilled with it, and offers to pay her back when he gets his allowance, but she quickly tells him it's a gift and there's no need to pay her back for a freely given gift.

The family is amazed at her, but keep forcing her to give up her possessions and pleasures for them: "Her grandfather would sometimes look at her as, without a frown or a pout, she would give up her own wishes to Enna, and shaking his head, say, 'She's no Dinsmore, or she would know how to stand up for her own rights better than that. I don't like such tame-spirited people. She's not Horace's child; it never was an easy matter to impose upon or conquer him. He was a boy of spirit.'" I'm not sure whether this really means he doesn't really believe she's his son's child or what here, but it's an odd statement to make anyway.

Then the narrative skips around, back through those months that were skipped before, not really advancing the story, just preaching about what an amazing child and True Christian Elsie is. The only thing that really advances the story at all is Elsie's request (because she would never demand) that Chloe tell her all about her parents, and especially about her father, whom Chloe knows virtually nothing about, other than he knocked up her young teenage mistress and left her to die, although she doesn't tell Elsie that, although perhaps she should have.

Then the narrative moves to spring again, and Miss Allison is preparing to return to Philadelphia. As a goodbye present, Elsie is knitting a pretty beaded silk purse for her, and has just about finished it when Enna comes in and sees it. Enna demands that Elsie give her the purse, and throws a temper tantrum when Elsie explains, meekly of course, that it's a gift for Miss Allison. Can you guess what happens here? I'll bet you can! Enna runs off and drags her mother back with her. Mrs. Dinsmore commands Elsie to give Enna the purse, intimating that she only made it because Elsie is too stingy and cheap to buy Miss Allison a storebought one. Enna ends up with the purse, and Elsie ends up in Chloe's arms weeping her eyes out again. As a knitter, this kind of pissed me off too, but I didn't cry over it.

All is well though, Elsie has been making another purse for her (never before seen) father, and with the help of Chloe and the other slaves, she manages to finish it in time for Miss Allison instead. Elsie weeps over Miss Allison's leaving, but Miss Allison promises to write to her faithfully and upon being presented with the purse, declares it to be the best gift ever (not really, but she does prize it highly for being handmade, and thus Miss Allison moves into position of my favorite person in the whole book- she's A Friend To Knitters. Too bad she doesn't show up again until very late in the next book.) Miss Allison's carriage leaves, and Elsie throws a party for the other kids!

Just kiddding! She cries in Chloe's lap again. :angry-banghead:

[Terrie]

so for anyone brave enough to have taken on both, better or worse than the Moodys?

[Sobeknofret]

Although the books refer to the African-Americans as "servants," I can't quite bring myself to refer to them as "servants," because I feel like it soft-pedals the reality here. These were people who are owned by someone else, no matter how kind or generous the white people are to them in the books. So I'm calling it like I see it- they're slaves.

Also, I'm putting the book, chapter, and verse of the Biblical quotations so people can look them up for themselves. I'm using the KJV on Bible Gateway for them.

ETA: Bailey's Irish Cream is quite nice in vanilla soymilk- I highly recommend it for the lactose intolerant among us. I ran out of coffee awhile ago, and switched.

[Georgiana]

Although the books refer to the African-Americans as "servants," I can't quite bring myself to refer to them as "servants," because I feel like it soft-pedals the reality here. These were people who are owned by someone else, no matter how kind or generous the white people are to them in the books. So I'm calling it like I see it- they're slaves.

Also, I'm putting the book, chapter, and verse of the Biblical quotations so people can look them up for themselves. I'm using the KJV on Bible Gateway for them.

To be (somewhat) fair, that's historically correct. Slaveholders in the south frequently referred to (especially the domestic) slaves as "servants". Given that it's pretty safe to assume that this book is supposed to be focusing on the White perspective, that's how a "real" Elsie Dinsmore would likely have referred to any domestic slaves she owned.

The author was born in 1828, so it's likely that she is not doing this "on purpose" in an attempt to whitewash the past, but because that's what she was exposed to and seemed more natural to her. At the time, it would have been radical and off-putting to refer to them continually as slaves.

[Sobeknofret]

To be (somewhat) fair, that's historically correct. Slaveholders in the south frequently referred to (especially the domestic) slaves as "servants". Given that it's pretty safe to assume that this book is supposed to be focusing on the White perspective, that's how a "real" Elsie Dinsmore would likely have referred to any domestic slaves she owned.

The author was born in 1828, so it's likely that she is not doing this "on purpose" in an attempt to whitewash the past, but because that's what she was exposed to and seemed more natural to her. At the time, it would have been radical and off-putting to refer to them continually as slaves.

Oh absolutely! I agree that it's historically correct, right there with you on this one. And indeed, for many of Finlay's readers, calling them slaves would have been terribly off-putting. Martha Finlay was a Northern author with a largely Northern audience, and her intention was never really to deal with the slavery question anyway. All she wanted to do was create a Christian morality tale for her readers, not influence their perceptions of slavery.

Elsie was supposed to *die* in the second book (I'll get to that part later of course) and the books were supposed to end there. However, Finlay needed the money and so revised her ideas for the second book, and let Elsie live so she could continue through the third book,Elsie's Girlhood. And again, she planned to end the series there, with Elsie's engagement to Mr. Travilla. The third book is way more interesting than the first two, and it sold well enough that she began to write more of them. That's why the whole episode with the Civil War is so...odd...for lack of a better term. She never planned to get that far in the books, and had to handle the question of slavery and the war after all, something she was not well-equipped to do.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Does Elsie do anything other than cry and whine?

[FloraDoraDolly]

so for anyone brave enough to have taken on both, better or worse than the Moodys?

I've read four Moody books. I couldn't make it all the way through this book. I pitied the Moody children, but with Elsie I understood why older generation adults would tell crying children to shut up or they'd give the kid something to cry about.

[Mary C Doates]

so for anyone brave enough to have taken on both, better or worse than the Moodys?

Much more crying in the Dinsmore series. There is less "action" (which I thought would be impossible) in the Moody series.

[Sobeknofret]

Does Elsie do anything other than cry and whine?

No. Except read her Bible and talk incessantly about her parents.

[princessmahina]

No. Except read her Bible and talk incessantly about her parents.

Occasionally she "misbehaves" and re-starts the cycle of crying, whining, Bible reading, and whiny talking about her parents.

[DGayle]

Before I start to read, I want to get what I remember out there so I can see afterward if it's bad as I remember.

Elsie cries so much that her not crying is what's unusual.

Elsie is a martyr and I'm convinced gets pleasure from it.

There's a lot of Jesus-porn.

Mammy cries at the thought of Jesus (though, to be fair, she might just be waiting to die because that can't be as bad as being property).

Racism so bad that surely God'll make those n-words white in heaven.

Black people are the worst of stereotypes.

Slave-beatings that the kids this is good fun to watch!

Horass has rules that make no sense, but which are followed because a working penis means he knows how to parent perfectly.

More Jesus-porn.

Elsie described in uncomfortable terms.

Inappropriate touching, even for the era.

Pedophilia! In the form of a man lusting after a child and fondling her until she's old enough that he can fuck her.

More crying.

I do remember clearly the piano scene, where Horass wanted her to play to Sunday, but she wanted to obey God (I never understood how remembering the sabbath and keeping it holy meant no work, no play, just a day of hating being alive), and ended up passing out because Horass abused her through neglect. I went online to look up reviews, and found fierce debate over if she was right to try to follow God, or wrong for not obeying her sperm-donor.

More crying.

[DGayle]

Does Elsie do anything other than cry and whine?

She gets fondled by grown men, and enjoys being a martyr, if those things count.

[drivingmishcrazy]

Holy shit, I don't remember any of this in the "updated" versions, though it must be there, you can't clean up crap very well. I think I might be sick. Why the fuck did my parents give these books to me?

[Mary C Doates]

I was purposes to read Winter With the Moodys and Elsie Dismore at the same time. Bad idea.

[DGayle]

Holy shit, I don't remember any of this in the "updated" versions, though it must be there, you can't clean up crap very well. I think I might be sick. Why the fuck did my parents give these books to me?

The updated versions, which I haven't read, are supposed to have taken out a lot of the worst stuff, which made them much shorter. There's a lot of stuff in these books that can't be softened enough.

Did the updated versions still have Pervilla and Horass discussing Pervilla marrying the young child and basically setting up a child's wedding and grooming her to go along with it?

[Trynn]

I checked the library for the modern ones. I'll have to order a loan. I can do that on Monday. In the meantime, I look forward to reading recaps of the originals. It'll be interesting to know what others think of them.

[Trynn]

The updated versions, which I haven't read, are supposed to have taken out a lot of the worst stuff, which made them much shorter. There's a lot of stuff in these books that can't be softened enough.

Did the updated versions still have Pervilla and Horass discussing Pervilla marrying the young child and basically setting up a child's wedding and grooming her to go along with it?

Yes, but they tried to soften it by making travilla into one of those men who just loves to be with the children because he likes them and is good with them, and then a relationship with Elsie just springboards out of that.

Still creepy as fuck, but they tried.

[drivingmishcrazy]

The updated versions, which I haven't read, are supposed to have taken out a lot of the worst stuff, which made them much shorter. There's a lot of stuff in these books that can't be softened enough.

Did the updated versions still have Pervilla and Horass discussing Pervilla marrying the young child and basically setting up a child's wedding and grooming her to go along with it?

As far as I can remember, Elsie and Travilla fell in love on their own in the updates and denied it for a while, then when they went to each other and Horace, Horace had some misgivings due to the age difference and Elsie being duped by some guy a few years earlier. Made them wait a whole year to marry, I think.

[DGayle]

If somebody around my child as a child came to me and said he was in love with her later on and wanted to marry her, I'd give him a 3 second head start to get out of my sight before I beat him to a pulp for thinking of my KID that way.

There are just so many fans of the original books! They really need to be asking if those books are so good when they practically had to be rewritten from scratch to make them remotely acceptable today. Even back in the early and mid 1800's, it wasn't okay to fall in love with kids! Arrangements happened in rich families sometimes, but it really wasn't ok for adults to lust after children or to fondle them. I think the books wouldn't have found an audience back then if people were more educated.

[Mary C Doates]

Even worse than the original Elsie Dinsmore: Holidays At Roselands, the second book in the Elsie Dinsmore series. Racism! Anti-Catholicism! Child abuse! Adult men who are a little too affectionate towards little girls! Classism! Gender role stereotyping! All with so much crying that it's a wonder these people did not die of dehydration. Free for Kindle--don't waste actual money on it.

I believe Doug Phillips (who is a tool) and the clowns at Vision Forum touted Elsie Dinsmore as a great role model for girls.

[Hane]

I was a timid child, so I was astounded when the even-more-abused Jane Eyre mouthed off to her Evil Aunt.

Yeah, Elsie spends all her time crying--but in the face of such abuse, what the fuck else is she supposed to do? Mouth off and get decked?

The Elsie books contain something that I've often noticed in the worst of Southern pop fiction: All-Evil™ characters, and overwrought interpersonal conflict.