Ex-Hasid Jumps to Death in NYC

[DomWackTroll]

I know, I know... It's the Daily Mail. But unlike the other papers that reported it, the Mail has an interview with her best friend, so...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... amily.html

ETA: The NY Daily News story:

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/wom ... -1.2299042

[Geechee Girl]

Such a sad story. Once she left Hasidim life, was she cut off & ostracized? Is so, is this customary like in other fundie communities or was her family a special case?

[feministxtian]

Some of the comments are just brutal...

[Arete]

Such a sad story. Once she left Hasidim life, was she cut off & ostracized? Is so, is this customary like in other fundie communities or was her family a special case?

In some Hasidic circles, they used to sit shiva if a kid did not want to be an Orthodox Jew anymore. Literally go through 7 days of ritual mourning. Most often this happened if they were marrying a non a non Jew or converting to another religion. Even today a child may not be allowed in the parental home if they no longer dress to the community's standards. The rise in suicides of those who have left haredi Judaism has been linked to the loss of family and community.

[Geechee Girl]

Thank you for the explanation, AreteJo. That makes this event even more tragic in light of her being cut off from family.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I found this heartbreaking blog post from a friend of hers: myderech.wordpress.com/2015/07/21/four-hours/

[Jana814]

Very sad story!! Hassidic Jews think their way of life is the only way of life. It's sad that they can't accept their kids who decide the fold.

[Toothfairy]

I read her parents were crying at her funeral and are heartbroken. This is really sad. Why can't parents just accept their kids as they are

[Eponine]

So my boyfriend works in the building she jumped off. :( I didn't realize the was ex-Hasidic - I think there are actually a couple of different Hasidic groups who work there, too. Such a sad story.

[VelociRapture]

I read her parents were crying at her funeral and are heartbroken. This is really sad. Why can't parents just accept their kids as they are

Her parents also allegedly tried to keep her friends out of the service and said something about how they "tried" their best with her. I don't know how true that may be - if its false then the person stating it should be absolutely ashamed of themselves. If its true. . . well, that's just wrong on so many levels.

Heres a link to another story written about it:

http://pix11.com/2015/07/21/after-leavi ... oftop-bar/

I also found her twitter account. I won't post it here, but its easy enough to find. She seems like she was a very intelligent, open minded, and vivacious person. :(

[Jana814]

I read her parents were crying at her funeral and are heartbroken. This is really sad. Why can't parents just accept their kids as they are

It's sad that they can't just accept their child. But her parents may not be accepted in the community if they accept their daughter.

[lagenialester]

Apparently she recently wrote an essay about growing up in the hasidic community. It was published by Tablet magazine.

http://www.tabletmag.com/jewish-arts-an ... uperheroes

Really a tragic story. :(

[DomWackTroll]

NY Post reports that there is debate inside and outside of the Hasidic community about Faigy's supposed "mental illness":

http://nypost.com/2015/07/26/ex-hasids- ... dox-world/

[thoughtful]

Apparently she recently wrote an essay about growing up in the hasidic community. It was published by Tablet magazine.

http://www.tabletmag.com/jewish-arts-an ... uperheroes

Really a tragic story. :(

That link went to a different story. Here's hers:

http://www.tabletmag.com/scroll/192412/ ... -the-faith

[Arete]

Just to clarify, there isn't one monolithic Hasidic community in NY. There are actually more than a dozen different Hasidic sects in NY alone. Some like New Square are so insular they don't even like interacting with other Jews, some like Lubavitch are far more engaged with the outside world. This young woman grew up in the Belz Hasidic community, which has a reputation of interacting with the non Belz world as little as possible.

[ven]

I highly, highly recommend " those who go will not return" by shulem deen . He is an ex - skver chossid from new square. It will give u more insights into life in a jewish chassidic sect and what happens if u try to leave. Its extremely well written !

[sparkles]

I highly, highly recommend " those who go will not return" by shulem deen . He is an ex - skver chossid from new square. It will give u more insights into life in a jewish chassidic sect and what happens if u try to leave. Its extremely well written !

Thanks for the recommendation, Ven. I googled it to put it on my Amazon wish list and the correct title is "All Who Go Do Not Return." It should be very interesting. I read "Unorthodox" a while ago but found it somewhat lacking. Too many loose ends.

[FaustianSlip]

I just read Shulem Deen's book- it really is fantastic. Though as AreteJo pointed out, there are a whole bunch of different Hasidic groups, and they're not all the same. My Chabad rabbi from college has a son who didn't want to be Hasidic, and they ended up sending him to a Modern Orthodox high school and didn't cut him off or anything like that- I'm not sure whether or not he's still practicing, but I remember hearing his mom say that while of course they would like for all of their kids to find fulfillment in the Chabad lifestyle the way they have, they would never cut them off for deciding otherwise, because that's not helpful, either. That being said, this kid's parents are both baalei teshuvah (people who grew up secular and became Orthodox as adults), which I'm sure affects how they would handle something like this as compared to someone who was raised in an ultra-Orthodox, very isolated group like Belz or Skver.

[ven]

Well i guess MO people are not to be compared to satmar, ger , skver,..

That is a whole different ballgame in level of " extreme". Chabad/lubavitch is typical an outreach for returning secular jews into the fold. So i guess they are way more worldly /normal/

[ven]

I can not be more enthousiastic about the footsteps organisation. I just wished it would exist in my part of the world as there is a dire need for it.

[2xx1xy1JD]

In many ways, Chabad is sort of its own category. The extreme focus on outreach in Chabad is very much in contrast to the extremely insular nature of some of the other Hasidic groups. Only Breslov comes close (they are more active in Israel). Crown Heights is large enough to be on the more insular end, and it also seems to be influenced by perceived competition with other Hasidic groups.

I do know established Chabad families where a child has left the strict Chabad lifestyle but not Judaism, and the world didn't come to an end.

As for the mechanics of leaving - Chabad has two approaches to education. Outreach-oriented schools run by Chabad tend to follow regular curriculum standards, while the schools that are specifically geared to hard-core Lubavitchers, esp. the boys' schools, do not. Newly-religious families often have parents who are educated and who either choose the less hard-core schools or arrange to supplement their children's secular education. The kids will know how to speak the local language as well as Hebrew and Yiddish. One issue that I've noticed with my rabbi is "all breadth, no depth" when dealing with anything outside Judaism. He knows how to Google. He knows how to use Facebook. He can read trending articles and look things up as needed - but he doesn't always have the depth of knowledge in any of these topics. Most of the time, he manages to fake it and coast pretty well. Sometimes, though, I'll notice the holes. He won't known just how much he doesn't know about a topic, and he'll sometimes be a bit gullible when it comes to believing stuff he reads online.

Modern Orthodox is a whole different story. In general, there is a HUGE emphasis on education, including secular education, and people are expected to work in the real world. I have one friend who has some issues coping with the world at large due to some rigid thinking and world views, but I suspect some of that might be his own personal issues too.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Re mental illness:

This is not an either/or issue.

It's actually fairly common for some people, who would function decently if they had a reasonable support system and not too many stresses in life, to struggle when they go through extreme stress and/or lack of support. Situational depression or adjustment disorder is fairly common among my clients.

Even with pre-existing mental illnesses like bi-polar disorder or schizophrenia, proper treatment and support can make a world of difference. I know one woman with paranoid schizophrenia who has her condition well enough under control that it only flares up about once every 20 years. Meanwhile, she was extremely successful in her education, work and family life. It was scary to watch her flare, but with the support around her, her life didn't completely derail and she's back on track. Another friend of mine is quite open about her bi-polar disorder. Again, we knew that she was going through a flare recently, but she has a great support network and seems to be getting better.

[ven]

Well her own written piece stated her own mother diagnosed her with being bipolar. It' s true she was in mental care a few times but giving the extreme difficulties of leaving your own world and everyone in it ( including all family and kids if there are any) i find that not so unusual. They do NOT handle otd people well ( of the derech , translates to of the chosen path )

[Idolatry]

Am I the only one creeped out that magazine published an obvious draft she sent some buddy? Especially one that raw and personal? It feels weirdly invasive.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Another thing that wasn't mentioned is that the ultra-frum world can be paranoid about seeking help for any problems, esp. mental health, because of the fear that it will affect the match-making process.

In the secular world, you meet, you get to know someone, little by little you find out more about them as you become closer.

In the ultra-frum world, your parents find out about potential matches, and do a background check before ever telling their child about the potential spouse. Questions about mental and physical health are routine. My husband has been contacted about a patient. Some parents think that if they never seek treatment for their child, they can say that the child is not on meds and doesn't have a history of psychiatric treatment. Here's an article from Dr. Abraham Twersky, who is well-known for being both a psychiatrist and a Haredi Jew. nafshee.org/shidduchim-play-it-straight/