Letters Of Encouragement To The Victims

[FJismyheadship]

I have a surefire way to get any letters of encouragement anyone might want to send to Josh's victims. I don't want to rat myself out, I will gladly get with admin about it if I need to.

 

If anyone has anything they would like to say, please post it here or send me a PM. I will deliver the letters next Friday, and from there I don't imagine it will take more than a few days to get to the girls.

[SPHASH]

Please tell the girls what happened to them is not their fault. This is totally Josh, JimBob, and Michelle's fault. They have every right to be angry and they would be justified in taking Josh and their parents to court for damages. Let them know I am praying for them and don't be ashamed to get real counseling. Amen.

[HeadshipRegent]

Tell them it's not their fault and their feelings of anger, sadness, whatever are completely valid. and it's okay for them to feel like that. They are in my thoughts and I hope for the best and that they get the counseling and help they need. The only people to blame are JB, Michelle and Josh. They were only innocent little girls.

Tell them there are several support groups and if they need help to get help or something, there's an entire internet ready to give them support.

[lawlifelgbt]

Tell them that it's not their fault.

A person does these things because that person wants to; it's an issue of power, not temptation. How modest they were or how faithful has nothing to do with it. Please also tell them that they should get professional, real, accredited counseling, because even if you don't always realize it, this sort of thing can really cause problems even decades later. It's not their "problem" if they feel anger, or, for the married ones, have hangups about sex or similar, or don't want to ever marry (for the ones still at home), because of this- they're not broken, or impure, or wrong.

They are strong women, and they can get through this, but it's not a thing to be handled on their own.

(Also, if you think it's appropriate, you could tell them that many people they do not know, who disagree with them on religious, political, and other grounds, nevertheless want to support them. For instance, I'm writing this, and I'm gay!)

[fabkiwi06]

There are a lot of people who are praying for them and hope they are able to find some peace through all of this. None of it was your fault and you did the right thing by telling your parents. I'm sorry they didn't do a better job of protecting you... that's not fair.

There are a lot of resources if you want to reach out - if you call any local church, they can help find good people to help, or even just to talk if you need it.

If you need it, the RAINN is a great organization that can help you get closure. Their toll free number is 1.800.656.HOPE(4673)

You all deserve to be treated with love and respect, just as anyone else.

[Nic]

This isn't a message, but a question that I have based on the "it's not your fault" posts I wonder if they think right now that it's the liberal media's fault that this is now happening.

This occurs to me as this seems to be a major theme of the defenders-- poor Josh was just a kid who lacked good judgement and the big bad ol left wing media is picking on him. I wonder where each of the girls are at in their thinking.

[Luvchild]

Tell them there are people in this world like me who have watched them grow up and only wanted the best for them. It hurts my heart that they have had to endure this. Tell them, "No matter what you wear or say or how you look, you did not cause this to happen and none of it is your fault."

[ariel9]

Tell them that there are a lot of people out her who care a great deal about them and support them although many people seem focused on Josh's feelings. Tell them it is ok if they did not fully forgive Josh or still feel sad things like healing take time. Tell them that it is not their fault. Tell them that the form of Christianity that their parents preach is unhealthy and not biblical at all. Tell them to band to together and stand up for themselves, if they want the TLC money they earned it is rightfully theirs to do with as they please. Tell the about this forum everyone here is willing to help them accomplish every dream they have as many posters as we have someone knows about any something they need to know about. Tell them about the Gothard abuse, the truth about contraceptives, the truth about ATI, the symptoms of abuse such as isolation. Tell them that so much of what people said was evil actually is not.

[JuicyDuggar]

Directory to find a counselor in Arkansas:

nbcc.org/CounselorFind/AR (easy enough to type in)

Blurb from the American Counseling Association:

What is professional counseling?

Counseling is a collaborative effort between the counselor and client. Professional counselors help clients identify goals and potential solutions to problems which cause emotional turmoil; seek to improve communication and coping skills; strengthen self-esteem; and promote behavior change and optimal mental health.

[Freefromtyranny]

Above all, I hope that you know that no matter what, you are worthy of love. You are worthy of respect. You are worthy of being able to do whatever you want to do with your life, be it being a stay at home mom, or going to college, getting a career. You're all amazing, kind, compassionate, beautiful human beings with so much love to give to the world. I hope you ignore all the crap people are writing on your instagrams, on your face books. I hope you're talking to one another and supporting each other through this. You don't have to forgive. You don't have to move on. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, period. Take this time to figure out what YOU want. I pray that no matter what, you do what YOU want and handle this in your own way.

[SportsgalAnnie]

Dear Girls,

God gave you strength, He made you capable of anything you set your mind to doing. Know there are plenty of people out there that really care about you!

One of my favorite quotes is "Someone told me lately EVERYONE deserves a chance to fly, If I'm flying solo at least I'm flying free," from the Play Wicked. It means that you have the power to soar in life despite what others tell you. Leave the past behind and go for your dreams! I know being on your own can seem scary, I live half a state away from my friends and family but have found more out about myself and become stronger then I ever thought I could be. <3

****I wish there was a way I could talk to them or listen, I know thats not possible but still I would love to help any way I can****

[Bugaboo]

Dear Girls,

I am sorry you had to go through all of this, and at a young age. Nobody should have to experience that sort of thing. You are all very strong women and will be resilient through it all. Please know that it is NOT your fault. There was nothing you did to provoke the behavior. I am sorry that your parents did not step up right away and that you had to suffer in silence for so long. It may seem like the darkness will not pass now, but know that it will; it will get better. You have lots of people around you who are on your side and are supporting you. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers that you can heal. Don't forget that you deserve to be loved unconditionally and treated with respect. Don't let people tell you that you are not strong and that you are just girls. Women are so powerful and strong and I know if you dig deep, you'll find that inner strength. Do not be ashamed to seek help if you so need. You're not alone in this. My heart breaks for you girls. I am a survivor of abuse, some of which was being manipulated sexually, so I do understand to an extent how you are feeling. It's a terrible, dehumanizing feeling. But, I healed from it and came out stronger than ever. I'll support you and be on your side through it all! Please pray for me as well.

[MisUndrstd]

Dear Girls,

I can remember watching you on television when you were just young ladies. I remember thinking what cute, adorable girls you were and now you have grown into beautiful strong women. YOU are America's sweethearts, so many people across this country only want good things for you. Now during this time of your life the World is your oyster, don't doubt yourselves, you can do anything you want to do and be anything you want to be. I always thought the most beautiful things about you were your love for each other and your younger siblings, your sweet dispositions have won hearts over and over. Lean on those who have proven to you that they are trustworthy, take the support you need and continue to flourish in life. Jinger with your photography you can show the World all the beauty there is in life, Jana your talents are numerous from music to sewing, you can just about do anything you set your mind too. Joy-Anna, you have a zest for life that few possess, go out there and set the World on fire with your beautiful spirit. And to you Jill and Jessa, you are now entering a new phase of life as you are and will be mothers to the beautiful lives you have created. I know you will be good mothers and your children will be loved and secure in your arms. My hope for all of you girls, is that you will be everything you want to be. That you will be loved the way you want and deserved to be loved and that you will know your self worth. You are worthy girls, so worthy. May God Bless you. Now go out and take what you want out of life, you deserve the best that life has to offer and more!

[DaysAgo]

Encourage them to tell their stories and if they know if other victims to encourage them to do the same.

Remind them over and over again that nothing they did or wore or said caused their abuse.

Explain to them that only was their abuse an immoral act, it was a criminal act.

[linnea27]

Each and every one of you deserved better. Deserve better, present tense.

[Callipygian]

First, thank you for doing this FJismyheadship! Second, I am so proud to be a part of this community. I am crying at these responses. You're all wonderful.

To the girls,

No words I can offer will take away the hurt of what happened and how you had to deal with it. Please know that it is not your fault, and it is not your burden to carry, despite what your parents and religious teachings lead you to believe. You're all wonderful women, and deserve better than what you've been given. I hope you can find strength and courage in each other to help guide you to being able to question what you've been taught. It is not a sin to want a better life, to want to have freedom, to want to have pressure taken off of you. As scary as your parents make it sound to you, there's a lot of strangers out there that do care for you, in the most genuine of ways. We support you now and will support you every step of the way. Please be kind to yourselves. You are worthy, you are loved.

[grandmadugger]

Dear Girls,

I want you to know that the world is your oyster. Nothing you did, said, the people you hung out with, or the way you dressed caused this. This was, is, a power trip for your brother. I know you have been told you are responsible for men's desires but that's not true. God made both men and women in His image. You aren't inferior to men. Don't let anyone tell you differently. It's OK not to be happy all the time. Emotions are natural. Feeling mad isn't a sin. Jesus was mad in the New Testament at the money changers. Know that people are out there willing and ready to help. Reach out to the organizations that others have told you about.

[nana sew dear]

This type of thing happened to me when I was about 10. My molester was very close family member and it has effected me to an extent this very day. I had my 58th birthday a week ago today.

I don't know what is available to you but I really hope that you get all of the help you need to work through what can be very difficult mentally.

If it helps you at all, know that there are literally hundreds, maybe thousands of us thinking about you and hoping and praying that you will feel strong and confident and not blame yourselves for what has happened.

[Sophie's Mommie]

Dear Girls,

I know that this is a very scary and difficult time for all of you. Please know that there is whole load of women out here who are praying for you every minute. What happened to you is NOT your fault. I know that you all say you have forgiven your molester. Giving forgiveness is EASY, it is the forgetting that is hard! No one expects you to forget.

As the others have said, a lot of us have watched you since you were tiny, and you have all grown up to be beautiful young women. You ALL deserve happiness. If you feel you cann reach out to ANY of us on this board and help you.

Jana-you are so beautiful, with a calm and gentle spirit. Leave that house. Many of us can help you do that! Your baby sisters will be fine. They will be the most protected little girls ever, after what has happened. Enroll in college, get an apartment, sleep all by yourself in a big fluffy bed. Get up in the morning and sit out on your porch and drink a cup of coffee. Bury your toes in the sand and lift your face to the sky to feel the warmth of the sun on your face. ASK any of us. We will take you in and help you to explore your goals!

Jill & Jessa- Snuggle up with your hubbies, and have a good cry. Then find small houses to rent by your new mothers-in-law. Let them nurture and guide and love on you. Share your babies with them. Jill-finish your midwifery courses and help other mommies to have their babies. Jessa- be Guinn's newest daughter and let her mentor you are you bring your baby into the world.

Jinger & JoyAnna- Move out, get an apartment together and register for college. Jinger, become a photographer. Study that in college. You are good! Joy-go and try to be a walk-on for softball or basketball or volleyball at college. Be what YOU want to be! Buy a pair of jeans!

Know that so many women love you and are praying for you. Ask for help if you need it. There are so many women that would love to help you get your lives started. Cry if you want to cry, laugh joyously and love much. Discover this world that is waiting for you!

[drivingmishcrazy]

Dear ladies,

First off, let me begin by saying how deeply and truly sorry I am that this has happened to you. I do not know what you are going through firsthand, though I have been close to people who have experienced such violation and it is heartbreaking just to hear about, I am literally incapable of imagining what you have gone through and continue to go through. I am sorry that you were harmed by someone you should have been able to trust, and I'm sorry that you were not protected by the people whose duty it was to protect you. You deserved so much better than any of this.

Secondly, I want you to know that you are NOT at fault, you are NOT impure, and you are NOT damaged goods. You ARE beautiful, you ARE important, and you ARE worthy of and deserving of love and kindness. I do not know how you all personally feel about religion and the Bible right now, but there's a Psalm about being "fearfully and wonderfully made" and I would argue that not only are you fearfully and wonderfully made, but you are ALSO beautifully and wonderfully made. You are all beautiful, wonderful, and strong.

It is okay to cry, it is okay to be angry, it's okay to not be "over it". You don't have to forgive if you don't want to, though if you do, I hope you know that it doesn't have to be for any other reason than for your own peace of mind. And you certainly don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with. No one can tell you how to proceed, there's no timetable for this. Do what you need to do to try to heal, and please don't be afraid to reach out for help if you need it.

I can't imagine how you might feel right now with all of this being in the news and the public eye. This is an intensely personal tragedy put on public display for the whole world to see. I won't even guess the thoughts running through your minds and the emotions you must be feeling. I hope that your life is not made more difficult by this, and I hope you know that for all of the spectators, critics, and victim blamers, there are people who care for you and want to see you safe, happy, and getting any help you may need.

There's a song that I love that is basically a prayer to God, and though my beliefs may be different from yours, I hope you don't mind if this becomes my prayer for you:

"Lead her to a place,

Guide her with Your grace,

To a place where she'll be safe."

I pray that you ladies are safe and healthy, and I hope that my words do not harm, for that is not their intention. There are so many out there with love in their heart for you, and who want nothing but good things for you, and I am one of those people.

Stay strong, reach out if you need to, I see you and I am here for you.

[servants-heart]

Girls,

I can't imagine what you are going through right now, but please know that so many people care about you and are thinking of you. You are all such beautiful, unique and vibrant young women with so much to offer the world. You are all so talented - reach for the stars, follow your hearts and seek fulfilment in everything you do. I hope that you find peace.

Sending hope and love.

**Everyone here, these messages are absolutely beautiful. Making me cry**

[Mom-mouth]

To the victims Of Josh,

I just want to let you know I am with you in spirit. I attended a church like yours when I was young and I was also molested. I thought that I had to submit because that is what God wanted. I thought it was my fault for being too sexual or not being modest enough. The truth is, it wasn't about me at all. The problem was not with the victims (me and you). The problem was with the molester and raper. They are told that they have such power over you and you have to submit to them. They abuse that power and use it to hurt you. THAT is not your fault. That is THEIR fault. THEY are the ones to blame. THEY have a mental illness.

It took years for me to realize that I am not a whore, harlot, slut, Jezebel, and all the other words I was called by those men. I am a victim... no, I am a survivor. I can, and I did, stand up for myself. It is when you stand up for yourself and your sisters, your friends, your mothers; it is then that you take away that power to abuse you from those men.

Before you defend your molester because he is a relative of yours, or a friend of the family; Can you honestly say that God wants his men to defile their sisters? Or defile little girls? When you have daughters of your own, do you want them to go through this too? I don't think you do. I think you know in your heart what you need to do. Follow your heart even if it is taking a path that is scary. That pull is God telling you what is right. I had to do this myself and it was the most terrifying thing I have ever done because I thought I was the one who was sinning. I am not the sinner. He is the sinner.

It is in the Bible that women are to protect the children. If he did it to you, what is stopping him from doing it again? This time, he will hide it better. Stand up, even if not for yourself, do it for the other girls in his life. They need protecting too.

We are all behind you.

[Taylurker]

Tell them that it wasn't their fault, and that they did the right thing by coming to their parents and telling them what happened when it did, all of those years ago. At least they had someone to trust enough to tell.

Tell them that they're not to blame and that no one deserves what happened to them. That a lot of people admire them and see them as strong, courageous women in their everyday lives and that most of all, they are not and never will be "tainted goods" because of abuse that happened to them. Their personalities shine through and through to the world.

To the child who says she was never touched: If that is true, then don't feel guilty because you were spared. It's okay that you were spared. Be glad you were. Mourn with your sisters who weren't and be there for them. You don't have to go through what they go through in order to understand their perspectives. And you are not any less pretty, beautiful, stunning, or awesome because you did not get the same attention they did. You're gorgeous and great on the inside and out, and don't let anyone tell you less.

Tell them to live their lives and do what makes them happy.

[imokit]

Dear girls (all of you),

To the big ones; it wasn't your fault. You did not stir up desires in your brother, there was nothing you could have done to prevent him making the horrific choices he did. It's all on him. If you have forgiven him, then great. If you think you have, but sometimes doubt it or get mad, that's normal. If you haven't forgiven him, that's OK too! Don't let anyone tell what to feel.

A lot of people on the internet are supporting your brother, if that's what you're seeing right now, don't think that everyone thinks it. Many others feel this is inexcusable.

I repeat, this is not your fault. There was nothing you could have done.

If one of you wasn't touched, it's ok to be mad, it's ok to feel guilt or wonder why you were spared. It wasn't your fault either. Who knows what was going on in your brother's head to have him spare you, it was nothing to do with you, with your behaviour or you looks. You did not fail your other sisters by not protecting them. You were still violated. Your trust in your family was still hurt, it still affected you.

To the little ones; Johanna, Jennifer, Jordyn and Josie,

Right now your family is in turmoil due to events which happened before and at the time of Johanna's birth. It must be scary for all of you. I don't know much you know. Know this, you have big sisters who were hurt by their big brother. He's apologised at admits that he hurt them very badly. But they might be hurting right now as the world finds about it, and memories come forward. Give them love and patience and try not to understand if they're a bit grumpier than usual.

Know this rule - its called pants (because in the country which made the rule, underpants are just called pants).

P - Privates are private

A - Always remember your body belongs to you

N - No means no

T - Talk about secrets that upset you

S - Speak up, someone can help

No one should be touching you in the areas covered by your underwear. This includes family, friends, parents, cousins, everyone. If it happens tell your big sisters. If you think its happened to someone else, tell a grown up.

To all of you girls, know that a lot of people you've never met, are on your side. If you need help or support, all you need to do is ask.

[MalteseBaby]

Dear Ladies,

Each one of you are special and unique. You are not diminished by the things in the past which have hurt you.

IF I had a daughter, and I do wish I was a mother to a daughter very much (and I am old enough to be YOUR mother, btw) :). I would give each of you this in a beautiful frame to hang on your wall and remember the truths as you keep it as a touchstone when things get difficult, out of kilter, and seem grossly unfair.

I didn't write it but I wish I had. It has been my saving grace in times of enormous pain, in addition to the scriptures.

~~~~~~~Desiderata~~~~~~~

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially, do not feign affection.

Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,

and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

© Max Ehrmann 1927