Another SAHD

[PharmDMommy]

]http://surrenderingmyall.blogspotDOT.com/2011/04/this-is-it-19the-ideal-age.html

Haven't seen her discussed.

Wow. This letter makes me sad for the little girl who had those dreams. And this genious is going to be advising young girls on how to be godly. Scary stuff. If I had a daughter I would not want Miss Taylor within 50 feet of her.

[O Latin]

God, I hope 19 isn't the ideal age. Being 19 sucked. Seriously, that was one of my worst years.

I kind of feel sorry for her because I could have written practically the same blog post two years ago and I can't imagine if my life had stayed at the place it was then. I'm sure she's happy, but I hope she doesn't cut herself off from chances to be even happier.

[emeraldskull]

I wouldn't say 19 was my ideal age, but that is just because every new year that is my ideal. :-D

About her post... I think it's sad. Sure, not EVERYONE needs to go to college, but she doesn't realize she's practically setting herself up for failure, with all the junk she's getting herself into. I wonder if she will get married, or end up with the typical SAHD syndrome we tend to see...

[SpicyCat]

That was SO depressing to read. Twelve years ago this girl was bright and excited about her future, now she's convinced that college is sinful and she'll never be "cursed" to be the bread winner. Well how manyworking moms are the sole breadwinner anyways? SO many of us are dual income! Why is it so EVIL to provide for your family? To be able to have a skill, JUST IN CASE?

I read all the things she was saying to herself, and I wonder, how much of this was her trying to convince herself that those early values were really so wrong? Sad, sad, sad :cry:

[Purple]

Nineteen was a pretty interesting year for me, but that was because immediately after graduating from high school, I went merrily skipping off to the other side of the world and ended up getting arrested on suspicion of working for a terrorist group I'd never even heard of. I then settled down in a neighboring country, learned to adjust to a different culture, questioned my preconceived notions about my way of life being superior, and ultimately came to the conclusion that "different =/= wrong". Nineteen was the ideal age for that, but something tells me this girl won't be doing anything that interesting.

On the plus side, her writing skills are much better than the SOTDRT graduates we usually see. Sadly, I've seen real college graduates who don't write as well as she does. That skill seems to be at a premium in the fundie world, so I guess she has it to fall back on.

[PharmDMommy]

I agree, all of my friends who work share providing with their partner. I love my job. I spent a long time at the evil institution of higher learning and to not use the degree I earned with a lot of hard work would be wrong. My son is very well taken care of and loved. He does not suffer because I work, if anything his life is made better by it. If staying home works for you go for it but don't look down on me because it does not work for my family.

I'm really bothered by the fact that she thinks she is qualified to cousel young girls on this matter. Maybe I should start a website that says get off your lazy behind and do something with your life. Then if you want to stay home more power to you.

[ThisOlGirl]

I just love how most of these SAHD's haven't so much as set foot on a college campus, yet they just know college is totally evil and useless. How about this, SAHD's--agree to commit to just one semester of college. You can even continue living at home. Go to your classes and take part in the college experience with an open mind. I'm not asking you to abandon your faith and morals, but please, just give it a go. If you decide that college really isn't for you, fine. But at least you learned from experience that college isn't for you. If you find that your faith was so shaken by your college experience, then perhaps your faith wasn't as strong as you thought it was. Perhaps it's your faith that's the problem, not the college.

Or, SAHD's you could just admit that you don't want to go to college and don't want to work, and are staying home with ma and pa until you can get some poor shlub to marry you and take care of you for the rest of your life.

[loveandwar]

That was sad to read!

"...immersed in an atmosphere that is typically hostile to God and all my beliefs, surrounded by influences and peers that would tempt me into an ungodly lifestyle, and I do not need to spend thousands of dollars to have a piece of paper that will not even guarantee my future."

Ok, that depends on who you hang out with. My university is pretty liberal, but there are plenty of Christians on campus. We have 3 or 4 different Christian student organizations, and within those clubs are multiple Bible studies/small groups that meet weekly. I wouldn't call that hostile! And when it comes to temptation, again, it all depends on who you hang out with. For example, I generally have high standards when it comes to guys I date. (Shocker! Christian girl believes in dating!) Have I been tempted to lower my standards while at my university? Of course! One guy in particular comes to mind. He was an athlete, extremely good looking, and kept saying how much he liked me and wanted to spend time with me. Of course I was tempted to over look the fact that his words didn't match up with his actions. (He was just...ugh.) Again...everyone is tempted in their beliefs/standards. It's going to happen. You CAN stick to your beliefs, even in a "secular" college. (I am!) Finally, when it comes to your future...it's NEVER guaranteed. True, I'm not guaranteed a job once I graduate from college. But you're not guaranteed to get married and be a SAHM either. Life is just uncertain for EVERYONE, college educated or not.

"By learning to bite my tongue when hurtful words want to fly from my mouth, I am practicing self-control for when I'd be tempted to spew at my husband and children when I feel my "rights" are offended...When assisting in tasks around our home, I am learning home management and practical skills I will use throughout my life. All this I cannot learn at a college."

You can't learn self-control and home management in college? Well, then, what the heck am I doing? I'm learning self-control when I'm put in groups with classmates that have different opinions than I do. If they have a strange opinion on how we should do a project, I try to find out the reasoning behind it instead of telling them, "No, that's dumb!" (And trust me, I've been tempted to do that many times, especially when they don't read the prof's directions for a project...but that's another story entirely! Haha.) Due to money issues, I'm living at home while I complete my degree. I can cook decently, I can clean, I can save my money, and I can grocery shop efficiently. Sounds like home management to me! Also, being a Business Management major has given me valuable skills that can be applied to a business or to a home (slightly modified, obviously)!

**Edited to clarify a point.**

[snarkykitty]

Holy eyeliner. For all of these girls who want to remain "modest," they sure have a heavy hand with the makeup.

[fundiefan]

Another teenager without a clue.

[Shina]

I just love how most of these SAHD's haven't so much as set foot on a college campus, yet they just know college is totally evil and useless. How about this, SAHD's--agree to commit to just one semester of college.

THIS

Of course, this would require them to actually think for themselves, and not just repeat verbatim what Daddy or their pastor says.

[nuri]

Holy eyeliner. For all of these girls who want to remain "modest," they sure have a heavy hand with the makeup.

Ironically, it makes her look WAY older than 19. Her photos make her look ...well, not like the girls on campus. Pretty, but not 19.

[oscar]

Jeepers, the photos of her and her family seem to have been run through the same photoshop filters used the Maxwells. Is this creepifying high-contrast aesthetic becoming A Thing?

[Sola]

Because you know, it's OK to sponge off mum and dad until prince charming comes, but if you actually need help, like your husband has lost his job and you have kids to feed, it's not ok to 'sponge' off the state (which you have at least contributed to).

Nothing like a teenager that knows everything. And she is nothing like a teenager that knows every thing.

[Anycah]

That was SO depressing to read. Twelve years ago this girl was bright and excited about her future, now she's convinced that college is sinful and she'll never be "cursed" to be the bread winner. Well how manyworking moms are the sole breadwinner anyways? SO many of us are dual income! Why is it so EVIL to provide for your family? To be able to have a skill, JUST IN CASE?

I read all the things she was saying to herself, and I wonder, how much of this was her trying to convince herself that those early values were really so wrong? Sad, sad, sad :cry:

I'm currently a female sole breadwinner >.> I have a master's while my husband dropped out of college his Junior year (something he regrets, but oh well), and while it's in something liberal artsy, I managed to find a decently paying job. We manage to make it work because we've been really lucky not to have any debt, as well as supportive family that do things like pass around their old cars.

We don't have a ton for extras, but we aren't really wanting for anything. We like the part where he can work on his writing, spend time with our toddler daughter, and have the chores done by the time I get home so we get more free family time. To us, that is more important than having certain big ticket items, but I recognize that we have been privileged and lucky in getting that set up. It isn't a model I'd want to force on everyone, and I realize that some people need or want both incomes for a variety of reasons. Plus, my husband worked in a few various fields while I got my degree, so if I keel over or leave him, he shouldn't have any issues supporting himself and our daughter. To not have a contingency is just tempting fate.

Geez... nineteen. I spent a year studying in Japan when I was nineteen, which was probably one of the best and most formative experiences of my life. I still had a lot of growing up to do, though, and that was after spending a year halfway across the world from everyone I knew. I can't imagine how much worse off I'd be if I'd not gone to college (or work) and missed out on all those experiences. I wouldn't have met my husband either!

[activespinster]

Holy cats! Did anyone read the story of their "Great Adventure?"

Dad was laid off and they decided to sell the house and move into an RV, travelling the country as laborers for Christ. I'm not really sure where they got the money to travel from campground to campground, but in short, they had one false lead after another. They did see some comforting rainbows, which they interpreted in a religious manner.

So, nothing was working out, mom was pregnant and the oldest child needed medical treatment. They came home.

I'm still trying to figure out why it was God's plan to aimlessly roam the west with stopoffs at campgrounds. So, they did this for a year and a half, and it's not evident from the writings that they ever really found a place to do this construction for God.

[Angri-la]

I am not sure how I've made it to my 30s without the encouragement and guidance of all these wise and in-His-image perfection teen girls. I really wish I had the internet when I was starting out, because I would have known better than to go to college, have a career, etc. when I could have just lived with Dad and Mom and crochet tea cozies and dress up as Anne Boelyn. What a waste I've made of my life without SAHDs to guide me!

[oscar]

activespinster, I wonder how much she is convincing herself it is right and godly to stay with her family, because she is concerned about what would happen to her family if she were to leave.

And further, I wonder how much this girl is being packaged and sold as a product. I mean, it seems like her family could be heavily reliant on their gospel music ministry for their income. As loveandwar indicates, it's easy to see how business management coursework would be of tremendous benefit to a daughter who appears to be so involved in the family business. But that business so often entails selling not only the music, but also the lifestyle.

[activespinster]

oscar,

yeah, it doesnn't seem that she could have gone to college. Her family would not have had the money and it sounds like her family needs her in the band. Looking at their schedule dates, they are often at the same few churches and likely not too far away. I don't know how their family can survive off offerings from the churches, so yeah, they probably have to package and sell the lifestyle however they can.

[Kitten]

In the Comments section, she responds to someone with this (Bold is mine):

never in Scripture do we find women providing for themselves or their family. The Lord has always provided masculine protection and provision for women.

As long as you are in the Biblical bounds, there are ways you can help your family's financial situation. For instance, I love graphic/website designing and have my own home business, but it is under my father's authority, and someday will be under my husband's. It is not to take precedence over the financial support of my future husband's income, as he is to be the main "breadwinner" - it rather can complement his income (i.e. the Proverbs 31 woman) - nor should it ever take precedence over my family (currently parents and siblings, Lord-willing somday a husband and children) and my responsibility as the homemaker.

So, apparently, you can be a business woman and work, as long as your husband is the primary breadwinner, but you can't "provide for yourself or your family?" What would happen if, say, your husband lost his job or became unable to work? Do you immediately have to give up all your income-producing work, so as not to usurp his breadwinning status? LOL...I'm a little confused, and amused, as always, at the way the Bible is twisted and cherry-picked to construct the exact little world someone wants, with all hypocrisy and contradictions swept neatly away (must be those housekeeping skills!).

[bbfreethinker]

She says "God instilled in me, as He has in women everywhere, the desire to be a helpmeet to my future husband"

Crap, where was I when god was passing out the desire to be a helpmeet?

[Shina]

bbfreethinker, you've just been corrupted by evil feminist brainwashing. You need to pray that God will bless you with a renewed desire to submit to the headship of all godly men in your life.

Eww, barf. Even snarkily, fundie-language leaves a foul taste in my mouth.

[Beeks]

Barfolcopter.

"How big is your God? Can you trust Him to provide...?"

Yes, I do trust God to provide. God provided me with a brain and the opportunity to go to college, then on to law school. God provided me with these opportunities so that, even though I am currently a SAHM, if ANYTHING were to happen to my husband or his job, our sons would not suffer. I would be able to support the family and we wouldn't have to rely on family, friends or anyone else to provide for us.

Why does "trusting God" = sit back and twiddle your thumbs and just hope it all works out?

[Lewis]

I went to her favorite links page. I know most of those people personally. When I contrast all of those she admires with her personal beliefs, all I can think to say is "LOL".

This isn't a statement toward the overall morality of the people she links to, but some of the women at those links couldn't be less patriarchal, couldn't be more independent, and in a case or two, couldn't be less "pure".

[YPestis]

It's sad that at the age of 19, this girl is already closing off her life to so many opportunities. It's not just college either. Being 19, it's such a wonderful time to grow and learn away from the parents! I loved my college years. It's funny that those fundies love to talk about how evil college is with their drinking and sex, yet they never understand that there's a great deal of learning involved for those interested in that. Somehow, despite my depraved, Godless life, I managed to get through college without getting smashed or becoming promiscuous. And that pesky degree got me a high paying job upon graduation to boot. Yes, it must be wonderful to know how horrible college is when you never plan on attending....and to proceed to share with the rest of the world your new found knowledge. Ah, to be 19.....