Top Reasons to Marry Young

[Toothfairy]

1.Drifting Through One’s Twenties Can Waste a Key Decade

When people expect that they’ll marry at thirty (the average age for first marriages is now at around 27 for women), then they tend to see their twenties as their time to explore, not their time to settle down. Everything gets delayed. You can spend a few years experimenting with different careers (or lack thereof), or traveling with no purpose, or hopping from relationship to relationship. As I talked about last week, though, your twenties are an important decade financially. If you can start saving then, you really set yourself up well for life.

And the earlier people start saving and maturing, the better off and more productive society is.

2. Having Babies Younger is Better for Society

Physically, the best years to have babies is in your early twenties. Yet few people are married or ready today at that point, largely because we have extended adolescence so far. While most people had babies young fifty years ago, today having one’s first baby after age 30 is the norm in many circles.

Yet while socially we’ve changed, physically we haven’t. And as fertility rates drop, perhaps it would be better for society to prioritize maturing younger rather than prolonging the years when you “find yourselfâ€, especially since those years really are so valuable.

3.Why Marrying Young Can Be Good For You. You “Grow Up†Together

When you marry at 20 or 21, you haven’t always figured out what you want in a house, or how you want to organize a kitchen, or how you want to pay your bills. You don’t know what you want in a church or where you want to live. But you can grow up and make those decisions together, and it’s kinda fun!

When Keith and I married at 21 we had no idea about how we wanted to spend vacations or what kind of house we wanted, let alone how we wanted to do housework. We just figured it out ourselves. And because we hadn’t had our own routines for so many of these things, it wasn’t hard to merge.

4. It’s Easier to Merge Two Homes when There’s Not Much To Them

Imagine you’ve been doing your finances on Quicken on the computer for ten years, and then you marry someone who keeps all receipts in shoe boxes. That’s tough to find a new way of doing it, when you’re both so set in your ways.

Imagine you’ve had ten years since you moved out of your parents place to set your own traditions for Christmas and Thanksgiving. Now you have to do it all over again, when you’re emotionally wedded to the things you’ve already done.

It’s just tricky to merge two households. It’s easier to start off together.

5. You Can Be a Younger Parent

I remember being 27 years old and having one toddler on my back and one baby on my front and getting on the Toronto subway for 45 minutes, with 2 transfers, to get to the zoo, where I spent 6 hours with the kids, only to reverse the whole process.

There is no way I would have had the same energy to do that if I were 37 instead.

And here’s the thing: so many people say, “I want to travel before I settle down! I want to see the world!†But my youngest will be leaving home next year when I’m just 45. (I’m still tearing up at that a little, by the way). Keith and I are going to do some major traveling! We’re going to buy an RV and start seeing the world, little bits at a time. We’re heading to Australia for a conference. It’ll be wonderful (and hopefully take my mind off of my kids being gone). We’re still young, we’re still energetic, but best of all, we have some money now. We didn’t have any in our twenties. We can travel way more now than we could have then.

6. You Can Be a Younger Grandparent

I think a lot of people forget this one: my mom became a grandma at 51. She was so energetic with my girls. She’s 71 now, and she’s still active, but the girls have such strong memories of her being much younger. They remember when she was still a career woman. They remember her doing really fun trips with them. They will always have very clear memories of her.

On the other hand, my grandparents were 62 when I was born. While I have great memories of one of my grandparents, my maternal grandfather had a massive stroke at 64. He was a really strong, active man, yet I only remember him in a wheelchair with impaired judgment. My maternal grandmother, apparently, was just like me. She was opinionated, extroverted, and great at public speaking. Yet most of my memories of her are post-dementia.

My mom has many friends her age who are just becoming grandparents now. I actually hope my girls have kids young, because I’m looking forward to piling grandchildren in our RV and taking them around North America.

7. You Resist Temptation

If you’re with a guy you totally love when you’re 21, and your parents say, “you have to wait until you’re 25 and that graduate degree is finished before you marryâ€, how in the world are you supposed to resist the temptation to have sex? Sure it’s possible, but it’s awfully hard.

When you love someone and feel close,you’re going to want to make love. It’s natural. Physiologically for men especially, the sex drive is highest from 18-25. It’s really, really hard to wait, and when I hear Christian parents saying, “I hope my son doesn’t marry until he’s done med school and residency when he’s 27″, I wonder what they’re thinking, frankly. Walking down the aisle to meet the only one you will ever make love to is such a beautiful thing and a gift. But if we start telling hormonally charged teens that they have to wait 15 years post-puberty to get married–fewer will wait for marriage for sex.

8. You Avoid a Lot of Heartache

If people married young, perhaps we’d have fewer “exes†and fewer regrets. So much of the problem in marriages is caused by past baggage. If we put the expectation on kids that “it’s fine to get married at 21″ rather than “you had better not get married until you finish your degree and you have a good jobâ€, then people would treat relationships at 20 more seriously. They wouldn’t think, “this can’t go anywhere, so let’s just have fun!†Often that “fun†ends up causing a lot of tears.

9. You Can Focus Your Goals Earlier

Once you’re married, you can start making real plans. Where do we want to be in 5 years? In 10 years? When do we want to buy a house? What education do we need? Where do we want to live? Certainly you can do those things when you’re single, but it’s often tricky since you don’t know where life is going to take you. Once you’re married, you can nail these things down. And if you do marry at 22, then you will start thinking about buying a house. If you don’t marry until 28, you’re often not worried about buying a home at all, and so you rent for years.

Researchers have found that marriage boosts one’s income and one’s net worth, all on its own, even controlling for class, race, and education. Being married makes people hunker down and treat life more seriously. And that’s good, because it means that ultimately you’ll be financially better off.

10. You Have Decades and Decades Together

I don't agree with some points in this article. Marrying for sex is wrong, you should marry because you love that person. And teenagers shouldn't get married. I know a bunch of stories about young people getting married but 17,18,19 is too young in my eyes.

Some of the comments were about the Duggars and how they're raised to make adult decisions. :violin:

[Toothfairy]

tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2014/08/top-10-reasons-marrying-young

[Firiel]

Reasons to get married young, the condensed version:

1. Guilt-free sex

[Trynn]

I can't start making long term plans now, as an I married 25 year old?

Also, I'm still a virgin. Maybe it's because I'm asexual, but it wasn't that hard.

If she wants to wait till she's 45 to travel, fine. I want to do it now while I'm not tied down.

I'm sure not everyone is emotionally attached to every single way they have of doing thigs. Many couples blend transitions, it's doable and probably not as difficult as she makes it out.

[ariel9]

(My response in order of her points)

1.) Wow she must have been so boring in her 20s to see being childless and spouseless during that time as a waste. I would personally have had any children I had taken away if I pull the crap I do now.

2.) Yay less children and she didn't explain why having babies young was good for society. I always thought providing children with a stable upbringing was good for society... but hey I'm no know it all blogger :whistle:

3.) Growing up is a goal and not everyone does it.

4.) What? :cray-cray:

5.) Well theres this thing called coffee

6.) I can get plastic surgery and lie. My grandma never told us how old she was.

7.)So what :dance:

8.)If I married the guy I dated at 20 I'm sure I would be arrested for murder :stir-pot:

9.) Oh jeez I've been doing it wrong this whole time, no goals until after I'm married. :embarrassed:

10.) I think we can grow to appreciate not spending time together as two dumb young people.

[louisa05]

But if you pop out babies year after year after marrying young, you may still be an older grandparent to many of your grandchildren.

My father-in-law is the youngest of thirteen children. His mother was 46 when he was born. His father died when he was a young child (his mother was his father's second wife and the oldest two siblings were the children of the first wife). His mother was 72 when my husband was born and died when he was 4. As for those grandchildren she had when she was young...yes, she had grandchildren when she was young--first one a few months after my father-in-law was born. She was still busy raising her youngest children.

[formerlyfundie]

I have been married since I was 19, I'm 26 now. My husband and I have known each other since we were 15, and have been inseparable since then. (Lol we were each others first boyfriend/girlfriend etc) We were planning on getting married one day anyway but him joining the military really sped that up. It hasn't been easy being married young, I can say that for sure, but I don't regret it. I don't feel like I missed anything, I'm not the most exciting or adventurous person as it is. We have 3, going on 4 children now, and when our oldest is 18, we will be about 40. Most of our friends who got married around the same time as us are divorced or separated though, out of about 9 couples, three including us are still together. I don't know if that is because of youth, military life, or what. I feel the only thing that we have dealt with is just stability, there are a lot of changes that come with youth, emotionally, spiritually etc, and of course adding kids changes things too. But I have friends who are older, who have been married less time than me, some are first time moms, with the same issues. I guess it's more about maturity and if the people involved REALLY get what's coming when they decide to marry. I like being married young, it has worked well for us, but I also know this isn't the case for many people. I feel articles like this try and guilt people into it, and while I see the points, I know that just isn't the case for everyone's lives.

I will say though that one thing that really is a perk is having my parents and my MIL still be pretty young and have close relationships to my kids, my parents are 55 and 47, my MIL is 46. My parents have 4 going on 5 grandchildren now and LOVE it. It has changed my relationship with them completely seeing them as g-parents, as we had some hard times growing up and a lot has been fixed in the last few years. Haha I know we sound like fundies by all of this but we aren't, we just have a lot of young parents in our families, young marriages are common around here.

[Oz1977]

Yeah it would have been nice to have gotten married and had kids in my twenties, but guess what? Not everyone finds that special someone until they are older! I didn't meet my husband until I was 29.....was 31 when I got married and 32 when I had my 1st child. I'm 37 now but I really feel 27. Oh well.

[louisa05]

Yeah it would have been nice to have gotten married and had kids in my twenties, but guess what? Not everyone finds that special someone until they are older! I didn't meet my husband until I was 29.....was 31 when I got married and 32 when I had my 1st child. I'm 37 now but I really feel 27. Oh well.

This. An episode of How I Met Your Mother comes to mind. Ted gets fed up with Lily interfering with his dating life and says "Not everyone meets their soul mate in a dorm hallway when they're 18".

I hate these "get married young" articles and crap that chastise those of who us who didn't as if we have done something wrong. And frankly, if I had married any of the guys I knew at 15 or 18 or 22, I'm pretty sure my life would be utterly and spectacularly miserable.

[browncoatslytherin]

i am so, so glad i did not marry the guy i was with at 20. we had planned to, we were engaged and all, we just never did it. the thing is, these kinds of things are all well and good when intentions are good and pure, but even good intentions can turn sour, and when i was that young, i didn't know how to divine a good person from a lying manipulator. and, unfortunately, i lost 6 years of my life in a relationship i finally ended because i could not deal with all of his shit anymore. i learned a very good lesson the very hard way, and i regret it very much. i was young and naive, which many people are at that age. i'm just glad we never went through with a marriage, because i'm really not sure how he would have handled a divorce rather than a break-up.

tl;dr i'm glad i didn't marry young because my unavoidable big break-up would have been a helluva lot messier. also, people suck, and you don't always know how to tell that at a young age.

[RandomTrivia]

I will say though that one thing that really is a perk is having my parents and my MIL still be pretty young and have close relationships to my kids, my parents are 55 and 47, my MIL is 46. My parents have 4 going on 5 grandchildren now and LOVE it. It has changed my relationship with them completely seeing them as g-parents, as we had some hard times growing up and a lot has been fixed in the last few years. Haha I know we sound like fundies by all of this but we aren't, we just have a lot of young parents in our families, young marriages are common around here.

This may be the one thing I'll sort of agree on. We were in our late 20s when we got married, and early 30s when we had the Kid, so his grandparents are all in their mid-60s and early 70s. Yes, they're all retired now and have plenty of time to come for visits, babysit, weekend trips, etc., but they're also getting to the point where mobility problems are showing up. Both grandmas have bad knees, so while they want to get down on the floor and play, or whatever, it's not as possible as it used to be. Not so bad now that the Kid is 8, but his 2-year-old cousin is a whole other thing. My mom can't keep up with him when she babysits, has a hard time picking him up, etc. That varies with people though - some age better physically than others. :) It also put a kink in our planning when we started working on our wills and needed guardians - the grandparents probably want to, and will possibly be put out that they won't be guardians if something happens, but making them responsible for taking care of a toddler/preschooler/pre-teen full-time isn't really feasible or prudent.

The rest of their reasons, though, are total crap. And she doesn't give any reasoning for #2 at all.

[Toothfairy]

Reasons to get married young, the condensed version:

1. Guilt-free sex

Which is sad. Noone should marry for sex. It sends the wrong message about marriage. And even if someone does marry for sex it doesn't mean he or she won't cheat or seek sex someone else. A marriage based on sex isn't a marriage.

[Boogalou]

Yeah, it's a good idea to start to saving as early as you can but I wasn't aware marriage was a pre-requisite to investments and a savings account.

There are advantages and disadvantages to getting married and having kids at any age. Often, when people write these things it seems like they are insecure in their own choices. You should do what is best for you and realize that you don't need to convince everyone else it is best for them as well.

[GeoBQn]

I do sometimes feel jealous of people my age (late 20's-early 30's) who still have active grandparents. My grandmother died 3 years ago at the age of 97, with advanced dementia. She was the last remaining grandparent I had.

But then again, having kids young is no guarantee that you or your parents are going to be healthy and active throughout most of their lives. We just went to a wedding for a couple who were both 29. Sadly, the groom's mother could not attend because her early-onset Alzheimer's was getting worse. I think she is in her 50's, and had been diagnosed while the groom was in college.

[Toothfairy]

i am so, so glad i did not marry the guy i was with at 20. we had planned to, we were engaged and all, we just never did it. the thing is, these kinds of things are all well and good when intentions are good and pure, but even good intentions can turn sour, and when i was that young, i didn't know how to divine a good person from a lying manipulator. and, unfortunately, i lost 6 years of my life in a relationship i finally ended because i could not deal with all of his shit anymore. i learned a very good lesson the very hard way, and i regret it very much. i was young and naive, which many people are at that age. i'm just glad we never went through with a marriage, because i'm really not sure how he would have handled a divorce rather than a break-up.

tl;dr i'm glad i didn't marry young because my unavoidable big break-up would have been a helluva lot messier. also, people suck, and you don't always know how to tell that at a young age.

I went on a few dates during college. Nothing really serious. I can't imagine getting married at 18 or 21. I was still deciding and changing majors and didn't know what I wanted to do with my life then. I was still growing and learning as a person. One of the guys I dated was a jerk. Another started out ok but didn't interest me. I got married in my early thirties and had kids in my mid thirties. I think earlier isn't necessarily better.i know parents who had kids later in life and have tons of energy. My grandparents got married young, but it was a different time. I wouldn't encourage my kids to marry young or have kids young when they're still figuring out who they are as a person and what they want to do. I do know for some it might work but for others they might seek a different path.

[polecat]

I married at 27, which is practically old maid territory in the fundy world. I'm fairly certain my parents had completely given up on me, which probably explains why they were so thrilled even though I brought home a (zomg!!!) Lutheran. I wasn't mentally or emotionally anywhere near ready to marry earlier than that. Plus, I didn't even meet my husband until I was 24. I had my kids late, and recent research has actually linked that with greater longevity. I'm ok with living a longer life even if it means that I won't necessarily be able to chase after toddlers in my 60s. Hey, I can still snuggle newborns and bore teens with my stories, right?

There are good things and bad things about marrying and having kids young, and there are good things and bad things about marrying and having kids at an older age. I'm ok with my choices. I'm so ok with my choices that I really don't care what other people choose as long as it's the right choice for THEM. (caveat: I'd prefer my kids to not marry at 18, but even so, it's still not my decision to make, and I will always be there for them nmw).

[Feberin]

I'm confused since she mentions several times about deciding where to live and such. If you wait until you both have found careers and settled into an area then you're less likely to move than somebody who is just in college or high school. And WTF with the if you get married at 28 you probably won't be able to buy a house like if you married at 20? I'm pretty sure if you marry at 20 and starting having children then you'll be lucky if by 28 you can own a house. If you marry at 28 and have had a career for years and saved your money then it shouldn't be too difficult to purchase a home together. Also the grandparents age thing depends on when your parents had kids. My in-laws are in their fifties since they had kids in their early twenties while my father is in his sixties because he had me when he was 36. And my mother passed away at 42 so no matter what age you have kids there is never a guarantee that the grandparents will be around and healthy.

My husband and I married at 24 and had our first child at 26 and our second at 28. I feel like we were among the first in our group of friends to do either but we're also the only two of our group of friends from college to marry another friend from college. I feel lucky that I met him when I did but if I hadn't met my husband I wouldn't have rushed into marriage with somebody else because I was getting old. And the idea of marrying in our early twenties and starting to have kids then bothers me. I feel like we kind of rushed into having kids and can't imagine having them any younger. I mean we literally couldn't have afforded to have children before my husband got a promotion before we started our family. And looking back now sometimes I wish we'd waited another year or two and gotten a little more time to enjoy being a couple and a few more fun trips under our belts first. Also when our kids finally leave home we'll probably be to broke paying for college to travel.

[Mama Mia]

I think there are pluses and minuses to both marrying and/ or having kids at any particular age. I had my children young and I think it was easier in some ways-- mainly because I didn't have a lot of things to " give up" -- I wasn't used to doing what I wanted, when I wanted, or travel, or long weekends doing nothing with a guy or any of that. I have seen some people who waited to have kids until their thirties who had a really hard time with giving up anything.....but some younger parents who also had a really hard time with not continuing to act like a teen/early twenty something. And of course there is the whole poverty thing that tends to go along with being very young. But the benefit of more energy and enjoying your grandchildren and great grandchildren. So many pluses and minuses, and it's different for everyone.

I don't know, virtually everyone I know has parents who are dying younger than their grandparents ( early seventies as opposed to mid -eighties) . Statically I know it's an aberration -- but I'm glad my dad who is in the last stages of cancer at 70 was able to know and love his now adult grandchildren, and even have a good, active relationship with several great-grandchildren.

In my circle marriage and children don't particularly go hand in hand, and of those who do get married- at whatever age- not a whole lot stay with their first spouse. But I got to say some of the more spectacular break ups have come from the couples who did everything " right". College, careers, previous dating/serious relationships/live-in experience, money saved before having children, kids in late 20s early 30's. And of the five couples I know who did it that way -- 3 broke up in a pretty awful way, 1 is openly miserable and the last is happily married. So really, you just don't know.

[Jana814]

My parents married at 23 and 24, I always thought I would do the same but that never happened. My parents were older when they had me. I only had 1 grandmother, who NEVER learned to drive, and I don't really have any memories of her. I don't have kids yet and neither does my sister, however, I am lucky in a sence that my parents don't look or act their age.

[keen23]

My husband and I were both 22 when we got married. The primary reason for getting married so young? Health insurance. As in I had it, he did not. We were already living together, happily, in sin, for two years before getting married. If health insurance hadn't been an issue, we would probably have held off. I had my 3rd child before I turned 29. The upside? I'm in a relatively easy age with my kids- oldest is old enough to be left home alone with the other kids and after school. I don't have to pay for a babysitter or afterschool care any longer. I'll kill them if I'm a grandmother before 45.

The other three couples we know that got married at 22? Two are divorced. One is a widow. Thankfully none of them had kids.

[salex]

Here’s my disclaimer. I married young. I was not yet 21 when I married Mr. Wonderful and I would not change it for the world.

But I’d not recommend it as a blanket recommendation. I also met him the end of September and married him the first of the following June. My parents were extremely unhappy when I told them 2 months after meeting him I was getting married. I’d also not say “everyone should do that.†Everyone is different.

But, to her points.

Drifting Through One’s Twenties Can Waste a Key Decade

Hmm, define waste? I don’t think education or travel :auto-mysterymachine: is ever a waste. Nor is exploring what one might or might not want to do for a living. I did a lot of career exploration in my 20s despite being married.

Having Babies Younger is Better for Society

I am here to tell you that getting married early doesn’t automatically translate into having babies young. :stork-baby:

I was too busy having sex and figuring out what I wanted to do to want to have babies—they were just never that important to us and in my 20s I found them more annoying than anything. And yes, we actually heard we “owed it to society to have kids†but I was curious why that was the case. Is this author arguing for socialism? :lol:

Why Marrying Young Can Be Good For You. You “Grow Up†Together

If at 20 you don’t know what you want in a house, how to organize the kichen and pay bill and where you want to live at least as much as you will later, maybe you are too young to get married. And each time you buy a new house organize the kitchen and deice where to live, you’ll get to make those decisions together again, no matter what your age… since none of those are permanent things. (I certainly don’t pay my bills the way I did when I was 20—banking and bills have both changed since then.) :roll:

It’s Easier to Merge Two Homes when There’s Not Much To Them

The examples she used are both only issues if you make them issues. I know younger people who are more upset about changing xmas than any 30 year old.

And just each manage their own money and the Quicken issue is not an issue. It may be easier not to have excess furniture when merging two homes… but reasonable people will have few problems with it.

You Can Be a Younger Parent

Didn’t we already touch on this one. If I'd had kids at 37, I would never have had to drag 2 kids on a subway because at 37 I had WAY more money than at 27 and could have driven my imaginary child to the zoo for 6 hours, or cabbed it or any number of other things. Had she waited she might not have been so poor she had to deal with two kids on the train with transfers. Not to mention, my 37 year old self was way more patient than my 27 year old self. :cussing:

You Can Be a Younger Grandparent

Yes, this is something all 20 year olds give a shit about. :character-oldtimer:

You Resist Temptation

Oh, this is her real point. To which I say of the very young marriages I know—I’d say it is a coin toss if they resisted temptation. :nanner-sex:

You Avoid a Lot of Heartache

I would say that having an ex or two or 7 isn’t the end of the world for most people. The people I know who are not married young don't have this long string of exes they have regrets over. :ymca: Honestly, what is this deal with thinking that every break up means a regret. It may bring up a “Thank god I missed that bullet†response…. :dance:

You Can Focus Your Goals Earlier

I’d say my unmarried sister focused on her goals all this time without ever being married. Believe it or not, even women can have goals before or other than getting married! As far as buying a house—single people do that too. When I got married, interest rates were 18 % and my husband’s company was laying off every week til they laid off 90 percent of their employees. I’ve rented half my marriage, been paying a mortgage the other half—and not sequentially. I honestly don’t feel all that much better about buying than renting and there is no hard and fast financial outcome for buying vs renting. And 5 year plans? My husband and I had a plan to leave the town we were in in 5 years. 17 years later, we moved out of that town (he was one of the 10 percent who didn’t get laid off) Life, the economy, job opportunity, all these things change plans. So to her I say go for it with your “real plans†that you can’t make til you are married. :|

You Have Decades and Decades Together

Let’s think. If you marry at 20 vs 30, you have one less decade together.

[feministxtian]

I did things totally bassackwards...first kid at 18 (single), second kid at 23 (long term relationship)...third kid at 26 (miserably married). THEN...at 34 I met the love of my life. I still managed to get an education, get to know who I am, enjoyed the hell out of my kids, became a grandma for the first time a month before my 39th birthday and now at 50 I'm a proud grandma to three wonderful kiddos. I have my career, the freedom to pick up and relocate (getting ready to move from AZ to NV for a new job) and generally enjoy the hell out of life.

When I was younger, I was a great mom but would have been a horrible wife. It took me a long time to mellow into someone that wanted to live with another adult.

[pennsatuckey]

1.Drifting Through One’s Twenties Can Waste a Key Decade

I dunno, I'd rather develop myself as an individual and, more importantly, get my act together before I have to worry about taking care of someone else.

Waste is also pretty relative. I could waste my twenties married to someone who won't be right for me by the time I'm much older, or I could waste my time figuring out myself before deciding what's really right for me.

2. Having Babies Younger is Better for Society

There isn't even an argument about society in this point. She's literally saying "good because biology and stuff".

3.Why Marrying Young Can Be Good For You. You “Grow Up†Together

Well, you could also grow up and realize that what you thought was a good idea at 20 wasn't a good idea at 32.

4. It’s Easier to Merge Two Homes when There’s Not Much To Them

It's also easier to, y'know, have a home in the first place if you're both stabilized and have decent financial situations.

5. You Can Be a Younger Parent

I mean, I'd rather not think about the stress of being a young parent while trying to go to school. If I had a kid, I'd be cut off at this point, so I'd lose my housing, my car, and my education. Since my current job is a student hourly position, I'd lose that too. I don't think I'd have the energy to be a young parent beneath the crippling student loan debt I'd have to take on, while working a minimum wage job.

6. You Can Be a Younger Grandparent

Eh, I'd rather be a wise, sassy old grandma who wears awesome clothes and has the financial base to spoil the hell outta her grandkids, while teaching them some cool stuff along the way because I've got the life experience to do so.

7. You Resist Temptation

It's not like temptation suddenly ceases when you get married. Plenty of people stray from their partners. That doesn't change if you get married younger.

8. You Avoid a Lot of Heartache

Honey, I don't mourn the guys who weren't right for me in the long run. I'm growing and changing as a person and I'd rather not outgrow my partner.

9. You Can Focus Your Goals Earlier

My goals won't be very achievable if I suddenly get married and have kids. Again, I'd be swiftly cut off. Right now, it's finishing my B.S., getting my M.A., moving out of the south, and rescuing cats.

10. You Have Decades and Decades Together

You've still got decades and decades together if you get married at 30. My parents married in their mid-twenties/early thirties and I was born when they were financially established and homeowners. They've still got decades and decades together. Quality > Quantity of time, y'all. And, hey, as long as you moderate your intake of tater tot casserole, you'll have even more time together.

[nausicaa]

This. An episode of How I Met Your Mother comes to mind. Ted gets fed up with Lily interfering with his dating life and says "Not everyone meets their soul mate in a dorm hallway when they're 18".

I hate these "get married young" articles and crap that chastise those of who us who didn't as if we have done something wrong. And frankly, if I had married any of the guys I knew at 15 or 18 or 22, I'm pretty sure my life would be utterly and spectacularly miserable.

Thank you for this. These "get married young" articles always elicit an epic eye roll from me.

The assumption is that the perfect person was around us between the ages of 18-22 and we were just too caught up in shopping and going out to clubs to settle down. If I had married my ex from that time and had children with him it would NOT be good for society. I would have to work multiple crap jobs to keep the family afloat and he would be drinking and getting high about 80% of the time. You know, when we weren't having screaming matches with one another. Trust me, it's better for everyone in my community that this didn't happen...

And it's not as if there were a bunch of great guys around back then who I was ignoring. It just didn't happen for me. I'm shy, I commuted to college from home so I didn't take on debt, I'm not a big partier. Ironically, I did a lot of the things that SAHDs are encouraged to do.

And I'm also confused on the saving for a house part. I now have a good amount set by for a down payment on a house precisely because I was single for so long in my twenties. I worked multiple jobs from 18-28 and could take extra hours and cut my expenses to the bone since it was just me. This would not be the case if I had had children (not trying to bash those who do have kids young, I just don't understand how that would lead someone to have more money at the end of the month than I do?)

[GeoBQn]

I felt the same way when I saw the article from the Atlantic on why "settling" is ok. These articles assume that every woman has a line of guys who want to date or marry her and she is marrying later in life just because she is too picky. That does not speak to my experience. I didn't date at all in high school because guys thought I was weird. I didn't get a boyfriend until college, where guys saw my differentness as an asset instead of a liability. The first "relationship" was a freshman fling where the guy dumped me after 6 weeks. The second relationship lasted about a year and a half before I dumped him because he didn't respect my beliefs. If we had gotten married, we would have been miserable--especially once I found out he was gay. I met my husband my 2nd year of grad school. In between those three guys, nothing. It took that long to find the love of my life, but I wouldn't have it any other way.