What really happens when you report a rape

[SpeakNow]

This article is a positively stunning description of everything that is wrong with the current judicial system. This woman was driven to a man's house against her will and raped. The man had sexually assaulted two women prior to the rape. He walked away scott free. It's sickening.

http://m.vice.com/read/i-got-raped-then ... ms-started

[LadyBlue]

No wonder so few women are willing to report. Can't say I blame them at all.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

No wonder so few women are willing to report. Can't say I blame them at all.

As a rape victim myself, there are a lot of factors that go into not wanting to report them. A few of the biggest reasons being: the rape crisis centers have very invasive procedures to ensure they can "collect evidence" (I never experienced this part myself, but I've had friends who have and their stories were enough to keep me away), and often times the workers at said crisis centers are victim blamers (they've even done studies about this, you honestly wouldn't believe how many people, especially women, in this field are so quick to blame the victim); talking about it to one person is hard enough, talking about it to every person involved in the case, including a jury if you get that far, is extremely hard; going to court against your attacker is really the last thing you want to do, if you never see them again it'd be too soon.

But this definitely isnt a female problem. At least 12% of reported rape victims are male. And it's even harder to convince them to come forward because people refuse to believe a guy doesn't want to have sex. "If he didn't want it, it wouldnt happen." Most instances of reported rape where the victim is male and the perpetrator isn't male often never make it to court because of that false sense of reality.

[rward]

I read the local paper every day as part of my job. I've seen rapes reported, I've never seen a conviction on a rape.

In 5 years.

[Childless]

That's because politicians, cops, hell, most people, don't give a damn about women. Welcome to the U.S.

[NoneandDoneinCali]

I'm someone who has experienced both assaultive rape (by a peripheral family friend as a tween), non-consensual sex with a coercive, violent male partner as a teen, and waking up naked with a strange man inside me after passing out fully-clothed in a guest room (yes, I'd been drinking). I've been through it all. I won't bore you with the full story, but suffice it to say I did NOT go forward at 13 years of age, in spite of my bruises and vaginal tears. As a 16 year old, I tried to get a restraining order against this terrifying male "friend" who I'd had non-consensual sex with - I did not have any support from my parents at the time. I was shamed into dropping my TRO and the abuse continued for another year until I moved away, ruining many of my friendships, decimating my self-esteem, and leaving tangible bruises and a broken rib. I was told by the police to tell my parents, call 911 if he came by my school, or "just stop seeing him" (he basically blackmailed me into being around him because I had a drug problem at the time and he said he would tell my parents). By the time the date rape occurred at age 20, I had had enough and went to the hospital. The cops didn't believe me. The nurse was rough in spite of how sore I was (not to be graphic, but I was dry as a bone when this guy forced himself on me and he had both anal and vaginal sex with me). I was estranged from my parents and my "new" friends where I had moved decided I was just being a slut. In retrospect, there were a couple of people I could have talked to, but I was ashamed that this had happened again.

At no point did anyone in law enforcement try to comfort me. I was shocked at how the nurses treated me. I went through all that for nothing (the questions about how often I drank, the disdainful look at my dress, and one even said "what do you EXPECT a man to do in this situation?"). I decided not to press charges. I didn't want anyone to know.

Now that I've done extensive research on the effects of sexual abuse and early trauma (I just graduated with my MS in pscyhology), I realize that the first assault laid the groundwork for a pattern of re-victimization, including the substance abuse problems and promiscuity. If I'd gotten treatment for that original rape ... well, best not to dwell on the past. But I know I'm not alone in reacting this way, and being afraid to prosecute these guys.

In any case, I volunteered at a rape crisis center for 3 years, trying to make it easier for other women to come forward (or, at least, heal - I would never guilt anyone to go to the police). The process hasn't changed much, and many women decide not to press charges after they report the crime or get a rape kit done. It's fucking terrible.

[snuggles911]

Someone should put a link to this on Sunshine Mary's blog given her rape apologist post last week in which she suggested that women who don't report their rapes right away probably weren't the victims of real rape.

[LillyCat]

Someone should put a link to this on Sunshine Mary's blog given her rape apologist post last week in which she suggested that women who don't report their rapes right away probably weren't the victims of real rape.

what about fear? that's what it was/is for me. i know without a doubt that if i reported my rapist ex husband, i would not be here today. no question at all.

[CallmeChaCha]

I read the article yesterday and couldn't believe that they were bringing up random shit she did like ten years ago. Something she drew showed she like rough sex? Really? Disgusting. Even more disgusting is that I'm sure that the way she wa treated isn't the exception but the rule.

How do we even start on making this victim-blaming go away?

[acheronbeach]

I read the local paper every day as part of my job. I've seen rapes reported, I've never seen a conviction on a rape.

In 5 years.

That's just not true. Yes, it's hard to get a conviction. No, it's not impossible.

[doggie]

That's just not true. Yes, it's hard to get a conviction. No, it's not impossible.

True I see them. I see them more when it is a older woman and a young teen. Been seeing a lot of those.

[merrily]

When you watch TV series like SVU, you really hope that the victims in real life meet cops who are caring like Detective Benson, but reality isn't TV and reality sucks.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

I remember the one time I decided to report an assault (it was a rape, but I reported it as an assault cause I was with my friend and it just was easier to pretend the rape part didnt happen), I was talking to the cop about it and the conversation after I explained what happened went like this:

Cop: "How did you end up at his apartment?"

Me: "My friend and I walked there."

Cop: "Where was your friend when this happened?"

Me: "I don't know. He left and didn't come back."

Cop: "Why didn't you leave with him?"

Me: "He was just going to go for a smoke and was supposed to be coming right back."

Cop: "Why didnt you call him?"

Me: "His phone was dead"

Cop: "Did you know that before he left?"

Me: "Yes, that's why I was with him at the apartment. He was too drunk and he told me he needed someone to be with him if he needed to make a call."

Cop: "So you let him go smoke alone?"

Me: "He was just going outside. He smokes alone all the time. I didn't expect he wouldn't come back."]

Cop: "How long did you wait?"

Me: "An hour or so."

Cop: "Why didn't you leave?"

Me: "I tried calling my other friends. Only one of them answered, and he hung up on me because he was mad at me."

Cop: "Why was he mad at you?"

Me: "I dont know."

Cop: "Where were you supposed to be staying?"

Me: "With the friend that hung up on me."

Cop: "What happened next?"

Me: "[rapist] told me I should spend the night in his bed and he'd walk me to [friend that was with me]'s place in the morning."

Cop: "Why didnt you have him walk you there then?"

Me: "Because I didn't think about it. I was too focused on the fact that no one would come and rescue me."

Cop: "So, you got in bed with him and you expected him to not try anything?"

That was when I gave up. I realized that if I continued the conversation and tried to persecute him, no one would take my side. After all, I was asking for it.

[patsymae]

True I see them. I see them more when it is a older woman and a young teen. Been seeing a lot of those.

It helps if the older woman is white and the young teen is not.

[doggie]

It helps if the older woman is white and the young teen is not.

Seems so mostly white teachers. But the woman have been older but saw a 23 year old get busted last week. The kids are boys and girls single or groups.

[patsymae]

"One study conducted 102 in-depth

interviews with women in Chicago, and found that

only 25% of reported rape cases were prosecuted (4).

In this particular study, 70% of the prosecuted cases

had white victims, and 80% of the prosecuted cases

closely fit the profile of a "classic rape case" involving

a stranger offender, injuries, and/or weapon use (4)

Hope I'm breaking the link correctly: uky.edu/CRVAW/files/TopTen/07_Rape_Prosecution.pdf

And the best statistic I can find is that 6 percent of prosecuted cases result in convictions.

So extrapolating from a cursory search of reputable sources, estimate is that only about 10 percent of rapes get reported, of those maybe a quarter get prosecuted, and those mostly of white victims, and of those 6 percent result in convictions.

[Phukktifano]

I did report. It was a stranger who asked if I needed help carrying bags to my apartment. I said no and he followed me in. I was lucky I guess in comparison to a lot of the stories I see here I had gone into some kind of shock and a friend took me to hospital where they were very nice. I remember the nurse telling the police they would just have to wait until I was dressed and had someone with me before they took my report. It did take almost a year for them to catch the guy and then only because someone turned him in for drug crime and theft....he confessed to what he did and got two years tacked onto his other convictions, but that was it. Two years for confessing to a violent sex crime against a stranger. I imagine if I reported someone I was dating or had been drinking they'd get nothing.

[salsa]

When you survive any crime, you are a survivor. It's only in the event where you could not stop a crime that you are a victim. In no way do I mean to suggest that there is a simple, "just put it behind you" sort of coping mechanism; your rape and trying to prosecute it is now a tragic and deplorable part of your life story. I survived another type of sexual crime, and I continue to survive. Survival begins with living through the ordeal and continues in the rest of your life. It happened and that is ... the appropriate word does not come to me because I think there is no appropriate word... beyond despicable and the way you were treated was NOT helpful, even though it seems like there were folks who sympathized with you . You were violated. You didn't ask for it. And you not only lived, but you survive.

Keep surviving

[bekkah]

It took me seven days to go to the hospital. The nurse and advocate were wonderful. I one day want to be an advocate for women but I know I am not emotionally ready for it. I told some friends but that is it. Uttering those words were the hardest thing in my life. And its been over a year now, I have been changed forever. I am not as happy as I once was and I have harder time being with strangers. I didn't report because I knew it would go no where. I feel that our country needs to change and I think there are a lot of women who experience this and shake it off.

I am the only one of my friends that has been sexually assaulted. They don't care, I am sure most think it is my fault. That is the hard part it that women are so engrained to think its normal that they don't realize the damage that it does to the spirit.

[Three and Done]

This is the only place I have ever "reported" being raped. Why? Because of the victim blaming, woman shaming culture of our country.

I am very sorry to hear that others have had the same experience, yet sadly, I am not surprised.

Love and hugs to all of you...

[tenth muse]

Heartbreakingly accurate.

There was a case of a woman in my country who had been taken off the street when she was walking home one night.She was raped and murdered. She was missing for a while and then her body was found. Although there was a huge outpouring of support for her husband and family, there were still a few nuts who blamed her for being out by herself at night, after having a few drinks.

Her killer was found. It turned out that he'd had a long history of attacks on women and had served only eight years for raping at least five other women. But, you see, they were sex workers. Apparently that makes it more acceptable.

He was released on parole. He broke it. It wasn't revoked.

He was still on parole when he killed this woman.

It was reported that this disgusting criminal killed her because she fought him off and threatened to tell the police.

What a choice women have, right ? You can lie there and take it, to try and stay alive, but then get your name and character (as if that should even be relevant) dragged through the mud if you report what happened. I mean, if you didn't scream, you must have wanted it, surely? Or you can fight back,and threaten, and quite possibly end up dead.

It just goes to show how little the health and lives of women matter to society. Not just to individuals or groups but on a structural level. And people say feminism isn't needed anymore :roll:

[Syd+Marky]

I have been raped multiple times throughout my life.As a child I was raped and molested by an older cousin for about two yrs.I didn't come forward until he was caught molesting his own babies years later.(they were 1 and 3 yrs old).I was asked by family to be a witness for the prosecution and he was finally convicted and will never see his children(or any others)unsupervised again.

When I was 14 I was raped while residing in a youth drug&alcohol tx center, by a male staff member.I didn't say anything right away because the man had threatened me, but almost two days later I was rushed to the ER after being found in the shower with my wrists cut up.The hospital psychiatrist seemed frustrated and impatient when I couldn't recall certain details, like wether or not the rapist was circumcized.(?!?).The actual exam was rough and peppered with more humiliating questions that I could not have answered even if I wasn't laying, legs splayed with stirrupped feet.After all of this, I was then brought to the police station(by my parents, who picked me up from the hospital),where I had to give a video taped statement.There was a rape-advocate there who brought me a teddybear and stayed with me throughout the interrogation.Unfortunately, the rapist claimed it was consentual and managed to pass a polygraph, so all he got charged with was statutory rape.He served no jail time and only got 2 yrs probation(and lost his job).My parents were livid, and decided to sue the treatment center.The worst part of that was when they tried to use my mental health dx against me, claiming that bi-polar people can become hyper-sexual and act out inappropriately in sexual ways.(implying that I seduced a 22 yr old man when I was 14).Luckily we managed to win.Aside from the money that was put in a trust fund for me, they also won the fight to have the centers policies changed.They were rewritten so that patients were never left alone with staff of the opposite gender, and a staff of the same gender had to do the graveyard shifts in the dorms, so girls and boys both would have a staff person of the same gender there for support, safety, and security.And making sure there were always at least two staff to hold eachother accountable.

Several years later I was gang-raped and did not report it.I had gotten in a car with two guys I didn't know well, and I'd been using drugs.I was brought to a house with about a dozen more guys, and after the first few guys raped me I was offered more drugs and did not turn them down.Sooo..I could already see how that would go if I went to the police.Instead,I went to a womens clinic to get checked for std's.The NP obviously knew what was up though.She didn't pry, but very kindly said"I don't see any outward evidence of abnormal sores or discharge that would indicate std, but you're pretty torn up, sweetie.Would you like to talk to our social worker?"I shook my head "no", and so she offered the morning-after pill(which hadn't even occured to me, yet.Bless her)and sent me home with not only her card, but one for their social worker.

About 6 yrs ago a man attempted to attack me in a Pet-Co parking lot.In broad daylight.He parked his car so I would have to walk between the two to get to my driver side door.Just as I reached in to put my purse on the passenger seat I was grabbed from behind and pulled into the back seat of the car next to me, the lower half if my body hanging out if the car.I used my stomach muscles to whip my lower half back and forth as hard as I could as the man attempted to cut my jeans off of me.I can't remember much, but at one point I remember seeing panic in his eyes,just for a split second, but I followed my instinct and made my move-throwing myself forward and head butting him in the chest as hard as I could.I scrambled out if the car and rolled underneath my own car, hearing the would-be rapists car peel out immediately.My husband insisted I file a report, but I refused to go to the hospital.When the police took the report at the house I cut off my fingernails(that I had scratched him with) and they were placed in an evidence bag along with my cut jeans and panties.I never heard a thing about it since.

[debrand]

SydMarky, I am sincerely sorry that you have experienced so much pain. How terrible.

[Lainey]

SydMarky, I am sincerely sorry that you have experienced so much pain. How terrible.

Me too. :( To all of you who have experienced this, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine. I've been coerced, and it felt like rape, but technically it wasn't.

Rapists seem to be the sickest of criminals--the kind who could easily commit murder. When someone has the idea that they're entitled to another person's body, there is something seriously not right in their head.

[Olive Plant]

I'm so sorry to hear all these stories. They make me so angry. After I got divorced, my ex-husband took me to dinner and apologized for what an ass he'd been during the divorce process. The dinner went really well, so I let him come in my house afterwards and he started trying to have sex with me. I told him no repeatedly, but rather feebly, because I knew by that point how horrible he could be to me if he got angry with me. He said "I won't, I won't," literally as he was forcing himself inside me. I told one person about this years afterwards, and he said "I'm not sure if I would call that rape." I can't exactly call it that either, and when I brought it up with my ex afterwards he insisted that I'd seduced him and that if I tried to report it, he'd win. I'm sure he would have. The facts of the case were not very strong in my favor. I just knew that I hadn't wanted to have sex, I'd said no, and he did it anyway.