Daddy/daughter dances

[snarkykitty]

For some reason, it seems like everyone I know with a daughter between first and fifth grade is attending some "Daddy - Daughter" dance this month. At least fifteen Facebook friends have posted photos from such a dance. I'm in New England, is this also happening in other parts of the US?

I understand the appeal - a chance for little girls to dress up and have a night of fun with Dad. I wonder how many of the fathers needed persuading to do it. I don't have a problem with it, and at least the girls aren't signing their virginity away to their daddies like in those purity balls. Perhaps I'm a little jaded because I couldn't have children and raise them and be able to enjoy moments like these with my husband. I don't really know.

The only time I danced with my dad was at my wedding, and we both cried. It was a very emotional moment. I was always "the baby" of the family even though I have a younger brother.

Anyone's family participate in this type of thing? Are they popular where you live?

[salex]

For some reason, it seems like everyone I know with a daughter between first and fifth grade is attending some "Daddy - Daughter" dance this month. At least fifteen Facebook friends have posted photos from such a dance. I'm in New England, is this also happening in other parts of the US?

I understand the appeal - a chance for little girls to dress up and have a night of fun with Dad. I wonder how many of the fathers needed persuading to do it. I don't have a problem with it, and at least the girls aren't signing their virginity away to their daddies like in those purity balls. Perhaps I'm a little jaded because I couldn't have children and raise them and be able to enjoy moments like these with my husband. I don't really know.

The only time I danced with my dad was at my wedding, and we both cried. It was a very emotional moment. I was always "the baby" of the family even though I have a younger brother.

Anyone's family participate in this type of thing? Are they popular where you live?

We had "dad and daughter date night" back in the 60s and 70s-- maybe it was brownie scouts, I'm not sure. My county's public rec department has one, I think. I have no idea if my dad had to be persuaded (he was very much a family oriented dad--and had 3 daughters and one son and was active in all our lives/activities) It was made clear to all of us, even then, that girls could bring step dads, grand dads, uncles, cousins or brothers (because then as now, Dad wasn't always around). My cousin's daughter (in her mid 30s now) posted a pic of her late husband with his 10 or 11 year old daughter at one of these recently. I know ours was just dinner and some kind of entertainment/talent show type thing--no dancing. I have no issues with it, but all my siblings have boys-- so I dont' know much about it even second hand.

[Jinger Jar]

When my stepdaughters were younger (K-3) their school had events like Donuts with Dad and Ice Cream with Dad. Now they're involved in competitive athletics, and their team will occasionally have a meet where dads are introduced and honored in some way.

[Ex 2x2]

My daughter just went to her first daddy/daughter dance. She was so excited and we made a big deal of her hair and dress and what not. I HATE the term daddy daughter date, but this was really just a fun night out. I don't remember them when I was growing up.

To the OP, I was not able to have kids either. Mine are adopted. All that to say, I know how you feel. Prior to adopting, things like this were a harsh reminder.

Eta: I know not everyone can or should adopt. Just wanted to clarify that wasn't my point. My point was I understand. :)

[Bethella]

We never had daddy/daughter dances, but our local girl scout camp had "Dad'n'Me Camporee" which was a dad/daughter weekend before the regular girl scout camp in the summer. My dad and I went several times when I was in late elementary/middle school and it was always a lot of fun.

[mockingbird]

My elementary school had a daddy/daughter dance. They also had a mother/son bowling night.

My dad and I went to the dance once. It was fun to get dressed up and everything but it wasn't really my dad's thing. I don't remember if my dad and I danced together at all. I just remember hanging out with my friends and my dad talked to the other dads. (We did other things together that was more of our "style".)

[snarkbillie]

Our community center has one every year. It's not any kind of purity nonsense. It's just dads and daughters eating dinner and then there's a DJ and dancing, although mostly the girls stand in the dance floor and sing all the Katy Perry to each other while the dads sit at the table and talk. I'm not entirely sure what the point is. At least a few songs the dads will get up and dance with the girls. (usually the cha-cha slide song, the hokey pokey, sometimes the electric slide).

I volunteered at it for 2 years. I got tired of hearing that "firework" song every hour or so, and I quit.

[silverspoons]

Our neighborhood LDS stake just had a daddy daughter ball for girls 8-11. I was actually going to post about it because I was wondering if it was some sort of pre-purity ball? Im not LDS but allow my son to do scouts and my daughter sometimes going to activity days in the summer, when it is swimming or arts and crafts. They are clear we are not attending church. They brought us the invitation and it was for all 3rd-4th grade girls in our suburb. They had the girls get their nails and hair done by professionals, have a learn your manners lunch and then you would dress up in your princess dress and your dad would be waiting with a special gift and flowers. the dad part is suppose to be a surprise, but since they have done this ball for years, most of the girls with older siblings knew what the ball really was. I was actually going to let me daughter go because every girl in her grade at her school (67 girls) were attending. I actually bought a dress. Then my daughter's BFF who is LDS but goes to church in another area(her mom will not go to lds church but doesnt mind if her family takes her) got teased very badly for not having a dad(her bio dad was a cheating lds loser, & her cousin who acted as a dad figure is on a mission). My husband was going to be "the dad" for both girls but the BFF was so upset she would not go. I ended up going out with the girl and getting thier hair and nails done and we dressed up for a nice dinner. I was told this is a upper primary early young womens activity in every stake? in Jan/Feb either every year or every other year. they say it is to build self esteem for young girls and build better daddy/daughter relationships. I don't think it was a purity type thing since after 16 Dating is very encouraged because you don't want to be get to 21 and not have a husband lined up. It did turn into a mean girls things so it wasn't for us.

I actually have good memories of my daddy/daughter dances but they were at my catholic high school and the dads spent alot of the night talking to each other and drinking and the girls danced and snuck into the school and caused a little trouble :).

[SquirrelySquirrel]

My elementary school had a daddy/daughter dance. They also had a mother/son bowling night.

This is what my daughter's school does. She went to the dance with her dad last year and I think they both would have had a lot more fun going bowling. She thought it was great fun to get dressed up and go with Daddy, but they came home early because she was bored and wanted to leave.

[GeoBQn]

My elementary school had "Girls Night Out" and "Boys Night Out." Each night was either girls and their dads or boys and their moms spending an evening out--theoretically. By 5th grade, the girls started to realize that the Girls Night Outs were always held at school, while the Boys Night Outs were held someplace cool like Medieval Times or an arcade. We petitioned the school to have the Girls Night Outs actually be out of the school building, and I think it changed that year.

[Mama Mia]

Our kids did that once- but I think it was part of Brownies, not a school sponsored thing. My older son took his little cousin because her dad wasn't around, and from the pictures from the event it looked like there were some moms who took their daughters if there wasn't an available male they wanted to have go. There are quite a few two-mom households where I live though .. so that might not be as good an option some places.

I do remember it was really hard for many of my friends kids who didn't have a father ( or didn't have a mother ) when these kind of mother/father - kid events would come up.

[jenny_islander]

This is what my daughter's school does. She went to the dance with her dad last year and I think they both would have had a lot more fun going bowling. She thought it was great fun to get dressed up and go with Daddy, but they came home early because she was bored and wanted to leave.

Daddy/daughter dances, mother/son bowling nights, mother/daughter teas, father/son fishing trips, Take Your Daughter to Work Day--when I was a kid, they were just chances for a child to have exclusive attention from one parent. Of course, the assumptions behind these events were that families were small and/or children were well apart in age, and also that there were two parents in the home or at least available and they were a man and a woman.

Purity balls are a whole other can of creepy stuff.

[Closed Womb]

These things started happening way after I was out of school/organized activities/etc. Although I don't have children, and I've never participated, they have always kind of squicked me out because "dances" were places to go with a date or to try and meet someone (at least they were in my day, you know, when dinosaurs roamed the earth.) I also really, really feel bad for girls that don't have their fathers. I know that there can be a substitute, but it's not "some male member of your family or a male close friend/young girl dance", it's a "Daddy/Daughter dance."

A member of my family is dating a girl who's father was murdered a few years back. She's still devastated. Dancing with her uncle or older brother at a dance isn't going to heal that, it's going to amplify it.

[RosyDaisy]

I never attended one, but my oldest nice attened one. She begged to go because her friends we going. When she and my BIL got there, my BIL immediately wanted to leave. A couple of men were talking to him about how to protect his daughters' purity, how important it was to choose the right suitors, and all that bullshit. He called them crazy, took my niece and left. He said these men needed to spend more time with their wives and not their daughters if they needed to feel wanted....LOL!

[bbtlover]

My daughter was so happy to go to a dance with her dad and her friends. I had never heard of a father/daughter dance until I moved my area of Upstate NY. My DH wasn't sure he wanted to go because he didn't want it to feel like he was on a date with his daughter, but once he saw how excited she was to go and get dressed up he was happy to take her. The school district used the dance to raise money for scholarships. I just think that they should do something for the boys and moms. They would be able to raise more money.

[ThatSnark]

My brother, who was not raised this way, has his children in a fundie church school that his wife attended. They live in her hometown in the far-west of Illinois. The annual Father-Daughter dance is a Big Deal at this school: formal dresses and updos for the daughter, tuxedos for the dads; fancy dinners before, corsages-- in short, it's prom but with your dad. :roll: My niece was THRILLED to be able to go when she started kindergarten there last year and is already on about this year's dress. It's all a bit much, and as if you couldn't guess, there's a purity ring ceremony for all the attendees who are turning thirteen that year.

There are no other mixed-gender social opportunities at this K-12 institution. I shake my head at the whole thing.

[yetanothermeg]

Definitely had this in California in the 80s, but it was through the Girl Scouts, not a purity ball thing.

[Bubblewand]

I was raised Catholic (am not now) and attended an all girl's Catholic high school. We had a yearly Father-Daughter Dance. My dad I went every year and it was lots of fun and nearly the entire student body participated. Not at all stuffy or themed as patriarchal or anything squicky. It was in the gymnasium of the school and was a good way for my dad to meet my school friends, meet my teachers, get a glimpse of me at school. My high school's all male brother school held a Mother-Son Brunch the same weekend. They were very popular events and probably not even remotely close to the fundy version.

[slickcat79]

These things started happening way after I was out of school/organized activities/etc. Although I don't have children, and I've never participated, they have always kind of squicked me out because "dances" were places to go with a date or to try and meet someone (at least they were in my day, you know, when dinosaurs roamed the earth.) I also really, really feel bad for girls that don't have their fathers. I know that there can be a substitute, but it's not "some male member of your family or a male close friend/young girl dance", it's a "Daddy/Daughter dance."

A member of my family is dating a girl who's father was murdered a few years back. She's still devastated. Dancing with her uncle or older brother at a dance isn't going to heal that, it's going to amplify it.

This is the reason I (probably mistakenly) thought these things were on the way out. It's way more common now for kids to be growing up in "nontraditional" families where there might not be a dad in the picture. In some areas it's totally fine to bring another relative, but some kids do end up majorly hurt or ostracized because of it. I do think there's a distinction between this kind of thing and purity balls, though.

I don't remember ever going to a father/daughter event, but I do remember my dad taking my sister to one when she was in girl scouts. They had a 50s theme, so my sister was excited to get to wear a poodle skirt.

[Kitchen Princess]

Back in my day all kinds of people danced together, especially women, and many dances were seen as family affairs. Therefore, I am not squicked out by a daddy-daughter dance. I love the time of year when our Parks & Rec department puts one one, because my FB feed is filled with beautiful little girls all dressed up with their daddies. It has gotten so big that they have it on two different nights, one for littler girls and one for bigger girls. It doesn't have to be a dad, either, and no one expects it to be for every girl.

They also have Mother/Son bowling one night a year and my son and I went and had a great time, but now he's too old.

[valsa]

When I was little (maybe about 15 years ago or so) I went to a Daddy-Daughter Dance with my father. I also went to a Mother-Daughter Tea Party with my mom about a year later. I know at least one school in my area also does Mother-Son dances.

I don't see a problem with any of these, though I have a huge issue with Purity Balls. To me, they're no where near the same thing.

[laura oz]

When I clicked onto this post I thought it was about purity balls. Anywhoo, when I went to private school all the senior girls were escorted by their dads at homecoming and there was a dinner afterward. No dancing or music cause fundy Jesus would cry :roll: We moved & I left in the ninth grade and thankfully didn't have to suffer through that level of awkward. If you didn't have an uncle and your father was deceased like mine you had to walk out on stage to be presented alone. I heard a while back they changed that and let the moms escort their daughters in cases like mine. At least it's slight progress.

[ADoyle90815]

I also remember something like this in the 80's, but it was with Girl Scouts and was certainly not a purity ball event.

[grateful1230]

We have those here. From what I understand it's not a purity ball. I have all boys tho, so could be very wrong. Growing up in SC we had what seemed like a ton of dad/daughter crap. My father left when I was a toddler so I was never amused. My older brother escorted me in the debutante ball (and we took a lot of shit for it)

[Full enough quiver]

I HATE these things with the burning passion of 1000 suns! They start them in kindergarten at my daughters school. She used to go with my older brother. It's not so bad now that I'm married and my daughter can go with her stepdad, but I just think it makes the girls without fathers feel bad. My daughter was conceived through rape, so there was an added layer for me. My daughter is older now (12), and she is aware of the circumstances of her conception, but these dances brought up questions I wasn't ready to answer at an age where I didn't feel she would be able to understand.