Without God, you will cheat on your spouse

[dairyfreelife]

lori-benotweary.blogspot.com/2013/02/would-you-cheat-on-your-husband.html

Yes, you would.

And so would I.

. . . but for the grace of God.

All of us non-Christians, why haven't you cheated on your SO or spouse?

Sorry to be a bubble buster today, but God did not come into our lives to make us happy.

That's fine, I don't believe any god exists to make me happy either. I control myself just fine. Good to know god agrees.

the difficult people in our lives are God's sandpaper to smooth the rough edges of our character and make them shine.

So, it's all about you? Difficult people are here to help you, not the other way around. I see how it is.

In his book, Desperate Marriages, he addresses the individual married to someone who is a workaholic, alcoholic, never home, won’t work, or is physically or verbally abusive.

“You are in the best position of all,†he says, “to influence your spouse through the biblical concept of loving your enemy and returning good for evil. I've seen hardened, hopeless men melt under the power of a spouse demonstrating unconditional love in a way they can understand."

The bolded bothers me. Do not stay in the home of someone who's abusive. Get the hell out for your safety and the safety of your family if you have one.

The quote pisses me off to no end. :evil: It's women. He's an ass, your fault. You can change him. I'm tired of that meme. You cannot help anyone who doesn't want helped. Loving them will not help either. It's bullshit and he knows it. Don't fall into the trap of believing you can change someone. Women hear this a lot. I blame Disney movies and Patriarchy even more so for this notion. It's the real lie.

[cjsmom]

All of us non-Christians, why haven't you cheated on your SO or spouse?

[formergothardite]

Non-Christian. If the only thing keeping me from cheating on my husband was god, well I would have a pretty bad marriage then.

[Claddagh]

lori-benotweary.blogspot.com/2013/02/would-you-cheat-on-your-husband.html

All of us non-Christians, why haven't you cheated on your SO or spouse?

Because being a decent person isn't solely based on religion? I can already imagine these people telling me that's "crazy talk."

They tell us we deserve to be happy.

Maybe we do deserve to be happy but that doesn't mean a person is going to cheat to find it. Happiness is contentment in one's own mind. Happiness isn't a physical thing you can latch onto.

OTHERS may cheat on their husbands, but I would NEVER do such a thing.

So you manage to behave like a decent human being. Do you want a cookie or something?

My marriage is too broken to fix.

Sometimes it might be best to walk away. If it's dangerous escape is the best option. Besides, who died and put you in charge of deciding?

[Convicted Blossom]

lori-benotweary.blogspot.com/2013/02/would-you-cheat-on-your-husband.html

Thanks for making me shine Lori.

[sparkles]

So 'splain this to me, Lori. How is it that throughout 30+ years of marriage (to the same guy) this atheist has managed to remain 100% faithful? Maybe because with or without god it's the right thing to do. But I'm sure that you'll still find a way to tell me I'm doing it all wrong.

[samurai_sarah]

I wasted no time and told my spouse about this. He reminded me that we're not married, and that I don't believe in any deities. Oddly, I've never cheated on him in nearly ten years. Hmmm...

Are fundie Christian relationships so weak that they need divine intervention to stop someone from betraying another's trust? If you need divine intervention to be a good person, are you really one? If all you do is following someone else's commands without asking, how can you ever be sure that they're really good and in line with your conscience?

[ILoveJellybeans]

What??? This is crazy.

I am not a Christian and would never cheat on my partner, because if I date someone its because I love them, and respect them too much to want to break their heart. This is because if I date someone is because I chose to and love them. I think the reason why fundies think this is because they did not choose their partner and arent really in love with them. Courtship fails....

Also if you are in an abusive relationship, get out and be safe.

Sometimes its better to have a divorce than a loveless relationship where you hate eachother, you may even meet someone else who is even better for you and will make you happy.

[pixydust]

I wasted no time and told my spouse about this. He reminded me that we're not married, and that I don't believe in any deities. Oddly, I've never cheated on him in nearly ten years. Hmmm...

Are fundie Christian relationships so weak that they need divine intervention to stop someone from betraying another's trust? If you need divine intervention to be a good person, are you really one? If all you do is following someone else's commands without asking, how can you ever be sure that they're really good and in line with your conscience?

that's the thing....I think for the most part, fundies aren't good people. They need to be forced into being good with a threat of eternal damnation in order to do what most of us do just because we are, well, human.

[Maia68]

Yeah, this is bullshit. I was in a very unhealthy relationship for seventeen years. He was the one who claimed to be a Christian while I have veered way away from what I was taught as a child. He was mostly very emotionally abusive, a couple of times physically, and a major liar and cheat in all areas. There is no way in hell that anything I said or did was going to change his behaviors, because he has major problems. The only change that I can accomplish is getting over the shame that I stayed with him as long as I did and rebuild my own self-worth and confidence. And even if I could effect change in his behavior? Fuck him; I was not responsible for how poorly he behaved/continues to behave.

[debrand]

Perhaps she is defining cheating as having thinking about a person other than your spouse.

[gibbsgirls]

And my VERY fundie (ATI, ILBP, SOTDRT) best friend has been cheating on her husband for about a year now. Is in the process of getting a divorce, etc. BTW, she was cheating before she decided to get a divorce. So much for the "grace of God."

[Lady]

I think the reason we see posts like this is because some Christians assume they have a monopoly on ethics, morality, right and wrong. It's an erroneous assumption, since cultures from around the world despite differences of time and language have managed to agree on a few basic rules like no sleeping with spouses and no killing other humans. The uniformity suggests another source other than Christianity is responsible for these universal moral rules.

[doggie]

Almost 27 years of marriage and I only cheated with my hand. Why is it Christians spout the foolish notion one person can change another one? That never works and is just asking for failure and disappointment. people have to be willing to change they are not going to change because the wife starts glowing with christian submission.

If one person changes another one it is never for the good.

[August]

Christians scare me. That the wrath of an invisible genocidal sky fairy is all that's keeping them from rampaging all over the place killing, etc, is terrifying.

What's wrong with simply keeping a promise because it'd be a betrayal of trust not to?

[Minerva]

You've gotta love it when people with a certain character flaw act like everyone else has that character flaw to make themselves feel better about it.

[doggie]

You've gotta love it when people with a certain character flaw act like everyone else has that character flaw to make themselves feel better about it.

Yes the whole Christians are the only people with morals are the least moral people usually.

[Mrs Ms]

I can totally see her point, because if I was in a marriage where I only RESPECTED my husband and he only LOVED me, I would probably also need the threat of god to keep me from cheating! As it is, I'm in a relationship where we love AND respect each other.

[crassy]

I hate this shit. When I got married the first time we did marriage counselling with a couple from my ex-husband's parent's cult...er church. They said shit like this to me, that we would never have a successful marriage because I didn't believe in god. Turns out we didn't have a successful marriage because my ex-husband couldn't stay away from hookers, emptying out our bank account, and shoving coke up his nose.

I don't cheat on my husband because I have no need to. We have an open relationship and we are very truthful with each other. It works for us because we communicate. I have zero need to sneak around.

[latraviata]

So 'splain this to me, Lori. How is it that throughout 30+ years of marriage (to the same guy) this atheist has managed to remain 100% faithful? Maybe because with or without god it's the right thing to do. But I'm sure that you'll still find a way to tell me I'm doing it all wrong.

I was married for 17 years when my husband died, I never cheated on him for even a minute and I am an atheist and so was he.

We have never been cheating because it was a very happy marriage, mind you without god.

[dawbs]

"there but the grace of God go I" is a powerful and wonderful way of humbly seeing the failures universal to human beings in the failures of others. It's a way of knowing that as much as we'd all like to think well of ourselves, we have our skeletons in closets, our temptations we struggle to bear, and our failures-past present and future.

It's not intended to actually be about God, IMO (Because I don't think God is the sort of sick fuck from the book of Job who goes "hmm, Dawbs has had a crappy attitude recently and her marriage is struggling, lets put a tasty person in front of her and see what she does...but smug little Suzy, lets make sure to sweep tasty people out of her way because I want to extend her that grace...")

It's not intended to be smug.

It irks me when it comes off smug, and there, it does.

[NjoyingNsanity]

I get the whole you can't be moral without Christ crap allot, because I'm a Pagan funny thing my fundie-lite friend is having an affair and currently is pregnant by her lover. I've been with my husband for going on twelve years neither of us has ever cheated. Another funny side note my fundie-lite friend likes to call me out for cussing when at times she has a bigger potty mouth than I do.

[Izzybee]

Interestingly enough, the only person who has seriously propositioned me repeatedly in my 15 years of marriage is Fundie-lite. I say lite because he's obviously not very Christian. He even told me once that God wanted me to cheat on my ungodly husband with a godly man, to show me what a godly man could do. I laughed quite hard at that one.

[Closed Womb]

When I was attending church, that line of thinking -- there but for the grace of God go I; morals come from God -- was used as pure manipulation. It wasn't that church goers thought they were the only "good" people out there; it was a scare tactic to keep them in the church. Most people genuinely did not want to cheat on their spouse, or fall into temptation via the sin du jour, so if Church was the way to keep them from hurting the people they love (person, when adultery was the issue), then they were happy to return week after week.

In every church I ever attended, the pastors were quite aware that "good" people came from all walks of life. This was used to emphasize that we needed to be saved, attend church, etc.; it wasn't enough to be "good," if you wanted to go to Heaven, that is.

[doggie]

Interestingly enough, the only person who has seriously propositioned me repeatedly in my 15 years of marriage is Fundie-lite. I say lite because he's obviously not very Christian. He even told me once that God wanted me to cheat on my ungodly husband with a godly man, to show me what a godly man could do. I laughed quite hard at that one.

And he was just the convenient tool of god right?